Читать книгу His Wyoming Baby Blessing - Jill Kemerer - Страница 14

If he could find a way back to the easy friendship he’d enjoyed with Kit over the years, their first supper together wouldn’t be awkward. Well, not as awkward as it was at the moment. It was hard to believe she was actually sitting across from him at his dining table.

The top of her rounded stomach was barely visible from where he sat. Why her being pregnant messed with his head so much, he couldn’t say, but it brought out weird feelings. Protectiveness and worry and...never mind about the rest.

He’d practically grown up with her, they’d been friends for so long. They relied on each other, but not in a romantic way. She’d always viewed him as a big brother, and he’d considered her a...

He took another bite of steak and chewed a little too aggressively.

So he’d had a crush on her and lived for her emails and calls all through high school, even though they’d been apart.

And big deal, he’d visited her every chance he could get when she was at college.

The day she’d called and told him she’d gotten engaged had been like a big cow patty to the face for him. But he’d congratulated her, hung up, dusted off his chaps, gotten back in the saddle and ridden out to the section of fence he’d been about to replace. He may have chopped an old post into tiny bits that afternoon, but by the next morning, he’d been fine.

“Is Casper temporary? Are you moving back to Fort Laramie after the baby is born?” He sprinkled pepper on his baked potato.

“No.” Her eyelashes fluttered. “I canceled the lease on our house. I tried to finish out the school year, but it was difficult. I ended up using the rest of my vacation time before giving my notice. Now that there’s so much uncertainty with the baby, I’m taking life one day at a time.”

Made sense. Continuing her day-to-day existence after losing Cam must have been hard.

“Casper is permanent, then?”

She pushed the meat around her plate. “I don’t think in terms of permanent anymore.”

He didn’t, either.

Jackson Poff would turn over in his grave if he knew how poorly Wade had managed his inheritance. Wade never should have mortgaged JPX Ranch as collateral for the loan on Dudley Farms. If he sold the new property soon, even at a loss, he’d be able to pay off the loan and have his nest egg back in his bank account where it belonged. If he couldn’t sell it...he’d have to put JPX Ranch up for sale, too.

Why had he been so careless with the land he loved? It had been pure arrogance to think he could add to his profits by buying a big farm when he only had experience growing hay.

“Do you have anyone who can help you?” he asked. “Cam’s parents?”

“His mom died, and his dad and I aren’t close.” She patted her mouth with a napkin, but tension lines edged her lips.

“Friends?” He tried to think of who she’d had in her wedding, who she’d hung out with, but he drew a blank.

“Letting women into my life has never been my strong suit, Wade.” She nudged her plate to the side and leaned back in the chair. “My life revolved around Cam and my job. I’m not like you. I don’t even have to ask to know you’re still best friends with Clint, Nash and Marshall.”

It was true. They’d been his brothers since the day they’d met at Yearling Group Home for teen boys. He was blessed that two of them, at least, had settled into homes not far from his ranch. He could see them anytime he wanted.

Kit, for all appearances, was alone. He didn’t like it. Who would take her to doctor’s appointments? Who would make sure she got to the hospital when she went into labor? Who would hold her hand during the birth?

“You’re not seriously thinking about having this baby all by yourself, are you?” The words tumbled out before he’d thought them through. “I mean, you need help. There’s got to be someone who can take you to the hospital when you go into labor.”

She flashed him a surprised glance, then averted her eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it covered.”

“What does that mean?” He set his fork down. He’d lost his appetite, anyhow. “Do you have someone to be there with you or not?”

Her hands balled into fists, and she pulled them onto her lap.

“Kit?” He used his you’d-better-tell-me voice.

“I found an apartment two blocks away from the hospital. It will be available in a month or so. And the extended-stay hotel is nearby, too. Like I said, I’ve got it covered.”

That was her idea of having it covered? He wanted to wipe his hands down his cheeks in frustration.

“But what if—”

“My whole life is one big what-if right now, so please don’t lecture me.”

