Читать книгу Get It! - Jacqueline Laurita - Страница 10
ОглавлениеWhat does it mean to get centered? Whether you’re a working mom or a single woman trying to climb the career ladder in your chosen field, nothing is more important than finding balance. We’ve all heard the phrase “it’s a juggling act,” and let’s face it, sometimes we have so many balls in the air, it makes us dizzy trying to keep our focus on them all. Too often, we come close to not only dropping them, but also toppling over ourselves . . . and giving up altogether.
Getting centered means quieting your mind to attain balance and control—and the busier your life is, the more crucial getting centered is to staying sane. Finding a place from which you have control over your thoughts and emotions is a necessary first step to gaining control over the rest of your life. That’s why this is the first chapter in this book: it’s your foundation and the most important thing you do every day.
We know what you’re probably thinking: “I barely have five minutes in the day to go to the bathroom by myself! How am I supposed to find the time to do something else?”
Whatever your daily struggles are, trust us, we can relate. We are both busy working moms, each raising multiple children, including one with special needs. You’re trying to Keep It All Together, but sometimes the stress can build up to the point where you explode—or implode, and self-destruct. Not a good look for anyone!
When you’re feeling stressed and scattered and pulled in a million different directions, and your to-do list is a mile long, that’s precisely the time to hit the brakes. STOP. Take a deep breath. Find your center.
How do you do that? We certainly don’t have all the answers, but we’ve put together some tips and strategies that have helped us remain centered in our lives—what we’ve learned not only from our own life experiences, but also from some of the top life coaches and experts in the industry.
Dealing with Strong Emotions
When you are centered, you feel more at peace and self-confident. Your body is relaxed, and your mind is clear to make decisions based on what’s best for you and those around you.
Negative emotions like stress and frustration can make a challenging situation worse, preventing you from finding your center and driving you to respond impulsively rather than with intention and control . . . which means you’re more likely to say or do things you otherwise would not.
Having good and bad emotions is completely normal, but expressing and acting on them in an acceptable and beneficial way is a skill that can only be mastered through awareness and practice.
Identify Your Emotions
Throughout the day, as you experience feelings and emotions, try to identify and name them. Ask yourself, “Is the emotion I am feeling positive or negative?”
Pay Attention to Who or What Those Negative Emotions Are Associated With
Try to avoid or limit time with those people or things.
Pay Attention to How Your Body Reacts to Those Emotions
Negative feelings can lead to immediate physiological changes like increased heart rate, perspiration, dry mouth, shallow breathing, hives, and muscle tension, plus—especially over time—health effects like headaches, stomach cramps, ulcers, and numbness in the face and fingers, just to name a few!
Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself before Helping Others
Women, but especially those of us who are mothers, are often expected to be entirely altruistic, meaning unselfishly devoted to the welfare of others—so much so that they forget about their own needs and desires as they’re dealing with everyone else’s. It’s easy to lose your center when your partner, kids, other family members, boss, friends, kids’ teachers, charity organizations, friends—even your pets—are making demands on your time, each one seeking your full attention. Don’t worry; we’ve all been there. No judgments here. But when life starts to overwhelm you, it’s even more important that you make sure your needs are also taken care of. You can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself!
To Calm Your Emotions, Calm Your Body
It’s hard to think clearly when your body is having a strong physical response. Fortunately, you can often diminish or even eliminate physical responses once you’re aware of them—by carefully focusing on and controlling your breathing or forcing your muscles to relax. Once your body is back under control, it’s easier for your mind to follow.
Respond Thoughtfully, Not Emotionally
Ask yourself these questions:
What am I trying to accomplish in this situation? What do I want the end result to be?
What are my options for expressing my emotions and what may the consequences be for each option I choose?
What are my options for resolving this conflict and what may the consequences be for each option I choose?
What will happen if I choose not to say or do anything at all?
"This too shall pass."
– King Solomon
“When I’m anxious, it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed, it is because I am living in the past. We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.”
—Rev. Run
Consider your options wisely and choose responses that will get you closest to your goals—not the responses that will give you momentary gratification. And if you do decide you want or need to communicate your feelings in the moment, be sure to do so calmly, in a non-threatening way. (Unless, of course, you are on a reality show. In that case, let her rip!)
