Читать книгу Holiday Baby - Jenna Mindel - Страница 13
ОглавлениеSimon held open the door to his rental house for Cat and the baby. She stepped inside and set Opal, bundled inside a car seat, down in a puddle of sun shining on the hardwood floor. She took off the little fleece blanket that covered the baby and looked around.
“Would you care for tea?” Simon walked past her into the kitchen.
Cat shook her head. “Thank you, but no. I shouldn’t stay long.”
He didn’t know why not. He’d faced her lion of a brother in the sanctuary on their way out the door and had told him that Cat was coming home with him so they could figure out a few things. Simon didn’t know where to start, so perhaps a tour might break the tension. “Let me show you around. It’s not much, but there are two bedrooms.”
Room enough for Opal.
What was he thinking? He couldn’t care for an infant. One glance at the protective way Cat checked on the baby, and Simon had his doubts about her ever letting the child out of her sight, much less leaving the baby alone with him.
His baby—whom he never would have known about if he hadn’t seen her in church today.
Why hadn’t she told him?
Cat followed him in icy silence. His place might be small, but it was tidy with a nice-sized wood-burning fireplace in the corner and big windows and a view of Maple Bay. The short hall led to two bedrooms across from each other and a full bath at the end. His room was sparsely furnished with only a bed and nightstand. He’d never felt the need to own more than the essentials.
“There’s no pictures or anything. Have you packed things up already?” Cat kept looking around as if she expected more.
“No, this is it.” He’d never owned artwork and he certainly didn’t have family portraits to hang. He didn’t remember his mother taking pictures. But then, she’d never spend money on a camera. Not when drugs had been more important.
Back in the living room, Cat sat on the tan couch. His furnishings might be well made, but he got the feeling they were lacking under her critical gaze. “How long have you been here?” she asked.
He sat in the only other piece of furniture in the room, a handcrafted rocking chair with a curved high back. “I moved here the end of May.”
“Why?”
Simon stopped rocking and looked at her. “I guess I wanted a break. The way you described Maple Springs, I thought it’d be the perfect place to design and sell jewelry on a smaller scale.”
“Isn’t it?”
He shrugged. “It is, but I’m done. I want to get back to what I do best.”
“Are you selling the store?”
“I have a lease. It doesn’t end until May, but the owner has agreed to let me break it early. I’ll liquidate inventory and then move on.” That plan didn’t feel quite right anymore.
Cat didn’t look comfortable, considering the way she perched on the edge of the couch.
“Relax, Cat, we’ll work this out.” He had no idea what he was talking about, but equally confusing was her anxiety. She had nothing to fear from him.
If anyone should be scared, it was him. For the first time in his life, he’d fathered a child. He wasn’t sure how that would change his life but knew it would.
She noticed the Bible on top of his journal and ran her fingers over the top. “And this? I didn’t think you were religious before—though I guess we never actually discussed it.”
“True. I wasn’t interested in faith when we met. But since I’ve been here, I’ve found God. I surrendered my life to the Lord in that community church where your brothers attend.”
“So, you know Zach pretty well?”
Simon wasn’t sure about that, but he’d felt a certain kinship with the man. “Well enough, I suppose.”
Opal fussed and Cat stood. “He’s not happy about this, you know.”
“I can’t say I blame him.” Simon stood too. “Might I have another go at holding her?”
Cat’s pretty blue eyes clouded over. They were the color of star sapphires he’d found in Sri Lanka. Finally, she nodded, picked up the baby and then settled her in his arms as she had before.
Opal quieted, her eyes wide as she gazed up at him.
That baby gaze hit him in the midsection. He ran his finger down the baby’s cheek, knowing he couldn’t abandon her.
Simon didn’t know much about babies, but Opal struck him as a beautiful one. “You’re a pretty miss, aren’t you?”
“She favors you, I think.” Cat looked as if she hadn’t meant to say that.
“No, I’d say she’s pretty like her mom.” Simon stared at Cat, drinking in the sight of her. In all his imaginings of what he’d say if he saw her again, he’d never expected this. “I don’t have a clue where to begin.”
