Читать книгу Overcoming Panic: My Way to Freedom from Anxiety - - Страница 5

Time passed, I grew up, met my love. I fell so in love that I thought I would go crazy if he didn’t marry me. Now I understand that it was just passion, painful feelings. But I was young. If someone had told me back then – go back, change your destiny, I wouldn’t have gone back and wouldn’t have changed anything. I just remember that at the time of my strong infatuation, I wouldn’t have been able to cope. My young man married someone else. I was very happy. I moved to his city to live with him and his parents. His father also drank (although the family was educated, both were PhDs). The situation, let’s just say, wasn’t pleasant. My husband is handsome. All women fell in love with him. A handsome husband is a stranger’s husband. I was terribly jealous, and not without reason. Cheating began, late-night returns. And when he was drunk, he constantly threatened me, grabbed me, swung at me. I ran away from home. He never hit me, but that’s only because I left immediately. I could leave in the middle of the night. And I came back when he was already asleep. In reality, it could all have ended much worse, because when he woke up, he didn’t remember anything. This animal fear that I experienced reminded me of the same fear from childhood. You perceive the connection? Here it is, the chain of neurons. The program remembers everything. But the body is still young, so I coped with all of this.

Of course, there were apologies, gifts, flowers. I forgave him. In general, we lived normally, and my husband stopped drinking. It’s all youth, we endured everything, went through various difficulties. My husband changed. Everything continued as usual… but lately, I’ve been having more and more thoughts that I’m living my life wrong, and my feelings for my husband have dulled, and he doesn’t treat me the way I want him to… All these thoughts caused me to fall into depressive moods. But there was no one to listen to me. Sometimes, I just lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. This feeling cannot even be explained. Although I am a very positive person, this has never happened to me before. I could overcome any difficulties, always had energy for everything. But then… All of this began to affect my health. I constantly thought about the fact that I needed to change something in my life or change myself. But I didn’t know how.