Читать книгу A Precious Gift - Karen Smith Rose - Страница 10

“Are you almost ready?” Brian called up the stairs on Wednesday morning.

Lifting her cosmetics case from the dresser, Carrie took a last look in the mirror at her sea-green pantsuit and went into the hall. “I’m ready. Are you in a hurry to get to the airport?”

“I’m initiating a conference call after we get through security. I don’t want to have to rush it.”

Ever since Monday night when Brian had made love to her so passionately, he’d seemed to withdraw. Sometimes she didn’t understand him, and she knew he didn’t always understand her. She marveled how when they’d first met, they’d seemed to be able to read each other’s minds. Where had that ability gone?

“I guess I’d better take along something to read if you’re going to be tied up.” She’d hoped they’d discuss their plans for the baby. She’d hoped—

As she descended the steps, the phone rang. Since Brian was already in the kitchen on his way to the garage with their luggage, she went to the living room and picked up the cordless phone. “Summers residence,” she answered automatically.

“Mrs. Summers, it’s Trina Bentley from Children’s Connection.”

“Hi, Trina. What can I do for you?” The caseworker probably needed yet another signature on something.

“I think I might be able to do something for you.”

Carrie’s heart began to pound. “Do you have a baby?”

Brian had returned from the garage and caught her question to the caseworker. Standing in the doorway, his gaze met hers.

“Not exactly, but a baby could be the end result.”

“I don’t understand.”

Obviously eager to explain, Trina went on, “What we have is an unwed mother who is homeless. Her name is Lisa Sanders. She’s been residing in a shelter for the past month. Yesterday she passed out, and one of her friends called the paramedics. In the emergency room, one of the nurses referred her to a social worker. When Lisa said she wanted to put her baby up for adoption, I was assigned to talk to her.”

“How old is she?” Carrie asked, thinking about how scared the young woman must be without a secure roof over her head.

“Lisa is eighteen and eight months pregnant. She’s been waitressing, but her blood pressure’s elevated. She has to slow down for her health as well as the baby’s. I gave her several portfolios to examine. She chose yours and that’s why I’m calling. As you know, the adopting couple often pays for the medical expenses for the mother of the child they’re going to adopt, and it would be true in Lisa’s case. We also need a couple who is willing to take her in until the baby’s born. Would you consider doing that?”

“I don’t know.” Carrie cast a worried glance at Brian. “We’d definitely be able to adopt?”

There was a short pause. “While Lisa is living with you, she could determine whether you and your husband are her choice to adopt her baby.”

“I see.”

“This isn’t as irregular as it seems, Mrs. Summers. All types of arrangements can be negotiated between mothers giving up their children and the adoptive parents. Do you think you’d be interested?”

Carrie was more than interested. For years she’d acted as a second mother to her three sisters, and she missed taking care of someone. Since she’d stopped modeling, she’d become more involved in volunteer work but there was still a hole in her life that needed to be filled. That hole had grown bigger since Brian’s success took him away from home more and more. Taking care of this teenager could fill some of the emptiness. It could also lead to the end result of becoming a mother.

“I have to talk to my husband about this. We’re on our way to the airport. How soon must I give you a decision?”

“As soon as possible. Lisa’s gone back to the shelter, but we’d like to get her out of there.”

“I’ll talk to Brian now and get back to you.”

“That was Children’s Connection?” he asked, sounding wary as Carrie replaced the cordless phone on its stand.

“Yes, it was Trina. We could have a baby in less than a month!” She couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice. “An eighteen-year-old unwed mother, Lisa Sanders, is living in a shelter and needs a place to stay until she has her baby. She’s chosen us as a possible couple. Isn’t that wonderful?”

His expression and demeanor said that wasn’t his assessment of the situation. “Let me get this straight. A teenager who’s homeless wants to give up her baby. What do you know about her?”

“Not much…yet. But she doesn’t have anywhere to go, Brian.”

“We don’t know where she came from or what she’s been doing. We can’t just bring a stranger into the house.”

“Why not?”

