Читать книгу Von Göttern und Dämonen in Afrika - Ineź Sytham - Страница 7
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Abschied und Antasten
Es gibt keinen „passenden“ Augenblick, um sich zu verlieben
Liebe geschieht ganz einfach.
Unmittelbar.
Schlechtes timing allerdings, dass ich nur einen Abend mit Shan habe, eine Nacht und noch einen halben Tag.
Das ist kein Intermezzo. Dafür ist die Begegnung zu heftig, wie ein Stromschlag.
We keep contact… hat er mir gesagt und sich entschuldigt, dass er mich nicht zum Bahnhof bringen kann.
Und ich will ihn halten, diesen Kontakt, will – irgendwie – diesen Mann wieder sehen, sein Gesicht lässt mich nicht mehr los.
* * *
Und dann meine Abreise aus Cape Town im Dezember 2005, fort von Shan, den ich vom ersten Moment an zu lieben begonnen habe ….Faszination pur.
Und Sehnsucht, bereits als ich im Intercape sitze, Richtung Durban, weg von IHM, der faszinierend im Gespräch, und so vertraut ist - in jeder Berührung, im Lächeln und wenn unsere streichelnden Hände sich im warmen Tierfell von Jinni begegnen, seinem kleinen Terrier.
From the very first sight.
Zärtlichkeiten, sanft von mir gegeben und still von ihm angenommen. Shan.
Und so wie ich oft kämpfe mit all der Technik, die mich überflutet:
Jetzt ist mein Handy mein „roter Faden“, zu Shan. Und während meiner Lektüre von Coelho, die er mir mitgegeben hat, schwirrt meine Sehnsucht zu ihm:
Beatrice
Don`t forget my hands + kisses while having a shower…already read half the book to complete my English *will send you a picture soon + need one from you* kiss you + hate to go * Beatrice*
Hat dies schon öfter eine Frau mit Dir gemacht? Ich war neugierig an diesem mit Wundern gesprenkelten Abend im Dezember.
Mit ihm, in der Badewanne.
Shan
No, the last time it’s been my mother doing that with me when I was a child –
Atemlos: Eine Premiere also, auch für mich, eine Handlung von solchem Zauber, brennt sich in ihrer eigenen Magie in meine Seele – dass ich mir nur noch wünsche, ich könnte die Zeit anhalten.
Und weil sich mein Herz an diesem Satz von ihm verschluckt hat: “ If you become enlightened.” Wie ein Zauberbann ist es, was er da über meine Seele ausgeworfen hat.
Und – ja – es kostet mich Überwindung, Herr Gibran, aber das bin ich: Eine starke, mutige Frau, sensibel und wild, zerbrechlich, unangepasst.
Wie Afrika?
Wie Shan?
Und eben: weil sich mein Herz an diesem Satz von ihm verschluckt hat, schreibe ich ihm, wieder zu Hause, in Europa:
Beatrice 30. Dezember
Shan - When the year is passing tomorrow at 24.00 o’clock I will think about you and have a desire. Perhaps it’s possible to make a short movie from our Salsa-show and I will send it to you. Would prefer to spend another day with you, eating oysters. Hope to hear from you soon. Beatrice
Shan
Dear Beatrice,
Well the new year is past and things are calming down again. Spent the whole night at the night club 'Zula' across the road. I am aiming for bed now and a long sleep.
The party was fun, even though new year can be a sad time, thinking about the past and the future.
It is in the thirties deg C here and I was wondering how you are coping with the winter weather. Not the best time to be moving flat.
I wish you all the best in the new year. I hope you can carry on building on the hard work you have got through in the last 6 months.
May you have a light heart and sleep through the night.
S
Und weil er mir beinahe unpersönlich schreibt, und weil mein Herz keine Ruhe gibt, denke ich mir in aller Stille durch, wie das sein könnte, ihm wieder zu begegnen.
Ihn einladen?
Aber hier, in mein Dorf? – Lieber nicht.
Ich wünsche mich ja selbst weg von hier, bin schon lange süchtig nach fernen Ländern. Einen neuen Lebensraum zum Atmen finden.
Jetzt – vielleicht – ist der Zeitpunkt, den Mut und die Kraft aufzubringen, an einen anderen Kontinent zu denken.
