Читать книгу ‘Luuurve is a many trousered thing…’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 97

When I got to Jas’s gate it was to see her bottom waggling off in the distance. Of course Eggy had set off. She will still be having the huff with me. I must be at my most charming.

I did my fast walking until I caught up with her, and gave her a lovely smile as I linked up with her. “Hello, Jas, my little chummly-wummly.”

She shook me off. “Don’t hang on to my arm, Georgia, I’m not dragging you up the hill to school just because you are tired.”

“I’m not tired, I am just so glad to see you, you lovely bigpantied loon.”

I chucked her under the chin but she still wasn’t having it. So I stopped and stood in front of her and looked into her eyes. “Jazzy Spazzy, you know I love you.”

She went all red. Some Foxwood lads who had been trailing us uselessly as usual shouted, “Oy, you lezzies, won’t she give you a kiss?”

And another one said, “Can we see your breasts, please?”

Good grief.

Jas started flicking her fringe like a mad thing. “Now look what you’ve started.”

We set off at a spanking space for Stalag 14. As we went along I was doing my special pleading – it’s very touching. “Jas, please forgive me. Did you find out anything? I know you will have done because you are so vair vair clever. And top girl at blodge and, er… everything.”

As we took our coats to the cloakroom she relented a bit. “Well, I did talk to Tom in a casual way, even though you said I couldn’t.”

“Jas, Jas, I knew you could do casualosity big time. Don’t forget I have seen you in your night-time panties, relaxing and at play.”

As the bell rang for assembly I could see the Hitler Youth (prefects) approaching, keen to do a bit of poncing around like prats. I said, “Please, pleasey please tell me what Tom said.”

“Well, he said…”

“Yes, yes?”

“Well, he said… he didn’t know anything.”

“Pardon?”

“Robbie is having a break from farming in Kiwi-a-gogo, but he doesn’t know how long he is staying.”

Is that it? Is that Detective Inspector Jas of Scotland Yard’s idea of finding out stuff? I wanted to kick her shins, but just in the knickers of time remembered that she is my best pally and I gave her my “interested” smile.

Jas was starting to say, “Yes, so I don’t really know if he likes you or not…” when Wet Lindsay slimed up alongside me with Astonishingly Dim Monica as sidekick slug and weed. Wet Lindsay’s hair extensions have been redone. How vair vair chav and naff she is. Having longer hair only draws attention to her lack of forehead and general octopus tendencies.

I forced myself to laugh merrily and look at Wet Lindsay’s forehead as if Jas had told me a good joke about it. Wet Lindsay said to me, “What have you got to laugh about, Nicolson? Have you caught sight of yourself in a mirror?”

Oh, my aching sides! How I laughed. Not. Astonishingly Dim Monica did, though, sniggering and snorting like a fool on fool tablets. I just said, “How very natural your hair looks, Lindsay. It really suits you and brings out all your best features, especially your knees.”

She went a bit red round the earlobes and said, “Prat.”

Charming. Absolutely charming. I said to Jas as we went into the hall, “Charming. Utterly, utterly charming. Who wouldn’t want to go out with her?”