Читать книгу The Tutti-frutti Collection - Jean Ure, Stephen Lee, Jean Ure - Страница 35

Dog’s vomit and earwax, with crusty bits on top. I didn’t ask anyone what it was supposed to be. I think it’s better not to know. I just held my breath and swallowed. I am seriously thinking of taking up Mum’s offer of vegetarian sandwiches. I would if it weren’t for him. Old Slimey. I hate the thought of him crowing because he’s won me over. If I decide to do it, it will be out of sheer desperation and a desire not to be poisoned. Nothing whatsoever to do with him.

When I got in at tea-time he was there, which I didn’t expect him to be as he’d gone off to bore some more poor little kids, showing them how he draws elves. So I told them my idea for calling the baby Bredan and Mum (stupid) said, “Oh, you mean like Bredon Hill? But that’s pronounced Breedon.” Slime got it. He got it straightaway. He said, “Bredan Butter! Brilliant!” and promptly started to sketch a loaf of bread on the kitchen table with his felt-tip pen that he always keeps handy in case sudden inspiration comes to him. Mum said, “Oh! Yes. I see. Then we’d have a Roll and Butter and a Bread and Butter. Clever!”

Slimey said, “Yes, and if we had another we could call it Toastan.” I have been trying without success to think of other things that go with butter. All I can think of is T.K. Cann-Butter and Chris P. Bredan Butter. But they are not very good.

I suppose you could have Saul T. Butter. That is not bad.

A woman over the road who has just moved in has asked Mum if I’d like to go and have tea tomorrow with her daughter because her daughter is the same age as me and doesn’t yet know anyone. Mum has gone and said that I will! It is terrible the way grown-ups just dispose of one’s life for one. I don’t particularly want to go and have tea with this person’s daughter. She is called Sereena, which I know is not her fault, and her surname is Swaddle, which again I know she cannot be blamed for. Sereena Swaddle. That is alliteration. Mum says it is “unfortunate”, but why she should think it’s any more unfortunate than Belinda or Bernard Butter is beyond me.

Skinny rang later to know if I wanted to go swimming with her tomorrow afternoon and I had to say that I was having tea with this Sereena person. Skinny said “Who?” and I said, “Sereena Swaddle,” and she said, “You’re joking!” I said that I only wished I was. I went back to Mum and said, “Do I have to do this thing?” and she said, “Oh, Cherry, just once! It won’t hurt you. She’s a sweet little thing, I know you’ll like her.”

When Mum said, “sweet little thing” old Slime caught my eye and pulled a face. I’d gone and pulled one back before I could stop myself. I don’t think I ought to do that. It’s like him and me being ganged up together against Mum. Mum must have sensed it because she said, “You can laugh! It’s nice to know there still are some sweet little things … they don’t all clump around in bovver boots shouting four-letter words and watching ghastly horror movies.”

I have just thought of something else that could go with butter. P. Nutt-Butter. That is a good one!