Читать книгу The Midwife's Glass Slipper / Best For the Baby - Karen Rose Smith, Ann Evans - Страница 10

Opening her eyes, Emily heard her name as if from a great distance.

“Emily, it’s midnight.”

The feel of Jared’s hand on her shoulder sent tingles throughout her body that brought her awake quickly.

Crouched down beside her, he wore scrubs and smelled as if he’d freshly showered. In fact, his hair was still damp. His muscled arm lay next to hers, almost touching it. His thigh muscles were obvious against the blue cotton fabric. Most of all, she noticed his eyes. They were so green, lighter at first, then more intense, more filled with—

Desire? She hadn’t seen desire in a man’s eyes for a very long time.

As he leaned closer, her anticipation was as rich as the hunger and need in his eyes. But then he stood and ran his hand over his brow.

She sat up but she didn’t want to get her purse and say good-night. She wanted to know if she was right about the vibrations between them.

She patted the sofa next to her. “You look beat. Decompress a little. Tell me about the birth.”

When he gazed at her, his eyes were filled with something she didn’t understand. Questions. What would he be questioning?

“You really want to hear?”

“Sure! Babies are our business. What’s most important to my pregnant moms is what kind of delivery they’ll have and if their baby will be healthy. I like to hear what happens after they leave my care.”

“I never thought of it that way. You don’t usually see the finished result.”

An ache enfolded her heart. She so missed seeing the finished result. “I go to the hospital nursery and take a peek. Sometimes the moms bring babies back to the office to visit after they’re born. But for the most part, I don’t know what happens after they leave me.”

“Tonight was a breeze for a first baby. Leanne’s contractions were two and a half minutes apart when I got there. Her husband was a great coach and she had good focus. By eleven thirty, she had a baby girl, and I was ready for a shower.”

“What do you feel when it happens?”

He appeared startled for a moment and then gave her a long assessing look. “No one has ever asked me that.”

She could see that was true and she wondered why. After all, that feeling was the reason she had delivered baby after baby as a midwife. That feeling was what made it all worthwhile.

He glanced down at his hands as if he was trying to relive the birth. The fatigue left his face. “It’s an unexplainable moment. It’s a moment when something you believe can’t possibly happen, does. It’s a moment when life is precious and men understand why they live and fight and die for what they hold dear.”

“It’s a moment,” she murmured, “when heaven meets earth.”

He studied her and she realized she’d said too much. She should tell him she knew firsthand all about that moment. Yet because of the lawsuit, he might not want her practicing with him. If she told him her history, this closeness she was feeling to him right now could simply vanish.

“You sound as if you know.”

“I’ve attended births.” She didn’t add that she was the one who had caught the baby in her hands.

His shoulder brushed hers as he admitted, “In that moment when a child is born, I forget the long hours and the hassles and the schedule shuffling. I guess most of life is that way. We work for the payoff, and if the payoff keeps us satisfied, we keep doing it.”

“It’s more than a payoff.” She remembered the feel of that little wet body in her hands…the eyes coming open…the first cry. How she missed it. How she wished she had the courage to go back and be part of delivering babies all over again.

Jared angled toward her. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath. “You really do understand.”

“I take care of moms and teach them how to take care of themselves for a reason.”

His large hand was so gentle as he stroked her cheek and pushed her curls away from her face. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Emily. Not everyone can understand the joy of holding a baby. You make what you do and what I do sound like more than a profession. You make it sound special and worthwhile.”

“It is.” She wanted to say more…she wanted to tell him that’s why she’d gone into women’s homes to help them have their babies there. She yearned to say that she’d believed in home births because light and love and friendship could surround the newborn before, during and after the moment of birth. Yet she’d come to doubt that ideal. She’d come to doubt her judgment and skill. With those doubts lurking, she could never do it again. She’d be more prone to making a mistake. Mistakes were unacceptable when you were bringing a child into the world.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

She tried to blank her mind because he’d read it too well. “Nothing.”

“You looked lost for a moment.”

Not lost, she wanted to say. Not when I’m with you. But she couldn’t. It was too soon. The feelings were taboo. He was her boss.

Still, any thoughts of boss and employee, of too soon or not soon enough, evaporated as he leaned still closer. “Emily, I don’t know what it is about you.”

His lips were just a breath from brushing hers. “I don’t know what it is about you,” she whispered back.

His arm went around her, strong and protective. She nestled into it as if she belonged there…as if she belonged with him. When he tightened his embrace, his eyes were serious. But his mouth was curved in a small smile as if he were anticipating everything they were about to do.

