Читать книгу Mytherotica - Kerry Greenwood - Страница 4

It is a very beautiful garden,’ replied Adam. God spoke to him from a cloud, inhabiting the peach tree. Adam bit into a peach, and juice trickled down his chin. It was perfect. Everything in the Garden of Eden was perfect. And Adam knew all of it.

‘Then why are you sad?’ asked God.

‘I’m lonely,’ said Adam. ‘I need a companion.’

‘Sleep,’ said God, and Adam lay down on the emerald turf. God extracted a rib from him and formed his counterpart: a wide-hipped, generous woman, with red lips and soft breasts. Adam, woken from his dream, embraced her instantly.

God saw that it was good, and took his leave as they lay down together.

He came into the garden a week later – he had invented weeks, as well – and saw Adam kicking a tree with his bare foot. The woman, Eve, was sitting in an angry cross-legged heap on the grass.

‘What is wrong?’ asked God.

‘This woman you made me, she’s too foreign,’ cried Adam. ‘I don’t know how she works, I don’t know how she thinks – all that we have in common is that our bits fit together!’

‘What do you want me to do, Adam?’ asked God.

‘Give me a real companion,’ said Adam.

And Eve looked up at God and said,‘Give me one too! I’ll lie down with him to conceive, because you tell me that I must, so there will be more women, but I want a companion, too!’

Very well,’ sighed God, and cast them into another sleep. Out of Adam’s other rib he made a man, and out of Eve’s rib he made a woman.

The woman was intransigent. She uncurled from her sitting posture and demanded, ‘Is this her?’

‘It is,’ said God. He felt an itch in his smiting finger. ‘Be happy with her, for I’ll make no more humans.’

‘My name is Lilith,’ said the newly created woman. ‘Come to my arms.’

Eve nestled into her bosomy embrace and laughed with joy.

‘And for me?’ asked Adam.

‘His name is Steve,’ said God. ‘Be content with him, and stay away from my tree of knowledge, and we will all be happy.’

And God left, wondering if creating the higher mammals had been all that good of a divine idea. The gorillas were agreeable enough, and they didn’t argue with him.

Adam took his Steve by the hands and looked at him. A body like his own, smooth and supple; a face like his own, square and heavy browed; and a phallus already showing signs of interest. Now there was a sign which could not be misconstrued. He lay down with him on the emerald grass and kissed the soft mouth. He heard giggling and gasping from Eve and Lilith.

Everything in the garden was rosy until everyone got hungry. And decided that what they really needed for dessert was apple pie.

It really went downhill from there, and the original story was lost in translation.