Читать книгу The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10 - Louise Rennison - Страница 529

Jas was waiting for me at her gate. I was a bit aloof and full of maturiosity. Slavey girl said, “I’ve brought you a Jammy Dodger all to yourself.”

“You can’t treat me badly and then bribe me with a Jammy Dodger, Jas.”

She can though, because I was soon munching away.

On the way up the road I said to Jas, “Do you think my nose is larger than it was yesterday?”

She said, “Don’t be silly, noses don’t grow.”

“Well everything else does – hair, legs, arms … nunga-nungas. Why should your nose be left out?”

She wasn’t a bit interested. I went on, “And also can you see I have a lurker up my left nostril?”

She said, “No.”

“But say you were sort of looking up my nose, from underneath.”

She hadn’t a clue what I was talking about. She has the imagination of a pea. Half a pea. We were just passing through the park and I tried to explain.

“Well, say I was singing. And you were the Sex God and you were lying with your head in my lap. Looking up adoringly. Marvelling at my enormous talent. Waiting for the appropriate moment to leap on me and snog me to within an inch of my life.”

She still didn’t get it, so I dragged her over to a bench to illustrate my point. I made her put her head on my lap. I said, “So … what do you think?”

She looked up and said, “I can’t hear you singing.”

“That’s because I’m not.”

“But you said what if you were singing?”

Oh for Goodness O’Reilley’s trousers’ sake!!! To placate her I sang a bit – the only thing that came into my head was “Goldfinger”. Singing it brought back horrible memories because Dad and Uncle Eddie had sung it the night Dad came home from Kiwi-a-gogo. They were both drunk and both wearing leather trousers. Uncle Eddie said, “To impress the ladies.” How sad and tragic is that?

Anyway, I was singing “Goldfinger” and Jas had her head on my lap, looking up at my ever-expanding nostrils. Sort of on nostril watch!

I said, “Can you see my lurker up there?”

Then we heard someone behind us having a fit. We leaped up. Well, I did. Jas crashed to the floor. It was Dave the Laugh, absolutely beside himself with laughing. I said, “Er … I was just …”

Jas was going, “I was just looking up … Georgia’s nose for … a … bit …”

Dave the L said, “Of course you were. Please don’t explain, it will only spoil it for me.”

He walked along with us. I couldn’t help remembering snogging him. And using him as a Red Herring. But he was funny. And he wasn’t snidey. Just laughing a lot. In a Dave the Laugh way.

After he went off I said to Jas, “He seems to have forgiven me for being a callous minx, doesn’t he? He is quite groovy-looking, isn’t he?”

Uh-oh I hope I am not becoming a nymphowhatsit. It is true though, I did think he looked quite cool. And a laugh. He’s going to The Stiff Dylans gig this weekend. I said to Jas, “Do you think that he is going with Ellen?”

Why do I care? I am the girlfriend of a Sex God.

Still, I wonder if he is going with Ellen …