Читать книгу Dr Eve's Sex Book: A Guide for Young People - Marlene Wasserman - Страница 11

No choice leaves you with no voice. You need to scream down your friends’ voices in your head and choose what you want.

Friends are more important to you right now than your own parents. They are your second family, the people you choose to hang out with. You feel understood by them, you can share secrets, there is intense loyalty between you and trust is never to be compromised between friends. Unfortunately they can also be a major obstacle in building your self-esteem.

Peer pressure is very real. It is a “fit in or fly off” mentality. That’s why it is extremely important to choose friends well. If you hang out with a group of people who are experimenting with drugs and alcohol, no doubt you will get into this stuff too. To you it might feel far worse to be left out of the group, and easier to be pressurised into this unwanted lifestyle. But is this right? If you feel your friends are pressurising you, jealous of you, competing with you, stealing your partners, telling on you or talking behind your back, dump them. They will compromise your self-esteem and make you feel bad about who you are. Young men and women learn about sexuality from their friends. Friends can learn from pornographic material, hearsay, the media and their own sexual experiences. This creates a distorted picture – which you might accept as truth because a picture of healthy sexuality doesn’t exist for you. Friends will brag about their sexual conquests and popularity, maybe leaving you feeling inadequate. Often you will deliberately seek to lose your precious virginity just to keep up with your so-called sexually active friends. No choice leaves you with no voice. You need to scream down your friends’ voices in your head and choose what you want.

Build your social bricks for your self-esteem by choosing friends wisely – friends who give you a sense of acceptance and belonging, who make you feel important, from whom you receive affection and are popular. These friends will also treat you well, give you hugs, and recognise your status. Choose friends who watch your back and who do not pressurise you into doing things with which you are uncomfortable. Examine your present friendships by questioning what value they bring to your life. Bear in mind that society is judgemental, and especially love to judge and condemn teens. Think whether the group with whom you hang out is good for your reputation. I am not encouraging you to be a loser. I want you to be a winner, somebody who feels good about who he/she is.