Eine gewisse Zeit im Ausland verbringen, doch immer wieder zu den eigenen Wurzeln Europas zurückkehren können - deshalb durchstreife ich seit Jahren schon mit wachen Sinnen ferne Länder
Beatrice
Dear Shan - when I hear your voice – that makes me really happy….So please send me your home-number, it’s easier and tell me what times I can reach you there. Want to talk to you, what makes you happy, what sad, what are your desires and so on. You wrote to me: If you become enlightened you will know that my kisses are better than to take the bus. I know that, Shan. And I can feel it. Longing… To meet you touched me deep inside…not just the sex though it was wonderful and with all your fire. Shan, I don’t want to make me a fool, don’t run behind a man. Because of that please be honest and tell me, if you want to meet me again (as you told me) or stop our acquaintance because it was just a flirt for you. If you want to continue I would like to discover this man more and also want to be discovered and spend more time – I invite you to me or take another flight to Cape Town to spend more time together - to see, what it is …and what happens… I would love to sleep in your arms, feeling you inside. And you ? So please give me reply. Beatrice
Shan 1. Januar
Moon`s down. Off to bed. Would have fun to talk. S
Um diese Zeit schreibt er mir, denkt an mich – und weil ich auch nicht schlafen kann, sondern voll bin mit Gefühlen, Wünschen, Träumen über Shan…
Beatrice
And why resisted calling me? Have been also watching the moon + guess why *smile*
Und nach dieser langen Pause endlich wieder ein Lebenszeichen von ihm.
Shan scheint ein Mann zu sein, der gründlich ist, nicht oberflächlich mit Begegnungen umgeht.
…von irgendwoher weht ein leises Kichern an mein Ohr….
Shan 6. Januar
Hi, Beatrice, not ignoring you, more thinking things through and will email you the truth as I see it. Tomorrow walking in the mountains. Hope all is well.
Beatrice
My dear - everybody has his own truth. Mine are the precious moments with you – doubtless that you are that special man I felt at once.
Ich nehme Dich Ernst geliebter Mann, in Respekt und – lies “meine Wahrheit” -
begann ich nicht da bereits, um etwas Unmögliches zu kämpfen?
Beatrice
Arrived 2 hours before – happy to receive your sms *very tired* kiss + cuttle* write you tomorrow.
Shan 11. Januar
Dear Beatrice,
I have thought much over the last days about what you have been asking.
Since I met you, I'm completely confused – in such a short time!
Our day together was not a holiday fling.
There was a connection, I was interested in you and what you had to say and what you had to say to me. I often wait for the message to arrive when I meet someone and there is a connection of some or other sort. Of course it is a two way affair if it happens.
I think your message to me had something to do with love and I also felt something strange inside, wonderful, exciting.
Now I am interested in what it might be.
Love?
I am interested in seeing you again. I would tend to feel guilty or "ín a corner" if you came over to South Africa because I would think, what if it goes bad in the first days?
I found you attractive and sexy. As a 43 year old man I have been looking for a companion and some one in there 30's would have been ideal. Also I have thought that maybe it is the last opportunity to be a father? But with you it would be another story –
Love, I guess.
Than its a wonder that doesn't need children, a woman like you would be fullfilling the heart of a very hungry man like me.
But I want to be honest and clear and without confusion.
Therefore need to meet you again.
Urgently.
I would like to talk to you, have an understanding flowing between us, have experiences, get to know you, have a friend – a woman – sleep in your arms and be inside you.
Maybe you can also teach me some dancing.
And finally – maybe you can show me what love is, your love – so come to me, live my life…stay with me.
Waiting for your reply.
Love
Shan.
Herzklopfen – die Tür zu einer Zauberwelt hatte sich lautlos geöffnet,
… ein schwarzer Schatten läuft leise maunzend vor mir her …
Welche Frau hätte jetzt noch ihrer Neugierde, Entdeckungsfreude, Sehnsucht nach … IHM widerstehen können?
Ich nicht.
Und nahm ein Grollen am Firmament wahr, wie leises Donnern, doch waren es die Stühle der Götter, die sie sich gemütlich zusammenrückten.
Herzklopfen.
Und so teile ich dem Mann, den ich zu lieben begonnen habe und den ich begehre, meine Wahrheit, mein Fühlen mit.
