Читать книгу Launching Your Autistic Youth to Successful Adulthood - Katharina Manassis - Страница 19

Many young people on the autism spectrum report having no particular goals. Though it is possible that this is true, more often the statements “I have no goals” or “Things are fine as they are” represent a fear of change. All but the most daring people fear diving into the unknown. People on the autism spectrum, however, are particularly attached to stable routines, making them more resistant to change than most. There is some debate as to whether this represents a personality style to be accommodated or an aspect of autism that requires medical or behavioral treatment. By young adulthood, it is usually a moot point: unlike children, young adults will not consent to treating something unless they consider it an illness or significant problem.

You will likely have to work around the young person’s fear of change. You may already have found ways of doing this when your child was younger. These are worth revisiting. Recognize, however, that the challenges of young adulthood may seem more daunting to your son or daughter than anything faced in the past. It is one thing to start a new grade and have to deal with new teachers and new courses; it is quite another to start a new job where the environment, the schedule, and the expectations may be changing as well as the people and the tasks involved.

Some ways of approaching this problem have already been mentioned: starting with something the young person values, breaking goals into small steps, tackling one or two goals at a time, coaching, and perhaps involving professionals. In addition, reviewing past successes with your youth may be helpful. Anxious youth, whether autistic or not, have a tendency to remember their failures more than their successes and therefore anticipate further disaster. Correct that perception with some realistic evidence of progress the young person has made over time. An overwhelming week does not negate all of the gains that have been made in the last six months or the last year.

A further challenge is posed by the young person who sets goals that have little chance of success in the real world. This commonly occurs in youth on the autism spectrum whose long-term goals relate to one of their idiosyncratic interests. For example, a young man obsessed with “becoming a fry cook like Spongebob” may pursue a culinary career, only to find that he is actually too fearful around hot stoves and deep fryers to manage this. A young woman with severe learning disabilities and school avoidance may dream of becoming a video game designer, not realizing that this will not happen without a high school diploma. Dating and finding their prince (or princess) is a goal for some, but being unwilling to change a bedtime routine which starts at eight o’clock may make this difficult.

Young people on the spectrum may have a vivid fantasy life related to their interests, but little of what they imagine corresponds to reality. Helping bridge the gap between fantasy and reality is an important task for parents. Without help in this area, these young people are very vulnerable to depression when their fantasies are shown to be just that.

Some approaches to working with unrealistic goals include: finding a less ambitious goal, finding a “day job” and keeping the fantasy goal as a hobby, or compromising on routines for the sake of the goal. In the examples given, the potential “fry cook” could settle for being a prep cook who works on cutting and portioning food without having to deal with stoves and deep fryers; the potential video game designer could stock shelves at a computer store and design games as a hobby; the potential Romeo could work on tolerating a slightly later bedtime routine, at least on date nights. Think about how your youth’s goals or lifestyle might be modified to better approximate reality.

Sometimes, it is not clear whether or not a goal the young person wants to pursue is realistic. For example, driving a car is an age-appropriate goal for many teens and young adults, but not all are able to master it. Learning disabilities may interfere with the first basic step: getting a learner’s permit. Once in the car, coordination of hands and feet, visuospatial skills for navigation, and the ability to sustain attention to focus on the road are all essential. Autism can affect any or all of these.

In the face of such uncertainty, look at how motivated the young person is to pursue the goal. In the driving example, a highly motivated teen may persevere with multiple attempts to get the learner’s permit, many hours of practice in parking lots, and several driving instructors in order to achieve the goal of driving. A less motivated teen may give up after a few attempts or lessons. Try the activity and see how persistent your son or daughter is. This will often clarify whether or not the goal is worth pursuing. If the goal is eventually dropped, try not to get too upset. Rather, normalize some trial and error and send the message that trying something new isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as you always learn something from the experience. This leaves the door open for you and your youth to move on and set another goal.

It can be heartbreaking when a very motivated teen fails to succeed after months or even years of trying. In this case, help them accept the limitation and try to reframe it positively. In the driving example, you could say, “You did everything you could, and now you know it’s not in the cards but at least you tried” or “Even though the license won’t work out, you know your way around a car in case there’s an emergency” or (perhaps best of all) “I’m proud of you for giving it your best shot.”