Читать книгу Is It In Yet? The Big Book of Sexual Failures - Mark Leigh - Страница 10

Breasts, legs, hairy chests, bottoms even toes… the conventional ‘turn ons’ are well documented but what’s far less well-known are actions that can also cause the same level of sexual arousal. Here, we’re talking about incidents where people have got off by crushing insects, painting toenails, vomiting, watching others sneeze and throwing lard…

In July 2001 thirty-eight-year-old Richard Lee Sanders of Burnsville, Minnesota was charged with disorderly conduct after he approached three women on the street, complimented them on their fingernails and then, when the women proudly displayed their hands, grabbed them and began sucking on their fingers. The prosecuting attorney said that this was ‘his weirdest case in sixteen years on the job.’

A survey conducted by Wisconsin researchers into the reason for nose-picking found that 0.4 per cent of those surveyed did it for sexual stimulation.

Toe-sucking is a well-documented fetish that’s even practised by the criminal fraternity. In 1994 Italian police tried, unsuccessfully, to arrest a robber who would hold up shops in Pisa and then, before he left, force the female sales assistants to let him suck their toes.

‘Crushing’ is the sexual fetish whereby people become aroused by the sight of women’s feet smashing small creatures like insects, fish and mice. Between 1998 and 2000, statutes in the US were enacted to target the practice and those posting Internet videos of animal cruelty were tracked down and arrested, forcing the online crush scene underground.

Ibrahim Gadzhiyev, thirty-five, of the Chechen Republic, was heavily into vampire sex, attacking and killing Lena Karaseva, a Miss Russia finalist, in 1996 before drinking her blood. After his arrest, the ex-mercenary confessed to thirteen other horrific murders and told detectives, ‘I am a vampire. I attack people because I want to suck warm blood.’ He told police he had sex with Lena while sinking his teeth into her neck and sucking her blood.

A detective commented, ‘He cannot be human. He is like something out of a horror story.’ The officer added that, when police asked Gadzhiyev to drink a litre of cow’s blood to prove his twisted craving, he gulped it down in one go.

A man in Tifton, Georgia was apprehended after a car chase and convicted of public indecency after a series of incidents in which he would drive around in the nude, throwing chunks of lard at female victims.

It’s not often that the words ‘aroused’ and ‘vomit’ are used in the same sentence but emetophilia is the condition of being sexually aroused when vomiting, being vomited on or watching someone vomit. Stefan Luckham claimed he suffered from that condition when he was arrested in 2007. He’d made women drink drain cleaner so he could become sexually aroused when they were violently sick.

Enough people are turned on by sneezing (either sneezing themselves or seeing someone else sneeze) that there’s a very active sneeze-fetish forum. A typical discussion concerns people posting about sneezes they’ve heard. For example, one member described a co-worker who has the ‘cutest sneeze ever. She gives a big “Ahhhh”, then makes the squeak sound of a pinched stifle, and then lets out a loud “Chooo”.’

Responses to this sort of posting are both congratulatory and envious. One poster wrote, ‘What I wouldn’t do to work in a desk beside her.’ Another said, ‘That’s great! I wish I could make a certain someone allergic to me.’

District Judge Andrew Duvall was a longstanding and upright member of the community of Bedford, Pennsylvania – until a twenty-one-year-old man appeared before him in 2001 on charges of public drunkenness and disorderly conduct. The judge offered the defendant a lighter sentence if he agreed to one thing… to let the judge shampoo his hair. Furthermore, he would reduce the sentence further if he could wash the hair of two of the accused’s friends. The man agreed but the two friends he brought back were state troopers. The judge admitted his hair-washing fetish and resigned from office.

