Читать книгу The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten - Martha Sears - Страница 21

Throughout each chapter we will point out ways to communicate with your child so she doesn’t become parent deaf. The best authority figures specialize in communication with children. Often rephrasing the same directive in a more child-considered way makes the difference in whether a child obeys or defies you. (see here.) Wise disciplinarians know how to open up a closed-off child and consider the Golden Rule: Talk to your children respectfully, the way you want them to talk to you.

Besides learning how to talk to a child, it is equally important to learn how to listen. Nothing wins over a child (or adult) more than conveying that you value her viewpoint. Being in charge of your child doesn’t mean putting her down. In Chapter 8 we will show you how to help your child recognize and appropriately express her feelings. Once she is able to manage her own feelings she is more likely to become sensitive to the feelings of others.

Each of these discipline points depends on the others. It’s hard to be an authority figure, a good model, a behaviour shaper, and an obedience teacher if you and your child aren’t connected and you don’t know your child. You may know the psychological principles of behavioural shaping, but shapers won’t work if you can’t communicate with your child. And even a connected relationship doesn’t guarantee a disciplined child if you fail to convey your expectation that your child obey you. These ten interdependent building blocks form the foundation of the approach to discipline advocated throughout the rest of this book. Put them all together, and you have a blueprint for raising children who are a joy to be with now and who will make you proud in the future.

The balance of love and limits.