Читать книгу Memoir of Mrs. Ann H. Judson - James Davis Knowles - Страница 7
ОглавлениеCHAPTER II.
Her Connexion with Mr. Judson.
The event, which determined the nature of her future life, was her marriage with Mr. Judson. Some particulars respecting the circumstances which led to this connexion, will now be stated. A few facts, however, in relation to Mr. Judson himself, must previously be mentioned.
He was born at Malden, (Mass.) August 9, 1788. He graduated at Brown University, in 1807. Soon afterwards he commenced making the tour of the United States. “Some providential occurrences, while on his journey, led him to doubt the truth of those deistical sentiments which he had recently adopted. His mind became so deeply impressed with the probability of the divine authenticity of the Scriptures, that he could no longer continue his journey, but returned to his father’s house, for the express purpose of examining thoroughly the foundation of the Christian religion. After continuing his investigations for some time, he became convinced that the Scriptures are of divine origin, and that he himself was in a lost situation by nature, and needed renovation previously to an admittance into heaven. It now became his sole inquiry, What shall I do to be saved ?
“The theological seminary at Andover, Massachusetts, was about this time established ; but the rules of the institution required evidence of evangelical piety in all who were admitted. Mr. Judson was desirous of entering there for the purpose of being benefited by the theological lectures ; but hardly ventured to make application, conscious that he was destitute of the proper qualifications. His ardent desire, however, to become acquainted with the religious students, and to be in a situation to gain religious instruction, overcame every obstacle, and he applied for admittance ; at the same time assuring the Professors of his having no hope that he had been a subject of regenerating grace. He was, notwithstanding, admitted ; and, in the course of a few weeks, gained satisfactory evidence of having obtained an interest in Christ, and turned his attention to those studies which were most calculated to make him useful in the ministry.
“Some time in the last year of his residence in this theological seminary, he met with Dr. Buchanan’s ‘Star in the East,’ This first led his thoughts to an eastern mission. The subject harassed his mind from day to day, and he felt deeply impressed with the importance of making some attempt to rescue the perishing millions of the east. He communicated these impressions to various individuals, but they all discouraged him. He then wrote to the Directors of the London Missionary Society, explaining his views, and requested information on the subject of missions. He received a most encouraging reply, and an invitation to visit England, to obtain in person the necessary information.
“Soon after this, Messrs, Nott, Newell and Hall, joined him, all of them resolving to leave their native land, and engage in the arduous work of missionaries, as soon as Providence should open the way,” *
There was, at that time, no Missionary Society, in this country, to which these young men could look for assistance and direction. The spirit of prayer and of exertion for the spread of the Gospel through the world, had not then been sufficiently diffused, to awaken the American churches to combined action for the support of foreign Missions.
The formation of a Missionary Society, in this country, was, therefore, a desirable measure. As these young men were all Congregationalists, they looked, of course, to their own denomination, for the aid which they needed. An opportunity was presented, to lay the subject before a number of the leading ministers of that denomination, at the meeting of the Massachusetts Association, at Bradford, in June 1810. At this meeting, the following paper, written by Mr, Judson, was presented :
“The undersigned, members of the Divinity College, respectfully request the attention of their Reverend Fathers, convened in the General Association at Bradford, to the following statement and inquiries :
“They beg leave to state, that their minds have been long impressed with the duty and importance of personally attempting a mission to the Heathen ; that the impressions on their minds have induced a serious, and they trust, a prayerful consideration of the subject in its various attitudes, particularly in relation to the probable success, and the difficulties attending such an attempt ; and that after examining all the information which they can obtain, they consider themselves as devoted to this work for life, whenever God in his providence shall open the way.
“They now offer the following inquiries, on which they solicit the opinion and advice of this Association. Whether with their present views and feelings, they ought to renounce the object of Missions as visionary or impracticable ; if not, whether they ought to direct their attention to the eastern or western world ; whether they may expect patronage and support from a Missionary Society in this country, or must commit themselves to the direction of a European Society ; and what preparatory measures they ought to take previous to actual engagement ?
“The undersigned, feeling their youth and inexperience, look up to their Fathers in the church, and respectfully solicit their advice, direction, and prayers.
Adoniram Judson, Jr.
Samuel Nott, Jr.
Samuel J. Mills,
Samuel Neavell.”
This important paper was at first signed by two other individuals, Mr. Richards and Mr. Rice, but their names were omitted, from a fear that the application of so many individuals, at one time, might occasion embarrassment.