Cat forced a smile. “I know.”
Opal fussed before letting out a howl that made Simon wince.
Cat gave an awkward laugh. “I’ve learned to interpret that cry. I was hoping to get home first, but apparently that’s not going to happen. Do you mind if I use your, uh, bedroom to feed her?”
Simon felt his face flush. “By all means.”
Watching her walk away, he clenched his jaw, remembering the last time she’d walked away, after the intimate night they shouldn’t have shared. Why hadn’t Cat taken— He halted that rabbit trail. Opal was as much his responsibility, maybe even more so. Cat had been cold and scared, thanks to the rain and the men they’d had to flee. She’d trusted him to keep her safe. Too bad he hadn’t kept her safe from him.
He stepped into the kitchen and filled the teakettle with fresh water before placing it over a high heat. Rubbing the back of his neck, he considered all the things that went into caring for a baby. A monumental amount of things. He wasn’t ready for that.
He prayed for direction but couldn’t grasp that settling of his spirit. The peace he’d recently realized now eluded him once again. Opal was a game changer and he had no idea of the rules or even how to play.
By the time he’d fully steeped his tea bag, Cat came down the hall, carrying a sleeping baby.
“Well, I’d better get going.” Cat could not look more beautiful. Her dark blond waves framed her face and wide blue eyes. And his child in her arms just made the picture prettier. He still had so many questions for Cat—about Opal, and about everything that had happened in the past year. They hadn’t scratched the surface of anything.
“Why didn’t you contact me about Opal? I know I’m not the easiest person to reach, but you could have sent a message to me through my employer.”
She settled the sleeping baby back in the car seat and wouldn’t look at him. “I don’t know, Simon. I...”
“What?” He prodded.
Her gaze met his and he was stunned by the stark emotions he found there. “I didn’t really know you.” Then she looked away. “I figured you’d rather not know.”
So she’d called the shots, without giving him a chance to decide what he wanted. An inadequate answer on every level, especially since it was sheer chance that he’d discovered the truth. Had she come home after the New Year, he’d have been gone without a peep that he’d even been in Maple Springs.
“You figured wrong.”
Her blue eyes widened. “Can we talk some other time? I’m really tired.”
For the first time, he noticed the faint smudges under her eyes and the fight went out of him. “Another time, then. I think we should exchange numbers, though, just in case.”
Cat nodded and gave him her number.
He entered the information in his phone and then gave her his business card. “That’s got the shop hours on it. I’m closed tomorrow. I close Sundays and Mondays.”
She slipped the card into the diaper bag but didn’t say anything.
This was all wrong, but he didn’t know how to make it right. Cat did look weary and he didn’t want to be the source of more worry. “Thank you.”
She paused before leaving, her brow furrowed. “For what?”
He took a deep breath and calmed down. “For letting me hold her.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Yeah. Sure.”
He didn’t know if he should try to comfort her or simply let her go. This was all new to him. He’d never been close to a woman before. He’d never wanted more than a temporary or casual relationship. He had to admit that he’d given Cat no indication that he’d care to know about Opal. He’d known there was a chance that their actions could have had consequences, but he’d made no effort to check in with her afterward. Part of him wished he didn’t know, since ignorance was bliss and knowing was...
Relationships had always ended, but having a daughter wouldn’t. Opal was his and would always be his. The question was, what would he be to her?
He took a step forward. “Need help with the seat?”
“I’ve got it. No worries.” Cat waved him away. She looked plenty worried to him, as if she carried the weight of the world in her arms instead of a wee one.
He watched as she backed up her car and drove away. As he stepped inside his house, it felt far too empty. The hollow sensation in the pit of his belly was unwelcome, as well. He’d lived alone for so long, coming and going as he pleased, he’d never wanted any other way. He’d tried something different by moving to Maple Springs but resisted the community that tried to embrace him. He’d never allowed himself to truly belong.