He clenched his jaw. Lecture her? He’d hound her until she talked sense. What did she think? That she could walk a few blocks to the hospital when she got contractions? Of all the foolish ideas...

“I’m doing what’s best for me and the baby. Wyoming Medical Center has a level two neonatal intensive care unit, and, if necessary, they’ll transfer the baby to a level three or level four NICU. I’m better off in Casper.”

He couldn’t argue with that. But more worries, more questions came to mind.

“You quit your job. What’s your medical insurance situation?”

“I’m paying for an extension of the insurance I had through work.”

“Can you afford it?”

“I have Cam’s life insurance.”

“Will it last?”

She glared at him. Wade didn’t care. He needed to know she’d be all right.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Specialists and hospitals tend to be expensive, even with insurance.”

“If you need help...” He had no idea where he’d get the money, but if Kit was broke, he’d figure out something. Selling Del Poncho came to mind.

“I don’t.”

“Are you sure?” Why was he pressing her, when he wasn’t in a position to help? Old habits died hard, he guessed.

She stared at him dead on. The muscle in her cheek flickered. “I’m not taking one red cent from you. This is my life, my baby and I’m a grown woman. I’ll handle it. It’s bad enough I had to ask you to let me stay here for the week.”

What was that supposed to mean? Didn’t she want his help? His friendship?

“You might want to sheath those claws. I thought we were friends.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not good company lately. Thanks for dinner and everything. I think it’s best if I get out of your hair.” Pushing her chair back, she started to rise, and winced.

He was at her side in a heartbeat. “What’s wrong? You okay? Is it the baby? Should I call the doctor?” Who was her doctor? Was there a baby doctor around here? He had no clue. His ranch was over thirty minutes to Sweet Dreams, not exactly ideal in an emergency, and Sweet Dreams didn’t have a hospital.

“It’s nothing.” She patted his arm. “I get aches and pains now and then. They go away.”

“I don’t think you should be running around.”

She let out a long-suffering sigh. “Do I look like I’m running around? I got up from a chair.”

“Why don’t you sit on the couch? Kick those legs up. I’ll put a movie on. Whatever you’d like.”

With a sad smile, she shook her head. “Thanks, but I’m really tired. I think I’ll go to bed. Don’t feel like you have to cook for me and entertain me this week. I’ll get along on my own just fine.”

What if he didn’t want her to get along on her own?

He’d done everything wrong tonight. He should do as she said and give her the space she needed. Tomorrow he had a meeting with Ray Simon, his real estate agent. The stack of bills he’d been hoarding in his home office meant he needed to come up with a plan.

He glanced at Kit. He’d try one more time.

“It’s early,” he said. “Stay.”

“Like I said, I’m real tired.”

He’d tried. It would have to be good enough.

“Then I guess I’ll take you back.”

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kit warred with her conscience as Wade parked his truck in front of her cabin. He’d been nothing but sweet and nice and caring since she’d arrived, and he’d offered to help with medical bills. Who did that? Only Wade. But she couldn’t accept his money. Money always had strings attached, and she’d been tied up pretty tightly in the past. Never again.

Still...this was Wade, and she’d hurt his feelings, and he was the one person who knew her history. She could count on him, and she’d treated him poorly.

She needed—and wanted—to make it up to him.

“Wait, don’t move a muscle. I’ll come around and help you.” Wade held his finger up, then got out and jogged over to her. His rough hand in her palm made her heart do a flip.

Strong, hardworking hands for a strong, hardworking man.

What would her life be like if she’d married someone like Wade instead of Cam?

What did it matter? No sense wasting energy on stupid thoughts like that. She’d made her bed and had to live with the consequences.

“Do you want to sit with me on the porch for a spell?” She gestured to the two rocking chairs angled to face the mountains.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

The sun glowed low on the horizon as they settled into the chairs. A herd of cattle grazed in the distance. The rocking motion soothed her, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Can you feel it, too, sweet one? This might be the only time she got to rock her little boy.

Really, she had to stop being so morbid.