Now he looked at her as if she’d totally lost her mind. “Because she might not be honest, she might do drugs, she might steal. Why is she on the streets? Why is she homeless? You can’t make a decision like this without having the right information.” He checked his watch. “And I don’t have time to get it now. We have a flight to catch.”

Ever since they were married, Carrie had supported Brian’s career. She loved him. If it was in her power, she’d do anything to make him happy. That had included giving up modeling and being available when he needed her. Since she’d learned she couldn’t have children, and since she hadn’t told Brian the real reason, guilt had kept her quiet about his long hours and his reticence to adopt a child as well as about how lonely she was. Now, however, she could envision laughter filling this big house. They had so much…and she’d love to help a young girl in need, not just with a roof over her head, but with emotional support. Carrie remembered how desperately she’d needed that after the rape, after her abortion, after her world had fallen to pieces all around her.

“I want to meet her, Brian.”

“I guess that will have to wait until we get back from San Francisco. Maybe you can make an appointment for Friday.”

“She’s homeless now. She needs a place to stay now.”

His brows drew together at her unexpectedly adamant tone. “I can’t cancel this trip.”

“I’m not asking you to cancel it, but I don’t have to go with you. If I call Brenda and explain, I know she’ll understand. I can see her another time. I can go meet Lisa today.”

“I was counting on you to be at dinner tonight.”

“Is that really necessary? Isn’t adopting a baby more important than showing me off to one of your clients?” As soon as the words were out, she couldn’t believe she’d said them.

“That’s the way you feel about coming to dinner with me?”

Except for keeping her secret, she’d always been honest with Brian and she knew she had to be now. “Sometimes that’s the way I feel. Don’t you see, Brian, that I need to be more than a wife who was once a model, more than a wife who can facilitate conversation and give great parties?”

Her attitude seemed to baffle him. “You picked a great time to bring this up.”

“I’m sorry. I know you have to leave.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“No. I want to meet this girl. There’s a possibility we could adopt her child, and I want to talk to her today. I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I don’t want us to miss this opportunity.”

Frustration creased his brow. “Fine. You stay. I’ll get your suitcase from the car.”

When he turned to go, she clasped his arm. “You do still want to adopt, don’t you?”

“I want a child, Carrie. That doesn’t mean I want a girl from the streets living here with us to accomplish that.”

When Carrie released her husband’s arm, he strode away.

Why had she said what she had? Why couldn’t she let the meeting wait until Friday?

Because she felt as if a gulf was widening between her and Brian and if she didn’t do something quickly, the distance between them could become permanent.

The instant Carrie laid eyes on Lisa Sanders a few hours later, she thought about catching the next flight to San Francisco and spending the day as she’d first intended. After introducing them to each other, Trina had left them alone.

Lisa was sitting in a chair in front of Trina’s desk. Her hair was short and spiky, half red and half blond. Three earrings decorated both ears. There was a peace sign tattooed on her right wrist and an upside-down mermaid on her left arm. An oversized green T-shirt covered her belly and drooped over her jeans. Her pretty heart-shaped face was marred by green eyeshadow and purple lipstick. Carrie had spotted defiance in her big green eyes as soon as she’d walked into Trina’s office.

Carrie knew what it felt like to be alone and lost and adrift without an anchor. She saw Lisa studying everything about her from her hair to her shoes. All she could do with this teenager was to be herself and hope it was enough.

Sitting across from Lisa in a matching chair, she opened conversation with, “I understand you’re looking for a couple to adopt your baby.”

The teenager’s eyes widened as if she hadn’t expected Carrie to be so forthright. Out of the blue she commented, “You’re pretty. You used to be a model?”

From everything in her and Brian’s file, she hadn’t expected Lisa to ask her about that. “I used to be.”

“Were you a runway model?”

“At the beginning. Then I was offered a contract with Modern Woman Cosmetics.”

“Were you on TV?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Wow. You really made it, then. Why’d you stop?”

“I got married. We wanted to have a family and modeling didn’t fit into that.”

“Your husband made you stop?”

“No. It was my choice. I decided to be a supportive wife, instead of a famous model.” She said it lightly, but she suddenly realized she’d given up a lot of her independence when she’d left her profession.