Most people know about necrophilia (getting turned on by dead bodies) or coprophilia (being aroused by faeces) but there are some equally bizarre (and disturbing) fetishes…

 Clowns (coulrophilia)

 Trees (dendrophilia)

 Burglary (harpaxophilia)

 Having insects crawl over your genitals (formicophilia)

 Sucking on someone’s nose (nasolingus)

 Armpit hair (hirsutophilia)

 Fog (nebulophilia)

 Sacred objects (hierophilia)

 Stuttering (psellismophilia)

 The deformed (teratophilia)

 Tears (dacryphilia)

 Falling downstairs (climacophilia)

 Hair (trichophilia)

 Alien creatures (exophilia)

 Stone or gravel (lithophilia)

 Old people (gerontophilia)

 Pinching (thlipsosis)

 Stabbing or piercing the skin of someone (piquerism)

 Electric shocks (electrophilia)

 Mucus (mucophilia)

 Amputees (acrotomophilia)

 Using your partner like a piece of furniture (forniphilia)

 Statues or mannequins (agalmatophilia)

 Teddy bears (ursusagalmatophilia)

 Smells (ozolagnia)

 Catheters (catheterophilia)

 Shoes (retifism)

 Mucus (mucophilia)

 Using food for sexual pleasures (sitophilia)

 Pulling out your sexual organs by the roots (enderacinism)

 Licking eyeballs (oculolinctus)

 Scratching and itching (acarophilia)

 Enemas (klismaphilia)

 Strong and muscular women (sthenolagnia)

 Vomiting or being vomited on (emetophilia)

 Being eaten alive or eating someone else (vorarephilia)

An open verdict was recorded after a man’s body was found on his bed, having been strangled by a shoelace. At the inquest, the coroner stated that the death could be explained by one of three things: murder, suicide or misadventure during a deviant sexual practice. The victim was found surrounded by cuddly toys, holding a wooden spoon in one hand.

A Tokyo mugger had a strange MO… he’d threaten people and make them hand over their contact lenses. After he was arrested, police discovered his fetish. His home contained 154 pairs of contact lenses and glasses.

Thousands of people die each year from autoerotic asphyxiation: the act of masturbating while robbing the brain of oxygen to create a feeling of ecstatic euphoria. Those seeking this ‘high’ may strangle themselves with cords, ropes, scarves or ties, or suffocate themselves by sealing their heads in plastic bags – but deaths occur when they go too far and fail to stop the asphyxiation. Two of the highest-profile victims have been INXS singer Michael Hutchence and actor David Carradine.

Closer to home, one of the best-known reports concerned Conservative MP for Eastleigh Stephen Milligan, who is believed to have died while pleasuring himself during a ‘solo-bondage and self-strangulation sex act.’ News reports state that, in 1994, his housekeeper found his body at his Chiswick home tied to a kitchen chair, naked apart from stockings and suspenders, with a plastic bag over his head and an orange in his mouth (although some reports say it was actually a satsuma).

The Trobiand islanders – part of the nation of Papua New Guinea – practise something called mitakuku, whereby, during lovemaking, they bite off their partner’s eyebrows at the moment of climax.

A Tokyo newspaper reported the story of a local resident who had a huge fetish for women’s socks; so much so, in fact, that, when he saw a woman in the street wearing socks inappropriately – i.e. down around her ankles – he assaulted her by rubbing spit in her hair.

The Associated Press reported the story of a New Jersey man who robbed twelve urologists’ offices in revenge for them refusing to give him a prostate examination. The court heard that the man didn’t need the procedure but just got pleasure from having the inspection.

A mugger, who was later caught by New York police, admitted stealing glasses from people in the street because he’d get sexually aroused wearing them in bed.

The American Journal of Forensic Medicine & Pathology reported the bizarre case of a sixty-year-old man found dead in his apartment, wrapped in fourteen different blankets with a plastic bag full of semen attached to his penis. Investigators discovered that the blankets had been taped to him and postulated that he’d laid them out with double-sided tape attached and had rolled into them, one by one, until he was cocooned in the middle, as a way to get his sexual thrills. Unfortunately, he’d suffocated in the process.

A man named only as S.L., from Arizona, revealed in a letter to Forum magazine that he could only make love to a woman if she had a limp. ‘Not amputees or any weird stuff,’ he explained. ‘They just have to be slightly lame.’ He went on to explain that he was in love with a girl who’d sprained her ankle playing tennis but that, after she recovered, he couldn’t get an erection. Even putting on a limp for him had no effect. Four women reported that a man had fondled and, in some cases, sucked their hair, while they were watching Sleepless in Seattle in a movie theatre in Grosse Point Woods, Michigan. All they could tell police was that he looked like Kenny Rogers.

