Читать книгу His Little Secret - Джанис Мейнард, Maureen Child - Страница 12

Four

“Cheated you?” she countered, green eyes glittering. “You walked away, Colt. You cheated yourself. Out of the kids, out of what we could have had.”

Shaking his head, he took a step back from her and tried to keep his voice down in spite of the raging fury inside him. Seeing his kids there on her wall, realizing just how much of their lives he’d already missed, had stoked the fire of his anger until it felt as if he were being consumed.

“Yeah, I walked. From a marriage that was a mistake,” he muttered. The past came rushing forward, but he wouldn’t look at it. Refused to remember the pain and shock in her eyes as he left her.

“It didn’t last long enough to be classified a mistake,” she countered.

She was right about that much. Colt reached up and pushed both hands through his hair. He’d relived his decision to spontaneously get married a million times over the last eighteen months and he still couldn’t explain to himself why he’d done it. But in that wild moment in the tacky little chapel, he’d known he wanted her with him for always.

“Always” had lasted about ten hours.

Dawn eventually came and shook him out of the passion-induced haze he’d been operating in. In the glare of morning, he’d remembered at last that “forever” didn’t exist. That marriage just wasn’t in his game plan—in spite of how amazing he and Penny were in bed together.

He’d believed then, and he still did, that walking away was the right thing to do. But he would have walked right back if she’d even once mentioned the whole pregnancy thing.

“What did you think was going to happen, Penny?” He glared down at her, refusing to be swayed by the gleam in her eyes or the tilt of her chin. “Did you really see us living the suburban dream? Is that it?”

“No,” she said on a short laugh. “But—”

“But what? Would it have been better to stay married for a month? Six? And then end it? Would that have seemed kinder,” he asked, “or would it just have prolonged the inevitable?”

“I don’t know,” she muttered, pushing her hair back from her face with an impatient gesture. “All I know is, we dated, got married and got divorced in the span of a week and now you’re back claiming that I somehow cheated you.”

“It always comes back to the same thing, Penny,” he said, voice low and deep. “You should have told me.”

She blew out a breath and glared at him. “And here we are again, on the carousel of knives where we just slash at each other and nothing is ever solved.”

Colt stalked a few paces away from the bed, but he couldn’t get far, since the whole room would have fit inside his walk-in closet. He felt trapped. In the small space. In this situation. But despite the invisible chains wrapping around him tighter by the moment, he knew he couldn’t leave. Wouldn’t leave. He had children—whether he’d planned on it or not—and he had to do right by them.

He spun around to look at her and promised, “You can’t keep me from the twins.”

“You’ll just confuse them,” she told him flatly.

“Confuse them how?” He threw both hands high then let them slap back down against his thighs. “They’re babies. They don’t know what’s going on!”

“Keep your voice down―you’ll wake them up.” She glared at him and after a second or two of that heated stare, he shifted uncomfortably. “And they understand when people are happy. Or angry. And I don’t want you upsetting them by shouting.”

Colt took a breath and nodded. “Fine.” He lowered his voice because he hadn’t meant to shout in the first place. Connor was the twin with the hot temper. Which just went to show how far out of his own comfort zone Colt really was. “Confuse them how?”

“You’re a stranger to them—”

He gritted his teeth.

“—and you just pop up into their lives? For how long, Colt? How long before you tell them, ‘Sorry kids, but I’m just not father material. I’ll have my lawyers contact you about child support.’”

“Funny.” His tone was flat, his eyes narrowed and he had a very slight grip on the temper that was beginning to ice over his insides. “You can be as bitter as you want about what happened between us. But I’m not going to do that to them.”

“And how do I know that?” She winced as she straightened on the bed. “You walked away from a wife. Why not your kids, too?”

“It’s different and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. That’s the problem.”

The last of the daylight pearled the room in a warm, pale haze that floated through the open curtains and lay across the oak floor like gold dust. As the old house settled down for the night, it creaked and groaned like a tired old woman settling in for a nap. There was a baby monitor on her bedside table that crackled with static and then broadcast one of the babies coughing.

Colt jolted at the sound. “Are they choking?”

“No,” Penny said with a sigh. “That’s just Riley. When she sleeps she sucks so hard on her pacifier that she gurgles and coughs.”

“Is that normal?” Frowning at the monitor, he felt completely out of his element here. How would he know what was normal for an infant or not? It wasn’t as if he spent all that much time with any of the new King babies. Seeing them at family parties hadn’t really prepared him for a lot of one-on-one time with two infants.

