Читать книгу Hopelessly Devoted To You - Jill Steeples - Страница 13

Chapter Three

‘What’s his name, love?’

‘Finn. Finn McRae.’ The ambulance arrived within seven minutes, the longest seven minutes of Ruby’s life. A lifetime in which she prayed to each and every conceivable god in the universe that if they would only ensure Finn’s well-being she would never ask for anything ever again. She wouldn’t moan about her lot, she wouldn’t take anybody or anything for granted and she wouldn’t do anything horrible to anyone ever again. Finn especially. She’d spend the rest of her life making it up to Finn, if only she could be given the chance. What she’d thought she didn’t want only a few hours ago, she wanted more now than anything she’d ever wanted in all her life. Finn couldn’t die. He wasn’t allowed to.

‘He will be all right, won’t he?’ she pleaded to the paramedics who were administering to Finn.

‘We’ll get him transferred to hospital where they can take a proper look at him. He’ll need some tests. He looks to have sustained a nasty head injury. Are you his next of kin?’

The man’s words filled Ruby’s heart with terror.

‘Oh, God, no. He’s not going to die, is he? I’m his girlfriend. We’re getting married,’ she said, tears filling her eyes, desperately wanting her words to be true, despite what she’d told Finn earlier. This was all her fault. If she’d never had that stupid conversation with him, then Finn wouldn’t be fighting for his life now. ‘His parents are his next of kin. I should let them know.’

‘Yes.’ The man nodded, directing his attention back to Finn, his cool and calm manner only adding to the deep pit of dread building in Ruby’s stomach. ‘We’ll be going to St Thomas’s,’ he told her as he worked efficiently and quietly with his colleague, transferring Finn’s body onto the stretcher, the small crowd of neighbours who’d gathered watching in stunned supportive silence as the paramedics manoeuvred Finn’s body down the remaining flights of stairs.

‘If you come with us in the ambulance, then you can let us have Finn’s details. Tell us exactly what happened.’

‘Yes, yes, of course. I’ll phone his mum on the way.’

***

‘Ruby, darling! How is he?’

Seeing Jan and Gerry dash into ICU, their concerned faces looking towards Ruby for an explanation, brought to the surface the emotion she’d been trying to contain ever since Finn’s accident.

‘Oh, Jan, I don’t know.’ She fell into the older woman’s embrace, feeling the tears running down her cheeks. ‘He’s just come back from a scan. The doctors are in with him now. Do you want to go in?’

‘Mr and Mrs McRae?’ The young doctor turned to greet them, a neutral expression on her face. Ruby shuffled in behind them. ‘I’m Dr Anderson, the senior ITU consultant. We’ve just had the results of Finn’s MRI and CT scans back. He would appear not to have suffered any fractures in his body, just heavy bruising. What we are more concerned about though is the head injury he has sustained. The scan shows some heavy swelling and bruising.’

Jan gasped, looking at Gerry, who took hold of her arm urgently.

‘What does that mean? What are the implications?’ he asked.

‘It’s too early to say. We won’t know the extent of the damage until the swelling has subsided and so, I’m afraid, at the moment, it’s a “wait-and-see” scenario. Finn will be transferred to the neurological department where they can keep a closer eye on him and run further tests.’

‘When do you think he’ll wake up?’ asked Ruby in a small voice.

‘Again it’s a bit too soon to say. For the moment, he’ll be kept in an induced coma and closely monitored. Obviously as soon as there’s any change in Finn’s condition then we’ll let you know immediately.’

‘He will be all right, won’t he? Eventually, I mean.’

‘We’ll do everything we can,’ she said, with a tight smile, which did nothing to allay Ruby’s fears. The doctor’s unsaid words were so much more potent and chilling than anything she’d actually said. ‘You’ll be able to stay with Finn, of course, but just be aware it’s going to be a little while yet before we know any more information about Finn’s condition.’

When the doctor left the room Gerry gathered the two tearful women close in a hug. Ruby fell onto the big man’s chest. She loved Finn’s parents; they were the only real family she had now. Gerry was just like his son: big, strong and capable, the type of man who could make any situation right. As Finn could. Only this was a situation out of all their control. Gerry leaned backwards, his moistened eyes looking from his wife to Ruby, his hands gently squeezing each of their shoulders in a gesture of encouragement.

‘Now, come on, you two. You heard what the doctor said. It’s early days yet. We need to be strong for Finn. He’s going to need us when he wakes up and he will wake up, I have no doubt about that. This is a setback, but Finn’s a fighter. We all know that. He never does anything by halves, that’s for sure,’ he said, shaking his head and smiling ruefully.

Jan sniffed back her tears and rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands.