“This document,” says the biographer of Mr. Mills, “was referred to a Special Committee, who, in their report, recognized the imperative obligation and importance of Missions—expressed their conviction that the gentlemen who had thus modestly expressed their views, ought not to renounce, but sacredly cherish their sacred impressions ; and submitted the outlines of a plan, which at that meeting was carried into effect, in the appointment of a Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, “for the purpose of devising ways and means, and adopting and prosecuting measures, for promoting the spread of the Gospel in Heathen lands.” ‘
Mr. Judson and his associates expected and desired an immediate appointment as missionaries ; but the Board, being unprovided with funds, and not having as yet matured any plan of operations, advised them to continue their studies, and wait for further information. But, fearing that several years might elapse before a missionary spirit would be sufficiently excited in this country, Mr. Judson solicited and obtained leave of the Board to visit England, to ascertain whether any measures of co-operation could be concerted between the London Missionary Society and the Board, and whether any assistance could be obtained from that Society in case the Board itself should be unable to sustain a Mission.
He sailed in January, 1811, for England. Three weeks after sailing, the vessel was captured by a French privateer; and after being detained several weeks as a prisoner on board, he was confined in a prison at Bayonne. By the exertions of an American gentleman, he was released on parole, and at length with great difficulty he obtained passports from the Emperor, and proceeded to England, where he arrived in May.
It was found, that no concert of measures could be arranged ; but the London Society agreed to support Mr. J. and his companions as Missionaries, if the American Board should not be able to do it.
Mr. J. returned to America, and at the meeting of the Board, at Worcester, in September, 1811, he and one of his missionary brethren earnestly solicited an immediate appointment, as they were extremely anxious to be engaged in missionary labours, and as there was a prospect of war between England and the United States, which would probably interrupt their plans entirely. They stated, that if the Board was unable to support them, they would accept an appointment from the London Society. The Board resolved, notwithstanding the scantiness of its funds, to establish a Mission in Burmah ; and Messrs. Judson, Nott, Newell, and Hall, were immediately appointed. Messrs. Richards and Warren were received at the same meeting, as Missionaries, with instructions, however, to continue their studies for a while. Mr. Rice was afterwards appointed. It is interesting to contrast the state of the American Board, at that time, when its members hesitated, from a fear of the want of adequate funds, with the present condition of that powerful body.
During the session of the Association, at Bradford, in 1810, Mr. Judson first saw Miss Hasseltine. An acquaintance was soon after formed, which led to a direct offer of marriage on his part, including, of course, a proposition to her, to accompany him in his missionary enterprise.
She was thus placed in a situation of peculiar difficulty and delicacy. The influence which her affections ought to have, in deciding a question of this kind, it would not, in ordinary cases, have been difficult to determine. But in this case, her embarrassment was increased, by the conflict which might arise between affection and duty. A person so conscientious as she was, would wish to form a decision on the important question of her duty, respecting missionary labours, uninfluenced by any personal considerations. Hesitation to assume an office so responsible, and so arduous, would spring up in any mind ; but Miss Hasseltine was required to decide on this point, in connexion with another, itself of the utmost consequence to her individual happiness. It was impossible to divest herself of her personal feelings ; and she might have some painful suspicions lest her affections might bias her decision to become a Missionary; while female delicacy and honour would forbid her to bestow her hand, merely as a preliminary and necessary arrangement.
There was another circumstance which greatly increased the difficulty of a decision. No female had ever left America as a missionary to the heathen. The general opinion was decidedly opposed to the measure. It was deemed wild and [romantic in the extreme ; and altogether inconsistent with prudence and delicacy. Miss H. had no example to guide and allure her. She met with no encouragement from the greater part of those persons, to whom she applied for counsel. Some expressed strong disapprobation of the project. Others would give no opinion. Two or three individuals, whom it might not be proper to name, were steady affectionate advisers, and encouraged her to go. With these exceptions, she was forced to decide from her own convictions of duty, and her own sense of fitness and expediency.*
It was well, for the cause of Missions, that God assigned to Miss Hasseltine the honourable yet difficult office of leading the way in this great enterprise. Her adventurous spirit, and her decision of character eminently fitted her to resolve, where others would hesitate, and to advance, where others might retreat. She did decide to go, and her determination, without doubt, has had some effect on the minds of other females, who have since followed her example.†
To Mrs. Judson undoubtedly belongs the praise of being the first American female, who resolved to leave her friends and country, to bear the Gospel to the heathen in foreign climes.