Beatrice 11. Januar
Dear Shan – In my experience we are not asked, if we are on holiday, at the butchers, on the North Pole or working …Sometimes fate suddenly – when we are not thinking about it – makes a surprising gift: to meet and gives a chance of feelings (love). Yes: you can ignore (run behind your brain-made plan because it is unusual, the person not in your „ideal age" for having a child…and what ever there are more excuses just to escape?) Are things like age, children, money, prestige…a guarantee for becoming happy in your relationship? Or doesn’t it belong to the way two persons treat each other? And discover their souls, their hearts, correspondence? For sure – we will find out. A challenge for both of us.
It is also my decision and my adventure as well to discover a man in a strange continent. And be discovered by him. We will solve problems like adult persons if it will become bad – so nobody has to feel guilty.
And perhaps we will enjoy the time like children under Christmas tree when we build up a tender feeling of understanding. And maybe there is love flowing between us… I am not quite sure – perhaps – but staying at your place will offer some "rainbow-possibilities".
Well, you are a couple of years younger than me – but does being able for real loving somebody depend of the reason how long a person walks through this world or more of an open heart and deep soul?
Ideal physically maybe – but ideal for to be real loved – that doesn't depend of age and – to functionalise a person is a guarantee for the lack of love…You also can become a father adopting a child for instance – to be father or mother is a thing from your open heart, not from a really birth. Besides there are lots of street-children I was feeding (so you could do that regularly or help them for education) every time is the chance to act like a father.
I even told you that I want to discover you and love to be discovered by you in a special way. To be clear: I’m interested as a woman in you as a man not only as a friend (smile) – Starting a relationship includes several parts for both in my understanding:
Friendship, having sex, be lovers, be mother, nurse, brother, lover, friend and finally achieve the person we all finally are looking for, in love, in trust!
Shan, that’s my reply and surprise: I booked a flight this afternoon, just when you phoned – for the 30th of January, my birthday! Now it’s your decision if you want to welcome me: At 22.45 o’clock arriving time at Cap Town Airport…Love Beatrice
Und weil das Spiel der Götter bereits begonnen hatte, wurde genau an meinem Geburtstag ein Sonderflug nach Cape Town frei, es ist dann nahezu einen Monat nachdem ich von Shan weg bin, es würde so gut
… zu gut, flüstert jemand …
passen, und ich folge meiner Begeisterung, meiner Intuition, und meinem Sehnen. Und er hat noch mein rotes Negligé bei sich, von mir unbewusst liegengelassen in seinem Backpacker…was für ein Symbol!
Shan 12. Januar
Your red night `dress` is a bit tight to me…I’m sure, you look stunning in it. Can’t sleep with this thoughts.
Beatrice
Than think about the surprise that’s coming per email soon sealed with a kiss!
Und jetzt macht mein Herz kleine Freudensprünge, da innen, in diesem Frauenkörper.
Und die Götter lächeln mir zu.
* * *
Shan 14. Januar
Dear Beatrice, I've got Heart beating
I am excited by you coming out here. I was planning to take a medical course that would have required me to attend classes 2 evenings a week and the whole of Saturday. I am sure that I will be able to postpone this, then we can go away for a week or maybe two. Forgetting about the rest.
What would you like to see or do in S Africa? Let me know now. What do you like doing besides riding, healing and dancing? Do you think that you will be able to fly with me in a small plane/microlight?
When you land it will be at least 1 hour before you get your luggage and out of customs, maybe longer! What do you want to do first?
Going to look for some lunch now.
Kisses – Shan.
Er freut sich – genauso wie ich!
Und was ich als erstes tun möchte? Ihn fühlen, küssen, bei ihm ankommen, seine Arme spüren - all das, was eine Frau natürlich tun möchte mit dem Mann, den sie so lange vermisst hat und zu dem sie sich hinwünscht und hinsehnt.
Dieses heart beating… Es macht mich lebendig, mit strahlenden Augen, ich kann gleichzeitig fünf Dinge erledigen, alles macht nur Spaß, der Koffer wird gepackt für eine lange Auszeit - ich will gründlich sein, mit dieser Begegnung, keinen Zeitdruck bei der Entdeckung einer fernen, so anderen Stadt, nicht in ein Faszinosum eines anderen Kontinentes verwickelt werden, sondern der Anziehungskraft bewusst folgen und step by step entdecken, erobern, zulassen.
Die erste Auszeit meines Lebens beginnt hier….und ich spüre den Löwenmut in meinem Herzen, die Kraft, die von ganz alleine :
einfach da ist.
