Читать книгу Single Dads Collection - Lynne Marshall - Страница 38

Her nerves were near shot. Noah had been on the force for nearly a week and she’d worked five days out of the seven. Her usual part-time schedule had shifted into full-time since Carla had to be out with her mother for the next couple of weeks.

Which meant more face-to-face time with Officer Brooding and Sexy. Why, why, why did this man have to be the one she found so attractive? Why couldn’t she get stirrings for a schoolteacher or a garbage man? A man who put his life on the line every day was an absolute no-no.

Her husband had done the same thing. Day after day he’d put himself out there…until one day he was gone.

Noah had only been on the force a short time and already he’d proven he was a man of loyalty, integrity, and compassion. He’d taken the little boy from the creek incident a stuffed animal before his shift. And the only reason anyone knew of that was because the mother called to tell Captain Cameron St. John what an amazing officer he had.

The back door opened and closed. Before she could turn to see which officer was coming on duty, a call came in. She pressed the key on the computer to answer and adjusted her headset.

“Stonerock Police Department.”

“I have someone walking through my backyard carrying a baseball bat.”

“Do you know who this person is?” Lucy replied.

“No, but they’ve been out there for a few minutes just staring at the house.”

Lucy dispatched an officer and kept the caller on the line as she made sure the lady’s doors were locked and she was away from doors and windows. The woman didn’t sound frantic, but concerned.

Stonerock wasn’t known for having many crimes, but there were crazy people everywhere. She couldn’t take any call for granted.

Once the officer arrived and the caller confirmed it, Lucy disconnected the call. When she turned in her seat, she was alone in the room, but she knew who’d come in earlier. That aftershave still permeating the room had become so familiar, making her insides stir and get all schoolgirl giddy.

She was a grown woman getting giddy. How sad was that?

Keeping her feelings in check was the smart thing to do. She needed to keep her emotional distance from Noah, but each day she saw him, she realized she wanted to see more of him, to learn more about him. That need was a recipe for disaster and heartache. Neither of them was at a place in their lives to act on attraction. Of course, she was still assuming it was one-sided, which was all the more reason for her to rein in her school-girl crush.

Only this didn’t feel like anything she’d had as a teenager. Her attraction for Noah Spencer was all grown up…as were the dreams she’d been having since that first meeting in the rain.

Lucy came to her feet and stretched her neck from side to side. She was pulling a double shift today, which was fine. She could use the extra money to put back into the support group fund. Tonight was a meeting, but Kate and Tara were fine without her. It’s not like Lucy was ever missed.

“Thought you were off today.”

She jerked around to see Noah standing in the doorway drinking a cup of coffee. His dark eyes held hers and she had to force herself to not fidget.

“Taking on a few more shifts while Carla is out. I can always use extra money for my group.”

His dark brows drew in. “Aren’t you missing a meeting tonight?”

Lucy shrugged. “I am, but my girls understand. Sometimes we have to cover for each other.”

He took a sip of coffee from one of the disposable cups. When he pushed off the doorway, Lucy thought he was about to turn and leave, but he crossed the room and headed for her desk. Lucy spun around, pretending to stare at the monitors. It was a slow night, but she still wished for a call to come in right then. She couldn’t handle all this tension. Well, the tension on her part at least. She never could get a grasp on what he was feeling.

“What do you do in your spare time?” he asked as he took a seat beside her.

The question threw her off as she glanced to the clock. He was early for his shift by about twenty minutes. Why was he choosing to sit in here with her?

“Spare time?” she asked, fidgeting with her watch. “I’m usually looking for speakers for the group or community projects we can do. Giving back and lifting others up is a great way to—”

“No.”

Lucy jerked her attention back to him. “What do you mean, no?”

Noah set his cup on the desk and leaned forward. That dark stare of his zeroed in on her and she could easily see him cornering a suspect with those eyes, or seducing a woman. Those eyes held every secret, letting no emotion slip through. That whole guarded, sultry thing he had going might be the sexiest thing she’d ever seen in her life.

The uniform didn’t hurt, either. But she’d rather have a man not so committed to danger and more committed to…well, her. As selfish as that sounded, part of her hated knowing that her husband had sacrificed his life defending their country, but that was the type of man he’d been. And she could tell that was the type of man Noah was.

“I know you work and volunteer your time for the group,” he stated, still holding her in place with that mesmerizing gaze. “But I’m asking what else you do.”

“Oh, I study. I’m almost done with my online classes.”

