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Friday June 4th

The pyjama party sleepover

5:00 p.m.

Mum will not get going. Why is she so slow? Libby still has not got any knickers on. I offer to put them on her and Mum says, “Oh, would you, love? Thanks. I cannot find my eyebrow tweezers anywhere. You haven’t seen them, have you?”

(I remember they are in my pencil case.) “Er... no, but I think I saw Libby with them.”

“Damn, they could be anywhere.”

Libby decided that “knickers on” was a game and I chased her around for ages before I could get hold of her. Then when I was putting her knick-knacks on she was stroking my hair, going, “Prrr prr. Nice pussycat. Do you want some milk, tosser?” I think she thinks “tosser” is like a name.

Once I got her dressed I raced upstairs and got the tweezers, then I put them in Angus’s basket. (Fortunately he was out murdering birds or he would have eaten them.) Then I shouted to Mum, “Hey, Mum, guess where your tweezers are? Come and see!”

Mum came out of the bedroom and I pointed to the cat basket. She said, “Honestly!! Thanks, love. Right now, I think that’s everything. We can get off now, Libby.”

She grabbed Libby, who was struggling and licking her face. Libby said, “Bad, bad Mummy, stealing Libby.”

As they went through the door Mum said, “You’ll be OK, won’t you? I’ll be back late tomorrow – eat something sensible and don’t stay up too late.”

She went through the door and then came back a moment later. “Don’t even think about doing anything to your hair.”

6:00 p.m.

Rosie was the first to arrive. She said, “Sven is going to come at about eleven thirty, after his restaurant shift finishes.”

I said, “What have you got up to with him?”

She said, “Er... six and a bit of seven...”

We had this scoring system for kissing and so on, from one to ten:

1. holding hands

2. arm around

3. goodnight kiss

4. kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath

5. open mouth kissing

6. tongues

7. upper body fondling – outdoors

8. upper body fondling – indoors (in bed)

9. below waist activity

10. the full monty

I said, “What is he like at it?”

Rosie said, “He’s good, I think Danish boys are better at it than English ones. They change rhythm more.”

I said, “What do you mean?”

“You know English boys get really excited and just sort of kiss with the same pressure? Well, he varies the pressure: sometimes it’s gentle and sometimes hard and then middley.”

I said, “Oh, I like that.”

Rosie said, “I know, I do too. Apparently all girls do. We like variety whereas boys like the same.”

I said, “How do you know that?” and she looked a bit smug. “It’s in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

Jools, Ellen, Jas, Patty, Sarah and Mabs all turned up and we got out our jimjams. We watched Grease and kept stopping it and doing bits from it. I did “You’re The One That I Want” on the sofa.

Then, at about eleven o’clock, the phone rang. I answered and it was Tom wanting to speak to Jas. So Jas went off into the hall and shut the door so we couldn’t hear. When she came back her face was a bit pink. She sort of croaked, “He’s coming round with his mate Leo... ohmyGodohmyGod ohmyGod!”

11:30 p.m.

Eating toast and Pop-Tarts when Leo and Tom arrived. They brought their pyjamas too and put them on. What a good laugh. Then Sven turned up – I’d forgotten how big he is... Rosie and he disappeared off and the rest of us watched Grease again. This time the boys joined in. Tom is quite a laugh. I desperately tried not to mention Robbie.

1:00 a.m.

Still up and chatting about EVERYTHING!!!! Haven’t seen Rosie and Sven for hours. Surely they must have got past seven by now???

1:30 a.m.

Tom and Jas disappeared off and Leo and Ellen went off “to get some air”. Why they think there is no air in the lounge, I don’t know. The rest of us Normans (Norman no mates) decided to dare each other. It started off with taking your knickers off and putting them on your head, and so on, and then I dared Sarah to go and stand on the garden wall and drop her pyjama trousers and knickers.

She did.

2:00 a.m.

Patty and Mabs dared me to streak down to the bottom of the street. They said they would buy me a new lipstick if I did. The “couples” were still away so I thought I’d do it. We went outside (us Normans), all in our jimjams. It was a nice summer night, and there were no houselights on in the streets except for ours. So I took my jimjams off and ran like mad in my nuddy-pants down to the bottom of the street and back. It made us die laughing – the others couldn’t believe that I had done it!!!

We were all collapsed on the front doorstep when the “couples” came back. I hid behind the others whilst I scrambled into my pyjamas. Tom winked at me. “I should tell my brother what he’s missing.”

I went purple. “Don’t you dare, Tom. Promise, promise me you won’t!!”

Tom said, “Do you think that me and Jas should go out with each other again?”

I said, “Oh yes!! I think you are perfect for each other.”

And he said, “I’ve always liked you because you are so sincere.”

At about two thirty the lads went home and we cleared up the house. Please don’t let Tom tell Robbie about the nuddy-pants incident.

All us girls snuggled up under duvets in the front room, chatting about everything – boys, make-up... lesbians.

Rosie said, “How do you get to become a lesbian?”

I said, “Why? Are you going to give it a go?”