Now he belonged to someone named Opal. He was her father.
Fathers were supposed to be there for their kids, open to all kinds of disappointments and hurts along the way. Simon had experienced God’s love in a tangible way he couldn’t begin to explain and was still trying to figure out.
God would not want him to simply walk away, but really, the responsibility was daunting. Could he become a good father by starting out with a young one? Only God knew.
* * *
Cat entered her parents’ home and leaned against the door after she closed it. Opal still slept in her car seat. Cat wouldn’t mind a little sleep too. Forever came to mind, but she was no storybook princess and Simon was no prince ready to kiss her back to life. In fact, he had a nice escape route planned. Again.
Simon.
It hurt that he’d lived in her hometown for months, knew her brothers and yet hadn’t made one move to contact her. Zach hadn’t even known that they knew each other.
“Cat?” Her mom’s voice pierced the fog of her thoughts. “You okay, honey?”
She shook her head, horrified at the tears rolling down her cheeks.
Her mom didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around her. “Tell me what happened.”
Cat shuddered with a shoulder-shaking sob.
“Andy, come get the baby out of the doorway.” Her mom led her into the living room.
“What’s wrong with her?” Cat heard her father’s whisper.
Then she heard Zach’s booming voice. “Is that Cat? Is she crying? I’ll kill him!”
“Zach, settle down!” her mother warned and then turned to Cat. “What happened? Is this about Simon? Zach told me. He’s Opal’s father, isn’t he?”
Cat nodded. No point in denying it.
“I knew it! That slimy—” Zach’s voice startled Opal awake, so he continued his rant in a whisper. “All this time and he never said a word about you—”
“Zach! That’s enough.” Their mom’s tone broached no argument and her brother zipped it.
Cat’s father picked up Opal and walked with her, gently shushing the now-crying babe.
Cat pulled away from her mom. She hated to admit that seeing Simon hurt more than she’d ever expected. “Simon was fine. I’m just tired and my hormones are out of whack.”
Zach took a step back as if she’d admitted to having the plague or worse.
Her mom winked. “Come upstairs. You should sleep when you can or you’ll go crazy.”
Maybe she’d already gone mad. She thought she could do this on her own, but one look at Simon holding their daughter and she wasn’t so sure.
It seemed like another lifetime when Simon had wrapped his arms around her, making her feel priceless, like some rare gem he’d searched for his whole life. He’d kissed her that way too, but it had been because of their flight in the night. It hadn’t been real; otherwise he would have tried to see her again. He would have at least admitted to her family that he’d met her.
She followed her mom, who’d taken Opal, and headed up the stairs. Once in her old room, Cat sat on the bed and watched as her mom laid Opal in the old crib they’d hauled down from the attic.
“Make sure she’s on her back.” Her voice sounded too shrill.
“I know, Cat. It’s okay. You said Simon was fine with all this?” Her mom’s voice was whisper-soft as she wrapped the baby in a swaddling blanket.
“Not quite.” He’d looked like she’d put him inside a snow globe and shaken hard.
“Then how was he?” Her mom’s shrewd gaze locked onto hers.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see him again.” It was all Cat could muster.
Her mom nodded. Like so many times growing up when Cat hadn’t given up the whole story, her mom simply waited. And like always, Cat crumbled under that steady gaze. “He’s leaving after the holidays. But he said he’d give financial support.”
“That’s good.”
“Is it?” Cat couldn’t get the image of him holding Opal out of her mind. He’d been captivated, as if he couldn’t believe such a treasure existed.
Her mom’s gaze narrowed. “The last time you were home, you were adamant about raising Opal on your own. You refused to name the father, let alone contact him.”
“I know.” The last time she’d been home, Simon had been on his way to moving here. Crazy. She’d been so sure of herself then. Cat didn’t know what she wanted now, after seeing him.
Her mom brushed Cat’s hair back as if she were still a child. “Sleep now. Things will look better after you wake up.”
No, they wouldn’t. They’d be the very same.
“Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll make sure you get a plate.” Her mother kissed her forehead.
Cat nodded.
At the door, her mother turned. “Why don’t you invite Simon to join us for Thanksgiving?”
Not a good idea. “I don’t know his plans.”
The sudden thought that he might be seeing someone seared her belly and turned it sour. But surely he wouldn’t leave if that was true. And anyway, Ginger would have said something.
Her mom smiled. “Just ask.”
“I don’t know.” Cat lay back on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Cat, if Simon wants to be supportive, let him be more than a monthly check.”
Did he really want to be part of Opal’s life—part of her life? Maybe everything he’d done and said today had just been the result of surprise. He might feel differently in the morning. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Leaving Simon in the dark about Opal might not have been fair, but if he’d cared about her at all, he would have contacted her. She would have told him about the baby if he had.
There was no way to rewrite the past. She’d have to decide how to handle things going forward. Having him around her whole family was bound to be awkward, but maybe her mom was right. If Simon wanted to be part of Opal’s life, it had to start now, not years later. That wouldn’t be fair to Opal.
She glanced at the baby lying peacefully in her crib, asleep once again. Her heart twisted at the sweetness of her daughter’s face. She reached for her phone and took a quick photo. “You deserve the best, baby. I hope I can give you that.”
Every child deserved to know their father. Now that Simon knew, and while he was still here in Maple Springs, she owed him the chance to be part of Opal’s life. That meant being involved with the Zelinsky family, as well. Simon knew Zach, he might as well get to know the rest of them.
* * *
The next day, Simon watched for Cat. She’d called and asked if they could go for a drive to talk and he’d agreed. When she pulled in, he was already waiting outside and slipped into the passenger seat. “Hello.”
“Good morning.” Cat looked pretty with her blond hair mostly pulled back with some of it loose.
He glanced in the back seat at Opal and smiled. “Good morning, Princess.”
Cat stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“Well, where to?” Simon liked the idea of talking while driving, although he’d rather be the one behind the wheel.
“I need to pick up a few things for Opal in the next town over. Do you mind going with me?”
“They carry good stuff?” Simon asked.
“Yes. Traverse City has more stores, but that’s two hours away.”
“We don’t need to go that far.”
He’d been thinking a lot about this situation, coming up with nothing new. All he knew was that it wasn’t right to abandon his own child. Paying child support was part of being a father, but would it be enough?
They slipped into silence while Cat drove out of town. Even the baby remained quiet.
“Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?” Cat’s voice sounded strained.
“Nothing special. Why?”
“My mother wants you to come to our house for the day.” Cat didn’t look over at him as she rounded the bay.
Simon fought his instinct to refuse outright and stalled. “What do you want?”
“I want you to come. I’d like you to get to know my family.”
If the rest of Cat’s family reacted as Zach had, he’d rather face a firing line. Still, perhaps that was what he deserved. His actions had consequences. Opal being one of them. Time to take responsibility, even as he searched for a way out. “I don’t want to intrude.”
“You wouldn’t be. They’re nice people, Simon.”
“I’m sure they are—”
“If you don’t have other plans, then what is it?” Cat glanced at him.
He shrugged. “I’m not used to family gatherings.”
Cat softened. A little. “What about your family? You mentioned having a brother and sister.”
He might as well let her know where he came from. “My brother’s in jail for assault the last time I checked and I haven’t spoken to my sister in years. Both are much younger than me.”
“And your parents?” Cat squeaked out.
“My mom died a few years back and I never knew my father.” He kept his voice even.
Cat watched the road a moment longer before stealing another peek at him. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t want her sympathy.
She kept going, trying to make conversation. “So, your mother never remarried?”
He laughed and it came out as a harsh-sounding bark. “She never married in the first place. I didn’t know my father because I don’t know who that man might be. I don’t think my mother knew either. My siblings are pretty much in the same boat. Only, they know their father. But he’s never wanted anything to do with either of them.”
“Oh.” Cat looked truly sorry.
“I vowed never to follow those footsteps and yet here I am.”