She’d enjoy the baby now and not think about the future.

Nagging at the back of her mind were the key moments that had triggered the losses in her life. Getting the belt on a daily basis before being sent to the first foster home as a five-year-old. Not being docile enough for the second family and moving to the next foster home. The third home was where she’d met Wade. Happiest days of her life. Until the family moved out of state, scattering the foster kids. The next place she’d earned her keep, tucked away her needs and emotions to ensure she had a place to live.

Being her real self never felt safe. Whenever her true feelings came out, bad things happened. Just look at Cam.

“Tell me about this place,” she said. “I remember when you lived south of here. I’m assuming you still own that property. Is the little house still there?”

“The shack?” He clasped the ends of the rocker arms and slung one ankle over his knee. “I do still own it. That hundred acres was my first slice of owning a ranch. And, yeah, the shack is still there.”

“It was hardly a shack. I liked it. It was cozy, cute.”

“And infested with mice, lacking in insulation and tiny.”

“It suited you.” Her mood lightened at the memory of visiting him during one summer break. When she’d arrived, he’d been sweeping the floor, muttering about rodent droppings. He’d been younger, full of energy and ambition.

She peeked at his profile. Some things never changed. He was still full of energy and ambition.

When she was younger, she’d considered Wade her knight in shining armor. Still did. But he was all wrong for her. She’d known it then. She knew it now.

He was into building a ranch empire.

She was into raising a family.

The two concepts didn’t gel where he was concerned. Ranching would always be his love, his priority. Kit had closed the door on any fantasy of being with him. Then she’d locked it, thrown away the key and bricked it over for good measure.

Wade was too attractive inside and out for her to revisit youthful fantasies.

How many times over the years had he told her he didn’t see himself ever getting married?

Looking out over the land, she realized it had been years since she and Wade had really talked. After her wedding day, she’d felt it was inappropriate to keep texting and calling him, so they’d drifted apart, exchanging birthday cards and not much else.

She’d missed him. His friendship had been her lifeline until marrying Cam. And here Wade was extending his friendship again.

“I’m sorry, you know.” She kept rocking.

“For what?”

“For not keeping in touch better.”

He waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about that. Would have been weird with you being married and all.”

Her chest grew tight. He understood. Most guys wouldn’t have.

“Well, I’m sorry just the same. Why don’t you fill me in on all I’ve missed? You were pretty tight-lipped about how you came to own this land. Do you own more, too? What have you been doing for the past couple of years?”

A shadow crossed his face and he narrowed his eyes as he stared off into the distance. “I always had my sights on this acreage, mainly because the man who owned it, Jackson Poff, didn’t have kids to pass it down to. I figured it gave me a chance to negotiate, so I struck up a friendship with him.”

“Wade!” She widened her eyes, tilting her head. “You used him?”

He flashed a grin. “No, Kitty Cat. I was up front with him from day one. I rolled up in my truck, introduced myself, told him I loved his land and planned on buying a portion of it someday. Then I offered to help him feed his cattle. He spat on the ground and told me to take a hike, but not in such friendly language.”

She couldn’t help it—she laughed.

“The next morning, I showed up again and told him how I admired his pastures.” He pointed to the right. “That section there to be precise. I asked him what his plans were for the day, and he told me he was checking fence and for me to take a hike—once more, not in such friendly language. I ignored him and helped him fix fence. For six months I came over every day after I’d taken care of my small cattle operation. And we became good friends. I told Jackson I wanted to buy some of the land when he retired.”

“And he obviously retired.” Her head rested against the back of the chair, and she relaxed for the first time in a long while. Wade’s low, mellow voice soothed the rough places inside.

“No.” He dropped his head. “I wish that’s how it had gone.”

“What happened?”

“He died. It was sudden.”

Poor Wade. It sounded like he’d really enjoyed Jackson’s company.

“And you bought this after he passed?”

He shook his head. “I would have. But I didn’t have to. He gave it to me. All of it. Almost eight thousand acres. The house, the cabins, the outbuildings, the cattle—everything. Even his substantial savings. I still can’t believe it.”

