Читать книгу The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten - Martha Sears - Страница 8

In order to better understand exactly what is different about our attachment approach, it helps to take a look at various other methods of discipline. Discipline methods fall into three categories:the authoritarian style, the communication approach, and the behaviour modification approach. All three of these ways of guiding children’s behaviour have strengths and weaknesses. In twenty-two years of experience in handling discipline problems in paediatric practice, and in disciplining eight children of our own, we have found that all three of these approaches are useful at different times, though by themselves they are not enough.

The authoritarian style. The traditional way of disciplining, authoritarianism, focuses on parents as authority figures whom children must obey or face the consequences. As one authoritarian father put it: “I’m the dad, he’s the child, and that’s that! I don’t need this modern psychology stuff. If he gets out of line, I’ll show him who’s boss.” With this style of parenting, smacking is considered appropriate, even necessary. The good part of this approach is that it makes it clear that parents must take charge of their children. Many of today’s discipline problems result from adults avoiding responsibility for the behaviour of their children. Children need wise authority figures in order to learn what to do and what not to do. Authority will always be an important part of the discipline package.

Yet many problems can occur with authoritarian parenting. For one, the child can fail to feel the parents’ love. The child can also internalize fear of the parents’ power to the point that it controls her life, even in adulthood. Most important, however, is that when it is used as the sole method of discipline, authoritarianism simply doesn’t work. There are several reasons for this. First, it causes parents to focus so much on stamping out the bad in their children that they tend to overlook the good. Also, the emphasis on punishment keeps parents from learning more appropriate ways to correct their children, ways that could lessen the necessity for punishment in the first place. Worst of all with authoritarian discipline, children behave more out of fear of punishment than desire to please. As a result, they develop no inner controls. Once the controllers’ backs are turned, the controllees can run wild. They may not throw their toys on the floor as adults, but they will lack the inner discipline needed to motivate and control themselves when there is no threat of dire consequences.

The authoritarian style regards discipline as something you do to a child, not a learning