Jas said, “You can’t just give it a go. You can’t just think, Oh, I’ll give being a lesbian a go.”

Ellen sat up. “A go at what?”

Jas went a bit red (which is a lot red in anyone else’s language). “Well, have a go at, er, snogging a girl.”

We all sat up then and went “Erlacck!”

Rosie said, “Is that what they do, then – snog each other?” Jas (the lesbian spokesperson) said a bit smugly, “Of course they do. They have proper sexual wotsits.”

Rosie said, “How can they have proper sexual wotsits when they haven’t got... you know, any proper sexual wotsits.”

I interrupted, “Jas, how come you know so much about it, anyway?”

She went ludicrously red. Rosie had got all interested now. “But, I mean, what do they do when they haven’t got proper sexual wotsits?”

I said to Jas, “Go on, then, Miss Expert Knickers. What do they do in the privacy of their own lesbian love-nests?”

And Jas sort of mumbled something under her duvet. I said, “You don’t know, do you?” and she mumbled again, “Snnubbing.”

I repeated, “Snubbing. They do snubbing? They snub each other?”

Jas sat up and said, “No, rubbing.”

I said “Goodnight” really quickly and we all went to sleep.

Wednesday June 16th

6:00 p.m.

Got a note from Jackie today: We are knocking off school this afternoon and going down town to “get a few things”. We’ll tell you all about the plan at lunch.

I knew that “getting a few things” meant shoplifting in Jackiespeak. I tried to hide from her at lunchtime but she found me in the loos. I was reading my mag in one of the cubicles – I had my feet off the ground so you couldn’t see there was anyone there but she went into the next-door cubicle and looked over the top of the loo wall.

She said, “What are you doing?”

I didn’t look up, I just said, “I’m practising origami.”

She said, “Are you ready to go? We’ve got lists of what to get and where we will meet later.”

Suddenly I snapped. I really was sick to death of her and Alison, they didn’t make me laugh or anything, they just kept making me do things I didn’t want to do. I was sick of it. I found myself saying, “I’m not coming and I don’t think you should go either.”

Jackie was amazed. “Have you become a Christian? I haven’t seen your tambourine. Come on, get your coat and we’ll go over the back fields.”

I said, “No,” and came out of the cubicle. She followed me and came up close – she is quite big.

She said, “I think you had better.” Alison was just behind her.

Then this odd calm voice came out of me. I’d been watching Xena, Warrior Princess and for one stupid moment I thought I was her. I said, “Oh good, I didn’t realise I’d be able to try out my new martial arts skills so soon. If I break anything I apologise in advance. I’ve only practised on bricks before.”

Jackie looked a bit puzzled (who wouldn’t?) but she kept coming nearer and suddenly with a yell I grabbed her arm and twisted it right up her back. I don’t know how. But I was doing it for the little people everywhere (I don’t mean dwarfs – I just mean, you know, vulnerable people).

8:00 p.m.

Jas phoned. “Everyone is talking about you – it’s brilliant!!”

8:30 p.m.

I am cock of the walk. (I don’t know what the girl equivalent of “cock” is... surely it can’t be “vagina”. I am vagina of the walk doesn’t have the same ring to it, somehow...)

Midnight

Yesssss!!!!!

Saturday June 19th

9:00 a.m.

The Stiff Dylans are playing at The Market Place. Tom and Jas are going, and all the gang. Shall I?

11:30 a.m.

Mum is being ridiculous – she refuses to let me dye my hair blonde. I said, “Where would Marilyn Monroe have been if Mrs Monroe had said, ‘No, Marilyn, you’ll ruin your hair’?”

Mum said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

But I went on, “And what about Caprice?... Do you suppose Mrs Caprice said—”

Mum threw her slipper at me. Oh great, now she has turned to violence. I may yet ring Esther Rantzen’s childline.

2:00 p.m.

Nngut naface-musk on, I cnt muv mi face.

2:30 p.m.

Blocked the sink with my egg-yolk mask.

4:00 p.m.

I’m going to start my make-up now.

4:30 p.m.

Double merde. I’ll have to start all over again, I’ve stuck the mascara brush in my eye. It’s all watery and red.

5:30 p.m.

Lying down with cucumber slices on my eyes to take down the swelling.

5:50 p.m.

Libby crept in and ate one of my cucumber slices. It gave me a terrible shock to see her face looming over me when I wasn’t expecting it.

6:00 p.m.

Ellen rang, we are meeting outside The Market Place at eight thirty.

Midnight

What an unbelievably BRILLIANT night. Double cool with knobs. Robbie KISSED me. The Sex God has landed. It was so mega.

The Stiff Dylans played some great music and Jas, Tom, Leo, Ellen and me worked out these funny dance routines. Lindsay was there, all po-faced. Robbie was great in the band. I felt a bit self-conscious about dancing at first but then I began to enjoy myself. I showed Tom and Jas a little routine I had made up in my bedroom – and then it was like in a film because everyone – loads of people – started copying it and joining in.

I was a bit out of breath at the end and hot, so when the band took a break I went outside the back door. There was this sort of patio area. As I was standing there Robbie came out... I felt really awkward and was going to go back in when he put his arm on mine and said, “Can I just speak to you for a minute, Georgia?”

