Читать книгу Christmas Secrets Collection - Laura Iding - Страница 23

ALYSSA had no idea bed rest could be so boring. It seemed all she could think about were the things she couldn’t do. The next twenty-four hours crawled by painfully slowly. Daytime television was pathetic. She searched and searched for some Christmas-themed programs but didn’t find a single one. Where were all the wonderful Christmas shows she’d remembered watching as a kid? Didn’t they air them anymore?

She hoped the hospital carolers would come back. Or maybe the music channel on the television? She picked up the remote and turned it on, taking a deep breath when the lyrical sound of Christmas music filled the air.

She closed her eyes and hummed along, trying not to dwell on the four hospital walls holding her captive.

The problem with having nothing to do was that her thoughts kept going back to Jadon. He hadn’t made good on his threat to return, and she wasn’t certain if she was relieved by the lapse or disappointed. She tried to convince herself his absence was for the best. She needed time to get over the shock of knowing he was back. Somehow, she simply couldn’t believe he’d meant what he’d said.

He wanted to be a part of their children’s lives? Supporting them emotionally as well as financially? What exactly did that mean?

Was he envisioning some sort of joint custody agreement? Dual parenting? The thought of giving up her babies on alternate weekends made her feel sick.

So she tried not to think about their dubious future at all. Especially since Jadon hadn’t been able to promise he wouldn’t leave again. Maybe his definition of emotional support was different from hers. Once he understood the amount of work twins entailed, he’d likely disappear for good, just like her father had. She needed to keep her heart safe. No way did she want to be hurt like that again.

Several of her coworkers stopped by to see her, giving the occasional break in the monotony. Susan, her coworker in the ED, brought her a beautiful red poinsettia plant, which provided a cheerful, festive feeling to her room. Seth had popped in very briefly to assure her that Ben was indeed doing fine and that he’d be discharged the following morning.

Alyssa could only hope an early morning discharge was in her future, too.

As she hadn’t done a thing all day except lie in bed watching television, sleep didn’t come easily. She spent far too much time thinking of Jadon.

Remembering their last night together.

The way they’d made love, urgently, as if knowing, instinctively, the heat and passion between them couldn’t last.

The desolation she’d felt once she’d realized he was gone.

At the time, she’d told herself she was better off without him. They’d met during a very complicated trauma resuscitation, two victims of a multiple motorvehicle crash. From the very beginning, she’d realized Jadon was an excellent physician. She’d admired the way he kept calm in a crisis, yet treated the distraught families with dignity and respect. His charisma was like a beacon, drawing her near. She’d warned herself to ignore the attraction she felt for him, but it seemed like every time she glanced up at him, he was staring at her.

When their fingers had touched that first time, pure electricity had sizzled between them.

Eventually, they weren’t able to stay away from each other. He asked her to come home with him after a late shift they’d shared, and against her better judgment she agreed.

She knew better than to fall for a handsome guy like Jadon. Her mother had harped on the inability of handsome men to remain faithful. Alyssa had seen a few of the early photographs of her parents together, realizing her father had indeed been a good-looking guy.

And he’d left a week before her third birthday, leaving her mother to raise a young daughter all alone.

All her life Alyssa had tried to avoid ending up like her mother. Her mother had been forced to go from job to job, always seeking better pay, which hadn’t been easy since she didn’t have a college degree or any specialty training. It wasn’t her mother’s fault that she’d spent more time working, or obsessing about working, than paying attention to Alyssa.

So Alyssa had vowed to make something of her life. To never be dependent on any man. She’d taken out student loans to attend college, to have a career as an ED nurse so she’d never have to worry about not having a steady, reliable job.

She’d also avoided being hurt by men, like her mother had been, keeping her relationships lighthearted and fun. Especially if the guy she was with seemed like he wasn’t exactly father material.

Like Jadon. Yet here she was, pregnant and alone. With twins, which put a big crimp in her plan to stay independent.

And as much as she wanted to blame Jadon, she knew the truth of the matter was that she had no one to blame for her situation but herself.

Jadon was exhausted; he’d been called in early for his night shift because the ED had been flooded with trauma calls. He hadn’t slept very well in the first place, and being called in early meant he’d missed going back up to L & D to check on Alyssa. During the night, he’d had a few minutes of downtime, but obviously then wasn’t the appropriate time to wake her.

