Читать книгу AGREEMENTS: Lessons I Chose on My Journey toward the Light - Linda Stein-Luthke - Страница 12

Barry was on furlough from the Navy at Christmas. Since Bobbie was now living at home, I asked if I could have time away to stay with Barry’s family in Cleveland over the holidays. Daddy was sitting in his chair in the living room and barely responded. Mother had died a month before and his thoughts were elsewhere. I could go.

Barry and I had only one thought in mind. We wanted time alone. His parents obliged by going to dinner one night, and we finally made love. This was a way I could feel alive even though the specter of death was all around me. I thought this would transport me, but instead I was stunned at how simple and uneventful the experience was. It was over in minutes and I had not really enjoyed myself at all. Of course, I didn’t let Barry know how disappointed I was. He seemed happy as could be. I didn’t know if it would ever be special for me too. That didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I felt our fate was sealed and now he would never leave me.

Meeting Barry’s parents was another matter all together. He had warned me that his mother had many emotional difficulties and I might be surprised by her behavior. From what Barry told me she seemed to lack the basic maternal instincts. Barry’s dad was a traveling salesman, and although he made a very good living, Barry’s mother spent way beyond their means and complained that nothing was good enough for her. Having things seemed more important than caring about her family. She also enjoyed drinking, and when in this condition could become quite argumentative.

One night we went to dinner at a very fine restaurant and after a few drinks, she began throwing food at Barry’s dad as she argued about the poor service we were receiving. I was mortified and very grateful when we left quickly.

I had never seen adults behave in such a manner, but this only renewed my resolve. Now, I would save Barry from his family, and he would save me from mine.

He would be done with the service in two years, and then the future was ours! After the holidays, Barry returned to the Navy and began his overseas duty in the Pacific aboard a troop transport. This all seemed very glamorous and exciting to me. The letters arrived daily telling of his adventures. He left out a lot of details that I only learned years later! I was a very naïve kid.

He asked his best friend to keep an eye on me. This friend, along with Barry’s other pals from high school formed a group that liked to come for visits and meet my girl friends. They were all charming young men and my popularity increased with my friends who were eager for dates with these fellows. It was quite a lot of fun for all of us and a wonderful respite from life at home for me.

Life at home was difficult and would become even more so in the spring. Dad had failed to change the furnace filter, causing a fire. Fortunately, we were all away from the house when it began. Neighbors called the fire department and most of our possessions were saved, but we now had to find another place to live. We moved into the second floor of a duplex nearby. All of this continued to prove very embarrassing to me. All of my friends lived in homes their parents owned. No one was renting part of a duplex!

I graduated in the upper 6^th of my class. I had all “A’s” and one “D” for Geometry that should have been an “F.” My teacher felt he’d failed me. Geometry was the last period of the day and since I had cookies and milk for breakfast and an ice cream sandwich for lunch, I was ready for a nap by ninth period -- and I took it every day in Geometry. Besides, I had no study habits. I’d listen to what the teachers said to me in class (except in Geometry) and simply parroted back the material in papers and on tests. I did the minimal amount of work, but somehow that was enough.

When my Geometry teacher tried to apologize to me for my poor grade, I explained that it really wasn’t his fault because I had no study habits and didn’t care. He wouldn’t agree with me and gave me a “D” instead of an “F.”

I never liked math, so it simply didn’t matter to me. I was going to marry Barry, have babies and would never need an education. Little Women and the ideals I’d found there had receded to the back of my brain.

My sister Bobbie, however, would have none of it. She refused to let me get off so easily. She insisted that I go to college and she took the initiative to get me a scholarship to the University of Akron. I couldn’t see the sense in this at all. But when the school gave me a full scholarship, I had no excuses left. I’d have to go. -- Bobbie was there for me when I couldn’t be there for myself.

Over the summer, Barry surprised me with another visit home and my love for him only grew stronger. I couldn’t wait for us to be together forever. It was 1963 and such were the plans all my friends had. I’d go to school to bide my time, but once he was back home, we’d get married and begin our life together.