Cat winced. “Yes, here we are.”
They’d messed up.
They arrived at the store. Cat pulled into the parking lot but hesitated about getting out. She turned to face him. “Look, I’m sorry this happened.”
He didn’t like the repentant look on her face.
He’d never meant to slam her like this was all her fault. He reached for the bit of her hair that brushed her shoulders, feeling the silkiness of it between his fingers. “I’m not.”
Her eyes widened.
He couldn’t believe he’d just said that, but oddly he meant it. He realized that seeing her was better than not. Even though she came with serious baggage that had the same brown eyes as him. “We’ll figure it out.”
She gave him a hint of a smile. “You keep saying that.”
“We don’t have much of a choice, now do we?”
She looked away, clearly disappointed. “No, I suppose not.”
He couldn’t expect to chase away her fears when he had so many of his own. But he’d try. He had to try.
* * *
Cat’s stomach sank as she got out of the car. She had no right to be disappointed in his answer. Simon was doing his best to deal with their situation. It was not as if he’d had much time to get used to becoming a father. She’d stolen that time from him by not telling him.
He opened the door to the back seat and Opal. “How do I do this?”
She came around and slid the car seat out of its base. “Like that. Super easy. And if you hold her, I’ll get the stroller from the trunk.”
“Stroller?”
“You’ll see.” Cat popped the trunk and withdrew the folded stroller. She then snapped the car seat into place. “I’m not real comfortable setting Opal in a shopping cart. The car seat might not fit right and then what if she fell or something fell on her?”
“I see your point.” Simon tucked the edge of the blanket that had flopped over around their daughter’s shoulders. “Will she be warm enough without a coat?”
The temperatures were still cold, but the sun shone from a cloudless sky. Cat felt her baby’s nice warm cheeks against her cold hands. “The blanket keeps her warm. It’s not far. If you’ll push her, I’ll get us a cart.”
Simon took over stroller duty. He hadn’t shaved and the day-old whiskers roughed his face. He looked like the man she’d met in Africa. Only, he wore jeans and a thick woolen sweater instead of dusty khakis and a sweat-soaked T-shirt.
She looked down at her feet. She didn’t match his smooth style wearing her Goth-style clunky black boots, leggings and a long black sweater. They didn’t match at all, and that was part of the problem. Despite his promises to figure it out, they were not any closer to a plan or solution to the question of “what now?”
When they entered the store, Cat took in the Christmas decorations with a frown. She hadn’t expected Northern Michigan retailers to be in sync with bigger cities. “Thanksgiving’s not even over yet.”
He nodded. “I need to decorate my store. Part of a holiday liquidation plan.”
“I’d like to see it. The engagement ring Darren bought for Bree is gorgeous.” She wanted to see more of his work, especially what he may have done with those raw opals he’d bought while she’d tagged along. He’d said that he’d often been paid with a selection of the gems he’d purchased for his employer.
“Stop by anytime.”
They made their way toward the baby section and she took a deep breath. “Here we go.”
Simon chuckled. “You look like I feel. I have no idea about these things.”
Cat laughed too. “I’m still figuring it out.”
He touched her arm, bringing them to a stop.
Cat looked into his warm brown eyes. “What?”
“I’m sorry you were alone.”
Cat’s belly flipped at the softness of his voice. To keep her thoughts away from what might have been, she tried to focus on the Thanksgiving-themed items shelved in the middle of the wide aisle, but the bagged stuffing and rows of bottled sage spices didn’t stave off the swell of emotions that assaulted her. Regret that he hadn’t been there.
Her voice came out thick when she answered, “I wasn’t alone. My mom was with me when Opal was born.”
He ran his hand through his hair, shorter now and much neater. “I should have been there. I would have been there had I known.”
“Would you really? You didn’t even mention that you’d met me to Zach.”
His face reddened. “We both had chances we let pass by.”
A safe answer that was no answer at all. What might have happened had she called him when she’d found out she was pregnant? She heard Opal gurgle and peeked into the stroller.