She felt that same breath-hitching expectancy. The wait for his kiss was life-changing. In that moment, she put her divorce behind her. She took the present in her hands and hoped for a future that could include Jared. Her thoughts surprised her, almost as much as the touch of his lips on hers.

So many sensations bombarded her at once. The pressure of his lips was firm. The texture of his skin was taut and warm. The hunger behind his first touch was restrained, yet pulsing to be let loose. She readied herself for it. Then she realized, she couldn’t be ready for it.

As his mouth opened over hers, as he demanded a response, as she got lost, she couldn’t think about what she was doing. All she could do was give back whatever he asked. When his tongue stroked hers, she eagerly met each exploration. When he angled his head a little differently, her hands rose to his shoulders and then brushed into his hair. She held on to him so he could take her wherever he wanted to go.

He couldn’t seem to get enough. She could feel her skin getting hotter, her cheeks flushing to match his level of arousal. They were both revved up and ready for more. But when his hands moved to her waist and inched her blouse out of her waistband, reality became a pressing concern. As soon as his hand touched the skin of her midriff, she wanted nothing more than to let him finish what they’d started. Yet she knew she couldn’t. This was her boss. She needed her job, secret or no secret, and she’d just put it in jeopardy. How could she get out of this situation without looking like a foolish teenager who didn’t know what she was doing?

But just as Jared had seemed to read her before, his hand slid away from her, his tongue ceased exploring and his mouth—although his lips clung a little—broke off their kiss. She heard his rough sigh.

Then she opened her eyes to gaze into his.

He turned from her slightly, rubbed his hand over his chin, shifted away, then focused on her. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

It seemed as if the words were hard for him to say, as if he didn’t want to say them but knew he had to.

“I shouldn’t have let you.”

“It will not happen again,” he said as if reassuring himself of that. “This isn’t an excuse, but I’ve never met anyone who understood that moment of birth like you do.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “This won’t affect our working relationship. I mean, you don’t have to worry about your job.”

That was a relief but didn’t address the attraction still simmering between them. “We can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

“No, we can’t. I’ll remember it every time I look at you. But I can control my actions.” He glanced toward the kitchen and the message machine. “Did you get any phone calls tonight from Chloie Madison?”

“No, I didn’t.”

He looked troubled.

“That’s your cousin?”

“Yes. I need her tomorrow.”

Should she offer to help or not? Should she step in deeper or move away?

Yet, thinking about how she’d loved taking care of Amy and Courtney, she offered, “I can help.” But perhaps her help wouldn’t be wanted after what had just happened. “My day off is tomorrow,” she reminded him. “I can look after the girls if you need me.”

She saw in his eyes that he needed her in a much more basic and intimate way. But then the spark of desire diminished and control took its place.

She added, “I usually just run errands on my day off. But after what just happened, I’ll understand if the situation is too awkward.”

He seemed to think about the pros and cons. “The truth is—I’m surprised you’re still here.”

Emily certainly couldn’t say she didn’t run from problems. That’s exactly what she’d done with the whole mess in Corpus Christi and her divorce. But she liked to think she was mature enough to face a problem without turning away from it. “What happened between you and me doesn’t have to affect me watching your girls. You have surgeries in the morning and won’t even be here.”

“I’m interviewing a nanny in the afternoon, but that’s at my office. Are you sure you’ll feel comfortable with this?”

Jared Madison demanded honesty. She’d learned that over the months she’d worked with him. “I like Courtney and Amy. I’ll be comfortable here.”

He nodded and pushed himself up from the sofa away from her. “All right. I’ll take you up on your offer. But I’ve got to tell you, I don’t like being in debt to anyone. I’ll pay you. Your time is valuable, too.”

“No,” came out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. “I don’t want any payment. Let’s just say we’re doing this friend to friend.”

After he studied her again, really studied her, he nodded. “All right. For now. But I will find a way to repay you.”

She really didn’t want him to repay her, and she suddenly realized why. The crush she’d had on him, if she could call it that, was turning into something else. Now that she was getting to know him, could she be falling in love with him?

That question scared her too much to even consider.

The following afternoon, Jared tapped his loafered foot under his desk, impatient though he shouldn’t be. This woman sitting across from him could be Courtney and Amy’s next nanny, although he couldn’t quite imagine it.

“You’ve lived in Lubbock all your life?” he asked Mrs. Brunswell, a sturdy woman in her early fifties with gray hair that stood out around her head like a fuzzy halo.

Very straight in her chair, she answered him, “Yes, all my life. I’ve no desire to go anywhere. Some people want to see the world. I make myself happy right here in Lubbock.”