Her journal, at this time, shows that her mind was in a state of extreme anxiety, and that she resorted for direction and help to Him who gives wisdom to the ignorant, and who guides the meek in judgment :
“Aug. 8, 1810. Endeavoured to commit myself entirely to God, to be disposed of according to his pleasure. He is now trying my faith and confidence in him, by presenting dark and gloomy prospects, that I may be enabled, through divine grace, to gain an ascendancy over my selfish and rebellious spirit, and prefer the will of God to my own. I do feel, that his service is my delight. Might I but be the means of converting a single soul, it would be worth spending all my days to accomplish. Yes, I feel willing to be placed in that situation, in which I can do most good, though it were to carry the Gospel to the distant, benighted heathen.
“Sept. 10. For several weeks past, my mind has been greatly agitated. An opportunity has been presented to me, of spending my days among the heathen, in attempting to persuade them to receive the Gospel. Were I convinced of its being a call from God, and that it would be more pleasing to him for me to spend my life in this way than in any other, I think I should be willing to relinquish every earthly object, and in full view of dangers and hardships, give myself up to the great work.
“A consideration of this subject has occasioned much self-examination, to know on what my hopes were founded, and whether my love to Jesus was sufficiently strong to induce me to forsake all for his cause. At times I have felt satisfied, that I loved him, on account of his own glorious perfections, and have been desirous that he should do with me, as he should please, and place me in that situation, in which I can be most useful. I have felt great satisfaction in committing this case to God, knowing that he has a perfect understanding of the issue of all events, is infinitely wise to select the means best calculated to bring about the most important ends, and is able and willing to make the path of duty plain before me, and incline me to walk therein. At other times, I have felt ready to sink, being distressed with fears about my spiritual state, and appalled at the prospect of pain and suffering, to which my nature is so averse, and apprehensive, that when assailed by temptation, or exposed to danger and death, I should not be able to endure, as seeing Him who is invisible. But I now feel willing to leave it entirely with God. He is the fountain of all grace, and if he has designed me to be a promoter of his cause, among those who know him not, he can qualify me for the work, and enable me to bear whatever he is pleased to inflict, I am fully satisfied, that difficulties and trials are more conducive than ease and prosperity to promote my growth in grace, and cherish an habitual sense of dependence on God. While the latter please my animal nature, and lead me to seek happiness in creature enjoyments, the former afford convincing proofs that this life is designed to be a state of trial, and not a state of rest, and thus tend to wean me from the world, and make me look up to heaven as my home. Time appears nothing when compared with eternity, and yet events the most momentous depend on the improvement of these fleeting years. O Jesus, direct me, and I am safe ; use me in thy service, and I ask no more. I would not choose my portion of work, or place of labour; only let me know thy will, and I will readily comply.
“Oct. 28. My mind has still been agitated for two or three weeks past, in regard to the above mentioned subject. But I have, at all times, felt a disposition to leave it with God, and trust in him to direct me. I have, at length, come to the conclusion, that if nothing in providence appears to prevent, I must spend my days in a heathen land. I am a creature of God, and he has an undoubted right to do with me, as seemeth good in his sight. I rejoice, that I am in his hands—that he is every where present, and can protect me in one place as well as in another. He has my, heart in his hands, and when I am called to face danger, to pass through scenes of terror and distress, he can inspire me with fortitude, and enable me to trust in him. Jesus is faithful ; his promises are precious. Were it not for these considerations, I should, with my present prospects, sink down in despair, especially as no female has, to my knowledge, ever left the shores of America, to spend her life among the heathen ; nor do I yet know, that I shall have a single female companion. But God is my witness, that I have not dared to decline the offer that has been made me, though so many are ready to call it a ‘wild, romantic undertaking.’ If I have been deceived in thinking it my duty to go to the heathen, I humbly pray, that I may be undeceived, and prevented from going. But whether I spend my days in India or America, I desire to spend them in the service of God, and be prepared to spend an eternity in his presence. O Jesus, make me live to thee, and I desire no more.