When he finished his shift at eight-thirty in the morning, he took a few minutes to swing by to see how she was doing.

He helped himself to more coffee, double-strength to keep the fatigue at bay. With less than three hours of sleep, and a physically demanding endless stream of patients, his entire body ached, as if he’d been run over by an eighteen-wheeler.

As he stepped off the elevators on the fifth floor labor and delivery area, he ran into Seth, Kylie and Ben. He quickly realized they were making their way down to see Alyssa as well.

“Jadon,” Seth greeted him coolly. The silence stretched for a long moment before Seth grudgingly made formal introductions. “This is my fiancée, Kylie Germaine. And her son, soon to be our son, Ben. Kylie and Ben, this is Dr. Jadon Reichert, one of the ED physicians here at Cedar Bluff.”

“Good to see you both again,” Jadon said, forcing a smile. He’d noticed Seth hadn’t introduced him as a friend, but only as a colleague. He turned his attention to the boy. “Especially you, Ben. You’re doing much better than yesterday.”

“Yes, well, he’s finally been discharged, but has also refused to leave without seeing Alyssa,” Kylie commented dryly.

“Alyssa can’t come to visit me because she might have her babies too early,” Ben announced in an allimportant tone.

Jadon’s lips twitched with the need to grin. “Yes, that’s right,” he agreed. “She needs to rest. But I know she’ll be glad to see you, as she’s been very worried about you.”

“I love Alyssa,” Ben said very seriously. “She risked her life for me.”

“I think she’s special, too,” Jadon said, his chest feeling tight with emotion. He thought Ben’s case of hero worship for Alyssa was sweet. Not that he blamed the kid.

He’d heard the story yesterday, about how Alyssa had fallen into the icy water, trying to rescue Ben. She’d gotten the boy out first, but then almost couldn’t make her way out of the water. When he thought of how things could have ended very differently, he felt sick and shaky all over.

“Come on, Ben,” Seth said, interrupting them. “Let’s go and visit Alyssa, shall we?”

Jadon told himself he was overreacting to Seth’s abruptness, but the way Kylie dodged his gaze only confirmed it wasn’t his imagination. With a flash of annoyance he tried not to obsess about how he didn’t even know Kylie on a personal level—she hadn’t been here in Cedar Bluff when he’d left—so there was no reason for her to carry a grudge against him. She’d obviously picked up on Seth’s disdain.

Part of their attitude might be because they were afraid he’d leave Alyssa again, he acknowledged.

But even more, he suspected Seth didn’t think he was good enough for Alyssa. A fact he couldn’t argue.

Even aside from the problem of sustaining a relationship, what did he know about being a father? Or having a normal family? Nothing. His family had been anything but normal.

He stood where he was, watching them make their way down the hall to Alyssa’s room, a closely knit family unit, regardless of the lack of formality of marriage. Clearly they were good friends with Alyssa.

Maybe this wasn’t a good time to visit after all. His presence in the room with Seth, Kylie and Ben would only make things awkward.

Coward, his subconscious jeered.

With a muttered oath he continued down the hall to Alyssa’s room. He stood in the doorway, watching her smile and laugh while hugging Ben.

He swallowed the hard lump in his throat and stepped farther in the room.

When Alyssa saw him, the light in her eyes dimmed. “Hi, Jadon.”

“How are you feeling?” he asked, avoiding Seth’s none-too-subtle glare. “You look much better this morning.”

“I am better,” Alyssa said. “Dr. Rayborn has written my discharge notice. I’m free to go home.”

“That’s wonderful news.” He was very glad to realize that Alyssa was stable enough to go home. At least he didn’t have to worry about the twins being born too prematurely.

“I have to stay on bed rest for a few days,” Alyssa explained, including all of them in her earnest gaze. “But Dr. Rayborn told me to come back to see her on Wednesday. If all goes well, I might be able to return to work after that.”

He bit back a protest, knowing his opinion on her working this late in her pregnancy wouldn’t be welcome. He wanted to reassure her about how he planned to help her to financially support the babies but at the same time he didn’t want to invite an argument, especially in front of Seth and Kylie.

