Читать книгу Powerful and Proud - Кейт Хьюит - Страница 12
ОглавлениеMILLIE watched Chase steer the boat—he’d done something with the sail again—and tried to slow the hard beating of her heart. It was impossible.
She couldn’t believe she had agreed. She couldn’t believe she’d wanted to agree. They weren’t her terms, not by a long shot, but maybe she could live with them. One week. No talking about the past. Mind-blowing sex.
Yes, she could live with them. Even if she felt a kind of numb terror at the thought of what lay ahead.
‘So, are we going somewhere now?’ she asked, rising from the bench to join him at the sail. This time she watched for the boom.
‘Yep, land ahoy.’ He pointed straight ahead to a crescent of sand amidst the water. It didn’t look like much.
‘What is that?’
‘Our own version of Survivor.’
‘You mean a deserted island?’
‘I knew you were quick.’
‘What are we going to do there?’
He gave her a knowing look. ‘What do you think?’ Millie gulped. Audibly. ‘Relax, Millie. We’re going to eat lunch.’
‘Oh.’ Another gulp. ‘OK.’
‘Although,’ Chase mused as he navigated the boat towards that slice of beach, ‘I almost think we should just do the nasty and get it over with, so you stop looking at me like I’m going to jump you at any second.’
She felt a flare of anticipation—and relief. ‘Maybe that would be a good idea.’
Chase gave her another knowing look. ‘I said almost.’
She folded her arms. ‘Well, when are we going to—?’
‘Need-to-know basis only,’ Chase reminded her breezily. Then he was mooring the boat and the island—it really wasn’t much—loomed before them.
He jumped out first, splashing through the shallows to moor the boat more securely, before turning to her and holding out his arms. ‘Want to jump?’
She stood on the deck, one foot poised uncertainly on the railing, unsure just how she was going to get out of this thing. ‘No, thank you.’
‘I’ll let it go this time, but remember our terms, Scary—you’ve got to give me everything.’
She stared at him, saw him looking both serious and smug, and then without warning or even thinking she took a flying leap from the boat and landed right on top of him. With a startled ‘Oof!’ Chase fell back into the sea, pulling her with him. She was soaked instantly, and she felt the hard lines of his body press into her own soft curves. Excitement and awareness flared like rockets inside of her, obliterating thought.
Then through the sudden haze of her own desire she saw that Chase was wincing in what could only be pain. Mortification replaced lust and she tried to clamber off him. ‘Did I hurt you—?’
‘No.’ He held her still on top of him and sucked in a breath. ‘Surprised me, though.’ He adjusted his arms around her, sliding his palms down her back so her hips rocked against his. ‘Not that I mind.’
The water lapped around them, salty and warm. Her face was inches from Chase’s and she could see droplets of water clinging to his cheek and lips. Unable to resist touching him—and, really, why should she resist now?—she put the tip of her finger to one of the drops on Chase’s cheek. He sucked in another breath, his gaze holding hers like a vise. Daringly, Millie touched another droplet on his lips. His mouth felt soft and warm, hard and cool all at the same time. Sensation zinged through her, frying her senses. Just one little touch and she was already drowning in a sea of desire.
Chase hadn’t moved, just kept his hands on her hips, cradling her with aching closeness. She felt the hard thrust of his arousal against her thighs and instinctively shifted, though whether to bring him closer or farther away she didn’t even know. Couldn’t think.
The moment spun out and Millie felt the breath dry in her lungs as she waited for him to move.
And then he did.
‘So.’ Slowly, smiling, he eased her off him. ‘Lunch.’
So they weren’t going to go for it right then. She felt a bewildering mixture of disappointment and relief. Of course, he had said he preferred the moment before rather than after. There was still so much to look forward to.
Millie struggled up from of the water, watching as Chase rose out of the ocean like some archaic deity, water streaming in rivulets off the taut muscles of his back. He sluiced the water from his face and hair and then turned to her. ‘You got a suit under there?’
‘A suit?’ She glanced down at the now-soaked striped top and capris her secretary had ordered her as part of her holiday wear. She hadn’t had time to go shopping. ‘Umm... No.’