“I’ve always wanted to model,” Lisa said wistfully. “But now…” She folded her hands over her belly.

Carrie hoped Lisa hadn’t picked her and Brian to talk to and possibly adopt her baby simply because she was interested in Carrie’s past as a model.

“After you have your baby, you can be anything you want.”

“Don’t try to snow me,” Lisa snapped. “We both know a homeless, unwed mother isn’t going to get very far in this world.”

“Don’t be so sure. And don’t underestimate yourself.”

Lisa gave Carrie’s outfit another once-over. “You probably came from a family with plenty of money. What would you know?” she muttered.

After a few moments of debate with herself, Carrie decided to share some of her background. “My parents were on welfare when I was growing up. I know a lot about being poor, Lisa. So does my husband. I sort of fell into modeling. My mother sent my picture into a contest and my career began there. With Brian, he’s worked hard to become successful and he’s done it all on his own.”

When a long silence stretched between them, Carrie asked, “How did you become homeless?”

“I thought you’d ask how I got pregnant.” There was a wryness to Lisa’s tone.

“I think we both know how you did that. I want to know what brought you here and why you want to give up your baby.”

Lisa stood, rubbed the small of her back, went to the window and looked out into the cloudy Portland winter. A stiff January wind was blowing the branches of maples and alders on the hospital complex.

In a monotone, she explained, “My parents were killed in an accident a few years ago. The only family I had left was Aunt Edna. She lived in Seattle and that’s where they sent me.”

“You were from Portland?”

“Yeah. I grew up here, but I couldn’t stay. Our house was sold and they gave the money to my aunt to take care of me. Only she didn’t. All she cared about were her soap operas. She went to bed at nine o’clock every night and thought I should get up with her at six in the morning. I hated living there. That’s why I spent so much time with Thad. I thought he was cool. I thought he cared about me—”

Her voice broke off and Carrie felt so sorry for her.

Lisa composed herself and said bitterly, “He cared about one thing. That’s all that was ever on his mind. I thought it meant he loved me. Love didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I’m sure he must have cared—”

Lisa cut her off. “He cared so much, he told me he’d never admit to being the father. He said he’d tell everybody that I slept around. He said he had plans to get drafted by the NFL and no girl or baby was going to change that.”

“So you ran?” Carrie guessed.

“I didn’t run, I escaped. After graduation, I came back to Portland, got a room and a job waitressing. But I had morning sickness really bad and I couldn’t work all my shifts. I couldn’t pay for the room so they kicked me out. I learned how to get along,” she insisted, her chin going up as she looked at Carrie now. “I’m eighteen and no one can tell me what to do.”

“Do you want to give your baby up or do you feel you have to?”

The question seemed to perplex the teenager. “I don’t want this kid. I don’t want it to remind me how stupid I was. I don’t want to have to take care of it twenty-four hours a day for the rest of its life.”

“You might change your mind once you see your baby.”

“I won’t change my mind. I know I’ll never get anywhere if I have to drag a kid along.”

Lisa’s words were tough, but Carrie didn’t believe the girl was that tough. She just tried to make the world think she was.

“I want to be a mother more than I want anything,” Carrie admitted.

“And I want to know my baby’s going to a good home. Why didn’t your husband come with you?”

“He had to fly to San Francisco today on business. I came to meet you.”

Thinking about holding a baby in her arms, Carrie felt her heartbeats race with one another. Before she could catch the words, they soared out of her mouth. “How would you like to come live with us until you deliver? That way, you can decide if we’re the couple you want to adopt your baby.”

Now Carrie’s stomach somersaulted. What was Brian going to say if Lisa accepted?

The grandfather clock in the foyer chimed six as Carrie added broccoli to the saucepan on the stove. Brian had insisted she have a housekeeper so she didn’t have to worry about cleaning and cooking. They’d compromised and Verna came in three days a week, leaving casseroles on her days off, making sure the house was spic-and-span when she was there. Carrie supposed she’d fought against the idea of a housekeeper because she’d been used to taking care of a household and her three sisters while her mom worked. She missed it, actually. Now she couldn’t help but smile as she started the preparation for cream of broccoli soup. She was going to fix salmon cakes to go with it.