Noah shook his head. “For fun. What do you do for fun?”

Lucy opened her mouth, then shut it. She thought for a second, but nothing came to her. Surely she’d done something for fun lately…hadn’t she? Her friends were always texting her or calling for some reason or another. But she couldn’t recall the last time they went out and did anything.

“I have horses,” she replied. “Two of them. They were my husband’s, so they’re mine now.”

Before she could even think of something she actually did just for herself, a call came in. It took great effort on her part, but she blocked out the presence of the powerful man beside her. The call didn’t take long and didn’t require anyone to be dispatched. An elderly lady had locked herself out of her home, but ended up finding her key in the bottom of her purse while she was talking.

When Lucy disconnected the call, Officer McCoy came in the back door. “Evening. Gettin’ chilly out there.”

Noah spun in the chair. “It’s downright frigid to me. I guess I’ll have to invest in thicker coats.”

“Drink more coffee,” McCoy suggested as he passed on through to the break room.

“It’s not too bad here,” Lucy replied once Noah turned back to her. “But I guess coming from Texas, Stonerock does seem cold in the fall.”

“Everything is different from Texas,” he muttered.

There went that darkness settling over him again. If she could just break through…but that would require her getting closer and spending more time with him. That probably wasn’t smart. Maybe she should have Tara or Kate reach out to Noah. Definitely a better option.

A sliver of jealousy speared through her at the idea of her friends getting one-on-one time with Noah.

“Are you upset about missing the meeting?” he asked.

Lucy tipped her head and eased back in her chair. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’ve looked upset since I walked in.”

Upset? That’s what he got out of her appearance and attitude? She was seriously out of practice. Granted, she’d never had to initiate conversation or flirting with a man. Evan had asked her out and he’d taken charge. He was her first love, so…yeah, right now she was seriously out of her element. Maybe she should give up and stop trying. Had she even started, though?

“I’m not upset,” she assured him.

Noah grabbed his cup, but never took his eyes off her. “You hide it well, but something is bothering you. None of my business, though.”

He rose to his feet and turned to leave the room.

“Wait a minute,” she called. “You’re the one who seems all brooding and quiet. Over the past week you’ve barely said a word to me other than hi and bye. You talk to everyone else but me.”

Noah glanced over his shoulder. “I speak with you over the radio every day.”

Yeah, and that grated on her nerves because his low, gravelly voice always made her tingle and she did not want to tingle. Damn it, she didn’t know what she wanted, but she at least wanted him to stop torturing her. Maybe acknowledge her as more than an annoyance or someone not to be bothered with. But the casual greeting as he came and went didn’t sit well with her.

Well, maybe she wouldn’t mind so much if he did the same to everyone, but it was only her as far as she could tell. Had she done something to offend him? How was that even possible when she’d barely spoken to him other than to dispatch calls through the radio?

“Face-to-face, you ignore me.” That sounded so childish. Lucy came to her feet and sighed. “We’re like a family here, so I don’t want any tension.”

Noah shifted to face her fully. “Are you feeling tension?”

She was feeling sexually frustrated, but she figured announcing that wasn’t professional. Was this what it would be like getting back into the dating world? She wasn’t so sure she was up for this game.

Instead of answering his question, she asked one of her own. “Are you telling me you aren’t?”

Shut up, Lucy. Just shut up.

“Because I don’t try to cover my feelings,” she went on, ignoring that inner voice. “Attraction is a natural emotion.”

When his eyes widened, she seriously wanted to die. He seemed shocked, whether at her blunt statement or the fact he wasn’t feeling the same, she had no clue. Regardless, it was out there now and she really, really wished she didn’t always take the advice of her therapist and tell people how she felt.

McCoy came back through, whistling and holding his own cup of coffee. At the same time, another call rang through the room, effectively severing the awkward silence that had descended since she’d opened her mouth and opted to pour out her thoughts.

Lucy took the interruption as a sign that it was indeed time to shut up and stop telling Noah…well, anything. She quickly answered the call and sat back down at her desk. By the time she was done, Noah and Sergeant McCoy were gone and Lucy’s heart was still beating like mad.

She’d stepped over some professional boundary and she had no clue how to come back from that. Noah was now well aware of how she felt about him, and from the look on his face, he didn’t want to accept it.

Fantastic. How on earth did she come back from this embarrassing moment?

Okay, cooking wasn’t necessarily her thing. Actually, she was terrible at it. But Lucy knew how to bake and actually loved doing it.