I said, “Yes, fine...” He looked a bit embarrassed so I said, “Look, if it’s about Jas and Tom I’m sorry that you were angry with me... I think he’s really nice and Jas likes him a lot.”

Robbie said, “Well, I’m glad, but it’s not that. I’ve just been meaning to give you this.” Then he kissed me!!!! I went completely jelloid – it was like being part girl, part jellyfish. It was mega brilliant. Twenty out of ten type kissing. I got all that stuff you’re supposed to have – fireworks whooshing in your head, bands playing, sea crashing in and out... I don’t know how long it went on for, I was so faint.

Eventually he said, “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, but I know it’s wrong.”

I could hardly speak, it came out all mad. “Ng ng –’s OK, not wrong, no wrong, ngng ng – I mean it’s, I, what I, you and, always, even when I ng.” He looked at me as if I was talking a foreign language. But I wasn’t, I was just talking rubbish.

Then one of the lads in the band came out and Robbie sort of leaped away from me like a leaping thing. Then he went back in, saying to me, “OK, so Georgia, will you pass that on to Tom? See you later.”

“See you later?” What does that mean? Here we go again!!!

I told Jas and she said, “What’s going to happen now? Are you his bit on the side? What does he mean, ‘See you later’? Does he mean see you later or see you later?” I had to stick my hand over her mouth to shut her up. When Robbie took the stage again I had to stop myself gazing at him like an idiot. He was so gorgeous and he had kissed me!!

When the gig was over Robbie passed by me and said, “I’ll call you.” Then he went over to Lindsay. She put her arms round his neck and I couldn’t watch any more.

When will he call me?

Angus was in my bed when I got home, and Libby. I had to sleep in a sort of S-shape with my feet hanging out of the bed. But I don’t care!!!!

Tuesday June 22nd

5:10 p.m.

I don’t know if it’s me or the weather but I am so hot all the time.

No call for three days.

Wednesday June 23rd

11:00 p.m.

No call today.

Thursday June 24th

6:00 p.m.

Phoned Jas.

“He’s not called yet.”

Jas said, “Look, leave it with me. I’ll try to find out something from Tom.”

“Will you do it subtly though, Jas?”

She said, “What do you take me for? I know what’s subtle.”

And I said, “Well, I’m sorry, but I feel a bit sensitive and I don’t want anyone to know about it until I know what is going on myself.”

She said, “Look, relax, my middle name is ‘cool’.”

I said, “Is it? I thought it was Pollyanna.”

She said, “Well, it is, my mum liked the film, but that’s not what I mean – and anyway, you said you’d never mention that I told you that.”

I said, “OK, but just remember to be subtle, all right?”

She said, “Of course. Hang on a minute.” Then I heard her yelling up the stairs, “Mum, will you ask Tom to come down here!”

I heard a bit of faraway noise then Jas’s mum yelling from upstairs, “Tom says what do you want? He has just set up the computer and can’t come away at the moment.”

Then I heard Jas yell back, “Well, will you say that Robbie kissed Georgia and said he would call her later and he hasn’t called her yet. Does he know anything about it?”

I couldn’t believe my ears and it got worse because Jas’s mum joined in, “Robbie kissed Georgie – but he’s going out with Lindsay, isn’t he?”

Jas yelled back, “Yes, but he’s confused.”

Then I heard Tom yelling down, “What kind of kiss was it?”

And Jas said, “I think it was six.”

I REALLY WANTED TO KILL HER.

“Jas, Jas, SHUT UP!!!”

Friday June 25th

1:00 p.m.

Lindsay came up to me at lunch break. She’s so wet close up, she’s got really blinky blue watery eyes like a blue-eyed bat. Anyway, old blinky said, “I’ve heard what happened on Saturday.”

I went a bit pale. “You’ve heard what?” I played for time.

“I heard that you have been going after my boyfriend.”

How dare she suggest that I would do such a thing!! I went red and said, “What idiot has been saying that?”

Lindsay glared at me. “Robbie told me.” I couldn’t take it in. She went on, “He told me how you followed him at the break and then you just flung yourself on him. He said he was sorry for you but also very embarrassed.”

I spluttered, I couldn’t speak. She went on, “So I’m giving you a warning – don’t be so sad. You’re a silly little girl, don’t let it happen again.” I couldn’t help thinking of the Ancient Egyptians – they used to put long-handled spoons up people’s noses and scoop their brains out. Of course, the people were dead first but in Lindsay’s case there was hardly any difference between alive and dead. I was going to get some spoons and poke them up her beastly, sticky-up nose.

6:00 p.m.

Jas is going to gang up on Lindsay with me. I said to her, “Do you think Robbie really said I was sad and I flung myself on him?”

Jas was a real pal. “No, no, of course not... er... you didn’t, did you?”

6:30 p.m.

Oh why this? Why would he be such a pig as to say that? Oh I hate him, I hate him.

Midnight

I hate him, I hate him.

12:30 a.m.

Oh I love him, I love him.