Was she totally crazy bringing Lisa into their home?

She’d always had good instincts about people. On the outside, Lisa was defiant, sullen sometimes and looked a little wild. But Carrie’s intuition told her that the girl was sensitive and looking for a place to belong, looking for a place for her baby to belong.

When the phone rang, Carrie froze midstride to the refrigerator. Her heart raced as she hurried to pick it up.

“Summers residence,” she said, unable to keep the excitement from her voice because she suspected Brian was calling.

“Hi,” he said in that deep tone that always curled her toes. “How did the interview go?”

She swallowed hard and jumped right in. “It went great. You’ve got to understand Lisa’s background to understand her, and I think I do. And you can’t let her appearance put you off. She has two-toned hair and tattoos. But she lost her parents, she’s scared and she wants a home for her baby.”

“I’m between meetings, Carrie. We can talk about it when I come home.”

Only hesitating for a moment, she plunged ahead. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Brian. I made the decision during the interview to invite Lisa to stay with us until she has her baby.”

The complete silence that met Carrie’s announcement wasn’t broken even by cell phone static.

“You did what?”

The question was rhetorical, and she waited.

“How could you be so impulsive? How could you make a decision like this without consulting me? We don’t know this girl, Carrie. We don’t know who she is or where she’s been. She’s been living on the streets—” He stopped abruptly.

Sometimes Brian handled Carrie as if she were a piece of glass, and she wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know about the rape or the abortion or the counseling that had saved her life and her future. Yet he held back with her. He always seemed to hold back, and she guessed he was holding back angry words now.

He’d never seen how strong she could be. Maybe it was time to show him. “I know you believe my decision was impulsive. Maybe it was, but I’m going into this with my eyes open. If we can show Lisa we can be caring parents and that we’ll be the best parents for her baby, we’ll have a child. Isn’t that more important than a little inconvenience?”

She heard his sigh, and his words were filled with concern. “I’m not worried about the inconvenience. I’m being cautious. This might not turn out the way you want, and you’ll be hurt. This girl could change her mind about adoption or decide she’d rather place her child elsewhere.”

“I know that. But Lisa will give me something worthwhile to do while you’re away on business. Volunteer work is fine, but taking care of Lisa will be like taking care of my sisters. I’ve missed that.”

His silence went long. Finally he responded, “I know you have. But the timing of this— For the next month or so I’ll be on call. This land deal in Alaska is important. I think you’ve made a mistake, and you need to rectify it before this girl settles in.”

“You’re always on call, Brian, and all the deals are important. I’m used to that.” She had never put her resignation into words before but now she did so. She was fighting for this chance to make their marriage strong again, and intuitively she knew Lisa and her baby were part of that. “I know we can make this work.”

His voice was clipped when he replied, “I’ll be flying home tonight instead of tomorrow. I should be there around eleven-thirty.”

“Brian, I couldn’t leave her in that shelter another night.”

“We’ll talk about it when I get home.”

Yes, they would. Having Lisa in their home might not be easy, but inviting her to stay had been the right choice. Somehow Carrie would convince her husband of that.

A few hours later as Brian came in the door from the garage, Carrie was there waiting for him, hoping to ease him into an introduction to Lisa.

First, though, she smiled and asked, “Are you hungry?”

A flash of desire in Brian’s eyes reminded her of the other night and the way they’d made love. It had been different somehow. She’d almost felt Brian wasn’t holding back, that he’d let himself go and she’d responded to that. Yet afterward he’d withdrawn. Sometimes she felt as if she were doing a complicated dance with her husband, afraid she’d misstep and the rhythm would be broken forever.

Setting down his overnighter and his briefcase, he bent to her, letting his lips say his “hello,” letting his kiss tell her he’d missed her.

Ending it, he straightened. “No. I’m not hungry. Dinner was elaborate.” Picking up his luggage once more, he crossed the kitchen. “During the flight, I thought about what we should do. You’ve gotten us into a situation. Our only resort now is to put this girl in a hotel suite—”

“No! That’s not the answer. Especially since you haven’t even met her.”