“Don’t rush things,” Kylie warned, and he wanted to kiss her in gratitude for saying exactly what he was thinking. “Remember, stay healthy so you can carry those babies to term.”

“I know. I’ve already heard the same lecture from Dr. Rayborn,” Alyssa protested, holding up a hand with a wry smile. “I won’t rush things, but you know as well as I do that the longer I work before the delivery, the more time I can take off after the twins are born.”

Again, Jadon had to bite his tongue to keep from interrupting. If he had his way, Alyssa wouldn’t have to work for a long time after the twins were born. He might not know much about being a father, but he refused to let her struggle to make ends meet either.

Yet he understood they had a long way to go before she’d lean on him. So he’d be patient, taking one day at a time.

“Do you need a ride home?” Seth asked. “We’re happy to stop by your place since Ben’s officially discharged, too.”

“That would be great,” Alyssa said gratefully. “The nurses have already done the discharge teaching. All I need is a prescription for the oral terbutaline Dr. Rayborn wants me to continue taking and I’ll be ready to go.”

Jadon frowned, thinking her condition didn’t sound too stable to him. “I can give you a ride home, Alyssa. That way Kylie and Seth don’t have to wait.”

Seth flashed a grim smile, crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, it’s no bother. We don’t mind waiting, do we, Kylie? And besides, you worked graveyard last night, didn’t you? I heard the ED was crazy. Might be better for you to hurry home and get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

The dismissive note in Seth’s tone put Jadon’s teeth on edge. Silently, Jadon glanced at Alyssa, giving her the final word. She hesitated, and then grimaced as she nodded. “Jadon, I didn’t realize you’ve just finished working the night shift. I’ll go home with Kylie and Seth. You do look like you could use some sleep.”

Her choice to go with her friends, rather than with him, stung. Maybe he’d made mistakes but, dammit, it wasn’t all his fault. He hadn’t left knowing Alyssa was pregnant.

When the nurse didn’t immediately return with Alyssa’s prescription, he knew he’d lost the battle. Swallowing a heavy sigh, he turned and left, trying to be happy that Alyssa was doing well enough to go home.

But if she thought she could avoid him forever, she was wrong. Maybe he did need some sleep, but he and Alyssa needed to talk. Soon.

Preferably without an audience.

Alyssa sat on her sofa, staring morosely at her crooked Charlie Brown Christmas tree standing in the livingroom corner of her apartment. She’d thought the ornaments would help fill in the sparse gaps between the branches, but instead the branches slumped beneath the weight of even her smallest ornaments.

Her apartment manager, Mr. Worthington, had brought her the tree and hauled her ornament boxes out of her storage bin located in the basement. Mr. Worthington was a sweet man; he’d been a devoted fan ever since the night he’d had crushing chest pain and she’d stayed by his side during the ambulance ride to the hospital.

So she couldn’t complain about the tree. Instead, she should be glad she had at least something Christmassy to look at. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday even while she’d been growing up. It had been the one time of the year when her mother had gone all out, lots of decorations and celebrating to make their time together special. In recent years, though, since her mother had passed away, the holiday spirit had been more difficult to find. Now, with the babies coming, she’d grown excited about Christmas again.

However, bed rest did not include putting up Christmas decorations, or baking Christmas cookies. Heck, she couldn’t even scrub the floors or really do anything to relieve the boredom of her apartment.

When the doorbell buzzed, indicating she had a visitor, she crossed over to the intercom system, expecting her coworker from the ED. “Susan? Is that you?”

“No. It’s Jadon.”

Alyssa closed her eyes and momentarily rested her forehead on the wall. She’d known Jadon wouldn’t leave her alone for long, especially after she’d turned down a ride with him earlier that morning. She’d seen the flash of hurt in his eyes when she’d agreed to go home with Seth. She’d felt guilty.

But she wasn’t any more ready to continue their discussion now than she had been earlier in the day.

Since avoiding him hadn’t worked, she pushed the button to release the door lock of the apartment. In moments he knocked on her door.

She ran her fingers through her hair and opened it, all too aware of how awful she looked wearing maternity sweats. Not that she should care.

But she did.

