Читать книгу Angel's Eye - Jean CDN Galliano - Страница 10

I attempt to sleep once again, but for the third time the mesmeric sound takes me. I am somehow unafraid this time. This does not feel like a dream. My body is asleep, but my mind is somehow still awake. I realize myself like a puff of air, like water moving through stone. I think, “This must be how it feels to die, yet I am conscious.” I hear the words, "You always wanted to know if there was more. This is your chance." Then, making one of the most important choices of my life, I decide to listen to the sound.

Instantly, my body grows heavy. I am falling fast, at the speed of this sound. I am synchronized with it. I am falling as fast as the sound is growing loud. It is too late for fear. I cannot pull myself out now. I fall for a long time through seemingly endless darkness. In sheer desperation, I abandon myself completely. When I become aware again the air is moving through me. I am descending a mountain. I am a valley mist. My body is a mask, a shield, an illusion, a boundary that my consciousness calls Self. I am as light as light itself. I find myself settling softly on my bed, blissful, rested, and peaceful. The sound fades into a wonderful music. I am soaked by it, borne on each note. The ecstasy of the song dims like a foreign language into forgetfulness. It is only meant for now. I cannot remember even the last note. Once it passes it is gone forever...

Suddenly, I am aware that someone is standing in the room not far from me. I am not alarmed. I do not want to think for fear of upsetting this delicate union. Yet, I must acknowledge that there is a presence. My eyes are closed, so I am not seeing him. But I can feel, and I know where he is standing. As he is walking towards me, I sense his every position and his every movement. I am only concerned with staying in the euphoria. If the Being is part of this wonder, then he is welcome.

He sits down beside me and slides something silken across my face. My arms are crossed over my chest. I feel the being touching me, and caressing me like my own mother would. Then, taking hold of my arms, he wraps his fingers around my wrists. I feel firmness and sureness in his action, and I am surprised by his strength. His fingers are warm and alive. I know how a caterpillar feels coming out of a cocoon as he pulls me to a sitting position outside of my body! I do not think or breathe. There is no time. He continues to pull until I am completely free of my flesh. He spins me through the air. It reminds me of a parent at play, spinning a child around and around. When he does this I feel no boundaries or barriers. I pass through doors and walls. The ceiling is as transparent as the sky. I know where I am in this newfound darkness. I pass two tiny blue lights, they are guardian angels. Then, I am promptly thrashed into the chest of my sleeping self. It hurt like someone hit me. I awake with a gasp to the early morning bird song.

In the months to come, the direction and focus of my life would completely alter. How can I deny the reality of this experience? To do so would be denying my sanity. Innocent and full of wonder, I talk with as many people as will listen. I receive a spectrum of reaction. Some people encourage me with titles of books, names of Divas, rites to perform, or which color candles to burn. Some dismiss me as they do their own dreams. Some search between the words for the hidden meanings and have meetings to discuss their philosophical findings.

In my conversations, I hear all kinds of superstitious and stupendous stories about ghosts, gods, and goblins. There is much speculation. Ultimately, I feel alone. I write poetry and keep diaries to purge myself… confess my dreams.