“Nov. 25. Sabbath. Have spent part of this holy day in fasting and prayer, on account of the darkness of my mind, and the many internal trials of a spiritual nature, that I have lately experienced. Though destitute of that engagedness I could desire, I had some freedom in pouring out my soul to God, and some confidence, that he would grant my petitions. When I consider the great wickedness of my heart, I hardly venture to approach the throne of grace. But when I recollect, that God has promised to hear the cries of the poor and needy, and that he has even given his Son to die for those, who are sunk deep in sin, I find some encouragement to prostrate myself before the mercy seat, and plead the divine promises. Of late, I have had but little enjoyment, though my mind has been constantly exercised with divine truth. Yet I hope, that God will overrule these trials for my good. I have long since given myself to God ; he has an undoubted right to dispose of me, and try me, as he pleases. Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.
“He who has styled himself a prayer-hearing God graciously manifested himself to my soul, and made it easy and pleasant to pray. Felt a longing desire for more grace, for more unreserved devotedness to God. When I get near to God, and discern the excellence of the character of the Lord Jesus, and especially his power and willingness to save, I feel desirous, that the whole world should become acquainted with this Saviour. I am not only willing to spend my days among the heathen, in attempting to enlighten and save them, but I find much pleasure in the prospect. Yes, I am quite willing to give up temporal comforts, and live a life of hardship and trial, if it be the will of God.
‘I can be safe and free from care,
On any shore, since God is there.’
“Oct. Sabbath—(probably 1811.) Another holy day calls me to the house of God. O that I may enjoy his presence and rest in him. This morning, had some faint views of my unworthiness and nothingness before God. Felt ashamed, that I had ever indulged the least complacency in myself, when I am so exceedingly depraved. I can find no words to express my own vileness ; and yet I sometimes exalt myself, and wonder the Supreme Being takes no more notice of my prayers, and gives me no more grace. This evening, attended a female prayer meeting. Felt solemn and engaged in prayer. Longed for clearer views of God, and stronger confidence in him. Made a new dedication of myself to God. Felt perfectly willing to give up my friends and earthly comforts, provided I might, in exile, enjoy the presence of God. I never felt more engaged in prayer for special grace, to prepare me for my great undertaking, than this evening. I am confident God will support me in every trying hour. I have strong hope, that in giving me such an opportunity of labouring for him, he will make me peculiarly useful. No matter where I am, if I do but serve the infinitely blessed God ; and it is my comfort, that he can prepare me to serve him. Blessed Jesus, I am thine, for ever. Do with me what thou wilt ; lead me in the path in which thou wouldst have me go, and it is enough.
“Nov. 23. My heart has been quite revived, this evening, with spiritual things. Had some views of the excellent nature of the kingdom of Christ. Longed, above all things, to have it advanced. Felt an ardent desire to be instrumental of spreading a knowledge of the Redeemer’s name, in a heathen land. Felt it a great, an undeserved privilege, to have an opportunity of going. Yes, I think I would rather go to India, among the heathen, notwithstanding the almost insurmountable difficulties in the way, than stay at home and enjoy the comforts and luxuries of life. Faith in Christ will enable me to bear trials, however severe. My hope in his powerful protection animates me to persevere in my purpose. O, if he will condescend to make me useful in promoting his kingdom, I care not where I perform his work, nor how hard it be. Behold the handmaid of the Lord ; be it unto me according to thy word.”
The resolution of Mr. and Mrs. Judson, to devote themselves to the service of their Saviour as Missionaries, was not formed in the ardour of youthful enthusiasm. It was not the impulse of an adventurous spirit, panting for scenes of difficulty and danger. They had cherished no romantic views of the missionary enterprize. They had calmly estimated its hazards and its toils. They foresaw what it would cost them, and the issue to which it would probably lead them both. They knew well what they must do and suffer; and they yielded themselves as willing sacrifices, for the sake of the far distant heathen.
As a proof of this, an extract of a letter from Mr. J. to Deacon Hasseltine may here be quoted. It is in every view a remarkable document. Its design was, to ask the father’s consent to his daughter’s marriage, and her consequent departure for India. The letter is alike honourable to the writer, and to the parent. An ordinary lover would have solicited the desired consent, by a strong statement of every encouraging consideration, and by throwing the bright tints of hope over the dark clouds which enveloped the future. Mr. Judson resorted to no such artifice. He knew that the case was too solemnly interesting for any thing but simplicity, and godly sincerity. He knew that the excellent man whom he addressed was capable of sacrificing his feelings to his duty, and was able to decide the painful question proposed to him, in single-hearted submission to his Saviour’s will.
After mentioning to Deacon H. that he had offered marriage to his daughter, and that she had “said something about consent of parents,” Mr. Judson proceeds in this eloquent strain ;
“I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world ; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life : whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean ; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India ; to every kind of want and distress ; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you ; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls : for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God ? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with a crown of righteousness, brightened by the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Saviour from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair ?”