“Alyssa, are you supposed to be up off the sofa?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern as he shut the door behind him.

She suppressed a sigh, telling herself it was natural he was worried about the babies. They were his babies, too.

“Yes, I can make simple meals for myself, walk to the bathroom and back. I’m to keep a log of any contractions I have and to call Dr. Rayborn if they become at all regular or sustained.”

Jadon nodded and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m glad. Kim seems like a great doctor.”

“Yes, she is.” Alyssa made her way back to the sofa. “Help yourself if you want something to drink.”

“I’m fine.” Jadon followed her into the living room, taking a seat on the chair across from her. If he noticed her pathetic little Christmas tree, he didn’t say anything. “Alyssa, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left all those months ago without saying anything. Give me a chance to explain.”

She swallowed hard and shook her head. “Jadon, if this story involves some other woman, like an ex-wife, a fiancée or a girlfriend, I really don’t want to hear the gory details.”

“What?” His startled expression would have been comical if she hadn’t felt so sick to her stomach to be having this confrontation. “Is that really what you think? That I left you for some other woman?”

She rubbed a hand over her stomach, hoping she could calm the babies, sheltering them from her tension. “What was I supposed to think? Why else would you leave without a word?”

“There isn’t another woman, Alyssa. Not now, or during the time we were together.” His low tone and the seriousness in his gaze made it difficult to doubt him. “But you’re right, I haven’t been entirely truthful with you. About my past.”

She licked suddenly dry lips, suspecting she wasn’t going to like this. “To be fair, Jadon, neither one of us talked much about our pasts.” Their physical attraction had overridden most of the normal let’s-get-to-know-each-other small talk.

“Alyssa, I left Cedar Bluff a few months ago because of a family crisis.”

“A family crisis? One of your parents?” she asked in concern, remembering the few sketchy details they’d shared about their backgrounds.

Slowly he shook his head, letting out a heavy sigh. “They’re fine, well, sort of, but that wasn’t the problem. It was my brother who needed help. I know this isn’t fair, but I’d rather not go into all the details right now because it’s complicated.”

“Complicated,” she repeated, trying not to feel hurt. She tried to tell herself that whatever had happened wasn’t her business, but it was difficult. “I guess I can understand.” Even though she really didn’t. Then again, she shouldn’t be surprised. Jadon had always tried to keep his distance from her emotionally. This was just another example.

“I’ll tell you the entire story sometime, but right now I’m more worried about you. And the babies.”

“There isn’t anything to be worried about. I’m fine and so are the twins.” She gave a small shrug, hiding her true feelings. Jadon had never confided in her before, and obviously he didn’t see a reason to start now. Maybe he hadn’t left her for another woman, but that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t open to a future. “All I can do is follow doctor’s orders and hope for the best.”

“Yes. But I’d really like to help.”

“Help?” she repeated, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “Like with what? The babies haven’t been born yet.”

“Do you have everything you need?” he asked. “It’s going to be rough as you need two of everything. So what about cribs? Car seats? Strollers?”

The thought of Jadon buying baby things almost made her smile. “Seth and Kylie threw me a shower, inviting all the ED staff, so I have most of what I need, thanks.”

He swept a skeptical glance over her apartment. “You’ll be crowded in here, don’t you think?”

She raised a brow. “For now maybe we’ll be a little cramped. But I won’t be living here forever.” At least, that was her plan. She had some small savings that she hoped to use as a down payment for a house, depending on how things went after the twins were born. If she could work enough hours to afford a small mortgage.

“Alyssa, I have a three-bedroom house. There’s no reason you can’t move in with me for the rest of your pregnancy and then even after the babies are born. Between the two of us, we should be able to help care for the twins, keeping our child-care costs down.”

Her eyes widened in shock. Was he crazy? Was he really suggesting they live together for financial reasons? As if the babies were nothing more than a business arrangement? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

In fact, she was pretty sure it was a really bad idea. His emotions may not be involved, but hers would be.

“Please, think about it.” He didn’t back down as she half expected he might, but stood awkwardly in her living room, looking like a fish out of water. “I know things have been rough for you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this alone. But right now we need to focus on the babies. Having you move in with me, even temporarily, is best for them.”