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ОглавлениеNow that you’ve gotten centered in the present, it’s time to get on track for your future! When you are on track—meaning, when you have a vision and are steadily working toward achieving your goals—everything you do will start to fall in line. When you’re on track, you are focused and productive and live life with purpose, which leads you to feel more fulfilled and happier with your circumstances.
Getting on track starts with knowing exactly what you want each key area of your life to look like. This chapter will help you enliven your soul and achieve and maintain success in all areas of your life through three deceptively simple-sounding steps: discovering your passion, creating a clear vision, and staying motivated.
Discovering Your Passion
Discovering and pursuing your passion is key to finding a sense of fulfillment and joy in your life. What inspires you? If you could do anything you wanted—anything in the world—what would you do?
Sometimes, the best place to start looking for your passion is in your own story. Jené’s lifelong struggle with a breast deformity led to writing The Bra Book to help other women. After having a child with autism, Jacqueline used her TV platform to advocate for autism awareness, and both of us have a passion for using our expertise to help other women, which led to writing this book!
“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”
—Lao Tzu
To help you discover your passion, we’ve provided a set of questions below for you to explore. Do your very best to avoid restrictions and judgments—do not allow financial considerations, fear of failing, current schedule restrictions, or what others will think of your choices to affect or determine your answers.
You may find you have more than one thing you are passionate about. Fantastic! Maybe you can figure out a way to combine them to create something unique.
As a Child, What Did You Want to Be When You Grew Up?
Even though we grow and evolve as we age, our core interests often remain the same; your childhood interests might provide clues to your current passions, or passions you’ve forgotten. Try to remember back to your childhood, and think back to what you spent most of your time dreaming about.
Even if your childhood obsession was dressing up Barbie, it doesn’t mean you have to choose being a fashion stylist as a career . . . although you may. Jené grew up in her parents’ clothing boutique helping her mom with the buying and playing dress up in the dressing rooms! She turned that childhood passion into a career in fashion journalism.
If, like Jené, clothes and fashion are a passion of yours, there are many avenues you can choose to take, even in your spare time, to indulge in your passion and feed your soul. Maybe start a fashion blog, or help others as a personal shopper; volunteer somewhere you can use your skills, or even just make a Pinterest board with all of your favorite styles.
What Are You Good At?
We’re all born good at something (and often, many things!). Think about your specific talents—and ask around if you’re drawing a blank. Your parents might remember something you showed a special talent for as a child; your best friend may see something in you that you don’t.
Maybe you are naturally artistic and love doodling, and would enjoy taking an art class, selling your art, working for an ad agency, or doing interior design. Or maybe you are an amazing organizer and could share your skill and passion for organizing with others on social media, link up with organizational products to help them sell their items, or start a website teaching others. Are you the friend everyone goes to for advice? Consider starting an advice column or podcast, writing a book, or volunteering to speak at a conference.
What Brings You Joy?
What are you the happiest doing? What excites you? What do you love so much that you’d do it for free?
Once you discover what brings you joy, do it! Think about how you can cultivate your passion to make it a greater part of your life—or even turn it into a career. Is being a mom what you love most, and do you wish you could share that love with others? Maybe you can start a mommy group where you facilitate activities and offer support for other moms in your area.
What Have You Always Wanted to Do, but Could Never Find the Time For?
Have you ever said to yourself or others, “I wish I had time to . . .”? That is precisely the thing you need to make time for! Whatever you’re craving, it’s calling to you, so answer it, feed your soul with it.
“Aim for a star, and keep your sights high! With a heart full of faith within, your feet on the ground, and your eyes in the sky.”
—Helen Lowrie Marshall
Creating a Clear Vision
Once you’ve discovered your passion, the next step to fulfillment and joy is to visualize a life where that passion is a part of it. Maybe your passion is something you want to share with the world. Maybe you want to live your passion quietly at home. Either of these is okay! But to reach the future you want, you first need to have a clear vision of it.
If you can’t see in your mind’s eye what you wish for your life, it’s impossible to formulate a plan to make that vision a reality.
Break down in detail what you want your life to look like. What do you spend your time doing? What organizations or online communities are you a part of? What is your job or career? Is your body healthy, strong, flexible, and fit? What does your diet consist of? What’s your style? Are you organized and productive? Are you great with time management? Are you in a loving, reciprocal relationship? Describe the details of your perfect partner. Where are you living? What does your house look like? What style of furniture do you own? What kind of car are you driving? How many kids do you have? Do you have any pets? If so, what kind? What achievements do you see yourself making?