‘How did it happen, Ruby?’

She sighed, a huge swell of emotion filling every pore of her body. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to be reminded of those awful events.

‘I don’t know. It all happened so quickly. We’d had dinner together. Finn had just left—he was on his way home. He turned to say something to me at the top of the stairs and then I think he must have lost his footing. It was awful. He just fell down the stairs.’

It was a version of the truth, her version of the truth, but she knew it didn’t come close to explaining to Finn’s parents what had really happened. The guilt she felt threatened to swamp her.

She couldn’t tell them the truth. Not now. Not here. Not when Finn was fighting for his life in the next-door room. If they knew what really had happened, that Finn’s perilous condition was down to her callous and selfish behaviour, then they might tell her to leave. They’d be perfectly within their rights to. It was nothing less than she deserved, but she didn’t want that to happen.

Finn needed her. He might have hated her the moment he’d walked out of her flat door, but neither of them could have foreseen the tragic set of circumstances that had been about to unfold. As far as she was concerned, that awful toe-curling, cringe-inducing conversation with Finn had never happened. There was absolutely no need to mention it to Jan and Gerry.

‘Gosh, darling. And you saw it all? You poor thing.’ Jan squeezed her even tighter, and Ruby suddenly found the room short of air. Her breath came in short gasps; her body shuddered as the tears she’d been suppressing bubbled to the surface.

‘It’s all my fault!’

‘What? How can it be your fault, Ruby? I don’t understand.’

‘If Finn hadn’t come round tonight then none of this would ever have happened.’ Her words were lost in a torrent of sobs. ‘I am so sorry. I really didn’t want for any of this. I never meant…’

‘Of course you didn’t.’ Jan put an arm around Ruby’s shoulders, patting her on the hand in a reassuring manner, putting a halt to Ruby’s faltering explanation.

‘None of this is your fault, Ruby. It’s just one of those things. A twist of fate. A freak accident.’

They both turned to look at Finn’s body on the bed, the plethora of equipment around him a constant beeping reminder that it was the only thing keeping him alive. But for how long? Would Finn ever wake up and be the same man she’d known and adored? She sighed, her gaze travelling out of the small window overlooking the city.

‘There’s no point blaming yourself,’ Jan went on. ‘Finn wouldn’t want that. He’ll tell you that just as soon as he’s back with us. You’ll see.’

Would he? wondered Ruby. She was probably the last person in the world Finn would want to see when he woke up. The expression on his face when he’d turned to look at her just before his fateful fall, a look that was now etched on her mind, suggested that he didn’t want to have anything to do with her ever again.

‘I’ll stay with him tonight, if that’s all right? I’d like to be there when he wakes up.’

‘Of course. You can stay as long as you like. I expect we’ll be here too.’ Gerry laid his hand on her shoulder. ‘But you heard what the doctor said. I have a suspicion that it could be a little while before Finn comes round. We might want to take turns at Finn’s bedside for a few days at least. Why don’t you get home, Ruby, and try and get some rest? We can phone you if there’s any change in his condition.’

‘I don’t want to leave him. What if…?’ Her words trailed away, not wanting to voice the terror of her fears that had been playing over and over in her mind.

‘I know you don’t, but honestly there’s nothing you can do here.’ Gerry’s tone was warmly reassuring. She could imagine Finn saying the same thing if he were here in Gerry’s place. What wouldn’t she give to have Finn at her side now, offering his usual, solid presence?

‘Look, we’ll stay with him tonight. And we promise, if there’s even the slightest change, we’ll give you a call. Why don’t you come back in the morning and do the day shift? You’ve had a tough couple of hours. You look as though you could do with catching up on your sleep.’ He stroked her cheek tenderly and she felt her eyes fill with tears again.

Now he mentioned it, Ruby realised how utterly exhausted she felt. She looked down at Finn, her heart filling with sadness. He looked beautiful. If it weren’t for all the tubes and the unfamiliar surroundings, she could just imagine that he was lying in her double bed, sleeping in on one of their lazy weekend mornings. She suppressed a sigh. Whatever happened to Finn now, she knew there’d be no more of those special mornings; her actions tonight had put paid to that, one way or the other.

‘You promise you’ll call me?’

‘Of course we will.’ Gerry took hold of her hand with one of his, and slipped his other hand into his wife’s palm, gently squeezing their fingers in a show of strength and unity. She knew they must both be experiencing the same sense of fear and desolation that she was feeling. Finn was their only child. The light in their lives. If that light were to go out, Ruby knew there’d only be one person to blame. Even if they could ever find it in their hearts to forgive her, she knew she’d never be able to forgive herself.