Getting Centered When Things Are Out of Your Control
When you are faced with a challenge, it’s easy to feel powerless. But the best way to get your head around what you can do—and what you can’t—is to ask yourself: Is this a situation that is out of my control?
If the answer is no, and there’s something you can do to improve the situation, do it! But if the situation legitimately is out of your control, making peace with that—and gaining a clearer awareness of what you can control—can make a big difference in your emotional response.
Accept that you are powerless in that situation; trying to control a situation that is out of your control will only add to your anxiety and stress.
As Elsa sings in Frozen: Let it go! Let go of the worry, fear, and stress associated with anticipating the situation’s possible outcomes; just deal with each new thing as it happens.
Accept responsibility for what you could have prevented in the situation and learn what you can from that.
Choose a more positive perspective of the situation you are in. The one thing that is always in your control is your perception of your situation. You have the power to change that perception and, in the process, your emotional response to any situation at any time.
A Few Ways to Help You Get Centered
When you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a time-out, here are a few ways to calm down, refresh, and refocus.
Stop and Focus Only on Your Breathing
Stop whatever you are doing and thinking immediately and start listening and focusing only on your breath. Slowly take long, deep breaths in through your nose, and then exhale all the way out through your mouth. Do this until you feel your mind and body are calm and controlled.
Disengage and Walk Away
Resist reacting impulsively to negative emotions. Instead, walk away from heated situations until you can calm down, work through them, and respond from a more rational place.
Find and Repeat a Mantra
A mantra is a sound, word, or short phrase that offers you encouragement, inspiration, and motivation; for example, “I am always in control of my words and my actions.” Repeating it is designed to help to center your thoughts, reaffirm your goals, and keep you going. Using one can be as simple as mentally repeating the word “breathe” to yourself in stressful situations.
“Meditation is a technique to help us be with ourselves thoroughly and deeply. It allows ourselves the time and space to discover who we are, to discover and face our wild untamed mind and our fears, and to discover the basic goodness of ourselves and our world.”
—Jeremy Hayward
Pray and/or Meditate
Find somewhere quiet and focus your thoughts through prayer or meditation like the one described on page 6.
You can also meditate or pray as part of your daily routine—the better you get at clearing, calming, and controlling your mind, the more easily you’ll be able to do so during moments of stress. Ten to fifteen minutes is all you need!
Spend Some Time Outside
Getting even a few minutes of sunshine can make a big difference in your state of mind. The vitamin D you get from sunlight increases the levels of a natural antidepressant in your brain called serotonin. And surrounding yourself with nature is a great way to help block out negative thoughts and feelings; clear your mind and awaken your five senses by focusing only on what you see, hear, taste, smell, and touch.
Jacqueline’s Daily Meditation
Sit in a position that you find comfortable, but remember your posture, girl; this isn’t the time for a nap! Try sitting cross-legged with your back straight, but not rigid, to prevent you from getting sleepy.
Place your right hand in your left hand, palms facing upward, right above your lap and below your belly button. The tips of your thumbs should be slightly raised and lightly touching. Your eyes should be partially open and focused on a peaceful object. (You can close them if you prefer—just don’t fall asleep!) Your tongue is gently pressed behind the front teeth. You may choose to light a great-smelling candle or listen to calm, repetitive, and gentle music.
Without letting your mind wander, focus only on the inhale and exhale of your breath. Inhale positivity, blessings, and inspiration and exhale and eliminate the negative thoughts and distractions attacking your mind.
Go for a Power Walk or Do Another Form of Exercise
Exercising relieves stress while it produces mood-boosting endorphins. Try yoga, stretching, boxing, or whatever form of exercise you most enjoy.
Talk to Someone, or Write Down Your Thoughts and Emotions
Venting to an unbiased, trustworthy friend (or a professional!) can help release your negative feelings and let you look at your situation from another perspective. And if no one is available, writing or journaling is another great way to help you process and organize your feelings before reacting to them.
Often, by the time you’ve finished putting your thoughts into words, you are already on the path to feeling better. After you’ve released your “inner bitch,” your emotions just aren’t as intense.
