Читать книгу Raising Cooperative Kids - Marion S. Forgatch - Страница 21

Parents have different ways to get their children to comply. Many involve coercion, which essentially involves the use of psychological and even physical force to accomplish a goal. “You will do what I say or else!” Stress in our personal lives and in the workplace often ignites our use of coercion. Moreover, for better or worse, we tend to follow examples set by our own parents. If coercion reigned supreme in your family as you were growing up, you may find yourself using it with your own children and also your spouse or partner.

At one end of the spectrum, we've seen parents who command their children like boot-camp sergeants. They may resort to threats or, in extreme cases, even violence. At the other end, we have watched parents, determined not to follow in their authoritarian parents' footsteps, plead with their children over something as simple as coming to dinner or shutting the door quietly. Neither approach is effective, as you may have discovered already. Commanding, debating, or pleading with children does not teach cooperation. What we have learned from watching parents and their children is that the most efficient approach is to give the child a clear, concise direction in a polite, emotionally neutral, tone. It sounds deceptively simple, doesn't it? It is not.

We have developed a set of strategies for giving clear and effective directions that encourage cooperation. Here are our basic strategies.