Beatrice 14. Januar
Landing, Seeing you - and getting my birthday present from you:
Un beso especial para mi, senor, por favor ! (Just to answer your question, what I want to do first – hope you are the Gentleman, not to hesitate my desire …*smile*
This morning I looked around in the internet and think there are so many possibilities and Cape Town with its whole area is that beautiful and interesting
to be discovered … I am open for everything. Please give me a bit more time to pick up some ideas, I’ll tell you maybe tomorrow, o.k.?
I have got 29 days until I could return; so don’t change plans if they are important for you, we have lots of time if we both want that. I am not in a hurry - also can do a lot of things by myself - this time should not be just a stop-over, o.k.?
But having a couple of weeks holidays together - I am delighted! In my experience it’s the best way to get a real good knowledge about a person while being on a trip together.
Flying in a microlight means to trust you for my life: Of course I will accompany you, or do you think, this crazy woman comes to you about 5800 miles and than she is ignoring your hobbies? No way – it sounds interesting, gives me a thrill and I am versatile, durable – just try.
My flight number is: LT 0672 MUC-CPT Arrival 22.45 – but I am sure you will find me. Thanks for the picture – but now it’s mutual like my night-dress with you: I guess that can’t sleep when I look at your face.
(Sometimes my home-number doesn’t work – but try – it depends because it is connected with the computer, and sometimes the network in this area is not working at the cellular – not thinking, that I cut the talks with you, yes?) I kiss you for being excited when I come….Its your choice which place on your body it has to land! Beatrice Und ich möchte Dir, Shan, etwas von meinen Wurzeln zeigen, Dich fühlen lassen, wo diese Frau gerade atmet, ein Zeitfenster öffnen für einen Moment des “Hinsehens”, denn meine Füße stecken in dicken Stiefelchen - gegen den Schnee geschützt, während Deine mit Sandalen bekleidet im warmen Strand wandern…
Beatrice 15. Januar
Just walking with my cat through the silent snowy winter wood *magic* Kiss + hear you later…
Shan
I wish I could experience that. Cat’s feet must be cold!
Beatrice
Don’t worry: Cat’s paws become spoiled after snowy-walk. One day we do it together for sure: building a `snowman`,climbing a hill + downhill by sledge with laughter and great fun. When I had my horse stable in earlier times I drove in magic winter-countryside sleight – ride.
Und dann beginne ich, die Tage bis zum Abflug zu zählen. Bis ich ihn wieder sehen kann, diesen Mann, der sich genauso auf mich freut wie ich mich auf ihn. Shan entdecken, Cape Town, diese wunderbare Stadt erforschen, vielleicht „meinen Platz“ endlich finden und - Bücher schreiben.
Geschichten über Tiere, Kontinente, Das Reisen als Frau alleine, in keuchenden Zügen und vom Rost zerfressenen Bussen, in Kanus und Eselskarren, Gesichter, Kulturen, wie ich sie erlebt habe, backpacking durch Sümpfe, Wüsten und weite Landschaften und Städte.
In Cape Town Kontakte aufbauen…Möglichkeiten ergreifen…Leben…nicht stumpf und konform, sondern mit „zitternden Schnurrhaaren“, wie eine Großkatze, die sich im Dschungel ihres Lebens behauptet.
Herrlich. Spannend. Ich bin bereit dazu.
Und mein Lächeln mag mein Gesicht nicht mehr verlassen, ich laufe strahlend durch die Tage, wie leicht und wunderbar kann das Leben Dich tragen…
…ein dunkles Wesen reibt sich sanft an meinen Beinen…
Saphira – meine Katzendame?
Nein, sie sitzt ja am Biotop – seltsam…
Shan 15. Januar
I like the cat!! Shame, what cold fun she must have. I will try attach some more photos, maybe I am drunk in the photos? Shan
Tierlieb und lustig. Ach Shan, kann das Leben schön sein, den anderen zu entdecken, der so spiegelgleich fühlt !
Gibt es das also doch?
Yin und Yang?
* * *
Shan 15. Januar
So I wonder what “beso” means? Sent you some photos but after a while they were sent back because your mailbox was full. Lonely in bed.
Beatrice
Got your photos - my cat feels flattered about your compliment… lonely in feelings… Beatrice
And “beso” means a kiss!
Und so sende ich ihm einige Ideen von mir, freue mich wie ein Kind an Weihnachten, wenn er sich ein paar Tage Zeit nimmt, mir einiges von seiner Heimat nahe bringen wird.