‘Shame. I was looking forward to seeing you in a string bikini.’
‘I don’t own a string bikini.’
‘Let me guess—sensible one-piece.’
‘I burn easily.’
‘Remind me to apply another layer of sunscreen on you after lunch. But first, we dive.’
‘Dive?’ she repeated incredulously. ‘But I just told you I don’t have a swimsuit.’
Chase shrugged. ‘You’ll have to swim in your underwear. Or naked, if you prefer.’
‘What?’ This came out in a screech. Chase raised his eyebrows.
‘Millie, we are going to sleep together, right? See each other naked? Touch each other in all those intimate places? Bring each other screaming to ecstasy?’
She was blushing. Like fire. Way too many details. ‘That doesn’t mean I want you to see me in my underwear in broad daylight,’ she managed.
‘Maybe I’ve decided to make love to you in broad daylight.’ He pointed to the slender strip of sand. ‘Maybe right there on that beach.’
Millie followed the direction of his pointing finger and could already see the two of them there on the beach, bodies naked, sandy and entwined. She could imagine it all too easily, no matter that she still felt shy about taking off her clothes. ‘Even so,’ she muttered. ‘It’s different.’
Chase let out a long-suffering sigh. ‘So you want to swim in your clothes?’
‘No.’ She recrossed her arms, shifted her weight. She didn’t know what she wanted. She’d agreed to this, she’d known it would be uncomfortable, and yet some bizarre and perverse part of herself still wanted it. Wanted him. Wanted the intimacy with him, even if she felt sick with nerves.
But if she really did want it why was she still resisting? Why was she fighting Chase on every little point? They’d already established he wasn’t going to ask her about her past. They wouldn’t see each other after this week.
They were going to have sex.
‘Fine.’ In one abrupt movement she slid her wet top over her head and kicked her way out of her capris. The clothes bobbed and floated on the surface of the sea, and belatedly she realised they were the only clothes she had here. She didn’t relish the prospect of walking down the resort beach in her undies. Lifting her chin, she glared at him. ‘Satisfied?’
‘I wouldn’t say I’m satisfied,’ Chase said slowly, his gaze wandering over her in leisurely perusal. ‘But pleased, yes.’
Millie shivered even though the air was sultry. She felt ridiculous standing there in her bra and panties, both a sensible, boring beige, even though Chase was only wearing a pair of shorts. They were both near-naked and yet...
When had someone last seen her this close to bare? A man? Rob, of course. Rob was the only man who had seen her in her underwear, besides her obstetrician. The thought was both absurd and excruciating.
Standing there under Chase’s scrutiny, she was agonisingly conscious of all her faults. She was too skinny, due to the black-coffee breakfasts and skipped lunches. Her appetite had fallen off a cliff since the accident. And, while supermodels looked good stick-thin, Millie knew she didn’t. Her hip bones were sharp and she’d dwindled down to an A-cup. And then of course there were the stretch marks, just two silver lines below her belly button—would he notice those? Would he ask?
No questions about her past. She’d remind him if necessary, and often.
Chase smiled and reached into the boat, bringing out two dive-masks. Millie eyed them dubiously.
‘Why are we diving, anyway? I thought we were eating lunch.’
‘We have to catch it first.’
Her jaw dropped. ‘You have got to be kidding me.’
He arched an eyebrow. ‘Do I look like a kidder?’
‘Well, since you asked...’
‘Seriously, it’s easy. We’re looking for conch—you know the big, pink shells? The pretty ones?’ She nodded. ‘We’ll find a couple of those, I’ll pry out the meat and we’ll have conch salad. Delicious.’
‘Raw?’
‘Haven’t you ever eaten sushi?’
‘Only in a Michelin-starred restaurant in Soho.’
‘Live a little, Millie.’
She frowned. ‘I don’t want to get food poisoning.’
‘The lime juice in the dressing has enough acid to kill any nasties,’ he assured her. ‘I’ve eaten this loads of times.’
And just like that she could imagine him here, looking so easy and relaxed, with the kind of curvy blonde he usually dated. She’d have a string bikini. Or maybe she’d go bare. Either way Millie felt ridiculous standing there in her underwear, having no idea what to do. And, worse, she felt jealous.