If you’re upset with someone in particular and you feel silly just writing in a journal, try the “Write It and Rip It” method: write a letter to the person you’re upset with—then, once you’re finished writing, rip it up. It’s very liberating: write it and let it go!
Stay Positive!
Once you have quieted your mind, the next step to not just getting centered but staying centered is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Nothing can knock you off center faster than negative thoughts. The mind is an extremely powerful thing; we can actually turn a negative thought into reality simply by thinking it. Fortunately, the opposite is also true: training ourselves to think positively will help to manifest positive outcomes in our lives.
That doesn’t mean things will always go the way we want them to. But keeping a positive attitude, and the positive energy you create in the process, will make your journey in life a better one.
Choose Positive Thoughts
Observe your thoughts throughout the day. Are you choosing positive thoughts—like “I can do this!”—or negative ones—like “What’s the point of doing this? I’m really not seeing results I want anyway.”
Stop focusing on the negative circumstances in your life and start focusing on all the positive ones. Instead of thinking about the things you don’t want in your life, think only about the things you do want!
Choose Positive Perceptions
The way you perceive any situation or circumstance is a choice. When a traffic jam happens on your way to work, do you use your time wisely and productively (listening to audiobooks, returning phone calls, studying notes, or finding peace in the moment) or become anxious and impatient, lose control, and get angry? You may not be able to change your circumstances, but the way you view them affects how you feel about them and determines the way you respond to them.
Use Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are encouraging messages designed to counteract negative thinking. You read or recite them throughout your day, or at certain times each day, until you believe them.
Some of our favorites:
I am worthy of love, joy, and success.
I am smart and make wise choices.
I can find a solution to any problem.
I am capable of achieving my goals.
I have all the energy I need to do everything I want to do.
I am attracting all the right people into my life.
Surround Yourself with Positive People Who Support and Encourage You
The people with whom you surround yourself should be people you love and trust and who love and trust you—people who believe in you, who bring out the best in you, and who will reinforce your positive thoughts and help you triumph over negative ones.
Avoid or limit your time with people who don’t have your best interests in mind—or, even if they do, always bring you down or make you doubt yourself. Do not allow their negative thinking to enter your flow of positive thoughts!
Believe in Yourself
As important as it is to deal with your emotions and think positively, all the meditation and mantras in the world won’t make a difference in getting and staying centered if you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities.
Stop comparing yourself to other people—you have your own unique strengths, talents, and skills. And stop viewing yourself as inferior. Don’t obsess with living up to someone else’s standards; live in a way that’s authentic to who you are. Stay true to yourself and be proud of who you are!
Need some help with all of that? We do too sometimes. Here are six things we try to remember to do whenever we feel that belief faltering.
Believe in Your Talents and Skills
Make a list of all the things you are good at. These should be the things that come easy to you and that you feel confident doing. Everybody has skills and challenges and everyone has successes and failures.
Believe in What You Are Trying to Achieve
Ignore others’ criticism and doubt in your beliefs and in what you are trying to achieve. It’s important for you to believe in what you are doing, even if nobody else does.
Believe Anything Is Possible If You Persevere
No one ever achieved anything by giving up. Always keep trying!
Believe You Deserve What You Want
Everybody deserves to be happy. Everybody is worthy of love, joy, and success.
Believe and Trust That There Is a Higher Power Working Strategically for the Greater Good
We love the message in the lyrics of the song “Unanswered Prayers” by country singer Garth Brooks: “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” Sometimes we want something badly and are convinced it is the best thing for us, then become disappointed when we don’t get it—but only because we can’t see what is there waiting for us in the future. Sometimes, what we don’t get makes way for something even greater in our life.
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”
—Christian D. Larson
Believe You Are Capable
You must have faith in your abilities to accomplish your goals. Have the self-confidence that you have what it takes to get it or that you are capable of learning what it is you need to know in order to get it. Nothing and nobody can stop you but yourself! You can do it. You are capable.
“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.”
—Honoré de Balzac
“Three Simple Rules in Life
1. If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no.
3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.”
—Carey Lohrenz
“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”
—Anatole France
