Читать книгу Born Scared - Kevin Brooks - Страница 8

The worst time for Mum was the first couple of years of my life when all I did was scream and cry almost constantly. People kept telling her not to worry – it’s perfectly normal for babies to cry all the time – but she knew this was different. I wasn’t just crying like a normal baby, I was bawling and howling, trembling all over, cowering away from just about everything.

‘It’s not right, is it?’ Mum said to Dr Gibson. ‘There’s something seriously wrong with him.’

The Doc looked at me – I was cradled in Mum’s arms – then turned back to Mum. ‘I don’t know what it is, Grace. I honestly don’t. The only irregularities that have shown up on his regular hospital check-ups are a faster-than-average heart rate and high blood pressure, but considering the trauma he went through at birth, it’s perfectly understandable for him to have an instinctive fear of the hospital environment.’

‘But his heart rate and blood pressure go up when you’re examining him too,’ Mum pointed out.

‘Not as much as when he’s at the hospital. And again, it’s only natural for him to be scared of me when he knows I’m going to be prodding him about and sticking needles in him.’

‘No,’ Mum said firmly, shaking her head, ‘there’s more to it than that. I could understand it if he only got upset and agitated when he’s being examined, but there are so many other things that bring it on too – unfamiliar people, strange sounds, cars, birds, dogs, rain, wind, darkness . . . he’s terrified of the dark, Owen. I mean, he’s not just frightened of it – I could understand that – he’s absolutely petrified of it. He’s never once slept without a light on.’

The Doc frowned and scratched his head. ‘Well, physically there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him. As I said, the hospital check-ups have all been clear, and you know yourself that I’ve been testing him for everything I can possibly think of – heart, liver, blood, allergies, infections – and I haven’t found anything out of the ordinary.’ He paused, hesitating for a second, glancing at me again. ‘The only thing I can think of at the moment is that the underlying cause of his extreme agitation isn’t directly physical.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘The symptoms we’ve been talking about – increased heart rate, high blood pressure – are classic indicators of fear and anxiety, and while I still think it’s fairly normal for Elliot to have an instinctive fear of the hospital, and – to a lesser extent – me, it’s possible that his problems have a psychological basis rather than a specific physical cause.’

Mum’s face visibly paled.

‘It’s not uncommon, Grace,’ the Doc said, putting a reassuring hand on her arm. ‘Small babies have all kinds of curious problems, and sometimes we simply don’t know what’s wrong with them, and of course they can’t tell us anything themselves until they start talking. But in my experience, by the time they do start talking, the vast majority of them have left these problems behind.’

‘The vast majority?’ Mum said, raising an eyebrow.

‘Elliot’s going to be okay, Grace,’ the Doc said softly. ‘Trust me, everything’s going to be fine.’

Everything wasn’t fine, though. I didn’t leave my problems behind. And by the time I was talking well enough to express my feelings, there was no doubt what was wrong with me.

‘I’m scared, Mummy.’

‘Scared of what, love?’

‘Everything.’