Which was why she found herself standing on the porch of one adorable little gray-and-white cottage on the edge of town. Lucy secured the basket of cranberry scones under one arm and rang the doorbell with her free hand.

Nerves gathered in her belly and she couldn’t believe she was actually standing here. Hadn’t she made a big enough fool of herself yesterday? At work, no less.

Maybe she should just leave the basket on the swing and—

The door opened, cutting off her thoughts. Once she recovered from the fact she was actually at Noah’s home, it took every single ounce of self-restraint she had not to burst out laughing.

“Are you wearing—”

“Yes. What are you doing here?”

Lucy didn’t know whether to be extremely confused or thoroughly entertained at the sight of Noah Spencer sporting a plastic tiara, dangling clip-on jeweled earrings, and a purple beaded necklace.

Before Lucy could make a comment of any sort, a little girl popped out from behind Noah’s legs. She too wore fancy accessories, but she had on a sparkly dress with a full skirt that went all the way to the floor.

Lucy immediately glanced back to Noah. He offered a simple smile, flashing that dimple at the corner of his mouth.

“This is my daughter, Emma. Emma, this is one of Daddy’s coworkers, Lucy.”

His daughter. Lucy hadn’t heard a word about a little girl. Noah was one private man and now Lucy felt even sillier coming here unannounced.

“You look beautiful,” Lucy stated as she bent down to the pre-schooler. “Do you always play dress-up with your dad?”

“I played with my mommy, but she’s not here anymore.” Emma’s little chin wobbled for a second before she continued. “Daddy lets me put anything on him, but not a dress.”

Lucy laughed. Apparently Noah had his limits even with his little girl.

Emma smiled up at her dad and Noah nodded to her. When the little girl turned her wide blue eyes back to Lucy, Lucy couldn’t help but smile in return.

“We have tea parties,” Emma answered. “Daddy puts extra sugar in it.”

As she spoke again, Lucy realized the little girl had the cutest dimple on the side of her mouth, just like her father. Could she be any more adorable?

A flash of old dreams coursed through Lucy’s mind. At one time she and Evan had wanted children. They’d bought their home with all the acreage and added two horses, with the intention of filling their home with kids. Then he’d been deployed and that had been the end of her dreams for a family.

She’d always assumed those wishes had died with him, but seeing little Emma brought them back again. A lump settled in her throat, blocking her words.

“Come on in.” Noah stepped back, placing a hand on Emma’s shoulder to pull her with him. “Sorry. It’s cold out there.”

Lucy stepped over the threshold and attempted a smile to mask the unexpected hurt. “You’ve just got to get that Southern blood used to this. It’s really not cold in the grand scheme of things.”

He grunted as he shut the door. Emma ran through the house and disappeared, apparently getting back to her interrupted tea party. Lucy clutched her basket as more doubts crept in.

“I’m sorry,” she began as she turned back to Noah. “I shouldn’t just show up unannounced. Especially after yesterday, but… You know, it’s really difficult to talk to you when you’re dressed like an overgrown princess.”

Noah pulled the tiara from his head and snapped the earrings off his ears, but remained in the beads. “What brought you here, Lucy?”

Was it completely pathetic that she liked how he said her name? Most likely, but she couldn’t help how she felt. She could, however, keep her mouth shut on that subject and try to get back on some level ground with him.

“I made scones for you.” She held up the basket and smiled. “I didn’t know you had a little girl or I would’ve made some of my monster cookies.”

“Monster cookies?” he asked as he used his fingertip to push aside the checkered towel to see inside the basket.

“It’s a chocolate chip cookie, but you add M&M’s and other candies. Really, anything you like. They’re pretty amazing.”

He pulled a scone from the basket and took a bite. When his lids lowered and he groaned, Lucy felt more confident in her decision to bring the peace offering. She typically only baked for the support group or for family and friends. This was the first time she’d done it for a virtual stranger.

“These are amazing,” he said around his second bite. “Is that cranberry?”

“It is, and I put a dash of orange in it.”

He finished the scone and dusted his hand on his jeans. “You might as well come on in, but I can’t guarantee you won’t end up with a tiara on your head and a cup of tea.”

A little part of Lucy’s heart flipped over.

“I’d love to have a tiara.”

Noah reached for the basket. “Come on back.”

“Wait.” She relinquished the basket and shoved her hands inside her jacket. “I want to apologize for yesterday. I didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable between us.”