“Yes. Colt—”

He heard the fatigue in her voice. Saw it in her eyes and the pale color of her skin. They were going around and around and not gaining ground. There would be plenty of time to sort out what they were going to do. And when he argued with someone, he wanted them at full strength. Penny clearly was not. He didn’t want to worry about her, but a slender thread of concern drifted through him anyway.

“Let’s just get you changed, all right? We’ll talk about this more tomorrow.”

“Oh, boy,” she murmured. “There’s something to look forward to.” Then she winced and tugged at the snap on her jeans. “But I’m so uncomfortable, I’m willing to risk it.”

“What do you need?”

“My nightgown’s in the top drawer of the dresser.”

Nightgown.

And she’d be naked underneath it, of course. Even as he felt his body stir and tighten, he had to wonder how he could be so furious with a woman and want her so badly all at the same damn time. Still grinding his teeth, he moved to the dresser, opened the top drawer and discovered there actually was a cure for lust.

“This? Really?” he asked, holding up the most hideous nightgown he’d ever seen.

She frowned. “And what’s wrong with it?”

Shaking his head, he gave her the fire-engine-red sleep shirt that was stamped with oversized, mustard-yellow flowers and hot pink ribbons.

“Other than the fact that it looks radioactive? Not a thing,” he mused. “It’s probably great birth control. One look at you in this thing and the guy in question runs for the hills.”

“Very funny.” She snatched it from him. “It was on sale.”

“For how many years?” It was the ugliest thing he’d ever seen and he blessed her for having it. Maybe the truly fugly nightgown would help him to not think about what was under it.

“I didn’t ask you to critique my wardrobe.”

“You could ask me to burn your wardrobe,” he offered. “Or at least that part of it.”

“Could you just—” She pushed one hand through her wild, wavy fall of red hair and pushed it back over her shoulder. “Never mind. I’ll do this myself. Just...go away.”

“Stop being so stubborn.” He wanted to get this over and done with. “I’ll help you with the nightgown, but I’ll close my eyes to protect my retinas.”

She glared at him. “Are you going to help me or just make snide comments?”

“I can do both. Who says men can’t multitask?”

“God, you’re irritating.”

“Nice that you noticed.”

He was noticing plenty himself. Too much. Such as the fact that she was trembling—and it wasn’t because she was cold, or even furious. She was feeling just what he was. That raw, nerve-scraping need that had pushed them into bed together in the first place. It was something he’d never found with anyone else. Something he’d told himself many times that he just wasn’t interested in. Apparently, though, his body had missed that memo.

Frustration practically wafted off her in waves and Colt told himself he really shouldn’t be enjoying giving her a hard time so much. But he was owed some payback, right? Besides, it kept his thoughts too busy to entertain other things.

“I changed my mind. I can get undressed myself.”

“No, you can’t. Not yet, anyway.” He stepped up in front of her and when she drew back, he said, “Relax, Penny. I’ve seen it before, remember?”

God knew he remembered. Every square inch of her body was burned into his brain, despite how often he had tried to erase it. “We’re both grownups, and believe it or not, I do have some self-control. I’m not going to jump a woman just out of the hospital.”

Probably.

She whipped her hair out of her eyes to look at him. “You wouldn’t be doing that anyway.”

“Is that right?” If she knew just how hard and tight his body was at the moment, she’d be sounding a lot less confident.

Meeting his gaze, she reminded him again, “You’re the one who walked away from me, Colt. So why would you want to go back there?”

Why indeed?

Because, damn it, he’d wanted to go back there ever since the moment he’d walked away from her in Vegas. Hell, it’s one reason he had walked away from her. She made him think too much. Feel too much.

To cover his thoughts he said, “Trust me, once you’re wearing that very effective male-repellent nightgown, you’ll be safe.”

“That’s a relief.” She didn’t sound relieved, though.

“Come on, let’s get this done.” He moved closer, took the hem of her T-shirt and waited while she pulled her arms from the sleeves. Then he tugged it up and over her head. Her hair fell like red silk, settling over her shoulders. And if he kept his gaze on her hair, he’d be fine. Yeah, it was touchable but not nearly as hard to resist as the lace bra cupping her generous breasts. He drew in a shallow breath and waited while she unhooked the front clasp, then shrugged the bra off.

Modestly, she crossed her arms over her breasts, but the action was pointless. The quick look he’d gotten was enough to make him hard again, and he had the feeling that he’d better get used to that particular kind of misery.