Brian stopped and turned.

“Lisa’s blood pressure is a bit elevated,” she hurried on. “She needs someone to look after her. I can do that here. Brian, please. The easy course isn’t always the best one. Besides, if she doesn’t live with us, why would she want to choose us? Why would she want to let us adopt her baby?”

It was obvious Brian was struggling with all of it. He didn’t want his life disrupted, especially not by a stranger off the streets. But he did want a child. “Where is she?” he asked.

“In the family room. I told her to make herself comfortable. She’s been watching TV.”

He finally said, “All right. I’ll meet her.” Striding to the foyer, he deposited his luggage by the staircase.

When Carrie hurried after him, she warned in a low voice, “Don’t make a first impression just from her appearance. She’s—”

Before Carrie could finish her sentence, he’d already headed for the family room. There he stopped and took in the scene with a frown.

It had been a long day, and Brian saw it was going to get much longer. Carrie had never done anything like this before—made a decision without consulting him. He wondered what was at the bottom of it now. Did she want a baby that badly?

He stared at Lisa Sanders in stunned amazement. Yes, Carrie had told him she had two-toned hair and tattoos. But she hadn’t told him one tattoo was an upside-down mermaid that started at Lisa’s elbow and disappeared under her T-shirt sleeve, and that the teenager’s hair wasn’t only two-toned, it was spiked and sticking out at all angles. Three earrings dangled from both ears and her lipstick was purple!

Restraining the desire to tell Lisa to take her sneakered feet off the mahogany coffee table and change the loud music-video station on the TV to something quieter, he counted to ten. So many questions clicked through his head as he felt anger rise at Carrie for putting them in this position.

However, when he caught the worried expression on his wife’s face, he kept his tone as casual as he could. “You must be Lisa.” His gut told him nothing about having this teenager around would be easy.

As she finished eating a banana, she proved his instincts right when she defiantly asked, “Why must I be Lisa? Because I’m pregnant or because my hair is more than one color?” She cast a defiant glance at Carrie. “What did you tell him about me?”

The teenager didn’t seem to ruffle Carrie as his wife replied, “I told him you’ve lost your parents and you have nowhere to go.”

“My wife told me very little,” Brian said. “I think she wanted me to meet you and form my own conclusions. Do you think you could turn down the sound on the TV?”

Lisa gave him a look that said this whole interview was an imposition.

But he wasn’t going to let her make him feel uncomfortable in his own house. “I think we should talk if you’re going to stay here.”

With that she took her feet from the coffee table, flipped a banana peel into the waste can next to the sofa and switched off the TV. “If you don’t want me here, you’d better say so now.”

“I don’t know you,” he admitted freely. “Carrie made the decision to ask you to stay here without talking to me first.”

“She has to check with you on everything?”

“We’re married, Lisa. Married couples discuss major decisions. This is one of those, especially if you decide to let us adopt your baby.”

Lisa focused her attention on Carrie. “Were you afraid he’d say no if you asked him?”

After a glance at him Carrie answered, “After I met you, I decided we could both benefit from this arrangement. You need a roof over your head, and we want to adopt.”

“And he could put up with anything for a month?”

“Something like that,” Carrie confessed with a small smile to lighten the atmosphere.

Some of the tension seemed to leave Lisa’s shoulders, although Brian didn’t feel any more at ease. Now she addressed him again. “Do you want a baby as much as Carrie does?”

“We want a family,” he said.

“You want a baby,” Lisa pressed.

“Yes.” Seeing Lisa’s large belly brought home the reality that he could be a father much sooner than he’d expected.

Carrie sat beside Lisa on the sofa. “I know this is overwhelming, and I know you don’t feel at home here yet—”

Sliding to the edge of the sofa cushion, Lisa pushed herself up to her feet. “At home? I shouldn’t even think about feeling at home. Even if this does work out, I’ll be gone in a month. Not much different from the shelter, though it is a lot better furnished.” She looked squarely at Brian. “So am I staying or leaving?”

