Читать книгу The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10 - Louise Rennison - Страница 19

Thursday July 1st

Canteen

1:00 p.m.

Lindsay put her coffee cup down while she went to get her bag and I spat in it (the coffee cup, not her bag – although I will spit in her bag if I get the chance). I hate her.

Jackie and Alison get on my nerves even more now they have decided to be my friends. Jackie bought me a bar of chocolate today. It will be an apple next. It’s a pathetic world when twisting someone’s arm up their back gets them buying you things.

4:00 p.m.

I’m so angry with Robbie. I want to tell him what I think about him but I have too much pride.

4:30 p.m.

Phoned Robbie at home (I got the number from Jas). He answered the phone but I just slammed down the receiver. (And I had done one-four-one as well, haha hahaha.)

4:45 p.m.

Phoned Robbie.

He answered and I said, “Robbie, it’s Georgia.”

He sort of breathed out and then he said, “Er... I can’t really find that science paper you asked me about, Mike, can I call you later? Thanks. Bye.”

4:50 p.m.

Phoned Jas. “What does he mean by calling me Mike?”

Jas said, “Well, I suppose Lindsay must have been there.”

5:30 p.m.

In bed with the curtains closed.

5:45 p.m.

Mum came into my room.

She said, “Do you want to talk about anything?”

I said, “Yes, suicide.”

She said, “It can’t be as bad as that.”

I said, “Well it is, it’s worse. I don’t want to be here any more. I hate school. I hate England.”

She said, “Well, do you think that maybe a summer trip to New Zealand might cheer you up? We could go over to Disneyland on the way.”

I said, “I don’t care what I do.”

6:30 p.m.

So this is what men are like. Well, that is it, then. I am going to be a lesbian.

7:00 p.m.

I got out some photos of Denise Van Outen and tried to imagine kissing her.

7:05 p.m.

I can’t do it. And I can’t help thinking about Miss Stamp’s moustache. And the rubbing.

7:10 p.m.

I’ll have to be a nun, then.

8:00 p.m.

It’s no use, if I pull all my hair back like a nun, it makes my nose look huge. Still, I don’t suppose that matters when you are only saving poor people and making soup for them, like nuns do.

9:00 p.m.

The phone rang for me. I said to Mum, “Who is it?” and she said, “I don’t know, it’s a boy.”

9:30 p.m.

Robbie is going to meet me tomorrow after school at my house. He was in a phone box and said that he couldn’t really explain, he’d talk tomorrow. If he thinks he can “explain” this away he’s very much mistaken. I have got some pride. I’ve got a lot to say to him about his “explanation”!!!

9:45 p.m.

What shall I wear? Maybe I won’t go to school tomorrow to give myself time to get made up in a natural way.

Friday July 2nd

8:05 a.m.

Said goodbye to Mum and Libbs and went as normal to Jas’s. She was waiting for me on the corner. I said, “I’m not coming to school today, I’m meeting Robbie. Will you say that I have got the painters in very badly? Thanks.”

Then I went back home. I waited until Mum and Libbs left and then I slipped back into the house.

Day plan:

1. Steam face.

2. Apply face pack.

3. Sort out clothes to wear.

4. Tidy bedroom (well, put everything on the floor and then under the bed).

5. Put some interesting books near my bed (hide comics and boy mags).

6. Remove nuddy-pants poster of Reeves and Mortimer.

7. Make sure Libby has not peed or pooed in any secret corner.

11:00 a.m.

In my room tidying when I heard the front door open. If it was a burglar I only had Mum’s tweezers to defend myself with. Where was Angus when you needed him? I hadn’t seen the mad furry thing for hours.

11:02 a.m.

Not burglars, it’s something much worse... it’s Mum. And she’s not alone! She has Jem the decorator with her. Oh fabulous, my mum is having an affair with a builder. Also she is older than him – also I already have a dad, who is bad enough, but better the dad you know than the builder you don’t.

They went into the lounge so I crept downstairs to see if I could hear what was going on. I put my ear against the door but I couldn’t quite hear. I pressed my ear quite hard up against the keyhole. I heard Jem say, “This is the door that sticks. I’m going to—” and that’s when he opened the door and I crashed into the room.

