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The need that fear speaks of is security. Let’s see what security is.

If the level of satisfaction of the need for security is high you feel calm in any situation of uncertainty, i.e. you have so much control over your body, mind and feelings that you don’t care what the next moment will be, you probably know that you will act in the best way. Of course, there is a share of fear in such a life, but it does not work as something that stops, but as an interesting, exciting, tickling feeling that makes life more spicy.

A person who lives in contact with himself, does what he loves, eventually comes to a point where he trusts himself and the world so much that he is ready not to control and spontaneously express himself in even an uncertain moment. But this is only possible with very clear goals and full self-awareness, because there is no control without awareness. Otherwise, it will go with the stream in the bad sense of this word – it doesn’t matter for you where to swim, you are neither good nor bad anywhere, life has no taste and there is no quality of life. A good sense of this phrase is to be in a stream, i.e. know what you want, use the current moments to move to the desired.

Let’s talk about those for whom the need for security is leading and very important, because there are people who give up on security.

Ways of satisfying the need for security:

• Little security

With this model of behavior, a person lives his life and avoids any danger. However, any development, any way out of the comfort zone is always associated with danger. Desiring to maintain a small safety zone, a person limits himself in development, and, accordingly, in pleasure, in achievements. Over time, such a life leads to the fact that you have a feeling of resentment at other people, at life, at yourself, it is quite possible that a person will feel some guilt. Thus, the quality of life begins to decline.

For example, you wanted to be an actor, you have the ability to do this, and the theater department is located next to the house. But there are disturbing thoughts: “Oh, everything is so uncertain there. Only a few people can feed themselves by this profession. But an accountant is an understandable, terrestrial activity. I’d better go there and I will definitely know that every month I will have some money for bread and milk.” This is that little security that you create for yourself, while limiting yourself in the quality of life, in development and pleasure.

The main fear is to remain completely without resources, not to come up to the expectations of significant people.

When your life passes in dissatisfaction, when work does not bring joy, when income is modest (you have money for bread and milk, but you can’t go somewhere to rest, you can’t afford some quality thing), you begin to shift responsibility to someone from the outside or to eat yourself from the inside: “Why I didn’t do it then, now it’s too late”. Most often it is a phobic model of behavior.

• Surrender security

Subconsciously, in such a model of behavior, a person declares: “I do not need security.” He looks outwardly fearless, he is constantly poking his nose and provoking various situations. For example, he may leave for another country without knowing anything about it, without a plan on how he will work and where he will live. In other words he creates deliberately unsafe conditions. Their main fear is the creation of long-term relationships. Strong, loyal connections and self-confidence are a real challenge for such people.

When you do not trust yourself, you yourself do not know what you want tomorrow, you avoid any responsibility and decisions. Faithful relationships become unsafe because they are weighed down by certain expectations.

Such people are prone to inconstancy, are in fear of being unfaithful and unreliable. With such a position in life, the most terrible word is always.

Of course, everyone understands that we cannot guarantee at least something forever. There are very few things in the world about which we can say “this is forever.” But the very intention of “forever” is very important in business and in personal relationships. But for people who are characterized by a state of anxiety and distrust of themselves, this “forever” seems impossible: “How can I guarantee you anything? Don’t trust me much, for me it’s too big a burden.”

With time, such a life leads to the fact that all relationships, both professional and personal, become like a strange dance “one step forward, two steps back”. Forward – closer relations, back – estrangement. There is no certainty in development either, such people try a lot of new things, learn a lot, but constantly depreciate their own experience, starting from point zero again and again. Most often, this is a counter-phobic model of behavior.

• Depreciate security, depreciate resources

In such a model of behavior, a person, having no resources, claims that he does not need them. For example, if a person does not have money to go abroad to relax with his family, he will say: “Why do we go abroad, nobody needs it, there is nothing to do there, I don’t like this type of vacation,” if he does not have the necessary things for a comfortable camping trip (tents, sleeping bags), he will go to the forest with one knife “Because I am an adrenaline type”, if someone builds a house, he immediately begins to condemn, etc.

In conversations, in the behavior of such a person, denial of his values will always be traced. A whole life strategy is taking shape: to depreciate those goals that you cannot achieve because you have neither material resources, nor internal.

The main fear is to see your failure.

With time, such a life leads to the fact that everyone ceases to take such a person seriously, avoids together activities, and close people cope with all things, including development, on their own. This is also a counter-phobic behavior, but with a different connotation.

• Accumulation

Because the uncertainty is terrible, it’s not safe to not know what will happen tomorrow, not to know how everything is arranged. So the value of information and knowledge is very high for all people with a leading need for security.

But there are people who ensure their safety in this way: they are protected from the outside world and collect information about everything until they consider its quantity sufficient to reach the world and people. They often send themselves to isolation and loneliness. As a rule, these are very erudite people, well-read and educated. Often they are not adapted to an ordinary, simple life, but have a large amount of knowledge. Well, if there is a person who can use their mind in practice, but in the worst case, such behavior leads to an encyclopedic life detached from the real world.

The main fear is to be unprepared, not to know, to be stupid.

With time, such a life leads to the fact that… a person limits himself in spontaneous actions to a narrow circle of people and defends himself from the world with pronounced intellectual arrogance.

Could there be a mixture of traits of each behavioral model? Of course, we described the extreme expressions, more often there is a tendency to a greater extent to one of these strategies, while others manifest themselves from case to case. For example, a person can usually move bravely towards fear, but can sometimes be scared.