Chase tossed her a mask. ‘Look for the shells. We only need one or two.’
Dubiously she put the mask on. This was so out of her comfort zone, which was precisely why Chase had chosen to do it. When he’d said lunch she’d envisioned a picnic on the boat, gourmet finger-food and linen napkins. As if.
Still, she wouldn’t give Chase the satisfaction of seeing just how uncomfortable she was. Squaring her shoulders, she adjusted her mask and followed Chase into the water. He was already cutting easily through the placid sea and with a deep breath Millie put her face in the water and gazed down into another world.
Rainbow-coloured fish darted in the shoals and amidst the rocks, prettier than any she’d seen in an aquarium. The sea water was incredibly clear, so the whole ocean floor seemed to open up in front of her, stretching on endlessly. Her lungs started to burn and she lifted her head to take a breath.
‘You OK?’ Chase had lifted his head too, and was glancing at her in concern.
‘I’m fine.’ She felt a strange stirring inside that he’d asked, something between gratitude and affection, that he was worried. He might be pushing her, but he wasn’t going to let her fall.
And she wouldn’t let herself either.
Chase kicked forward. ‘Let’s swim a little farther out.’
She followed him out into deeper water, and they swam and dove in silent synchronicity, the whole exercise surprisingly relaxing, until she finally saw a conch, pearly pink and luminescent, nestled against a rock. Taking a deep breath, she dove down and reached for it, her hand curving around its smooth shell as she kicked upwards to the surface.
Chase was waiting for her as she broke through. ‘I got one!’ Her voice rang out like an excited child’s, and she gave him an all-too-sloppy grin.
‘It’s always a thrill. I got one too. That should be enough.’
They headed back to shore and Millie sat on the beach and watched while Chase retrieved a knife, cutting board and a few limes and shallots from the boat.
‘You come prepared.’
‘It’s a quick, easy meal. But delicious.’
The sun dried her off, leaving salt on her skin as she sat with her elbows on her knees and watched him at work. She should have known he wouldn’t let her sit back and do nothing for very long. Giving her a sideway glance, he beckoned her over.
‘You can help.’
‘You want me to slice some limes?’ she asked hopefully, and he grinned.
‘I thought you’d like a challenge. You can clean the conch.’
Bleh. Still, she wasn’t going to argue. She eyed her wet tee-shirt drying on the boat, conscious that she was still only in her bra and pants. At least they were both sturdy and definitely not see-through. Chase caught her glance and shook his head.
‘Your unmentionables are more modest than some of the bikinis I’ve seen, you know.’
‘I’ll bet.’
‘Come on, Scary. You can do this.’ He handed her a knife and instructed her on how to insert, twist and bring out the entire conch. Grimacing, Millie tried, and finally succeeded on her third try.
‘Well done. Now we just need to fillet it. I’ll do that, if you like.’
‘Please.’
‘You slice the limes.’
They worked in companionable silence for a moment, the sun warm on their backs. When everything had been sliced and diced, Chase fetched a wooden bowl from the boat and tossed it all together. He divided the salad between two plates and presented one to Millie with a courtly flourish.
‘Your lunch, madam.’
‘Thank you very much.’ She took a bite, her eyes widening in surprise at how tasty it truly was. Chase smiled smugly.
‘Told you.’
‘Don’t rub it in.’ Unthinkingly she nudged him with her foot, a playful kick, and Chase raised his eyebrows. Too late Millie realised it could have looked like she was flirting. But she hadn’t been, not intentionally anyway. She’d just been...enjoying herself.
And when was the last time she’d done that?
‘A penny for your thoughts,’ Chase said lightly. ‘Or how about a bottle cap? I don’t actually have any spare change.’
She glanced up and realised she’d been frowning. ‘This is delicious, but it does seem a pity to eat such beautiful creatures.’
‘They are pretty,’ Chase agreed. ‘They’re actually endangered in US waters. But don’t worry, they’re still plentiful here. And the resort monitors the conch population around the island to make sure it never falls too low.’
‘How eco-friendly of them. Is that a Bryant policy?’