Noon

In bed. I had to pretend that I had fainted. I lay still on the floor until Mum put something disgusting (smelling salts) under my nose. I thought my head was going to come off. I sort of pretended that I was all confused and that I had felt ill on the way to school.

Mum made me come to bed with an aspirin. Soon after, I heard the door slam. Mum came up. “Er – I just took an hour off to discuss the final details about the lounge with Jem.”

I said, “He’s taken about a hundred years to decorate one room. Libby thinks he is our new dad.”

Mum laughed. “Don’t be so silly, why would you think she thought that?”

I said, “Because she calls him ‘my new dad’.”

Mum ignored that and went on, “Well, I must get back to work, are you sure you will be all right?”

I said, “Oh yes, I’ll be all right – will YOU be all right?” (I said it really meaningfully but she didn’t know what I meant.)

Minutes later she came back in the room and said, “Georgia, I know that you like a bit of drama, but I’m afraid that Jem and I are not having a passionate affair.”

I said, “Oh, what is it then? A really lukewarm affair?”

She sat down on my bed. “It’s not any kind of affair. Look, love, I really, really miss your dad.” And it was horrible because her eyes were all leaky.

I said, “You can’t miss his moustache.”

She said, “No, I don’t miss that. But I love him. Don’t you?”

I said, “He’s all right.”

She kissed me. “I know you do love him, you’re just moody and someone has to suffer, but never mind, we’ll be seeing him soon.”

Then she left. God, I can’t stand this having to talk about grown-ups all the time! I do wish my dad was here, then I could forget all about him!

4:00 p.m.

Robbie will be here in half an hour. I’d better just go to the loo again. I’ve only been ten times in the last ten minutes. I hope I’m not incontinent, I’ll have to wear big nappies... Robbie will never stand for that – if he gets famous he won’t want a girlfriend who wears nappies.

6:30 p.m.

Robbie has just gone. I feel all hollow inside like a hollowed-out coconut. He looked gorgeous, all in black, and sort of sad. He gave me a brilliant smile when he saw me and then he just pulled me towards him (quite roughly, actually...). I remembered how cross I was though, so I only snogged him for half an hour before I said, “How could you tell Lindsay that I was sad and that I followed you outside and flung myself on you?”

He looked puzzled. “I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t... I haven’t said anything to anyone.”

“Well, that’s what Lindsay said to me.”

He looked uncomfortable.

I went on, “And are you engaged to her or not?”

He looked really puzzled then. “Engaged to her? Why should you think that?”

“Well, because she wears an engagement ring at school that she tells people you gave her.”

He sat down. “This is bad.”

I tried to go on being cross but he looked so gorgey porgey that I couldn’t keep it up. Then he looked right into my eyes. I tried not to blink because not blinking is supposed to be attractive. He said, “Look Georgie, I’m having real trouble with this. The truth is, I’ve been trying to find a way to end it with Lindsay but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

I said, “Yes, it’s tricky, isn’t it? Because she obviously likes you a lot. Still, I’ve got an idea...”

He looked hopeful. “What is it?”

“I’ll tell her, in a nice way of course, that she is a wet weed and that she is dumped. That should do it.”

He did actually laugh! He said, “You’re mad. Anyway, it’s my problem and I’ll sort it out, but there is something else I have to tell you.”

Here it comes, I was thinking (but not blinking). He’s going to say, “You are the girl of my dreams, will you be my girlfriend? You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever—”

I’d just got to that bit in my head when he interrupted me. “I have to tell you, it wouldn’t be fair to you not to... but well, I am attracted to you (I tried not to smirk or smile too much in case he had second thoughts when he saw my nose spreading all over my face) but I can’t go out with you.”

I said, “Why not?”

And he said, “Because you are too young. I’m nearly eighteen – it would not be right, it would be like cradle-snatching.”

I argued with him. I even said, “I’m not really fourteen, I’m actually fifteen and a half, it’s just that I’m not very bright and they’ve kept me back a year.”

He laughed, but in a sad way. Then he gave me a last kiss sort of thing and went.

Midnight

Too young for him. Oh merde merde merde, double merde.

I wonder where Angus is? I could do with something to cuddle even if I did get a savage biting.

Monday July 5th

11:30 a.m.

Mucho excitemondo!!! Robbie has dumped Lindsay!!! Hurrah!!! She came into school with her eyes all swollen up like little boiled sweets. I passed her in the corridor and she said, “I hope you’re satisfied now, you horrid little girl.” Horrid little girl, that’s nice.