Beatrice 16. Januar
Picking up some ideas
Good morning, Shan
this morning the rest of your beautiful pictures arrived. What I like most is you being in company with Troy and his girl.
Thats a nice present for me because I had no camera to fix an idea as memory for me.
Thanks.
As you asked I looked around and picked up some ideas in what I would be interested in to discover. So I'd like so see
• Kaphalbinsel
• Hout Bay
• Weingebiete
• Stellenbosch
• Hermanus
• Overberg
• Garden Route Knysna Lagoon
• Western Cape Province
Then of course I also would like to know a stable so that I can have a ride in the countryside
Also found an address for Salsa – perhaps you like to have a taste.
Everything else we will find out together.
Enjoy your day - Beatrice
* * *
Wir telefonieren, er spricht von Einsamkeit, seiner Sehnsucht nach mir, dem Gewicht des neuen Jahres, das auf ihm lastet und dass er die Hälfte seines Schrankes für meine Sachen leergeräumt hat; in Gedanken träume er von den bunten Kleidern, meinen luftigen Schals, meinen zarten Dessous als kostbaren Schätzen in seinem Zuhause - und spricht davon, wie er sich nach meiner Haut, meinem Duft und meinem Bleiben bei ihm sehnt.
Beatrice 19. Januar
Dear Shan –
All people with a conscious life know about the existentially feeling of loneliness in this world. It starts when we become adult persons and have to leave our mother where we have been protected and really loved and looked after.
Some of us try to escape with alcohol, drugs, parties, lots of sex, become workaholic and so on; different possibilities. To stop this is very encouraged!Staying in front of the mirror and feeling just you, nothing else, with all your loneliness, sadness, fear (because it makes a lot of fear) offers a chance:
to discover you.
And then, Shan, perhaps can happen that Miracle – If you not only make space in your cupboard but also be able and willing to make space in your heart: there will be love.
No more loneliness.
I'd love to hear your voice – try to reach each other tonight, will you?
You are on my mind – Thanks for the pictures – there are some from me as a jungle-woman.
My duties are done, I have been successful, be available per telephone again. Home 0049-888443335 - but sometimes doesn't work -sleep well with dreams about a stabil woman ! Kiss – Beatrice
Verstehst Du mich, geliebter Mann? Meine Freude über Dich, auf das Wiedersehen mit Dir müsste Deine Seele in Zärtlichkeit einweben, die ich für Dich empfinde.
Shan
For you
Maybe part of the problem is that I censor myself too much. I have never had the types of escapism that you mention. I have a different escapism. I conciously decided to party and have drugs over Christmas and new year and now back to normal.
Braai/BBQ tonight and bought a 3kg Yellow Tail (bit like a small tuna).
You can see some of my travel photos when you come here. Last year in April and August I spent nearly 2 weeks, in total, near Heidelberg, Waiting for a flight to Thailand and then a flight to C Town.
Somehow I thought you lived near Munich?
Two managers are leaving in February, which is unfortunate. I must find another one soon.
Beatrice, I must go light the fire now, so I will leave you with a kiss. Shan
Und ich fühle ihn, Deinen Kuss,
Beatrice 20. Januar
Dear Shan, I feel very alive since hearing your voice yesterday night - so I finally didn't email with a phantom before *smile* Had a wonderful day today, riding the black mare ( I once bred) through the snowy white countryside. Sunshine everywhere.
After that I was swimming with a friend, then relaxing in a pool built in an open area, with warm and sprinkling hot water - you get the feeling to be in the middle of Chiemsee (a very famous lake in Bavaria), mountains around, snowy, sun was shining…great, lazy, happy day with *Good vibrations * Beatrice
Und eigentlich warst Du bei mir, Shan, neben mir, im Wasser, wo wir wie verspielte, zärtliche Delphine einander bestaunten und miteinander scherzten…Fühl einfach hin, was meine Liebe Dir – 9.872 km entfernt – in Dein Herz flüstert, Shan:
Beatrice
Dear Shan - I hope you feel better than this morning – one day sitting next to you I want you to tell me the story of your scares and wounds making you sad … It is one of this things I intuitively felt, that you are a sensible man – even you are sad sometimes, it makes being with you precious. A man that is encouraged enough to show his feelings is very special.
