Читать книгу Overcoming Panic: My Way to Freedom from Anxiety - - Страница 7

My husband went somewhere on business, and he was given drinks. They gave him so many drinks that he barely made it home. Again, that animal fear in the area of the solar plexus. It hadn’t been like this for a long time. Knowing that scandals were about to begin, I quickly packed my things and rented an apartment nearby for a day. I wanted to rest and switch off. But then a friend called me, and we met at a cafe, drank coffee, and then I saw her off, returned to my rented apartment, and felt bad. This was the last straw. My body failed. What caused it, my husband, or the coffee with my friend, or both, I don’t know, but I don’t blame anyone. No one is responsible for your problems and illnesses. Only you or your wrong way of life. If there is a disease, then something needs to be changed in yourself. In one case – it’s food, in another – lifestyle, in the third – work, and so on. Each has their own. My blood pressure skyrocketed. I called an ambulance. Of course, I was scared. Pressure 200. I’ve never had this before. And now… Stop. This was fear. I had such thoughts – What’s happening to me? Is this the end, and now I’m alone in a stranger’s apartment… the same one? How to calm down? I want to calm down, but nothing works. Remember. If something like PA or anxiety happens to you for the first time, know that it will pass. It always passes in just a few minutes. Do not let fear take control of you.

But I knew nothing. I only increased my blood pressure even further from the fear. They gave me a pill for my blood pressure, and it dropped. I calmed down, fell asleep. But waking up a couple of hours later, I remembered this condition again, the unwanted thoughts were spinning in my head – what’s happening to me? Will I survive or not? Alone in a stranger’s apartment. Ambulance again. Pressure 200 again. In the morning, barely alive, I went home.

It was comforting to believe that the familiar surroundings of my home would help me. And it did. But in the evening, it all happened again. If I hadn’t been scared, the repetition wouldn’t have occurred. But the program had recorded everything in my subconscious, and the next time it ordered me to «be afraid, run, save yourself» (not literally, but through symptoms). My husband didn’t say anything offensive, but I took offense. Or someone called – answering the phone was scary because my nerves were «raw». I’m not a nervous person, but my subconscious screamed «save yourself, run» and produced adrenaline. My blood pressure rose, I felt dizzy and scared. I now understand that it was a panic attack, that I shouldn’t give in to fear, but rather accept it calmly and tell myself – nothing will happen. No one ever died from panic. But at the time, I panicked. My program recorded everything and now activates what’s known as «defense» at every convenient opportunity. «Save yourself, run,» it screams at me. But where to run when nothing threatens me? Everything is fine. Here I am. Here is the space in which I exist. Everything is normal. There’s nothing unusual. Yet the symptoms appear out of nowhere. I pulled myself together and went to the clinic. As I walked, my head was spinning. For some reason, I remembered Vadim Zeland’s book «Reality Transurfing,» which talked about mannequins. I don’t remember exactly how it was described in the book, but I imagined myself in a different mannequin. That is, there was another me walking next to me, calm and without any attacks. Mentally, I entered that mannequin and walked. Calmed down, I reached the clinic in the form of the mannequin.