I could have said, “At least I don’t wear bits of rubber down my bra and a piece of string up my bottom.” But unfortunately I began to feel a bit sorry for her – after all, she would never get another boyfriend, whereas even if I had to wait a whole year I would one day be older and then I could get Robbie.

5:30 p.m.

I’m glum, though – a year seems a long, long time and what if he finds someone else before I get old enough?

6:30 p.m.

Still no sign of Angus. This is a bit unusual. He always comes back for his dindins.

7:00 p.m.

Looking round the street for Angus. I had a dead mouse and a chop to entice him.

7:15 p.m.

Just stumbled into Mark, snogging in his driveway with some girl... he’s always at it!! If it’s true that stimulation makes things bigger (breasts etc.), perhaps he had very tiny lips when he was born and he has just overstimulated them by snogging all the time.

9:30 p.m.

No Angus. I hoped he might be at home lurking behind the curtain ready to attack my legs, but he’s not.

11:00 p.m.

No phone calls, no Angus. Libby came into bed with me. “Where big pussy tosser?” she asked me. I almost cried. I really cuddled her but it made her too cross and she bit me on the chin.

Had a dream about Robbie. I had blonde hair in the dream.

Tuesday July 6th

7:30 p.m.

Eureka!!! I’ve got it!!! I know what my dream was trying to tell me. There is a way I can convince Robbie that I am more mature than my fourteen years... I have to dye a blonde streak in my hair. A blonde streak will add years to my appearance!!!

Still no sign of Angus. Mum said, “I don’t want to upset you, but you know that he stalks cars and attacks them – it may be that this time he’s had a bit of an accident.”

I can’t bear to think of this.

Midnight

I think of all the animals in the world and all the sad things that happen to them. Little chickens whose parents go for a day’s outing on the farmyard truck and never come back because they have gone to be on somebody’s table. And all the little sheep who see their mummies and daddies loaded into vans... oh I cannot stand this. I’m never going to eat meat again.

1:00 a.m.

They say vegetables feel pain. What about the little baby potatoes all snug underground with their brother and sister potatoes and then a big hand comes and uproots them and... slices them up. Oh God, now I can never eat chips again.

2:30 a.m.

What can I eat, then?

4:00 a.m.

If I starved myself to death I wonder if Robbie would think I was grown-up enough?

Wednesday July 7th

8:00 a.m.

I’m shattered this morning, and upset. I miss Angus. Even Mum does. Mrs Next Door doesn’t, though. When I asked her if she had seen him, she said, “No I haven’t. And I know he hasn’t been in my yard because nothing is dead or dug up and my dog is not a nervous wreck.” I hate her – I hope her husband gets stuck in his greenhouse and then she will know what I feel like. She will know what true pain is.

And suffering.

2:30 p.m.

Ink fight in RE, which generally cheers me up, but I couldn’t even flick properly I was so upset.

The gossip at school is that Lindsay is not eating and has got what’s it – anorexia. I don’t know how you would know, she’s so skinny anyway.

Nearly the summer hols, so it will be the last I see of this hell-hole for a bit.

Friday July 9th

8:50 p.m.

I really think Angus must have been run over or something. I miss him, we’ve been through a lot of stuff, me and him. Stupid furry freak. But I love him. It seems I am destined to lose everything I love.

Sunday July 11th

2:00 p.m.

Jas and I looked in all the streets around her house, just in case Angus had followed me one day and then lost his way. We were just by her place when Robbie pulled up in his mini. He looked a bit ruffled but I was too down in the dumps to think about it much. He said, “Have you found Angus?”

I said, “No, we’ve looked everywhere.”

Wednesday July 14th

3:30 p.m.

Every cloud has a bit of a silver lining. I was sitting against the school wall in the shade, just thinking. The others were all sprawled out in their knickers sunbathing by the tennis courts. The bit of wall I was leaning against was just near Elvis’s hut. I saw him put on his coat and get his shopping bag... what a wally he looked. He closed the hut door but he didn’t lock it and then he went off. I’d nothing else to do so I thought I’d go and sit in his hut for a while, see what it would be like to be a school caretaker.

