Читать книгу William Walker’s First Year of Marriage: A Horror Story - Matt Rudd - Страница 30

‘Hello, I’m William.’

‘Hello, William. I’m Alison. Isn’t it hard to meet people these days? Just so busy at the firm…working all the hours. Not a min, simply not a min to meet a man. Wouldn’t be here otherwise, course. If I had some sensible job, you know. Not going to meet someone between my flat and the office, am I?, which is the only time I ever get out these days. I’m not going to fall in love with the fat middle-aged guy who looks up my skirt on the Tube every morning, am I? That’s why I’m here. Not because I’m desperate.’

‘Hi, my name is William.’

‘Right, William. I’ll be straight with you. I’ve been mucked about by men far too much and I’m sick of you lying bastards. Yes, I’m blonde and yes, I have very large breasts but that doesn’t mean I’m a tart. I want to know, right now, before we go a single second further, if you’re seriously looking for love, if you want to have a relationship. You know, with actual dating and cinemas and walks in the country. I’m not interested in wasting any more time with no-hopers. Capiche?’

‘Good evening, I’m William.’

‘William. Charlotte. Do you ride? Horses, that is. Hahahahaha. I love riding. I’m still talking about horses. Hahahahahahahaha-haha-snort. I ride three. Still horses, William, you filthy-minded man. Hahahahaha. Another glass of ssshampypampy? Oh go on. Oops. Spilt it. Bit squiffy, which is odd because I’ve only had two glasses. We should go riding sometime. Not talking about horses any more, William, hahahahahaha.’