The dark eyes she’d come to appreciate held her as he closed the distance between them. In one hand he held the basket, and in the other he had the girly accessories.

“I wasn’t uncomfortable,” he murmured. “Intrigued and surprised, but not uncomfortable.”

The air between them seemed to thicken because she was having a difficult time breathing. And he still appeared just as calm and in control as ever.

“Why don’t you take your jacket off and join our tea party?” he asked.

Lucy couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped her lips. “How can I turn down an invitation like that from a man wearing purple beads?”

Emma came twirling back through the house holding a stuffed bear as her dance partner. “Is the pretty lady staying?”

Lucy kept her focus on Noah because that precious girl was a reminder of things she’d once dreamed of. Things Lucy hadn’t realized she still wanted until just now. A child of her own. A family.

Honestly, Lucy didn’t know what was more damaging to her heart, Emma or Noah. But the combination of the two was downright terrifying. Nevertheless, she wasn’t going to pass up the chance to stay.

Part of her rationalized that she was staying as a way to break through to Noah and get him to open up about his feelings. He needed new friends in the town, right? And since he refused to join her meetings, she’d just have to try to get him to open up in other ways. She could be his support team…right? That was totally logical and the right thing to do.

Of course the devil on her other shoulder called her a bald-faced liar. She was staying because she was on this roller coaster of newfound emotions and she had no clue how to stop the ride…or even if she wanted to stop it.

As crazy as it sounded, Noah had reawakened something deep inside her. For two years she’d focused on throwing herself into work, the group, school. But now maybe she just wanted to be selfish and see what happened.

“I’m staying,” Lucy replied as she smiled back to Emma.

The little girl bounced up and down, sending her blond curls dancing around her shoulders. “Yay. I’ll have Mr. Bear sit on my lap and you can have his chair.”

She scurried off just as fast as she’d entered and Noah shook his head. “You should feel honored. I’ve never had Mr. Bear’s seat.”

Lucy slid out of her jacket and hung it on the hook by the door. She completely ignored the fact it was nestled between a tiny pink-and-white polka-dot coat and a large black woolen one. Well, she tried to anyway.

She was seeing a whole new side to Noah she hadn’t even known existed, but she liked it. The idea that he was a single father really helped Lucy understand why he’d been so reserved. The man had lost his wife and was protecting all the life he had left.

She could spend all day analyzing this situation from his angle, from hers, but right now she was going to enjoy the moment. She’d have time to analyze it later.

What the hell was he thinking? He should never have let Lucy inside his home. Granted he’d only been here a couple weeks, but this was his home now. Having Lucy here botched up his plans to keep his life simple and his heart guarded.

But damn, that scone was something else. He hadn’t had something that delicious and homemade in…well, ever. His wife hadn’t been much of a cook, but that never bothered him. They mostly lived off the ranch anyway, between the livestock and the fields. Noah had cooked, too, taking pity on Cara who panicked at the sight of a recipe or the thought of a casserole.

This new lifestyle was taking some serious getting used to. Between the cooler weather, the free time he had from not ranching, and acclimating to the new force, his entire world had been reshaped. But he was grateful he had a job, a home, and his daughter. They’d make it because he was determined to give her the best life possible, considering the circumstances.

“Want to see my room?” Emma asked Lucy.

Without waiting for a reply, Emma hopped up from her little chair and grabbed Lucy’s hand.

“Calm down, Em.” Noah finished clearing the tea set from the table. “Maybe Lucy has somewhere else to be. She hadn’t exactly planned on staying here today.”

Lucy held Emma’s hand and stood. “I’d love to see your room.”

“My daddy painted it just like I wanted,” Emma chattered as she led Lucy away. “And then he put up this sparkly light and…”

Her voice trailed away and Noah glanced to the clock. It was almost time for him to lie down and get a few hours’ sleep before going into work later tonight. The realtor had suggested a fabulous babysitter that lived only two doors down: a retired lady who was known as the town grandma and had babysat for years. Having someone dependable and trustworthy made this entire process much less stressful. Each little layer of his new life that fell into place where he needed eased his worry.

Noah wondered if he’d see Lucy at work, but then quickly pushed the thought aside. She’d been here for over an hour and if he was already looking forward to seeing her again, then he was falling down that rabbit hole he never wanted to be near again.

He wasn’t ready to move on. Cara had been gone only six months. Shouldn’t he wait longer before allowing that desire to creep in? Not that he’d let this happen. He looked at Lucy and…well, his thoughts, emotions and feelings had slipped from his control.

