Читать книгу Here's Proof Only We Conservatives Have Our Heads Screwed On Straight!!! - Lowell M.D. Green - Страница 8

The official title is the Sustainability Summit, held June 11, 2010, at Ottawa City Hall. The participant feedback summary, entitled What was said, Sustainability Summit, June 11, 2010, Choosing our Future, says:

“Over 200 community leaders, members of the business community, NGOs, academics, youth and representatives from all levels of government participated in the one-day event.

The purpose of the summit was to create the opportunity for community leaders to exchange views and identify strategies that would make the region more livable, resilient and sustainable.”

This whole livable, resilient and sustainable thing got off to a rousing start when keynote speaker, John Helliwell, Co-director of the Social Interactions, Identity and Well-Being program of the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research spoke on “happiness.” (Something achieved, apparently by fastening cute little leaf-shaped notes to trees!)

Since I could not possibility dream this kind of stuff up, allow me to continue quoting from the participant feedback summary.

“Throughout the day, local artists celebrated our vibrant community. The artists included slam poets, performers from the Ottawa School of Dance, and a Zumba dancer. Participants were also encouraged to write their ideas on paper leaves and post them on trees in the meeting area. (I swear on a stack of Gore/Suzukis I am not making this up!) During the small group discussions, participants also wrote their ideas on paper tablecloths set out for this purpose.” (No mention of plastic scissors here or crayons!)

So what kind of ideas did our little kindergarten class (masquerading as community leaders) write on those cute little cut out maple leaves and the brown paper tablecloths?

I know this will fill you with shock and awe, but according to the Zumba dancing fans at the Sustainability Summit all we have to do to guarantee Shangri-La is simply enforce every liberal/socialist wing nut pipe dream foisted on the suffering public since Karl Marx.

Here are just a few things we will look forward to when the Sustainability Summit nut job graduates take over. The comments in brackets are my translations.

•People need to get out of their cars! (Turning all streets into bike lanes should do it.)

•We’ve got to have sustainable employment that we really enjoy. (Happy, well paid government jobs for life.)

•People must be stopped from buying so many things. (That certainly worked well in the Soviet Union.)

•We must be happy. (Only a Liberal/NDP government can accomplish that.)

•Individual behaviour must be changed.(We’ve got to vote Liberal/NDP, bike to work, use the green bins and smile more. Less flatulence would be nice too.)

•We’ve got to do a better job educating our students about environmental issues. (Teach them to vote Liberal/NDP, save the polar bears, build windmills in our back yards, bike to work, join a union, demand free beer.)

•Suburbs are not sustainable in their current form. (Close down all fire stations in the burbs and allow fire to do the job. “Burn the Burbs” becomes the new motto!)

•Renovate existing housing and building stock. (Each home must be remodeled to accommodate at least one homeless person or serve as a “safe injection site.”)

•Limit development outside the greenbelt. (See, “Burn the Burbs.”)

•Generate alternate energy closer to home. (Backyards must now accommodate at least one windmill; every roof must be covered with solar panels. Hamster wheels must be hooked into the electrical grid.)

•Make bike streets. (I have no idea what this means. Do you?)

•Reduce our meat dependence. (They were able to accomplish this in the Soviet Union, North Korea and Cuba; why not Canada? A waiter who informed me, “Cuban cows have lifestyle issues” dissuaded me from ordering a steak in Cuba a couple years ago!)

•Plant indigenous plants on front yards instead of lawns. (Thanks to the ban on spraying, this policy is already well underway. Thistles and dandelions are wonderfully indigenous. So are the grubs and the skunks that plow them up.)

•Reduce waste. (The increased taxes to support all of these hare-brained ideas will ensure that no one has any money left over to buy anything to waste. We’ll be scraping the glue off our wallpaper for dinner.)

•Reduce parking areas. (Bikes don’t take up nearly as much space as SUVs.)

•Restrict the air conditioning in buildings. (Roast in hell you damn conservatives!)

•Educate citizens to better understand planning jargon. (Huh?)

•Create municipal facilities where people can get together and cook. (I am not making this up, I swear. The return of potlatches.)

•Provide healthier ways of getting to work. (Free mittens and ear muffs for everyone biking to work at minus 30 degrees!)

•Support an aboriginal peace and healing centre on Victoria Island. (A great place for a smoke shack.)

And finally this one that tops them all.

•Population must be controlled to allow sustainability. (China’s one-baby-per-couple policy works very well. Just ask any of the 30 million female-deprived males.)

All of this nonsense apparently is the best that 200 of our leaders could come up with. And you can be absolutely certain there was not a conservative in the bunch! Please note that at no point was there ever a mention of how we are supposed to pay for all of these wonderful ideas, nor do I see a suggestion of who exactly would be in charge of controlling the population, although you can be certain it wouldn’t be you or me.

Two hundred of the finest brains the left can produce and they didn’t come close to the one idea that every conservative knows would make our homes, our communities, our cities a heck of a lot more sustainable and our people really, really happy.

All together now, conservatives, tell these lefty fruitcake Zumba-dancing goofballs the answer to real sustainability and happiness:

Lower the damn taxes, you bozos!

Louder! I can’t hear you!

Lower the damn taxes, you bozos!

That’s better. Thank you. If I send this message out to you written on a cutout paper maple leaf, will you post it on a tree someplace?