“Wow.” She couldn’t imagine anyone doing something so generous. “No one contested it?”

“Nope. Jackson didn’t have any next of kin.” His eyebrows furrowed. “He made everything possible for me. I likely never would have been able to afford to purchase this entire ranch. I’d hoped I could buy a slice of it—and I had no illusions about the fact I’d need a huge mortgage—but his generosity made it a moot point.”

“So how much land do you own altogether, then?”

He told her about Dudley Farms, as well as a few smaller properties in the southern part of the state he rented out for pasture.

“I’m impressed.” She savored a deep breath of the fresh air. The fact Wade’s dream had come true warmed her soul. “You made it. You did everything you said you were going to do.”

“I haven’t made it.” He flashed her a confused glance. “Not by a long shot.”

“What do you mean? You own thousands upon thousands of acres and run your own cow-calf operation here, as well.” Wasn’t all this enough for him? The thought of being responsible for so much land gave her a headache.

“Yeah, well, I put Dudley Farms up for sale.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.” From his tone, she’d say he wasn’t happy about it. “I hope it sells soon.”

“If it doesn’t?” The warmth of the air and the rocking motion made her eyelids heavy.

“It will.”

“When will you have made it?” she asked lightly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I told you you’d made it, and you said not by a long shot. How do you define making it?”

He didn’t answer.

She yawned. He’d probably never be done acquiring properties. And since he hadn’t married, she could confidently assume his conviction to stay single still held true. Exactly why she’d been wise to brick that wall over her heart all those years ago.

His priority was ranching. Her priority was her unborn child.

Exhaustion took over. She’d never been this tired in her life. She couldn’t fight it any longer. She gave in to sleep.

* * *

Wade flipped pancakes the next morning in his kitchen. Tendrils of steam rose from his mug of coffee next to the griddle. The floor felt cool beneath his bare feet. Wearing athletic shorts and an old rodeo T-shirt from his friend Nash’s bull-riding days, he inhaled the smell of batter and told himself for the eighteenth time that morning he’d done the right thing.

Earlier, he’d called his real estate agent and canceled his appointment. Ray had sounded shocked, and Wade didn’t blame him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d backed out of an appointment.

When will you have made it?

Kit’s question last night had caught him off guard. Then when she’d fallen asleep with her dark eyelashes fanned across her cheeks, he’d watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest, her hands still cradling her stomach as if she could keep the baby safe, and something had tumbled inside him.

She’d looked like the girl who’d grabbed his hand the day he’d arrived at the foster home where she’d been living. Full of excitement, she’d said, “Come on! I have something to show you!” And she’d dragged him through the never-ending backyard, past the sheds, beyond the horse pasture to a sliver of a creek. She’d crouched down, pointing at the water gurgling over the stones. “See them?”

“See what?” He’d crouched, too, somewhat mesmerized by her pretty green eyes and long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was younger than him, but he’d instantly bonded with her. Probably because she was so full of life.

“There! The tadpoles. They’re swimming!”

Black dots with skinny tails swirled in the water. The coolest thing he’d ever seen. Mostly because she’d been the one to show him.

What had happened to those days? Tadpoles and secrets and lemonade in Mrs. Bradley’s kitchen.

The timer beeped. He flipped the pancakes. Browned to perfection. It was all in the timing.

The truth was he had made it. And, unfortunately, he was on the verge of losing it. But the appointment with Ray would have taken all morning, and he didn’t want to leave Kit here on her own. Not yet. She’d barely touched her food last night. She was clearly exhausted. And there was a sharp edge to her he’d never seen. He didn’t like thinking of her jaded about Cam dying and the baby’s health problems. If he could soften that edge a bit, take care of her, make sure she ate and slept and relaxed, well, he’d cancel everything until she left next week.

His ranch manager could call in a few local teens to help out with the chores.

Just for the week, though.