Would she curb the girls’ curiosity about the world? Would she make them think Lubbock was all there was? On the other hand, it was good to be happy where you were. He was second-guessing himself, trying to find the perfect person to take care of his daughters. If he had to admit it, he’d already found her. Emily would be perfect. But she had a job that he knew was important to her, even though he wondered if she wouldn’t be better suited working in the hospital, helping to deliver babies.

The older woman sat forward in her chair. “You said you have twins, Dr. Madison. The first thing to do with twins is to show them that they are individuals. It’s much better not to dress them alike and not to let them spend all their time together. They also need to explore individual talents. If one takes piano lessons, the other should take clarinet. They deserve their own instrument. Do you know what I mean?”

Courtney and Amy liked to dress alike. They didn’t have to. They had plenty of clothes in their closets, but they chose to wear the same outfits on the same days. They liked to be with each other. They played with other children and would be doing more of that when preschool started next week. But they preferred each other’s company. Should he really interfere with that? What would Emily think?

He moved to the next point on his checklist. “In my occupation I have unusual hours. Would you be able to cook supper for them if need be?”

“I can cook, but I don’t make chicken nuggets and French fries. I cook good meals—pork and sauerkraut, spinach and zucchini casseroles, lots of vegetables, good protein, few potatoes. I have to cut out those carbohydrates, you know.”

Jared thought about Emily serving the takeout food. He thought of Emily, helping cut Courtney’s meat. He thought of Emily retying the bows in Amy’s hair. What kind of meals would Emily cook if given the chance?

In spite of the restraint he’d been employing ever since last night and their earth-shaking kiss, he’d tried to keep his mind strictly on the practical aspects of his day. But he could not just drop that kiss from his memory. He couldn’t just push it into a closet and lock the door. It kept peeking out. It kept unsettling him. It kept reminding him he was a man with needs. Just thinking about it aroused him and that had to stop.

Pork and sauerkraut. Spinach. Caring. Playing. Connecting.

“Do you know children’s games?” he suddenly asked.

“I can play gin rummy and crazy eights,” Mrs. Brunswell replied, as if those were the only games required.

“I’m thinking of outside games, too—hide-and-seek, scavenger hunts.”

“Oh, I suppose we could do those.”

Fair or unfair, he was getting the feeling that Mrs. Brunswell might keep an eye to the TV while she played crazy eights with her charges. She looked slow-footed to him as if running after a child would take a great deal of effort.

Jared’s cell phone beeped and he was glad for the interruption. “Excuse me,” he said to Mrs. Brunswell. Then swiveling away from her, he checked the number. It was Emily. “What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.

“Nothing’s wrong. The girls are fine. I’m fine. We’re having a great day. Two things,” she said quickly. “First of all, your cousin Chloie called.”

“Why didn’t she call my cell?”

“She just got around to checking her messages and didn’t have your number in her contact list. The good news is she can help you. She’s on South Padre Island meeting with a client and will be back tonight. She can take care of the twins tomorrow. She said she’s caught up on her Web design deadlines and can take a break.”

“Thank goodness,” he muttered, glad he didn’t have to find a nanny right away. “And the second?” Hearing in Emily’s voice the sweetness, caring and enthusiasm, he knew he could never hire Mrs. Brunswell.

“Second,” Emily went on, “I’d like to take the girls to the park this afternoon. I’ll be very careful with them, keep my eyes on them all the time. The fresh air would be good for them.”

He suddenly realized he trusted Amy and Courtney with Emily because they couldn’t stop talking about her, because of the expression on her face whenever she was with them. Whatever the reason, it was gut instinct. His gut instinct was telling him to dismiss Mrs. Brunswell. If Chloie could watch the girls until his mother was on her feet again, he wouldn’t need to hire a nanny. “The park will be fine. I’m going to check in on my mother and then I’ll be home.”

After he closed his phone, he concentrated on Mrs. Brunswell again, searching for the words to tell her he wasn’t hiring her.

Emily felt like a mom and loved the feeling! With the Texas-bright sun peeking around the clouds, she helped Amy from the swing, then took her hand and Courtney’s. They walked through the grass to the merry-go-round. Although she felt like a mom, she wasn’t. Soon Jared’s daughters would be under someone else’s care. “You’ll be playing with Chloie soon. That should be fun.”

“Are you going away like our mommy did?” Amy asked.

This was dangerous territory. Emily didn’t know enough about the situation to speak with the girls about it. At three and a half, how much could they remember about their mother?

“I’m not going to go away. I’m going to go back to working where your dad works.”

