Читать книгу Dr Eve's Sex Book: A Guide for Young People - Marlene Wasserman - Страница 12

Your family is unique; it is completely different from your friends’, from families in the movies and on television. You may be proud of some of your family members and deeply embarrassed by others. As you are growing up, you may be aware of how different you are from your parents or siblings. This often leads to extreme conflict and tension. Your best brick in the whole wide world is having a healthy, loving, open family. No other brick contributes as much to giving you the positive self-esteem that is so vital to your wellbeing. If there is open communication with your parents, you stand a chance of becoming a healthy sexual adult. Remember, no parent deliberately sets out to mess up, their intentions are mostly good. Of course, too often parents are wounded children themselves. This disables their ability to parent you in a healthy and mature way.

Today’s families are so interesting and varied. You don’t always find the garden variety nuclear family nowadays: mother, father, three kids, a house in the suburbs, two cars in the garage and a few pets. Family combinations are endless:

•Single mother raising kids on her own.

•Single father raising kids on his own.

•Parent and step-parent, plus step-siblings.

•Mother + mother, a woman-headed household (lesbian).

•Father + father, a male-headed household (gay).

•Mother, stepfather and half-siblings.

•Father, stepmother and half-siblings.

•Father in transition to being a mother (transgender).

•Mother in transition to being a father (transgender).

•Grandparents, aunts, uncles raising you.

•Extended families – mother, father and grandparents all living together under one roof.

•Child-headed household, no adults.

•Father commuting – he works in another city and comes home for weekends or holidays.

•Mother commuting.

Building your bricks of self-esteem requires spending time with adults you do admire – teachers, other family members, parents of friends, religious leaders, sports or academic achievers.

The topic of sex is seldom raised in families. Research indicates that children wish they could speak to their parents about sex. Most can’t. Either you are too shy or your parents are uncomfortable with this topic. However, you pick up messages about sex from your parents all the time. You know, the negative remarks they make when there is a sexy scene on television, or bad comments they make about your friends who look “sexy”. Or the expression on your mother’s face when your father sneaks a kiss or touches her butt.

You could quickly learn that sex is bad when your mother catches you masturbating and freaks out. Or she discovers condoms in your pocket and punishes you by taking away your cellphone. In the worst situation you may be a victim of sexual abuse by a family member. Or perhaps you have been sexually abused by a family member who does not live with you, but no one believed you when you spoke about it. You may realise that your parent(s) is/are conservative and will not be open for discussion about your own sexual concerns. Your only option may be to experiment yourself or believe your friends.

Building healthy family bricks is challenging. Unfortunately you can’t do much to make your family more functional. Building your bricks of self-esteem requires spending time with adults you do admire – teachers, other family members, parents of friends, religious leaders, sports or academic achievers, etc. Read about people you admire. Consider what you admire in these adults and attempt to take on some of these qualities.