Sex therapist Dr Robert Chartham reported on a man who would only make love to his wife if his feet were submerged in cold water. Their usual position for sex was with him sitting on the edge of the bath with his feet in the water and his wife facing him, straddling his lap.

A Los Angeles man known only by his nickname of Leonardo da Toenail was caught in 1981 after a number of complaints from young women at the University of Southern California. Leonardo had a very odd modus operandi and would target only those wearing open-toed footwear. Posing as a student, he would go into the university’s library and sit opposite his target, take his books out and begin studying. He would then pretend to drop a pen and, while reaching under the table to pick it up, would surreptitiously paint the nail on the girl’s big toe. If she didn’t realise, he’d drop something else on the floor and paint the other one. When arrested, police found he was carrying sixteen bottles of nail varnish. However, he wasn’t charged with any offence, since his victims felt foolish testifying against him.

Keith Everett, twenty-nine, went by the nickname of Jack the Crimper after his bizarre habit of creeping up on unsuspecting women and shampooing their hair for as long as he could before running off. In 1985 he was jailed for washing the hair of ten women in this way.

Thirty-three-year-old Jerome Wright of New York had a fetish about women’s bottoms. Nothing too unusual about that, you may think, until you realise that the way he got his kicks was by firing a blow dart at them. He confessed to targeting the buttocks of at least fifty-five well-dressed women at the city’s Pennsylvania station in the summer of 1990, firing a large pin at them through a drinking straw. He explained to police that fat women were his favourite targets, as their butts were easier to hit.

Someone else with an odd bottom fetish was thirty-two-year-old Terence Goodhew of London, who would creep up on girls waiting at bus stops in West Ham and try and set fire to their bottoms. When arrested in 1982, he refuted the police allegations and just told them, ‘I’m careless with matches.’

Loli-can – or The Lolita Complex – is the name for the Japanese fetish that began in 1993, where men happily paid up to $60 for a pair of vacuum-packed used panties that once belonged to a schoolgirl, accompanied by a photo of her wearing them. Eager to cash in on this craze, one enterprising company even offered panties via street-vending machines in Tokyo.

A year later, the obsession had moved on and the craze was for schoolgirl saliva offered in a 50-ml bottle. Freshness was guaranteed; the saliva was refrigerated and certified as not being more than seven days old.

The Roman Emperor Domitian got his sexual kicks by slowly plucking out the pubic hair of his lovers, one by one.

Michael Kenyon, otherwise known as ‘the enema bandit’, unleashed a reign of terror on the residents of Urbana, Illinois at intervals between 1966 and 1975. Described as an ‘obsessive enema lover’, Kenyon would break into homes and administer enemas to his victims under gunpoint but was eventually arrested in connection with a number of armed robberies in suburban Chicago. It was during questioning that officers became aware that he was the enema bandit. He served six years in prison and was paroled in 1981 and was immortalised by Frank Zappa in his song ‘Illinois Enema Bandit’, recorded live in December 1976.

A policeman was jailed for six months for replacing a loo roll in his next-door neighbour’s house with one that deviously contained a miniature camera, allowing him to view images on his TV of her on the toilet. The victim told the court, ‘I knew something was up, as I usually use peach toilet paper.’

A man from Ohio had a very peculiar way of arousing himself; he’d play with himself until he achieved an erection and, at the moment of climax, would shoot himself with a gun. He wasn’t entirely crazy though… he did wear a bulletproof vest.

Police in Ohio were called to a house when a man discovered his father lying face down on the couch, naked and not breathing. Medics on the scene pronounced the man dead but, when his body was removed, they discovered two unusual sights: burn marks around his genitals and a hole in one of the cushions in the position of his groin. On removing the cushion, they found two electric sanders fixed to the couch frame.

It turned out that the man had had a habit of putting his penis down the hole and enjoying the good vibrations of the sanders (with the sanding paper removed, of course). His death was caused by his orgasm shorting out one of the sanders, resulting in his electrocution.

In July 2009 Aberdeen police found Amy Henderson vigorously masturbating near a number of burning dustbins outside a McDonalds in the city’s main shopping centre. Further investigations found petrol, rags and a lighter in her handbag. She later admitted starting the blazes because she suffered from pyrophilia – a sexual disorder that meant she was turned on by fire.

