Читать книгу Barry Loser and the Holiday of Doom - Jim Smith - Страница 8

It was the next morning and I was sitting on my own in our classroom at school. I usually meet Bunky at the end of my road and skateboard to school with him, but for some reason today I’d com-per-lee-ter-ly missed him.

‘Morning, Barold!’ said Darren Darrenofski, wobbling through the door slurping on a can of Fronkle. He took his jacket off and hung it on my nose.

‘Be a loser and look after that,’ he burped, just as I spotted a sticker of a kangaroo doing a thumbs up stuck on to his jumper.

Our teacher, Miss Spivak, had started giving out scratch-and-sniff stickers to people for being well behaved, and even though I’d been a good little Barry for about nine trillion days in a row, I still didn’t have one.

‘How in the name of loserness did you get that?’ I said, because Darren’s the baddest-behaved person in the whole class.

‘I peeled it off Gordon Smugly’s jumper when he wasn’t looking!’ grinned Darren, giving the sticker a scratch, and I breathed in through my nostrils to see if it really did smell of kangaroo, not that I could smell anything apart from the inside of Darren’s jacket, which actually did stink a bit like a kangaroo I’d smelled at Mogden Zoo once.

‘That’s not fair!’ I said, standing up and waggling my nose, and Darren’s jacket flew off my nose into Miss Spivak’s bin.

‘Ooh, what a luvverly strong nose you have, Bazza!’ said an annoying voice, and I spotted Sharonella sitting down at the table next to me, stinking of perfume.

All of a non-sudden Miss Spivak walked into the classroom with Honk the class parrot on her shoulder. ‘I saw that,’ she squawked. ‘I’m watching you, Loser.’

‘But . . .’ I said, starting to explain how it was all Darren’s fault for hanging his kangaroo jacket on my nose, but Miss Spivak wasn’t listening.

‘I’ll never get a scratch-and-sniff sticker now!’ I whisper-shouted to Darren, and Sharonella reached over and scratched my earlobe.

‘You smell nice enough already, Bazza!’ she smiled, sniffing her finger, and I was just about to tell her how much she stank, when Bunky and Nancy walked through the door.