He shrugged. ‘A Chase Bryant policy. And economically friendly as well. If we don’t conserve the island, there’s no resort.’
Her salad finished, Millie propped her chin on her hands. ‘But I thought you don’t have anything to do with the resort.’
‘Not really. But I’m interested in environmental policy, so...’ He shrugged, but Millie wasn’t fooled.
‘Something happened?’
He tensed, and although it was barely noticeable Millie still felt it. Curiosity and a surprising compassion unfurled inside her. What had gone wrong between Chase and his family?
A second’s pause was all it took for him to regain his usual lightness. ‘Do I need to invoke the “no talking about the past” clause of our contract?’
‘That was my past. Not yours.’
‘I assumed it went both ways.’
She smiled sweetly. ‘Fine print.’
Chase polished off the last mouthful of his meal before collecting their dishes and tossing them back into the boat. ‘Fine. I was a bit of a reckless youth, made a few significant mistakes, and my father decided he’d rather I had nothing to do with the family business.’ He shrugged, as if it were such ancient history that none of it mattered any more. ‘So I went my own way, and am happy as a clam. Or a conch.’
Millie gazed at him, sensing the cracks in his armour. He was just a little too deliberate with his light tone, and his story was far too simple. She wasn’t about to press him, though. She’d been the one to insist that this week wasn’t about emotional honesty or intimacy. But then, what was it about? It had been half a day already and they hadn’t even kissed.
Yet she’d relaxed and enjoyed herself more than she’d ever thought possible.
‘Come on,’ Chase said, standing up and reaching a hand down to her. ‘Let’s explore the island.’
‘That should take all of two minutes.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
He hauled her to her feet, his strong, warm hand encasing hers, his fingers sliding over hers, skin on skin. Millie nearly shivered from the jolts that raced up and down her arm at that simple touch. When they did have sex, it was going to be amazing.
Mind-blowing.
Her heart slammed against her ribs as the realisation hit her again. Was she ready for this? Did she have any choice?
‘Stop hyperventilating,’ Chase said mildly. ‘If it sets you at ease, I prefer a bed, or at least a comfortable surface. A beach seems romantic, but the sand can get into all sorts of inconvenient places.’
‘You’ve tried it?’ Millie tried not to feel nettled. Jealous. She’d never had sex on a beach.
‘Once or twice,’ Chase answered with a shrug. He was leading her away from the boat, towards a small grove of palm trees. ‘Trust me, it’s overrated.’
Millie’s mind buzzed. OK, a bed. What bed? Her bed at the resort? At his villa? How were they going to do this? Well, obviously she knew how, but how without it being completely awkward or embarrassing? She hadn’t had sex in over two years and then only ever with one man. What on earth had she been thinking, suggesting a fling? She was the least flingy person she knew.
She also knew it was way too late to be thinking this way. She should have considered all the uncomfortable practicalities before she’d made the suggestion to Chase. Before they’d agreed on a deal.
Before she’d suddenly realised just what this all meant, and that there was no such thing as simple sex.
Yet, even though she was hyperventilating, she knew she didn’t want to back out. She wanted Chase.
Did his sailboat have a bed?
‘Yes,’ Chase called back and Millie skidded to a halt right there in the trees.
‘What do you mean, yes?’
He stopped and turned, so aggravatingly amused. ‘Yes, the sailboat has a bed.’
Her jaw dropped. ‘Did I say that out loud?’
‘No, but I could follow your thought process from here. I hate to say it, but you’re kind of predictable.’
‘You didn’t expect me to jump on top of you from the boat,’ Millie pointed out, and Chase cocked his head.
‘True. I like when you surprise me.’
She’d liked it too. She’d liked feeling his hard body under hers. She’d enjoyed touching him. Just thinking about it now made her blood heat and her body pulse. Why was she waiting for him to kiss her? What if she kissed him?
‘Don’t get ahead of yourself there,’ Chase murmured. ‘Our first kiss needs to be special.’
She let out a most inelegant snort. ‘What are you, a mind reader?’
‘You were staring at my lips like they were the latest stock market report. It didn’t take a huge amount of mental ability to guess what you were thinking.’