How to Create a Vision Board
1. Buy a poster board or corkboard.
2. Create a theme. Your theme can be general—your vision for your future, or what your ideal life would look like—or a specific goal. Choose a theme that inspires you.
3. Find and collect pictures that depict your vision. You can get these from magazines, newspapers, or the internet, or you can even draw your own. Make sure the images symbolize experiences you want to have or people, places, and things that you want in your life.
4. Arrange your pictures visually. If you’re doing one big vision board, you may want to group certain images into sections—for example, one section might focus on relationships and home life, another on jobs and career.
5. Attach the pictures to your poster board. Use glue if you’re using poster board, or tacks if using a corkboard.
6. Add positive affirmations, motivational sayings, and/or quotes.
7. Get creative! You can use paint or markers or attach ribbon or fabrics, scrapbook-style. You can even place a happy picture of yourself in the center of the board. Do whatever speaks to you! It’s your vision!
Not very crafty? You can always create an e-vision board instead, either using something like Pinterest or simply by opening up a Word document on your computer or a “note” on your smartphone, and listing your specific, vision-related goals!
There are lots of different ways to make sure you’re creating a clear vision. We read a story recently about a man who, every time he had a specific goal, changed his computer password to a specific short phrase that reminded him of that goal every time he logged in. He used this technique to improve his relationship, and even to quit smoking. It’s amazing what the power of having a vision can do to manifest it in reality!
One of our favorite ways to help visualize what you want from life—and keep that vision front and center—is to create a vision board. (We’ve included instructions here for you to make your own!) You can make one vision board for all of your visualizations, or you can create separate boards for different goals or different key areas of your life.
Once you’re finished, put your vision board in a place where you can view it easily and often. Look at your vision board for at least one to five minutes daily! It’s best to see it first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to bed.
Do vision boards work? We certainly think so! Jené dreamed of meeting Oprah and showing her The Bra Book because Oprah’s numerous shows about helping women look and feel better with the right bra inspired Jené to write the book in the first place, so her vision board above her desk contained pictures of Oprah. One day, she was invited to an event Oprah would be attending. She showed up, book in hand, as many others did, hoping to get five minutes to chat with the talk-show queen. No one else was able to get near her. Just as Oprah was about to walk onstage, Jené hid behind a pole (true story!) and quickly grabbed the chance to show Oprah her book. Oprah said that she was glad Jené chose to tackle this topic because it was “very important for women.” The next day, her publicist received a call from Oprah’s producers saying that Jené must have made an impression on her. Although Oprah’s famous talk show ended shortly thereafter, Jené felt she fulfilled her goal of getting an “endorsement” from the TV queen. When opportunity meets drive and determination, there’s no telling what you can do!
Staying Motivated
Motivation is the force that drives us to work toward the things we desire. It is what pushes us into finally taking action in pursuing our goals. It is our incentive, our inspiration, and the fuel behind our success.
“What you do today will determine where you are tomorrow. Are you moving forward or standing still?”
—Tom Hopkins
The most effective kind of motivation is internal motivation: dissatisfaction with your current situation and the desire to make your life better. If you’ve identified your passion and clarified your vision of your future, you’re already halfway there! Once you know what you want your life to look like, you can start working toward it.
So it’s just that easy? Well, no. Not usually. But the main reason why achieving our goals can be so difficult is that we tend to get in our own way, sabotaging our efforts to change.
What Is Stopping Me from Staying Motivated and Pursuing the Success and Happiness I Desire?
If this is an issue for you (and it can be for all of us, sometimes), you may already know what it is that is preventing you from going after what you want—but you may not. Here are a few common things that may be holding you back, and some help on getting past them.
YOU LACK CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF OR YOUR ABILITIES, OR THINK YOU’RE UNDESERVING
Everyone deserves to be happy and successful, and we all have valuable skills and talents. You must have faith and believe in yourself, even if nobody else will. However, we know that sometimes, that’s easier said than done!
The good news is that just saying it makes a big difference. Whenever you find yourself thinking that you can’t do something or don’t deserve to have something, erase that negative self-talk by replacing it with positive affirmations like “I can do this” or “I’ve got this!”
“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.”
—Arthur Ashe
Positive self-talk takes practice, but used regularly, it has the power to boost your confidence as well as your chances of achieving the success you are capable of having and do deserve.
And if you don’t yet have the precise skills you need to go after what you want? There isn’t much that is beyond your capability to learn. So get to it. Learn what you lack!
YOU FEAR FAILURE
It feels safer to give up than to attempt a challenge. But by not trying, you are, by default, preventing yourself from reaching your goals.
