Читать книгу Dr Eve's Sex Book: A Guide for Young People - Marlene Wasserman - Страница 9

I receive so many letters from confused teenagers struggling with this problem. It is not always easy to find the right answers!

Dear Dr Eve

Help! I am a teenager, but I feel so different. Yes, I know my body is different – my penis seems to have grown, but jeez, it’s more than that. It’s this crazy feeling inside, specifically inside my heart. An agitation, an irritation.

No, I am not horny, as I jerked off last night. I can’t give it a name, but it’s making me restless. This feeling rocks my world. I push my mom away when she wants to give me her usual morning hug, and yet I miss her when I am at school. I feel confused, confident, scared and like I am king of the class – but all at the same time! What is happening to me?

Desperate Teen

Hello, Desperate Teen

I haven’t quite worked out which is worse: being a teenager or the parent of a teenager. Both are on a roller coaster ride, leaving the whole family in constant turmoil and often under unbearable tension.

At times life is so sweet – until the next roller coaster comes by and whoops, life once again rock and rolls. You are riding that roller coaster, yet you have no control over it. You may go to school today feeling really cool, happy. Your best buddy teases you in front of the group about something silly you did over the weekend. At the time you also laughed, now you are humiliated and enraged. The only way to get through the next couple of years is knowing that this too shall pass. And that as you jump off the roller coaster, your younger brother will be jumping on, with you as experienced guide and mentor.

Dr Eve

Your teenage years are a transitional, exciting time in which you are discovering who you are and how you want to live life. You do not have all the privileges of being an adult, which freaks you out, because you feel adult. Too often you are forced to make adult decisions and are encouraged to take responsibility for yourself. Structures and rules are actually still much needed, as your body and mind want to run around with abandon. You are like an invincible runaway train. Your instinct is to play, to try new things, to test yourself in the world. But consequences may not always be that clear to you.

The teenage years, which are roughly between the ages of 13 (even from age 9) and 19 (known as late adolescence), are the most crucial of your life. Without a foundation of good self-esteem, positive body image and self-confidence, an unhappy teenager will become an unhappy adult. Research indicates for example that low self-esteem in girls could result in teen pregnancies, chlamydia, eating disorders, self-harm and depression.

“Self-esteem” means feeling good about – and relating positively to – your life, your feelings, your actions and your relationships. Often factors in your life do not contribute positively to your building a foundation of good self-esteem. You could be experiencing things like a divorce between your parents, abuse of you or your parent, a father who works like a dog and is seldom around – and when he is around he is actually absent, as he is so removed from you and the household. Or a mother who may drink too much, visit with her friends too long or work too hard; a parent who has had an affair; parents who constantly fight; a parent who is ill. Then there are also your own “younique” factors like feeling left out and not fitting into a group, too shy, no friends, feeling not as smart, pretty, slim, or cool as the rest of the group. That is why you, especially you, will have to make an effort to build self-esteem.

Everyone is different. For most of your teenage years you will not want to be different. You will want to look and act the same as your peers. It’s all about needing to fit in and belong. As you grow into young adulthood, you will experiment, explore and eventually want to express yourself in your own unique way. You will join and form a clique with other people who have the same interests as you. You will be labelled a biker, skater, rugby jock, culture nerd, whatever. You are building bricks to self-esteem.

Unfortunately many young people lack guidance, and the negative factors in their lives prevent them from making good choices about how to build their bricks. Drugs, alcohol, breaking rules and laws, belonging to a gang become their place of belonging, their family.

Check out the factors that contribute to you creating this all-important self-esteem. Then find some bricks, cement, a shovel and start building.