Even thinking about not hustling out to check cattle tightened his chest uncomfortably.

It would be fine. Everyone took a vacation now and then.

Except him.

The smell of burning caught his attention. He lifted a pancake—black on one side. Well, giddyap. This was what happened when his mind wandered to unwelcome places. Perfectly good pancakes turned into hockey pucks. He tossed the ruined flapjacks in the trash and started a new batch.

Fifteen minutes later, he loaded the foil-covered platter of pancakes, a dish full of cooked bacon, strawberries, maple syrup, milk and orange juice into the back seat of his truck. Then he drove into the bright sunshine and headed to Kit’s cabin.

After knocking several times, he contemplated his next move. Knock harder? Let her sleep?

Her pinched face when she’d gotten up from the table last night came to mind. What if something was wrong? She could be unconscious on the floor right this minute.

Pounding on the door, he yelled her name. If she didn’t get out here in ten seconds, he was letting himself in.

He heard movement inside, and the relief almost buckled his knees. She opened the door, her hair mussed, eyes half-closed, and wearing a short-sleeved pajama top with matching shorts.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

A wave of embarrassment washed away his worry. What was wrong with him? He never overreacted. Why was he so worked up? He was worse than a nervous mama with a freshly born calf.

“Nothing.” He tried to act cool. “I brought breakfast. Figured you were hungry.”

“Really? Why all the noise?” She let him inside. “I’ll be right back. Let me brush my teeth and get dressed.”

As she walked away, he blew out a long exhalation. He had to stop fussing. By the time he’d brought in the food and set the table, he’d returned to normal.

“You made all this?” Kit appeared in a sundress. Her hair had been combed to fall over her shoulders, and her face, though pale, had more life to it than yesterday.

“I did.” He hitched his thumb to the coffeemaker. “Should be done in a few minutes.”

“Decaf?”

“Decaf? Why in the world would you want that? Might as well grind up the dirt out back to brew.” He tore off two paper towels to use for napkins.

“The baby. I’m not supposed to have caffeine.” She lifted the foil off the pancakes. “Oh, wow, this looks so delicious.”

“I didn’t realize about the coffee.” He rubbed his chin. “I’ll go into town later and get you some decaf.”

“No, thanks. I can get my own food.”

Stubborn as they came. But he knew how to work around her determination. He’d picked up a few secret weapons over the years.

“I’m going into town, anyway. You can either let me get you what you need or you can come with me. Your choice.”

He held his breath, hoping she’d let him go alone and hoping even more she’d join him.

“We’ll figure it out later.”

And that was one of her secret weapons against him. The delay tactic.

“I’m surprised you aren’t riding around the ranch. Or did you already check the cattle and do all your cowboy stuff?”

“Cowboy stuff?” He chuckled. “I figured I haven’t seen you in a long while. I’ll take a few days off.”

She choked on her bacon, coughing. “You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

“Seriously, Wade. I don’t want to be a bother.” She took a drink of milk. “Just do what you normally do.”

“You won’t be a bother. That’s why I’m going to hang out with you. I miss you.”

He didn’t realize how much he meant it until he said it.

“Well, I’ll ride into town with you then. But I insist you stick to your routine. I’ll be boring to be around, anyhow. I’ve taken napping to a whole new level.” She flashed him a half-hearted smile and averted her eyes.

She was lying. He knew her too well.

“You’re sleeping pretty good, then?”

She nodded, shoving a big bite of pancake into her mouth.

He’d been right to take the time off. Kit wasn’t sleeping. Her mind was probably racing in circles around the baby’s health troubles. Or she was mourning Cam. Both, most likely.

He bit into a piece of bacon. Cam was gone, the baby had a hole in his heart and Wade might not be able to fix any of it. But he could be present.

Kit needed a friend.

And, frankly, so did he.

It was only for a week. Nothing to worry about.

Then they’d go back to being long-distance friends. The way it should be.

Why didn’t the thought fill him with relief?

Until he sold Dudley Farms and got his financial life back in order, he had to tread carefully.