Opal cooed again.
A passerby stopped and smiled. “Awww. She’s adorable. Your first?”
Cat nodded.
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” she and Simon answered in unison.
She looked at him.
He looked back, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Come on, we’d better get what you came here for.”
And get out quick.
They moved deeper into the store and Cat glanced at Simon. The entire way, his face looked blank and hard, as if it had been carved out of stone. Maybe he was trying not to think about what might have been, as well. Although, she didn’t quite believe that he wasn’t sorry about this. He wasn’t any more comfortable with the idea of being a parent than she.
We don’t have much of a choice, now do we?
Those words echoed through her thoughts as they shopped, checked out and loaded the purchases into the trunk of her Honda. Cat showed Simon how Opal’s car seat worked, slipping it out of the stroller and back into the base. With the baby safely tucked into the back seat of the car, she showed him how to fold up the stroller.
He looked thoughtful and then took a picture of the car seat with his phone. He’d checked while they were inside, but they didn’t carry the same model at this store. “Next time I’m in Traverse City, perhaps I’ll purchase one of those.”
“What for? You’re leaving.”
His brow furrowed. “Yes, but I’ll be back.”
“What’s that mean?” Was he planning to just pop in and out of Opal’s life? And hers?
“I haven’t figured it out yet.”
Remembering the rough-and-tumble way Simon drove to the opal mines, the thought of him driving with Opal wasn’t welcome. She glanced at the baby. She snoozed peacefully, having fallen asleep while they were checking out.
“What kind of car do you have?” She hadn’t seen it in his driveway. But then, it could have been in the garage.
Simon grinned. “A very stable Jeep Cherokee.”
Cat nodded. “Next time, you drive.”
“So you can see how I do?”
“Yes. Is that so bad? How do I know you won’t forget to drive on the right side of the road?”
He laughed. “No, Cat. It’s not bad. Actually, it’s cute. Now, how about lunch?”
It was noon and Cat was hungry, but sitting across from Simon with so little to say and everything that should be said hanging between them wasn’t exactly a prospect she relished. That comment about him coming back had given her a sense of optimism, but Cat knew better than to hope for impossible things. Coming back didn’t mean staying. “Where do you want to go?”
He pointed at the three chain restaurants lined up across the street. “How about one of those?”
“Sure.” Cat picked the middle restaurant. At least they had decent salads.
It had been so easy interviewing Simon, seeing the mines and the chunks of rock with bits of translucent opal showing through. That had been exciting. Even being chased through the rain had been scary but strangely exhilarating. Shopping for baby items and then catching lunch at a franchise was awkward; the easiness they’d once shared was gone.
Once again, her life had been irrevocably changed because she’d let down her guard. Although she loved Opal with a ferociousness she’d never expected, regret still lingered and fear of the future only grew. She had a dark past that never left her alone, making the thought of raising a baby more than a little daunting.
When they were settled into a booth with Opal next to her, still sleeping in her car seat, Cat quickly scanned the menu and set it down.
“You know what you want?” Simon slowly perused his.
She wanted to be back in New York with its vast selection of places to eat. She wanted to hop a plane to exotic places with her camera and then write about them. She wanted the only responsibility in her life to be handing in a piece on time.
Cat sighed. Those days were gone. “A salad.”
Simon looked at her closely. “You look good, Cat. I hope you don’t think you need to lose weight or anything.”
He had no idea. Her jeans still didn’t fit. “It’s what I want.”
He cocked one eyebrow at her. “Very well.”
“Speaking of eating, are you coming for Thanksgiving or not? I’d like to let my mother know.”
He set down his menu, glanced at Opal, before zeroing back in on her. “What time?”
“Noon, if you’d like to watch the football game. We usually eat between two and three, during halftime.”
“Very well. I’ll be there for the game.” He looked like he’d bit into a sour lemon.
She smiled because the waitress had arrived to take their orders. She had to give Simon credit for agreeing to face her entire family. Hopefully, it’d go well. For all of them.
