Читать книгу The Tutti-frutti Collection - Jean Ure, Stephen Lee, Jean Ure - Страница 22

Today we all trailed half-way across London to go for a picnic on Hampstead Heath. On account of Slimey Roland refusing to pollute the environment, we had to go by tube. That meant taking the Central line to Tottenham Court Road, which is 13 stops, and then hanging about for ever waiting for a northern line to Hampstead, which was another seven. What a pathetic way to travel! We must have looked ridiculous. Slimey was wearing a T-shirt and shorts (shorts! With his legs!) and Mum was wearing a horrible sort of boiler suit and looking really dumpy. Definitely middle-age spread. In addition to the shorts, Slime was humping an enormous backpack. You’d have thought he was going on a round-the-world hike. I wore jeans and was the only one who looked half-way normal.

It was a really draggy sort of day because all we did was walk on the Heath and occasionally sit down and eat stuff and then get up again and do more walking and then sit down again to have a drink, and then they wanted to read their Sunday papers, which actually was the best bit because it meant I could go off on my own, which I did, and met this girl throwing sticks for her dog. She let me join in, which was fun. It was a really good dog, a German shepherd, which I would love, but some hopes.

Anyway, after all that we got on the tube and came home again, and what was supposed to be the point of it is what I want to know? If they wanted to go for a walk and sit on the grass and eat things why not just go up the road to the Common? Why trail all the way to Hampstead Heath? Mum says it’s because Slimey used to live there before he married Mum and moved in with us and made my life a misery. Well, she didn’t say that bit. I said that bit. I will never accept him as a second dad.

Dad was supposed to ring me this evening but he must have been too busy. Mum has said I can go and stay with him at half term. A whole week! Hooray!

The food today was pretty horrific, incidentally, for a true carnivore such as myself. Vegetarian sausages, for heaven’s sake! I just munched in glum silence, not saying anything, as I could tell that Mum was really enjoying herself and I didn’t want to spoil things for her, but she needn’t think I didn’t notice because I most certainly did. And if she thinks I am going to become a cranky veggie, she has another thing coming!

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow because HE is going to be away. He’s going to go and bore some poor little kids at a school in Newcastle, showing them pictures of elves. That means Mum and I will be on our own! Double hooray!