You are right: I've got lots of stress at present. Need an extension for my passport, a person was crashing my car in front and hiding, my computer broke down when I wanted to save the first 6 chapters from my Africa-Story, have a date with my lawyer too because of driving to fast ( ! ) need a date with my insurance-agent, but already fixed my last dates with psychology clients for next week and now have to find time (maybe 2-3 days) to spend with my friends in Austria (the pretty fair-haired woman you’ve seen at the photo and her husband.)
The story of "Saphira" I want to tell you personally – it's great. Would also need sport, but here around are no horses, skiing is to far away (about 80 km to drive one-way) , miss my dog for walking, perhaps dancing this week with a friend who is a Salsa trainer. Perhaps go for a swim two or three times until departure.
I've got a CD movie where you can see me dancing; I'm interested how you like my movement. (You know women are always a little bit proud of things they do well *smile*) So finally I had a bit too much "Gluwein" yesterday evening and today a hangover - know what I mean? Would love just to sleep in your arms tenderly hold by you, feeling you close…nothing else…Gentle Kiss to your sad soul. Beatrice
Und sandte ihm die gewünschten Bilder…vom Schnee, von Saphira, von mir ….Schnee in Bayern….Kälte-Winter-Impressionen….
Beatrice
Hey dear - I try to fulfill your desire as well as possible – so take some impressions.
Shan 18. Januar
Stress - Thanks so much for the sweet, tender e-mail you sent me. I was sad and feeling alone in the world because I had decided to stop the festive season partying and the partying is also partly escapism and so I felt the "weight" of the year ahead. And you not here. Thinking of you…missing you!
Wenn Du nur etwas von dem fühlen kannst, was ich empfinde, dann weißt Du einfach: I am with you so much in my mind, Shan .
Beatrice
You shouldn’t be without direction - think forward to the 30th of January and the good times we will create and enjoy! Love *Beatrice* (do you also feel like calling tonight?)
Shan
I will phone tomorrow. Got a lot done today. Tomorrow will go to play lawn bowls with backpackers near Clifton.
Beatrice
Hi Shan - would like to hear your voice but I am not available during this day – already on the road and busy.
Shan
Travel safe. Have a great day.
Shan
If you were here now, I would want to take you straight to bed!
Will be at the hostel till late. There is a braai. Will try to phone when I get home, if or luck then tomorrow.
Beatrice
Well – I am with friends and home about 21.00 o'clock enjoy your evening. Hear you later.
Shan
Peter is watching TV right by the phone. Prefer to phone in the am. That o.k.?
So what was the highlight of your day? Hope you have sweat dreams and a long sleep.
Beatrice
not really o.k.-
Shan
The TV is right next to the phone. Bit distracting. So I will wait till it is off and then phone. Look forward to chatting.
Und wir haben telefoniert – wie wunderbar, seine Stimme zu hören – ich verspreche, ihm heute Nacht wunderbare Träume zu schicken. Ich bin Deine Hexe, Shan, die Dich verzaubern will -
Shan 20. Januar
You bewitched my sleep. Long comfortable sleep. Erotic scenes I can’t quite recall. And other physical reactions…
Beatrice
So you see that you can devote on my ideas and desires. So if you want I am a witch now especially for you. I dreamed about the kiss you e-mailed me.
Shopping today I found the touch of a red transparent erotic underwear for your dreams – – –
Shan 21. Januar
Now you are teasing me! What am I supposed to do with myself. At a birthday party and feel like bed.
Beatrice
Cant understand exactly what you mean with “teasing you” tried to send you dreams - can’t sleep by myself - miss you.
Shan
Teasing, is the same as showing a dog a bone and then not giving it to him. Just going to bed now. Long night.
Beatrice
I know the meaning of the word but not the reason you felt teased – hoping to enjoy you as you asked me for “something in red” – remember? So I looked for and found – at first it should bring you thrilling imagination - but you will get it for sure also in live, my dog *smile*
Shan 23. Januar
What a day!
Still nervous, but excited and interested to find out what evolves. Enjoy your friends company. Sweet dreams.
Beatrice
Had a wonderful evening with Clarissa and Hannes; naturally also spoke about you. Dreams like yours now; bit nervous - longing for your very special kiss….