To help himself as much as her, Colt tugged the nightgown over her head and took a step back as she pushed her arms through the sleeves and drew the hideous fabric down over her body. He’d called that nightshirt a man repellent—apparently he was immune.

She toed off her sneakers, then reached under the nightgown to unsnap her jeans. Once she’d pulled the zipper down, Colt stepped in again. “Lie back. I’ll get them off you.”

She did, but she braced herself on her elbows and kept a wary eye on him as he drew the denim down and off her long, well-toned legs. Smothering a groan, he tried not to think about those legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, deeper. Tried not to remember the sound of her sighs or the flex of her muscles as she writhed beneath him. And he was failing.

Miserably.

“Okay,” he said, taking a deliberate step back. “Finished.”

“Thanks.” Nodding, she eased into a sitting position and tugged her nightgown down over her thighs.

Good thing, too, he told himself. Because he was on the ragged edge of control, and that edge was crumbling underneath his feet. The anger still simmering inside him didn’t seem to have an effect on the pulse of desire that kicked into high gear whenever he was close to her. Hell, the woman could still turn his body to stone without an effort.

Thankfully, his heart had turned to stone ten years ago, so that particular organ was in no danger.

“I think,” Penny said, drawing him back to the moment at hand, “I’ll just lie down for a minute or two.”

“Yeah. Good idea. Do you still drink that disgusting green tea?”

Surprise flickered in her eyes. “Yes.”

He gave a shudder but said, “I’ll make you some.”

Colt left her staring after him and got out of her bedroom as quickly as he could. No point in torturing himself, watching Penny stretch out across a bed he really wanted to join her in. Frowning at his own train of thought, he reminded himself that he and Penny were done. The only reason he was here now was to see the twins. To make sure they were safe. Being cared for.

When he left her room, he fully intended to go straight to the kitchen. Instead, he stopped outside the twins’ bedroom. He laid one hand on the old-fashioned brass knob and felt the cool metal bite into his skin. His heartbeat jumped into a gallop and every breath came fast and shallow.

He felt the way he had the first time he’d gone paragliding in the Alps. That wild mixture of excitement, dread and sheer blind panic that made a man so grateful to be back on the ground when it was all over, he wanted to kiss the dirt. But just as on that long-ago day, there was no turning back. He had to jump off the side of that mountain. Had to take this next step into a future he never would have predicted.

Opening the door quietly, he stepped inside. Colt heard them before he saw them. Quick, soft breaths, a muffled whimper and a scooting sound as one of them shifted in their sleep. Colt scrubbed one hand across the back of his neck and walked silently across the dimly lit room. Outside, the sun was setting, casting a few last, lingering rays through a window that overlooked a tiny backyard.

Inside, there were two white cribs, angled so that the twins could see each other when they woke. There was a rocking chair in one corner of the room, shelves for toys and books, and matching dressers standing at attention against one wall. Pictures in brightly colored frames dotted the walls and at a glance, Colt could see the photos were of rainbows and parks and animals...everything that would make a baby smile.

But it was the babies he was interested in. His footsteps were quiet, and still the old wood floor creaked with his movements. But the twins didn’t react; they slept on, dreaming. Taking a deep breath, Colt steadied himself, then walked up to stand between the cribs, where he could see each of his children.

Riley wore pink pajamas and slept on her stomach, arms curled, hands beneath her, tiny behind pointed skyward. He smiled and looked at twin number two. Reid’s black hair was trimmed shorter than his sister’s. He wore pale green pajamas and slept sprawled on his back, arms and impossibly short legs spread out as though he were making a snow angel. Both of them were so beautiful, so small, so...fragile, they stole his heart in a blink.

He didn’t need a paternity test to be sure they were his. Instinctively, he knew they were his children. He felt it. There was a thread of connection sliding through him, binding him to each of them. Colt reached out his hands and curled a fist around the top rail of the matching cribs. His heart might be stone where women were concerned, but these babies had already stamped themselves on his soul. Each whispered breath tightened the invisible thread joining them and in a few short moments, Colt knew he would do anything for them.

But first, he had to deal with their mother.

* * *

Penny woke up, disoriented at first. A quick glance at her surroundings told her she was at home and she took a relieved breath, grateful to be out of the hospital.

“The twins!” Her eyes went wide as she realized that watery morning sunlight was creeping through her bedroom window. She’d slept all night. Hadn’t seen the babies since that one quick check the night before. Hadn’t heard a thing. What if they had cried out for her? How could she sleep so soundly that for the first time in eight months, she hadn’t heard them?

