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What's a bath between friends? Nothing but a hollow porcelain division. Who invented baths? Some dirty cow.

ONLY dirty people bathe, as the Prophet hath said. Those who are not dirty, and yet bathe, do it out of pure flashness.

These thoughts are engendered by the recent law enacted by the Home Minister of Poland, wherein it is enacted (we like "wherein it is enacted"; it has a partly gold watch-chained, bald-headed sound about it) that every Pole must bathe at least once a month.

Those under 10 and over 60 are exempt, also those possessing their own bathrooms, which, it is presumed, are used.

Bathrooms in Poland are sufficient evidence in a case of Rex v. Perspiration.

Some similar action is needed in Australia. Such as:—

Act 79B, sub-section K2, Z1, relating to bathing of bodies: "Be it heretofor whereas'd that inasmuch & so to speak, any person or persons turning on showers between or about the months of May, June, July, & standing near shaving cabinets, well away from showers, & saying, 'Br-r-r-r!' & singing 'Annie Laurie' afterward coming out of bathroom, or rooms, & saying that there is nothing like a cold shower to freshen one up, shall be fined a maximum of 10 pounds or a fortnight. God Save King."

This will be one of the planks of the new Ruination Party, of which we have the honour of being president.

Any man who does more than bathe his eyes in this weather should be in a monastery. And, anyhow, what advantage has the bather?

He comes from his cold shower, blue, numb, speechless. At his office he says, "My word, the shower was cold this morning!"

And the man who wiped his eyes on a wet sponge says, "One of the toughest surfs I've experienced this winter. All the Icebergs agreed."

Let there be signs put up in all bathrooms similar to those on various beaches, "Any person bathing here does so at his own risk."

S.O.S.: Not, Shiver Our Skins—but Save Our Soap.

Men have been known to slip on a cake of soap and break their necks.

Be warned.