Disgruntled, she tugged her hand from his. ‘So where are we going, exactly?’
Chase took her hand back, folding her fingers in his once more. ‘I’ll show you.’
They walked through the palms for a few more minutes, wending their way through the drooping fronds, the ground sandy beneath their feet. Then Chase stopped, slipping his arm around Millie’s waist to draw her to his side. He did it so easily, so assuredly, that she didn’t even think about any awkwardness as her leg lay warm against his, his fingers splayed along her hip.
‘Look.’
She looked and saw a perfect little pool right there in the middle of the trees, a tiny jewel-like oasis, its surface as calm as a mirror. Millie knelt down and cupped the water with two hands; it was clear and cool. She glanced up at Chase. ‘It’s fresh?’
‘Yep, fed by an underground spring, I think.’ She shook her head in wonder, amazed that such a tiny island would have a source of fresh water. ‘Drink,’ Chase said. ‘I’ve drunk it before, it tastes great. You could sell it for five bucks a bottle in the city.’
She took a sip, suddenly self-conscious at how Chase was watching her. When had taking a drink of water become sensual? Provocative?
‘You know what the most amazing thing is, though?’ he said, and she sat back on her heels.
‘What?’
‘You’ve been walking around in your underwear for most of the day and you haven’t even noticed.’
She let out an embarrassed little laugh. ‘And, now that you’ve reminded me, I’m going to notice.’
He grinned. ‘Actually, what I was really going to say is that a couple of hundred years ago there were some shipwrecked sailors on a little atoll just a few hundred yards away, without any fresh water. They didn’t discover this place and they died of thirst.’
She dropped her hands. ‘That’s awful.’
‘I know. If they’d just tried swimming around a little bit, or even making a raft or something, they might have survived.’ He shook his head. ‘But they were just too scared.’
Millie narrowed her eyes. ‘And I’m supposed to make the connection, right?’
He stared at her in exaggerated innocence. ‘Connection?’
She stood up. ‘If those sailors had just been a little more adventurous, they would have survived. Really lived. All they had to do was swim a little farther than they were comfortable with.’
‘I don’t think they could swim at all, actually. Most sailors back then couldn’t.’
She folded her arms. ‘I don’t need the morality tale.’
‘It was obvious, huh?’
‘Like a sledgehammer.’
‘And I made the whole thing up to boot.’
She let out a huff of outraged laughter. ‘You did?’
‘No, I didn’t. It’s actually true. Well, a legend around here anyway.’ He grinned and Millie didn’t know whether to throttle him or kiss him. She felt like doing both, at the same time.
‘You’re unbelievable.’
‘So I’ve been told.’
His gaze rested on her like a heavy, palpable thing, assessing, understanding. Knowing. She drew a breath.
‘Look, Chase, I know I’m uptight and you think I need to relax. I probably seem like a joke to you.’
‘You don’t,’ Chase said quietly. ‘I promise you, Millie, this is no joke.’
She looked away, discomfited by the sudden intensity in his voice. ‘I don’t want to be your project,’ she said quietly. ‘The reckless playboy teaches the uptight workaholic how to relax and have fun. Shows her how to really live.’ She bit her lip hard, surprised by the sudden catch of tears in her throat. ‘That isn’t what I want from you.’
Chase took a step closer to her. ‘Then maybe you should tell me what you do want.’
She forced herself to meet his gaze. ‘Mind-blowing sex, remember?’
‘I remember. And I remember the deal we made. One week, and you give me everything.’
He’d come closer, close enough so she could feel the heat of him, inhaled the scent that she was starting to realise was just Chase. Sun and musk and male. She drew a shaky breath. ‘I don’t know how much I have to give.’
He touched her chin with her hand, his fingers like a whisper against her skin. ‘Someone hurt you. I get that. But this can be different, Millie.’
She shook her head, swallowed the hot lump of tears. ‘No one hurt me, Chase. Not the way you think.’
‘No questions about the past, I know,’ he said, the hint of a smile in his voice. ‘And this week isn’t meant to be some lesson. It’s just us—enjoying each other.’
Her breath came out in a soft hiss. ‘OK.’