Noah rinsed out the tea set and put it away. Tea parties were a thing his wife had started with Emma and he’d wanted to keep some sense of normalcy in her life. As soon as they hit town, he took her shopping for a new tea set and they’d had a party every single day since. He didn’t mind dressing up so long as it put a smile on Emma’s face.

When they were gone a lengthy amount of time, Noah figured he’d better go save Lucy because Emma hadn’t been around a woman, minus the sitter, since her mother passed. She was most likely craving that connection. Both of Cara’s parents were gone and so was Noah’s mother…he’d never known his father.

Noah reached the doorway and found Emma and Lucy on the widow seat. Emma had already draped necklaces and headbands on Lucy.

“Oh, honey. Maybe Lucy didn’t want to be covered in accessories.”

Lucy picked up another hair ribbon. “Actually, it’s been a long time since someone pampered me. I was rather enjoying myself.”

The sight of Emma with another young woman, and not his late wife, did something to him. Something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. On one hand, there was that ever-pressing remorse he carried. The guilt of getting on with his life. The guilt of not having been able to save his wife.

He’d been a police officer back in Texas as well and had saved others, but ultimately he hadn’t been able to save his own wife. He’d spoken to her after the storm and she’d assured him she was fine, but he should have—

He stopped himself. The blame would never end.

On the other hand, he knew his wife would’ve wanted him to move on, to live for their daughter. She wouldn’t like that he was feeling guilt, because that emotion robbed his happiness.

“I hate to break up this party, but it’s time for you to go to Miss Mary’s house.”

Emma protested with a whine, but Lucy placed a hand on her knee. “It’s okay. Maybe we can have another playdate.”

“Really?” Emma asked, suddenly in a better mood.

Lucy glanced to Noah. “If your dad doesn’t mind.”

Noah weighed the options. He didn’t want to let this get too routine because Emma would likely get attached. He had to watch out for her, but on the other hand, it was nice to see his daughter open up and want to play and be with another young woman.

He couldn’t lie—seeing them together put his guard up. He wasn’t looking for a replacement for his wife or mother for his child. At this point, he wasn’t looking for anything because he was still trying to figure out this new life.

A mix of emotions swirled through him. He was attracted to Lucy and he had to assume that was normal, but that didn’t mean he felt good about it. It didn’t mean it was right to happen at this particular moment.

“I’m pretty busy, though.” Lucy glanced to Noah and back to Emma. “I’ll talk to your dad later at work and we’ll see. Okay?”

Lucy took off all of her play jewelry and hair accessories. After laying them on the window seat, she bent down to Emma.

“Thank you so much for showing me your room. It is beautiful just like you. Maybe one day you could come see my horses since I know you miss yours.”

Emma squealed. “Can I, Daddy? Please, please, please.”

Noah laughed. “We’ll see what we can work out.”

Emma threw her arms around Lucy’s neck and Noah had to look away. He couldn’t see this, couldn’t let his heart flip over in his chest. He loved Emma with everything he had in him, but Lucy was practically a stranger.

Maybe he needed distance himself, because the more he was around Lucy with her sweet smile and her easygoing nature, the more he wanted to be. And the fact she’d brought him a peace offering wasn’t helping the case he was trying to make regarding staying emotionally detached.

Lucy had enjoyed a tea party, she’d played dress-up, and she’d baked him scones. And that was only in a little over an hour. What would happen if he invited her back for dinner? Or if they went to a movie or to the park? Then what? Would he grow even more intrigued?

Lucy crossed the room toward him and Noah had to shift out of the doorway so she could pass. When she got within a few inches, she paused and looked him straight in the eye.

“Thanks for sharing your day with me,” she said. “That meant more than you know.”

And then she was walking down the hall and out the door. That was the end of it.

Or was it? Because the sadness in her eyes when she’d thanked him had him wanting to run after her and figure out just what was hurting her. But he didn’t, because he knew her angle. Yes, the attraction was there, but she wanted to cure him or make his life better. She’d mentioned her group more than once and she was the type of person who would throw herself into helping others and forgetting herself.

The unmistakable sorrow he’d glimpsed as she passed by couldn’t be ignored, but it wouldn’t be easy to bring up at work when he went in for his shift. There were other officers coming and going and calls she’d be taking. But he’d find a way.

Lucy may think she was going to cure him, but perhaps it wasn’t he who needed the help.