Читать книгу War/Peace - Matthew Vandenberg - Страница 25

'Just inhale, naturally, with your mouth closed,' Hayley says, extending her arm. A small patch rests on her tight and shiny skin, just below the elbow. 'It's a nicotine patch that smells like that number one Rivers fragrance, so fine and just 5 at your nearest Rivers store.'

'Huh?'

'Never mind. It help me quit. But not this one, not this particular patch. My girlfriend had one on her arm, it smelled like strawberries and cream, tasted like strawberries-cum-kiwi, you follow?'

I shake my head.

'Never mind. The point is that you can fight an addiction by making love. There is nothing love cannot cure. You love me, right?'

'As a friend, yeah. You smell so nice.'

'Really. That's just my skin, mostly. It's all sticky now, feel.'

I run two fingers along Hayley Williams' arm: she cringes as though the tips of my fingers are those of tattoo pens.

'Are you tired?' Hayley asks. 'We can lie down. We'll say we just fell. That's all. We fell straight into each others' arms. Straight.'

I take a deep breath as Hayley takes a hand of mine in hers: 'It's ok,' Hayley says. 'This is a daydream.'

'The words for “sin” and “daydream” are sin-ilar in Russian,' I state. Then I shrug: 'Does that mean we mustn't daydream?'

'Sin-ilar. That's so cute'.

'Nice breath,' I say. 'Yeah. I can lie next to you. Maybe just for practice, that's all. For when I sleep with a guy one day.'

'Shelly, you think too much. That's good, but try affective appraisal, just once. I'm your idol holding your hand, ok. You're lying on a naked, soft cloud. You're totally safe. You can't sin, I've got you. You won't drown. Breathe, deep breaths.'

'I can't just do anything.'

'You're dreaming Shelly. You can. Make me lose my breath. Just hit the button once, one tiny button. Nothing to it.'

'You'll push me away because dreams are wish-fulfillments and I'm still not sure I want to . . .'

'Then rape me: press a small, slim pinky to my clitoris. It's fine Shelly, you're a beautiful angel any guy or girl would die for.'

'It's just a dream sequence,' I say. 'We don't control our dreams, do we?'

'God is guiding you Shelly,' Hayley states. She runs a single finger down my cheek, tracing the path a tear might take, then runs this same finger along my upper lip. I can taste it, taste it completely.

'I'm . . . allowed to eat,' I say, carefully. 'That's ok. I love the taste of your skin.'

'Enjoy it,' Hayley stresses. 'You're allowed to feel it also, to wear me like you might a silk jacket . . . and more. Remember that a figment of your imagination, so pretty and fine like I, it nevertheless not tangible, and hence a sin which involves me only a soft one, so soft and subtle but still unbelievable and remarkable in its own right.'

'I can kiss you,' I say. Suddenly I feel dizzy, lighter than I have ever felt before. In my brain it feels as though there is a small, tiny explosion: several segments dissolve into a mist of surreal, sublime expectation. And I exhale as Hayley presses her lips to mine. Then her lips brush against the skin of my cheek. 'This is ok,' I mutter, mumble, f-f-f-fast – words tumbling from my mouth, fumbling for something as they drift northwards, towards her eyes, the two agape like mouths. 'Parents kiss their children on the lips. It means nothing.'

'Shhhh,' Hayley says, catching my lips in hers. And I'm out, caught out! So I sink to the floor, one hand pressed hard against her exposed thigh. 'Don't ruin the moment. Your heart likes this, Shelly. Speak to me, breathless. You can't say you hate me can you?'

'I love you. I think.'

'Shhhh. Press the button. It feels nice. You can say your finger slipped. A simple mistake. Walk your fingers up my thigh. Be forceful. Walk them as though they are the legs of a confident feminist, a VIW, a superwoman. Look, I'm going to go numb. I'll forget who I am. Then you can molest me just a little, softly, slowly, carefully, freely, peacefully, and sing like a songbird. I'll like it, as any girl or guy would. I'll just need time. Sweep me up. Breathe. You can do this. Feel it?'

'Yeah!' I yell.

'Now I'll just press yours. You'll feel this. You will. Trust me. Here...'

I open my eyes. To my shock a single finger of mine is deep inside my vagina. It's caught. I'm sure. It must be caught on something. And I press it. I press the G-spot but I didn't mean to. I'm sure I didn't mean to.

'Sorry,' I whisper. 'Forgive me lord.'

******

References

1 Sweet Dream – Beyoncé

2 Hold My Hand – Michael Jackson and Akon

3 Talk Like That – The Presets

4 Breathless – The Corrs