Und weil einer den anderen in das eigene Leben einbeziehen will, teilen wir einander mit, was gerade in der jeweils anderen Zeiteinstellung dem anderen “geschieht“
Shan 24. Januar
My dear Beatrice, good vibrations today. Not much new here. Todays highlights are that there is a BBQ tonight and I bought a camera. Going to cook a chicken in a pot on the fire with 20 cloves of garlic and the camera is a fancy "Leica" that I have had my eye on. I suppose it is my Christmas present. Have "buyers remorse" now. Hopefully I will use it lots. I suppose you will be making your way back to Germany now, and starting to pack your summer clothes! Hot this side. I hope you have a fun week free of stress. With Love Shan
Und dann werde ich nervös – Lebensumbruch – Mut, Vertrauen, trotzdem: Nervös und aufgeregt, mich diesem Mann anzuvertrauen, aber – ich möchte mich darauf verlassen, dass er damit gut umgeht, möchte ihm meine verletzliche Seite zeigen, und auch, dass ich ihn jetzt brauche. Wer die Liebe wagt, muss sehr mutig sein – und das bin ich.
Beatrice 24. Januar
… and reading your letter … its funny that I also have to buy a camera (Canon) because mine broke down completely at Durban; that means I missed all the beautiful pictures from the penguins and seals I had on. Hope you enjoy your "Leica" – it's a famous one. Not cheap.
Now I am looking my cat after and spoil (she needs urgently) preparing for tomorrow while working the whole day. Yes – thinking about summer clothes is an acrobatic thing because we've got here now about 22 C below!
I try to phone you tonight – my feelings are straight and clear, but though nervous like a thoroughbred just before a race – Because of this very moment we'll meet at the airport my heart is beating louder …Hope you can understand, that a woman is like that–trusting my intuition completely. But need you very much for this situation. Could you please come one step in my direction and just give me a hug, so that nothing strange can come between us? Love Beatrice
Shan 25. Januar
You could almost say that it is 4 days left for you. Exciting! You're lucky, and I think it is great that you work so much on your intuition. There is plenty to talk about when you get here. Of course I will give you a hug. I presume you mean at the airport? I don't know why you think I would not? Enjoy the build up to Sunday! Looking forward to seeing you and getting away from C Town for some days. Happy happy! Shan
Und mit einem Lächeln des Glücks, weil er mich so wunderbar hat annehmen können , schlafe ich ein, träume von seinem geliebten Gesicht, den klaren, starren Augen…von „happy happy Shan“…
…und träume von Göttern und Dämonen und einem kleinen schwarzen Wesen, das mich fortan treu begleitet…..
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Beatrice
Just 3 nights more Shan and will seduce you in the dawning with special touch of my kisses…
Shan 28. Januar
Can only guess … hot thoughts to start my day! In the country. Fixing new wind screen to plane.
Beatrice
Sounds good *I want you to get me under your skin…You are very versatile: As I already found out *outstanding cook*skilful in mechanical things*fancy ideas in expeditions for your backpackers*curious to discover more “Shan”
Shan
Sweet dreams. Bon vouyage for tomorrow. See you in 25 hrs. Going to bed now to get some sleep for long day tomorrow.
Shan 29. Januar
How is packing? Just bring a few clothes, the rest you can get here. One more sleep and then I will see you! Longing…
Beatrice
Packing is done; of course clothes for every possibility - I am a woman!My heart jumps around in joy without control – can you imagine? But better than to expect a “cool lady”, no?
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Am Flughafen – 30. Januar – mein Geburtstag, vielleicht endlich auch mein Glückstag !
Aufgeregt, glücklich, ein wenig verloren, im Bewusstsein, dass ich nun wirklich den Mut zu einem kompletten Lebens- Neuanfang habe, ihn wieder sehen, all die wundervollen Dinge erleben, von denen wir anscheinend beide träumen….reden, Verständnis aufbauen, Vertrauen schaffen, sich behutsam lieben lernen…
Beatrice 30. Januar
As there is no enough place for the luggage at the broom your personal witch prefers travelling comfortable by LTU…to you, Shan!
Shan
Ah now I understand. You will find LTU not so exciting they do not fly in loops. The seating is more comfortable though!
Und ich bin eingestiegen, mit einem eigenartigen Gefühl des Loslassens und Akzeptierens, habe mich völlig vertrauensvoll dem Strom meines Lebens übergeben, von Gottheiten gesteuert, die ich nicht benennen kann; Und nahm die Einladung an.
Zur Liebe und zu einem neuen Leben in einem anderen Kontinent.
In Afrika.
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