Can the enemy of Missions, after reading this letter, accuse Missionaries of ambitious and selfish purposes ? Could a man, capable of writing thus, in such circumstances, be actuated by any of the ordinary motives, which govern human actions ? Could a father give up a daughter to such an alliance, and such a destiny, from any impulse, inferior to the constraining love of Christ ?
The following letter from Miss H. to an intimate friend proves that she had duly estimated the importance and the difficulties of the subject, and had been guided to a decision, after deliberate reflection and earnest prayer to God.
To Miss L. K.
Beverly, Sept. 8, 1810.
“I can, but for a moment, turn my thoughts on the dealings of God with us. He made us the inhabitants of the same town ; and living near each other, as we have, no wonder the similarity in the turn of our minds produced strong affection. The same opportunities were afforded, and under the same instructors we obtained our education. We mutually assisted each other in lightness, dissipation, and vanity. When God, by his Holy Spirit, convinced one of her lost undone condition, her first object was to convince the other. Our convictions were the same. How often did we converse on our awful situation, and mingle our tears for our hardness and stupidity. The fields and groves frequently heard our complaints, the moon and stars in the stillness of evening witnessed our sorrow. Did God leave us to act out the horrid enmity of our hearts ? Did he leave us to blaspheme his holy name, and curse the day in which we were born ? No. Let our souls be filled with astonishment—he led us to Jesus, the Saviour of sinners ! Can we deny that the Saviour appeared to us as the chief among ten thousands ? Did we not frequently meet to converse about the things of the kingdom, and eagerly inquire, ‘how we could most promote the glory of God ?’ These facts, my friend, we cannot deny. But where is now that engagedness for God ? What have we ever done for him who has so distinguished us ? O Lydia, let us weep, let us be deeply affected with our ingratitude in living no more devoted to him. O let us, dear L. now begin, and sacrifice every thing that comes in competition with the glory of God, and give our whole selves to him.
“I have ever made you a confidant. I will still confide in you, and beg for your prayers, that I may be directed in regard to the subject which I shall communicate.
“I feel willing, and expect, if nothing in providence prevents, to spend my days in this world in heathen lands. Yes, Lydia, I have about come to the determination to give up all my comforts and enjoyments here, sacrifice my affection to relatives and friends, and go where God, in his providence, shall see fit to place me. My determinations are not hasty, or formed without viewing the dangers, trials, and hardships attendant on a missionary life. Nor were my determinations formed in consequence of an attachment to an earthly object ; but with a sense of my obligations to God, and with a full conviction of its being a call in providence, and consequently my duty. My feelings have been exquisite in regard to the subject. Now my mind is settled and composed, and is willing to leave the event with God—none can support one under trials and afflictions but he. In him alone I feel a disposition to confide.
“How short is time, how boundless is eternity ! If we may be considered worthy to suffer for Jesus here, will it not enhance our happiness hereafter? O pray for me. Spend whole evenings in prayer for those who go to carry Gospel to the poor heathen.”
Mr. and Mrs. Judson were married at Bradford, February 5, 1812.
Notes
“History of the Burman Mission, p. 14.
* The remark of one lady respecting Mrs. J. would express the feelings of many others. “I hear,” said she, “that Miss H. is going to India. Why does she go?” “Why, she thinks it her duty; would not you go, if you thought it your duty ?” “But,” replied the good lady with emphasis, “I would not think it my duty.” Many questions of duty, it may be suspected, are decided in this summary manner.
† The following extract from Mrs. Newell’s journal, dated October 20, 1810, refers to Mrs. Judson, and it shows that Mrs. Newell had not then decided to go to India ;
“A female friend called upon us this morning. She informed me of her determination to quit her native land, to endure the sufferings of a Christian amongst heathen nations—to spend her days in India’s sultry clime. How did this news affect my heart Í Is she willing to do all this for God ; and shall I refuse to lend my little aid, in a land where divine revelation has shed its clearest rays ? I have felt more for the salvation of the heathen, this day, than I recollect to have felt through my whole past life.
“How dreadful their situation ! What heart but would bleed at the idea of the sufferings they endure to obtain the joys of paradise ! What can I do, that the light of the gospel may shine upon them ? They are perishing for lack of knowledge, while I enjoy the glorious privileges of a Christian land ! Great God, direct me ! O make me in some way beneficial to their immortal souls.”
