Читать книгу How to get married and not to get divorced in a couple of months. Manual for newlyweds - Инна Кирюшина - Страница 8

For many men, especially guys who are under 35, this topic is absolutely irrelevant. Why? Because life priorities are clearly defined in a different plane: sex, hobbies and work. Therefore, the partner is being looked for these needs – she must be beautiful, sexy, interesting in communication, she should not be ashamed to show in society, go with her to the club or to hang out with friends.

But time passes, and the biological clock and logic turn on: how old will I be when my child goes to the first grade or when will he go through a transitional age? And will I be his authority?

After all, it is not a secret to anyone that the older the parents, especially if they have not achieved particular results in life, the less prestige they enjoy with their own children. Moreover, children are often shy of their parents, because dad is not so fast and not very strong, he is not recommended any entertainment, which an unruly teenager seeks – clubs, discos, motorcycles, extreme travel, etc.

Adult dad is very different from his son in the psycho-emotional sense, as the difference of generations becomes deeper every year and children move further away from their parents due to the development of the Internet and new and new gadgets supplied to the modern market. At the same time, the older the parents, accustomed to live communication, the more they suffer from the fact that their growing up children are more and more far from them and go into the virtual world, and the less they have to communicate with them. It really is!

We assume that you have found a woman and is ripe for the birth of a child. How to check if this is the woman with whom you are ready to raise your children? Are you ready for the fact that she may become fat after childbirth, her character may change, and most importantly, her attention will be directed not at you, but at the little screamer? After all, it is not easy to survive the reduction of your position to a secondary place at all: to run errands, not to get enough sleep, to adapt to the life rhythm of the baby, to postpone meetings with friends, to plan weekends and holidays under the schedule of the child, to change diapers, etc., etc. If you answer yourself: “Yes, I am ready,” then…

…  Let's do a little test, and maybe you will immediately understand something for yourself.

Answer the following questions:

1. Do you have a job and a stable income, which allow you to live well?

2. Why do you need a family? Is it the prospect and goal of your future life?

3. What is your hobby? What do you like? Is your hobby related to your family?

4. Remember your family. What was it like? Do you remember your childhood and youth with pleasure? What place did mom and dad have in your life?

5. Can you imagine what your child will be like? How will you raise him? Do you have plans for his future?

6. Who do you want more: a daughter or a son?

7. Are you ready to play with the baby? What toys are interesting to you?

8. If a girl gets pregnant, what will your reaction be? If you answer all questions easily, it means that you are really ripe for not just being called a father, but for being a father! After all, it is the child who strengthens the relationship between spouses, in the event that they are based on the desire for a long life together.

No matter how trite it may sound, children are like an energy drink: they give us strength, make us study, move forward and grow, look good, be always in good shape and look after our health.

And what could be nicer than meeting successful children? You see how they and your dreams are realized, how smart and beautiful they grow. I didn’t just switch to the plural, since the child needs both a father and a mother. Children grow self-confident, strong and smart only in a full-fledged and loving family.

Both father and mother give them the life experience and forces that will move them forward and help them build the same warm family relationships in which the parents grew up.

If a child has a correct life scenario and he grows up in a full-fledged family, in which there is both a father and a mother, it means that both he and his children will most likely go well; on the contrary, if the child grew up only with his mother or only with his father, then he often forms a feeling of envy towards full-fledged families and anger at this “unjust” world. So, most likely, the life of such a child will consist of mistrust and contradictions, and both parents will be guilty of this, because they were not ready for the burden of responsibility and problems, whose name is child.

Life example

Eugene was a cheerful, handsome and generous man.

His arrival in the small village of N. was noticed by all the girls and women, and in spite of the fact that he was married, Eugene was very popular.

He led the construction of the church, often stayed at work, he had no time to return to Moscow, and therefore, Eugene spent the night a local deacon’s home. Deacon's young daughter Nadezhda, realizing that this was a chance to get out of poverty, began to woo him. Eugene did not have to persuade for a long time, and he began living in two families: one in Moscow and the other one in the village of N.

Six months later Nadezhda discovered with «surprise» that she was pregnant and all the terms for an abortion had already passed. She told Eugene about it. He made a promise to help her to raise the baby. The child was born, the construction was over… Seven years passed. Eugene continued to visit the second family, but did it less and less. And then Nadezhda decided to take matters into her own hands and announced that it was time to go to school for a child, but there was no school in the village, so he, Eugene, had to make the child go to study in the hero city of Moscow.

At that time, the question of registration was strictly, and Eugene had to confess to the double life of his legitimate wife and ask her to register her second son in a Moscow apartment. After listening to him she became indignant and demanded a divorce. They broke up.

Eugene married the second time, and the family seemed to be reunited. But the problem was only one – the son. When a scandal arose, the son always rose to the defense of his mother and shouted at his father that when he was not with them, they lived well and peacefully. The father objected to his son: «Yes, you always lived well, but, so that you know, I paid for your good life!».

«I brought you everything: a balyk, and caviar, and money!». But he constantly heard the answer: «I remember balyk and caviar, but I don’t remember you». And he had absolutely nothing to answer, the mother raised her son in constant reminder that she was a family for him, she was a person he could rely on, everything depended on her: where they lived and what they did, and the father was the phenomenon of «coming – and – going out». What kind of affection and love could there be?

The son was very jealous of his mother, and every year this jealousy did not pass, but intensified. The older the son became, the more unbearable it was to hear derogatory words at him. Eugene understood that he had made a fatal mistake, including the fact that Nadezhda’s father was an alcoholic: at the age of 20 his son began to drink. And most importantly, during the formation of the psyche of his child, his father was not there and he would never be for his son neither a friend nor authority, but only an “ATM” to serve the needs of his son and wife.

That is why I urge you not to rush and think carefully about this difficult decision. And for this, get acquainted with the methods of contraception, which will protect you from unwanted pregnancy of a woman with whom you are not ready to have children.