He hated being pushed into a corner, and it was reflexive for him to fight to get out. Yet he had to be careful he didn’t shatter their dreams because he was angry at Carrie. Looking at his wife now, he could see she was worried. About Lisa? About his reaction?

His answer for Lisa came quickly. “You can stay.”

To his surprise, he didn’t see relief on her face, or gratitude. Passing by him, the teenager stopped at the doorway to the living room, turned and threw over her shoulder, “If I decide not to give you the baby, you’ll throw me out, won’t you?”

Carrie rose to her feet. After a look at Brian, she replied softly, “No. You need a place to stay until your baby is born. No matter what happens, that won’t change.”

Lisa looked at Brian. “Does that go for you, too?”

Whatever had gotten into Carrie, this was apparently important to her. “My wife made you a promise. I’ll abide by that.”

If Lisa felt thankful at his words, she didn’t show it. Instead she headed for the guest bedroom next to his study.

After her footsteps had faded away, Brian turned to Carrie. “She’s going to be more than you bargained for.”

“She’s scared. Can’t you see that?”

“No, I can’t. But then she didn’t give me the opportunity to find out much about her. I have lots of questions, Carrie. What kind of baby will we be adopting? What kind of life has she led since she’s been on the streets? Is she taking drugs? Who’s the father? Does she even know?”

Carrie held up a hand to stop the barrage. “She knows who the father is. The caseworker has already contacted him and he’s given up his parental rights. There’s no evidence Lisa has taken drugs. If I can get to know her better, maybe she’ll tell me more. The bottom line is, Brian, if she gives us this child can we love him or her, no matter what, the same as we would our own child?”

“You’re asking a hell of a lot, Carrie. We could have tried in vitro again. A surrogate might even be better than this. At least she’d be screened and the child would be half mine.”

“We tried in vitro twice and it didn’t work. I can’t go through that again, Brian—the waiting, the hoping. And as far as a surrogate goes, can you only father a child that was made with your sperm? Is that what you’re saying?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he shook his head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. There are so many unknown factors here. You made an impulsive decision based on emotion!”

“I made a decision because we want to be parents. It isn’t only Lisa’s baby. I think she has the attitude she does because she thinks we’re trying to use her, that we aren’t going to really care about her. During our interview today, I began caring about her. That’s why I asked her to stay here.”

The truth was, he felt ambushed. He felt as if Carrie had crossed some line that defined them as a couple by making this decision on her own. He knew he hadn’t completely dealt with the disappointment of not raising a child that he and Carrie had created together.

“If you want to give this girl a home for now, we’ll do that. As far as the baby goes, we don’t have to commit to this child until Lisa commits to us. By that time, maybe we’ll have more answers. I know you want her to like us. I know you want her to see us as the best couple to raise her baby. But we can’t pretend to be what we’re not, either.”

“Don’t you think we do pretend sometimes?” Carrie asked quietly.

“Pretend what?”

“Pretend to be happier than we are—at parties, with other couples, even sometimes when we’re alone.”

Her words were as shocking as a plunge into ice water. “Aren’t you happy?”

“I am, but… Since we’ve been trying to have a baby, ever since we’ve had trouble trying to have a baby, things have changed between us. Don’t you feel that?”

Changed? He hadn’t felt anything change until today. After a moment’s consideration, he responded, “I think we’ve both been on a roller-coaster and that’s taken its toll.”

“We’re still on the roller-coaster.”

His wife had never looked so troubled. Even as frustrated as he was with her at this moment, her beauty—inside and out—always got to him. “I guess we are. Somehow we’ll have to figure out how to survive the hills and dips together. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?”

“Yes, it’s just—” Giving him a slight smile she shook her head. “Never mind. I’m going to see if Lisa needs anything.”

Before Carrie could leave the room, Brian clasped her hand.

She stopped and faced him.

“I want you to be happy, Carrie. I want this all to work out.”

“I do, too. I’m afraid of what will happen to us if it doesn’t.”

And then his wife slipped from his grasp.

Brian wished he could read her mind. This adoption obviously meant everything to her. He wondered if he truly knew the reason why.