In a similar case, in 1997, two San Diego residents were charged with setting fire to various motor vehicles. They told the court that they did it for their twenty-seven-year-old friend Tammy Jo Garcia, who was aroused by the sight of burning cars.

Emperor Tiberius used to skinny dip in a pool filled with young boys, who would nibble on his penis as he swam.

In 2007 Canadian police were keen to track down an unknown masochist, who approached women and pestered them to kick him in the groin. While not a crime in itself, the police were worried that women might be in danger from his ulterior motives.

Women in northern Siberia are reported to show their interest in men by throwing slugs at them.

In 1994 thirty-three-year-old French art lover Michel Renet staged a twelve-day hunger strike to protest against a judge’s refusal to permit him to legally marry the Venus de Milo statue.

Kevin Kirkland, a forty-four-year-old computer engineer from Shropshire, was found naked apart from his socks and boots, handcuffed to a tree in August 2010, with a cord also wrapped around his penis. The inquest into his death heard he had died from a combination of hypothermia and blood loss from cuts on his wrists, which were caused by his desperate attempts to escape, presumably after changing his mind.

Summing up on one of her cases, judge Anne Tyler commented that the man who appeared in her Ohio courtroom had ‘what can only be described as a urine fetish.’ He was arrested for collecting urine from male restrooms with the intention of drinking it.

In January 2012 thirty-four-year-old Christopher Bjerkness of Duluth, Minnesota was sentenced to four years of supervised probation for breaking into school gyms, sports complexes and rehabilitation centres and slashing rubber exercise balls with a knife to fulfil a sexual urge. Bjerkness admitted that he can’t explain his fetish but said he isn’t a threat to people; only balls.

A fifty-one-year-old British man who practised auto asphyxiation was discovered dead, hanging from a tree. Police who searched his house found the following items: handcuffs, leg irons, a penis vice, scrotum weights, various electric-shock devices, a mace with chain and spiked ball, canes, whips and 107 pairs of leather gloves, of which twenty-nine were determined to have semen stains inside.

Author James Joyce admitted to being turned on by his lover’s unwashed underwear.

Over a long period of time, twenty-five-year-old Frank Ranieri from Staten Island, New York impersonated a police officer to win the trust of teenagers. He’d pay them $500 a time to let him stab them in the buttocks with a pin or a biro. One girl earned almost $6,000 in total and told the (real) police that she went along with it as she needed the money. Another recruited two of her friends, telling them, ‘If you want to make some cash, he’ll pay you a lot. It’s not so bad.’ Ranieri was arrested in June 2007 and charged with second-degree assault as part of a sexually motivated crime.

History doesn’t record who suddenly thought, ‘I want to increase my sexual performance, so I’ll eat ambergris,’ (a waxy substance found in the intestines of sperm whales) but the concept of the aphrodisiac exists in almost every culture.

It’s easy to understand the origin of some aphrodisiacs. Foods that mimic certain body parts were supposed to aid those same body parts, which is why powdered rhino horn or the sea cucumber are notable aphrodisiacs in Asia.

Other aphrodisiacs are actually toxins that can enhance arousal. These include Spanish fly – an acidic beetle secretion that can cause a severe fever – and also fugu – or blowfish – which can lead to pleasurable tingling if it’s prepared properly… or a painful death if it’s not.

The following items, as bizarre as they sound, are all reported to enhance sexual performance.

 Cobra blood

 Powdered frogs’ bones

 Tiger penis

 The milk of an ass combined with the blood of a bat

 Powdered cow dung dissolved in water

 Sheep’s eyelids soaked in hot tea

 Pigeon excrement

 Live monkey brains

 Lizards soaked in urine

 Bull penis-and-testicle soup

 Menstrual blood

 Dolphin testicles

 Duck eggs containing a partially developed foetus

 Skink (lizard) flesh

 Wolf meat

 Rhino horn

 Leaf-cutter ants

 Dolphin testicles

 Bamboo urine

 Sea Cucumber

 Caterpillar fungus (a parasite than infects the brains of caterpillar larvae

 Toad excrement

 Pigeon dung

 Melted fat from a camel hump

 Ambergris (intestinal secretions of the sperm whale)

 Blood from a dog that has eaten a crow that has eaten a centipede