He stroked her cheek, and she had to fight not to close her eyes and surrender to that little caress. ‘And I enjoy seeing you open up like a flower in the sun. I like seeing your face surprised by a smile.’
‘Don’t.’
‘Is that scary, Millie? Is that out of your comfort zone?’
She swallowed. ‘Yes.’
His other hand came up to cradle her face, just as he had last night. Had it only been last night? She felt as if she’d known this man for years. And he knew her.
‘How long has it been,’ he asked, ‘since you were happy?’
‘Two years.’ The answer slipped out before she could think better of it. ‘But really longer. Two years since I’ve known.’ She stared at him, knowing he was drawing more from her than she’d ever intended to give, and also knowing that she wanted to give it. One week. For one week she wanted intimacy. Physical, emotional, intense. All of it. All in.
Chase was gazing back at her, his expression both tender and fierce, and then slowly, deliberately, he dipped his head and brushed his lips with her own.
A soft sigh of surrender escaped her as her lips parted underneath his. His lips were all the things she’d thought they would be: soft, hard, cool, warm. And so achingly gentle.
He brushed his lips across hers a second and third time, like a greeting. Then he touched his tongue to the corner of her mouth, and then the other corner, as if he were asking her how she was. A wordless conversation of mouths. Her lips parted wider, accepting. I’m good.
He deepened the kiss, his hands tightening as they cradled her face, and Millie’s hands came up to bunch on the bare skin of his shoulders. Yet even as sensation swirled through her another part of her was stepping back and analysing everything.
His hands felt bigger than Rob’s. His body was harder. His kiss was more demanding and yet more gentle at the same time. More assured. Yet could she even remember the last time she and Rob had kissed? That last day, all she’d had were harsh words, impatient sighs...
She hadn’t even said goodbye.
Chase lifted his head, pulling back a little bit so Millie blinked in surprise. ‘Your lack of response is a bit of a buzz-kill, you know.’
‘What?’ She gaped like a fish. ‘I wasn’t—’
‘No,’ Chase agreed, ‘you weren’t. It started off rather nicely, but then you went somewhere else in your head.’ She couldn’t deny it, and his gaze narrowed. ‘What were you thinking about, Millie?’ She swallowed, said nothing. ‘You were thinking about some other guy, weren’t you?’
‘No!’ Millie protested, then bit her lip. She couldn’t lie, not to Chase. ‘I couldn’t help it.’
For the first time since she’d seen him, he looked angry. Or maybe even hurt. Emotion flashed in his eyes like thunder and then he deliberately relaxed. ‘I know you think too much. You’ve got to turn off that big brain of yours, Millie.’
‘I know.’ Did she ever. The whole reason she’d embarked on this fling of theirs was to keep herself from thinking. Remembering. Tormenting herself with guilty regrets.
‘Let’s go back to the boat,’ Chase said. ‘We should get back to St Julian’s before dark.’
Silently Millie followed him back through the grove to the slender beach and then onto the boat. Chase didn’t so much as look back at her once, or help her onto the boat. Any warmth between them seemed to have evaporated. Millie fetched her clothes, now thankfully dry but stiff as a board and caked with salt, and clutched them to her. She stood uncertainly on the deck while Chase set the boat free from its moorings, his movements taut with suppressed energy—or emotion? Was he angry with her?
‘Is there somewhere I can change?’
‘Don’t bother.’ He didn’t even look at her as he reached for another line.
‘What?’ She didn’t like seeing Chase this way, the hard lines of his face transformed into harshness—or maybe just indifference. Gone was the charming, charismatic man she’d come to like—and trust. ‘I don’t want to walk into the resort in my underwear,’ she said, trying to joke, but Chase turned to her with a dangerously bland expression.
‘You can put your clothes on after.’
‘After?’
‘After we have sex. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it, Millie? No messy emotions or entanglements, no getting to know each other.’ He spread his arms wide, a cool smile curling his mouth. ‘Well, here we are. Alone in an ocean, and there’s a perfectly good bed in the cabin below. No reason not to hop to it.’
Millie stared, swallowed. ‘You mean now?’
‘Right now.’ He jerked a thumb in direction of the ladder that led below deck. ‘Let’s go.’