“Mommy ran away and never came back,” Courtney informed Emily seriously.

Was that how Jared had explained their mother’s absence? Had they heard adults discussing it? She didn’t believe Jared should just let them think their mother went away and never came back. Yet Emily knew she had no right to discuss this with them.

“Is Grandma coming back?” Amy wanted to know as they reached the merry-go-round.

“Your grandma hurt herself and has to have an operation. She might have to go to a special hospital for a little while before she can come home.”

Courtney and Amy exchanged a glance as if this had been something they’d been worrying about. These two had a special bond and Emily hoped it would last throughout their lives. She’d often wished for a sister. She’d lost her dad to a construction-site accident when she was in high school. Her mom had died of an aneurysm a year before she and Richard had married. Looking back at her life, Emily wondered if she’d worn blinders and hadn’t seen Richard’s faults because she didn’t want to be alone in the world, because she’d wanted to cling to that one person who was supposed to always stand beside her. But he hadn’t. And by the time the lawsuit had been resolved, she’d realized how different their values were.

After Emily pushed the girls on the merry-go-round, they tried out the jungle gym while she sat on a concrete bench and watched. Suddenly a deep male voice behind her said, “They look as if they’re having fun. Maybe I should get some equipment like that for the backyard.”

Emily swiveled on the bench and looked up into Jared’s penetrating green eyes. He was studying her loose-fitting red blouse and jeans, and she felt as if he were seeing more than her outside appearance. He’d apparently left his suit jacket in the car and rolled up his shirtsleeves. His tie was pulled down a little and the top button of his shirt open. Could he possibly know how sexy he looked, standing there with the sunshine gleaming on the russet strands in his dark-brown hair?

She returned her attention to the girls. “I think they’d enjoy a play set in the backyard.”

Angling around the bench, he sat beside her.

They were silent for a few moments; then he commented, “It’s been a long time since I’ve sat in the sun and watched them play. I think I’ve forgotten how to relax. I’m usually getting them dressed, feeding them, rushing off somewhere.”

“You don’t have to rush off somewhere now?” she asked.

“Not for a few hours. I have to return to the hospital later to check on patients. Can you stay through the evening?”

The more she was around Jared, the more she wanted to be around Jared. “I can stay.”

“Good, then why don’t I cook us an early dinner?”

“You cook?”

His eyebrows shot up. “You doubt me?”

“No, but are we talking about more than hot dogs or scrambled eggs?”

He laughed. “How about chicken Alfredo? We’ll stop off at the market on the way home and get what we need.”

“You shop, too?” she teased.

He shook his head. “I can see someone’s been giving you a mistaken impression of grown men.” She went quiet.

“Your ex-husband didn’t shop?”

“No, he relied on me for that.”

After a few heartbeats, he asked, “How long were you married?”

“Six years. I met Richard when I was working toward my nurse practitioner certification.”

Jared stared straight ahead, his gaze on his twins as he asked casually, “Have you dated since your divorce?”

Was he personally interested or just making conversation? “No, I haven’t dated. I’ve been trying to get my life back on track.” She waited a few moments, then took the opportunity to ask, “Have you dated?”

“No, I’ve been too busy to think about it.”

Now he turned to study her, his gaze steady on hers. She read the flicker of desire in his eyes, a hunger that told her he was telling her the truth. It had been so long since a man touched her intimately, since a man had kissed her like Jared had kissed her last night. On second thought, she’d never been kissed like that before.

“There’s chemistry between us,” he said simply.

“I know.”

“It’s hard to ignore.”

They both had agreed to do that. But with her just sitting here beside Jared, her attraction to him and his to her was palpable.

She saw a shadow pass over his face. “What?” she asked softly.

“I was thinking about how my marriage ended. Valerie couldn’t accept the time I spent away from home. She hated the phone ringing in the middle of the night. Our plans were disrupted lots of times by my work, and I can understand how that disappointed her. My profession was the reason why we divorced. It’s an obstacle to any relationship. ”

Emily absorbed that, then suggested, “Unless the woman you’re dating understands.”

There was a longing in Jared’s eyes now. Maybe it was the longing to believe her. Maybe it was the longing to have a mother for his children. Maybe it was a longing he didn’t believe he could ever satisfy.

Maybe, she guessed, he was sorry he’d brought up the subject because suddenly he stood and called, “Amy! Courtney! Let’s go home. Too much sun and you’ll look like red beets.”

Emily smiled as the girls giggled. The tension between her and Jared eased. Yet she couldn’t stop thinking about his kiss. Would a second kiss be even more potent than the first?

She might never know.