There was nothing much in the hut – a chair and a table and a little fridge and some magazines he’s been reading. I sat down and flicked through them... and my jaw nearly dropped off. Because they were naughty magazines, if you know what I mean. Called Fiesta and Big Girls. One of them was called Down Your Way, and was all full of candid photos of readers and their wives in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Some of them were so fat!! I flicked through the pages to the centrefold. And the centrefold was ELVIS and MRS ELVIS!!!! In the NUDDY-PANTS!!!! I couldn’t believe it. Elvis in the nuddy-pants. Elvis was standing by the kettle in the nuddy-pants, pretending to make a cup of tea and Mrs Elvis was doing the washing-up in the nuddy-pants!!!

I took the mag with me and passed it around the whole class. We were laughing for the whole afternoon, someone only had to say, “Fancy a cup of tea, my dear?” and we’d be off again. Ooohhhhh, it made my stomach really hurt with laughing.

Elvis knows someone has got his mag but he can’t say anything. If I see him I just let my eyes drift down to his trousers...

Saturday July 17th

12:00 p.m.

Joy joy, double bubble joy. Hadihahahaha. Robbie has just phoned me. He has found Angus!! Robbie had been out searching for him and he heard all these dogs barking so he went to see what they were barking at. And it was Angus, tied up. Some people had found him, he had a bad paw so they had bandaged it up and tied him up until they found his owners. They had put up notices but I hadn’t seen them.

Robbie said the people were bloody glad to get rid of him as he had already eaten two doormats and a clothesline. They were lucky they got off so lightly.

Anyway, Robbie is going to bring him round to me at five o’clock.

1:00 p.m.

Mum’s out and I am determined to make Robbie realise that I’m a great deal older than I was fifteen days ago. I haven’t any money and Mum has selfishly taken her purse with her, but I HAVE A PLAN.

2:00 p.m.

There is some peroxide that Gran uses to clean her dentures when she comes to stay. It’s kept in the bathroom cupboard and I’m going to use it to bleach a really sophisticated streak of blonde in my hair at the front.

2:30 p.m.

I’ve put it on, I wonder how long you have to leave it? It’s stinging my scalp so that must be a good sign.

3:30 p.m.

It’s gone a sort of orange colour! Oh bloody hell, I’ll have to put some more on.

4:15 p.m.

Now it’s gone sort of bright yellow. I look like a canary.

5:00 p.m.

Thank goodness it’s gone white. I think it looks quite good. It feels a bit stiff, though. Oh well, it’ll soften up in time. I think it makes me look at least four years older.

5:30 p.m.

Robbie here with Angus. I was so pleased to see him I tried to give him a cuddle but he lashed out at me and was hissing until I gave him a rabbit leg. Then he started purring. (Angus, not Robbie.)

Robbie noticed my hair when I stood up. He was obviously impressed because he said, “Er – you’ve got a white streak in your hair.”

I said, “Oh yes, do you like it?”

There was a bit of a silence between us. I was thinking, Go on, kiss me, kiss me! But he said, “Look, this is not easy for me, I think I should go now.”

I said, “Thank you for Angus.”

He said, “Oh, that’s OK, I knew you liked him and the scratches will heal in time and I should be able to replace the trousers.”

As he was leaving I had one final go to make him see that I was mature and sophisticated beyond my years. I flicked my hair back like they do in movies and then I made the mistake of running my fingers through my hair. The white streak snapped off in my hand. I was just left holding it there, in my hand. Robbie looked amazed. He looked at the hunk of hair in my hand and then he looked at me and then he started laughing. He said, “God you’re weird,” and then he kissed me. (I shoved the hunk of hair on the sofa and Angus pounced on it – he must have thought it was a hamster or something.)

After a bit of number six kissing Robbie said, “Well, look, let’s take it easy and start seeing each other, shall we... see how it goes, maybe keep it a bit quiet from people at first?”

So all is well that ends well. I am now nearly Robbie’s girlfriend, hahahaha. Summer love, summer love!!!

The end

9:00 p.m.

Mum came in. “Right, we’re all set – I’ve got them!!”

I said ( in a sort of romantic daze), “What have you got, Mutti?”

“I’ve got the tickets for us!”

“Tickets for what?”

“Tickets for New Zealand. When you said you wanted to go I went and booked them. Dad paid for them and we’re off to Whangamata next week.”

Sacré bloody bleu and merde!!!