The only way to get past this fear is to push through it. Try starting with smaller lower-stakes goals to help build your confidence. Whether you succeed or not, facing your fears and overcoming them—and seeing that even if you do fail, the attempt was still worthwhile—will leave you feeling braver and more empowered to face larger challenges.
Sometimes the best way to get past a fear of failing is to think through the actual consequences of failing—and of failing to try! Frequently, what happens if you do fail isn’t as scary as it first seemed. Ask yourself:
What do I imagine would happen if I failed? And then what? And then what? Why do those things scare me?
How would I feel if I never attempted to reach my goal? Would I have any regrets? Would I be disappointed in myself?
You can change your perception of failing by viewing failure as part of the process of learning. Think of failure as an opportunity to grow and evolve as an individual.
YOU FEAR SUCCESS
To some of you, a fear of success may sound silly. Maybe you’re thinking, “Who wouldn’t want to succeed?” But you’d be surprised at how common it is. Many people are afraid of what happens if they achieve success. They’re afraid they will somehow screw it up and won’t be able to maintain it. They’re afraid they may disappoint others or themselves, or that others in their life will respond to their success negatively.
Just as in the previous section, ask yourself:
“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
—Theodore Roosevelt
What do I imagine would happen if I succeeded? And then what? Why do those things scare me?
Replace these negative fears with positive thinking; list all of the reasons things can and will work out the way you want them to. Achieving success takes a lot of planning, hard work, effort, perseverance, and sacrifice, and you deserve to feel good about your accomplishments, not be afraid of them!
YOU LISTEN TO THE NEGATIVITY, DOUBTS, AND OPINIONS OF OTHERS
While other people can often provide you with valuable advice and perspective, believing in others’ opinions over your own—especially when those opinions are negative—can leave you discouraged.
“You’ll always miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”
—Wayne Gretzky
Avoid or limit your time with people who bring you down or derail you from accomplishing your goals. It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes about you or your ideas; it matters how you feel about yourself and what you are trying to achieve.
YOU FEEL SAFER PUTTING OTHERS’ NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN
Women in general tend to be trained from birth to be caring and nurturing to those around us, usually to the detriment of our own needs. Because of this, it often feels safer to fall back on this role than to work toward things you want for yourself.
Stop attending to others’ needs as an excuse to neglect your own. Learn when say “no” to the other people in your life and start saying “yes” more often to yourself!
YOU ARE EASILY DISCOURAGED BY A MISTAKE OR SETBACK, OR WHEN YOU ARE NOT SEEING THE RESULTS YOU WANT FAST ENOUGH
Sometimes things just don’t come easy. You need to accept that you will need to put in the work to get what you want . . . and just go for it. Take it day by day, and keep the momentum going forward. Keep reminding yourself that you are one day closer to your goal than if you had chosen to do nothing at all.
“Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.”
—Benjamin Franklin
Even when you make a mistake, it does not mean that you will never be good or successful at what you are trying to do. Try to view your mistakes as opportunities to grow and learn. Dissect what went wrong. If needed, take responsibility for your mistakes; don’t blame others or make excuses, or you will only repeat the same mistakes in the future. Instead, ask yourself what you could have done better, then regroup and take action to do things differently going forward.
How to Fight Procrastination
Procrastination, whatever the cause, is usually the main thing keeping us from achieving our goals. To leave procrastinating in the dust, stop making excuses as to why you can’t get things done and start focusing on all the reasons that you must make them happen! Stop thinking about why you can’t do something and start figuring out ways you can. Be proactive and start NOW!
Other ways to help overcome procrastination:
Break down tasks into smaller pieces that are easier and quicker to achieve.
Put a time frame on what needs to be done. Give yourself a deadline!
Focus on the positive rewards of accomplishing your goals.
Some Ways to Stay Motivated
Even with all those obstacles out of the way, sustaining motivation can be hard! Here are a few tips for maintaining your drive over the long term:
Use a system of rewards and consequences to keep yourself focused.
Research inspirational success stories of people who have been where you are and/or have accomplished something you are striving for.
Seek out mentors who inspire you and model the qualities, skills, capabilities, and expertise that you desire.
Surround yourself with positive people who support and encourage you.
Remind yourself of the resources you can draw on to help you achieve your goals—whether that’s your own skills or the advice of others.
Read or listen to self-improvement books/audiobooks or inspirational/motivational CDs or DVDs.
Track your progress. Checking things off of your list as you complete them gives you a sense of accomplishment and makes you feel great! Nothing’s more motivating than seeing how far you’ve already come.
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
—Thomas A. Edison
“Organization isn’t about perfection; it’s about efficiency, reducing stress and clutter, saving time and money, and improving your overall quality of life.”
—Christina Scalise
