Читать книгу Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms - Mary Kathleen Glavich SND - Страница 7

1. Religion

“Why does Father put Jesus into the microwave?”

The Microwave?

At a certain parish, the tabernacle was a wide rectangular box set into the wall. One day the primary children were learning about the Mass. At the end of the lesson, Sister asked, “Does anyone have any questions?”

With furrowed brow, a child inquired, “Why does Father put Jesus into the microwave?”

The Fourth Person

The pastor posed a trick question to the students he was visiting. God is eternal and had no beginning, but Father asked, “Who is the oldest — God the Father, God the Son, or God the Holy Spirit?”

The first child to answer said, “God the Father.”

A second child asked, “God the Son?”

A third child guessed, “The Holy Spirit.”

After replying no to all three answers, feigning exasperation, Father asked, “Doesn’t anybody know who the oldest is?”

Then a timid voice queried, “Is Amen the oldest?”

A Papal Error

Sister Sharon proved that teachers are not infallible. When she informed her second-graders that Pope Benedict XV had resigned, immediately one boy’s hand shot up. He commented, “Last year when I was in the first grade, he was Pope Benedict XVI.”

A Handy Shopping List

During a religion lesson, Sister Barbara presented her eighth-graders with a unique question. She said, “You are always writing reminders to yourselves on your hands. Suppose Jesus did this. What might he write on his hand?”

One student in all seriousness proposed, “Buy soap for the washing of the feet.”

Who’s Confused?

The third-graders were reviewing the gifts God gave our first parents. There was one more gift to mention — namely, infused knowledge. “What gift is missing?” Sister asked.

Martin’s face lit up, and he waved his hand excitedly.

“Martin?”

The boy stood and proudly stated, “God gave Adam and Eve confused knowledge.”

A Good Guess

Sister Elizabeth gave her class a quiz on the coming of Jesus to earth as a man. One child was weak in theology but strong in logic. In answer to the question “When the angel asked Mary to be the Mother of God, what did she say?” he had written, “Why me?”

Forbidden Dentures

The pastor was checking to see whether the first-graders remembered the previous lesson he had taught. Unfortunately, he called on Christina, who had been absent for that lesson. He asked her to recite the First Commandment. In response to her blank look, Father gave the child a helpful start. He prompted, “I am the Lord your God.”

No response.

Again he tried, “I am the Lord your God. You shall not …”

Still no response.

Yet again, “I am the Lord your God. You shall not have false …”

This time Christina’s face lit up. “Teeth?” she asked hopefully.

P for Perplexing

Sister Barbara was discussing the last days of Jesus with the first-graders. “Jesus went to Jerusalem for a special feast day. What was it? It begins with p.”

“St. Patrick’s Day!” one youngster volunteered.

“No,” replied Sister.

Another child raised his hand. “Thanksgiving,” he said.

In a scornful voice, a classmate commented, “What a dumb answer. The pilgrims never went to Jerusalem.”

Guest Appearance

As a family with a small boy was walking by the school chapel, the mother said, “Let’s make a visit to Jesus.” Inside the chapel, the mother pointed to the tabernacle and whispered to her son, “Jesus is in there.”

Curious, the boy whispered back, “When’s he coming out?”

Mixed Vegetables

Father was reviewing the story of Our Lord’s passion with the children. He asked, “What was the name of the garden Jesus and his apostles went to after the Last Supper?”

A boy raised his hand and waved it wildly. He was not one who usually knew the answers.

“Do you really know?” asked a surprised Father.

“Yes,” said the boy confidently. “The Garden of Pickles.”

“Close,” granted the priest.

A God Like Jonah

Melinda was quite impressed with her teacher’s revelation that God dwelt within her. That evening at dinner she shared this information with her parents. Then she swallowed a spoonful of peas and commented, “When those peas get down to my stomach and God tastes them, he’ll say, ‘Oh, Melinda. I just love peas.’ ”

The Ultimate Evil

Father presumed that the first-graders knew a lot of theology. “Does anyone know who the leader of the bad angels was?” he asked. Sister was surprised to see one little boy’s hand shoot up.

“Yes?” Father asked.

“The boogeyman,” the boy declared emphatically.

Ending with a Bang

While visiting the second-grade class, Father invited the children to ask him questions. One lad raised his hand and asked, “Father, do you really believe that Jesus is in the tabernacle?”

“Why, yes,” Father replied.

“Do you really believe that Jesus is in the tabernacle?” the youngster persisted.

“Yes,” Father repeated.

“Then why do you slam the door of the tabernacle?” the boy asked innocently.

From that day on, Father always closed the tabernacle door gently.

Morale Support for a Bishop

To welcome the new bishop, Sister Josephmarie invited the students in her school to write him letters. At the end of the day, among the letters piled on her desk she found an intimate one from a fourth-grader. It read, “Now I know you are a new bishop and so you are probably very nervous. But don’t be. I’ll tell you a secret. I’m praying for you.”

Omnipresence

“Do you know where God is?” Sister asked her first-graders.

One boy confidently answered, “In our bathroom.”

Curious, Sister inquired, “How do you know?”

“Because every morning my dad pounds on the door and asks, ‘My God, are you still in there?’ ”

Experiential Lesson

Carrying out the God Lab lesson with her new, challenging high school class, Sister Dion found out just how different the students were from others she had taught. For the first project, the students were to create something out of play dough. As one boy worked, he commented, “I’m making a devil, and I’m naming it Dion.”

The students set their creations on the teacher’s desk. Next the lesson plan called for the teacher to smash the work to illustrate how sin destroys creation. Previous students had always calmly absorbed the lesson. However, this time, as Sister began crushing their masterpieces, the students rebelled. The room was in an uproar. One boy called out, “You murderess.”

Sister never forgot, or repeated, the lesson.

The Living Dead

Assuming her students learned about vocations in previous years, Sister Bernadel asked them to name the states in life. One seventh-grader supplied the answer, “There are three states in life: religious, married, and dead.”

Trapped

While studying about religious life, the eighth-graders encountered the word cloister. Sister explained, “A cloister is a monastery where outsiders do not enter and the religious usually do not leave.”

On hearing this, Dan, the class clown, quipped, “Gee, Sister, don’t they get cloisterphobia?”

A Promotion

Father Paul visited the kindergarten class for the first time. He asked, “Does anyone know my name?”

“I know. I know,” one child replied with exuberance. “It’s John Paul II.”

Mary, a U.S. Citizen!

The sixth-graders were practicing for a May crowning. Luckily, the lad reading the Gospel passage about the Annunciation had the chance to be corrected. He proclaimed that the angel Gabriel was sent to a Virginian betrothed to a man named Joseph.