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‘Stress is definitely something pregnant women need to get to grips with. But you can do it. I have seen highly anxious, stressed out women at the beginning of pregnancy become, by the end, calm, relaxed and prepared simply by refocusing and making even slight changes to their busy lives,’ says midwife Jenny Smith. If your days are spent juggling million pound budgets, wiping your toddler’s bottom or – God forbid – doing both, you can still have a healthy pregnancy and be in good physical and mental shape for this birth.

We’re a stressed bunch these days: one survey of about 5,000 women³ found that women who work full time say they still do most of the household chores. Only 37 per cent of working couples share jobs equally around the home, and only 3 per cent of men do more ironing and washing than their partners. If you’ve already got children, the chances are you’re even more frazzled: the same survey found that 93 per cent of mothers feel stressed out, trying to cope with all the demands made on their lives. Add pregnancy to this and you get a heady cocktail of neurosis.

We stress about our inability to eat balanced portions of home-prepared food, our failure to attend a regular antenatal exercise class, to be productive enough at work, to get enough sleep or to relax – especially when we’re supposed to be relaxing. And then we worry that we’re worrying too much. The key question here is: will your stress harm the baby? The answer: it is extraordinarily unlikely to.

A handful of studies have suggested that a very high level of stress can increase your risk of having the baby too early, or having a low birth-weight baby by sparking off certain hormones.⁴ Certainly, if you are extremely stressed you are more likely to skip meals, reach for ciggies, booze or even drugs at the end of the day, all of which have been linked to low birth-weight (alcohol and drugs are also linked to birth defects). If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t brush this under the carpet. Talk to your GP, Health Visitor or midwife.

TEN QUICK WAYS TO MINIMISE STRESS

1 Learn ‘mini’ stress relieving techniques. These can be very useful for labour, not to mention further down the line when you have an illogical toddler on your hands.

2 Make a list of things that, in the past, have reduced your stress levels, and do some of them if you can (leave anything chemical, nicotine-related or alcoholic off this list for obvious reasons).

3 Become an idler: leave the washing, let the carpet stay dirty, ask for deadline extensions and generally give yourself a break. Now is not the time to ‘prove’ anything to anyone.

4 Throw money at the problem. If you can’t do the above, and can possibly afford it, get a cleaner, get a cleaner more often or even bung a teenager a few quid after school to do ‘maid’ type duties for an hour or so. If you’ve got no money, divide your tasks into small, manageable chunks and plan meticulously for them: e.g. laundry (day 1), floors (day 2), bill-paying (day 3).

5 Negotiate divisions of labour with your partner. If studies are right, he probably does a fraction of what you do around the house, even if you are both working outside it. Inequalities like this will only be exacerbated when you have babies to cope with. He needs to be roped on board even (or perhaps especially) at this stage. Be aware that his standards and yours may differ (this does not mean it is his fault). He may in fact be exceptionally glad to feel useful at this point in your pregnancy.

6 Do small, beneficial things for yourself. Eat a yogurt before bed (calcium), keep fruit on your desk for snacks (and a water bottle), book yourself a lunch-hour massage (enforced relaxation), buy posh bath oil and use it religiously, at least once a week, and – why not? – treat yourself to an hour in the Waterstones café with a chocolate muffin and a good book.

7 Book an alternative therapist. Even if you’re a sceptic, things like massage or aromatherapy can help us all, at least temporarily. Sometimes just being listened to and pampered for an hour with smelly oils can really turn things around.

8 Get support: family, friends, neighbours can all be drafted in, even if just in small ways around the house, garden or with your other kids. But this involves asking for help. Which means no longer seeming perfect.

9 Try gentle exercise (if ok’d by your doctor or midwife). It is clinically recognized to lower stress levels. You don’t have to go to the gym but when you want to bludgeon a colleague or spouse, take a walk round the block. Ideally, join a pregnancy yoga class. Or try and walk for half an hour a day. But don’t beat yourself up about it if you can’t. You may just want to lie in a darkened room with earplugs in. That’s fine too.

10 Get help: counselling or even life-coaching can help you decode your stress and work out how to handle it better.