Pushing herself out of bed, she took two hurried steps toward the door before the pain in her abdomen slowed her movements to a more cautious speed. She went to the twins’ room and stopped in the doorway. The cribs were empty. Her heart pounded so hard against her ribs she could hardly breathe. Panic shot through her still-sleep-fogged mind.

Then she heard it.

A deep voice, Colt’s voice, sounded low, gentle, and her initial bout of panic edged away to be replaced by a wary tenderness.

Penny followed his voice, moving slowly, cautiously, through the house that had been hers for the last two years. The house that was still filled with memories from her own childhood. The house where she’d made a home for her kids.

At the kitchen doorway, she paused, unnoticed by the three people in the room. The twins were in their high chairs, slapping tiny palms against trays that held gleefully mushed scrambled eggs. Their father—Colt—sat opposite them, talking, teasing, laughing when Reid threw a small fistful of egg at him. Penny’s heart ached and throbbed. She used to dream about seeing Colt like this with the twins. Used to fantasize about what it would be like for the four of them to be a family.

And for one quick moment, she allowed herself the luxury of living in that fantasy. Of believing that somehow, the last eighteen months had been written differently. That Colt belonged here. With them. With her.

“Are you going to come in or just stand there watching?”

She jolted as he turned his head to spear her with a look. Guilt rushed through her and the fantasy died a quick, necessary death. What was the point in torturing herself, after all, when she knew that Colt didn’t want her? All he wanted was her children. And the twins, he couldn’t have.

“I didn’t think you knew I was here.”

“I can feel your disapproval from here.”

She flushed again and moved into the room. When the twins spotted her, there were squeals of welcome and her heart thrilled to it. She went first to one, then the other, planting kisses and inhaling that wonderful baby scent that clung to each of them. She took a seat close by and watched as Colt continued feeding the babies, dipping a spoon into peach yogurt again and again, distributing it between the twins, who held their mouths open like baby birds.

“You got them up and dressed,” she said, noting the fresh shirts and pants, the little socks on their tiny feet.

“You sound surprised,” he said.

“I guess I am.” In fact, she was stunned. She’d thought that Colt would be lost dealing with the twins. Instead, he had them changed and fed and was behaving as if he always started out his mornings in a three-ring circus.

He never stopped feeding the babies as he spoke. “The King family has been procreating at a phenomenal rate the last few years.” He shrugged. “You can’t go to any family gathering without someone handing you a baby who needs changing or feeding or both. So I’ve had plenty of practice. We all have. Granted, I don’t spend a lot of time with the babies...but enough to know my way around a diaper.”

True. He’d told her about all the children his cousins were having. She just had never once considered that he would have taken any interest in them. As he’d told her himself, Colt wasn’t the family type. He was more interested in risking his life than in living it.

“Still,” he mused, his voice tightening slightly, “I’ve never done it for my own kids before.” He shot her a sideways look that was hard and cold and promised a long talk in the very near future.

“Colt...” She was too tired, too achy to deal with him.

Where Colt was concerned, nothing was easy—except the passion. That had been cataclysmic from the start. From the very first moment they’d met, their eyes had locked and a chemistry like she’d never felt before had burst into life, burning away every inhibition, every ounce of logic, even her most ingrained natural defenses.

Everything she thought she knew about herself had drained away in the face of the overwhelming pull of the magnetism drawing her and Colt together. So she’d let it go. Everything she’d ever believed. Everything she’d ever promised herself. She had surrendered completely to what her body was demanding—and when it was over, when Colt walked away, she’d paid the price.

She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. So whatever he had to say to her, she would fight him. She would stand strong against that wild feeling of raw passion because she knew that it didn’t last. She’d lived it.

“I think they’re finished,” he said abruptly, cutting off her thoughts. He stood, got a paper towel damp and wiped two happy little faces and sets of grubby fingers. While he did, he asked, “You want to tell me about them?” He paused. “Or is that a secret, too?”

She swallowed hard and stood, unbuckling Riley and lifting the baby into her arms. The twinge of pain was worth it to feel her daughter’s solid warmth pressed against her. Kissing the baby’s cheek, she said, “What do you want to know?”

“Everything, Penny,” he murmured, lifting Reid free of his seat. “I’ve discovered some things on my own in the last couple of hours with them—”

“Tell me,” she said, wondering what he thought of the children he’d only just met.

“Well, for one thing, Reid’s going to be left-handed. And he’s already got a pretty good arm on him.” Colt held the little boy easily in the crook of his arm and grinned when Reid patted both of his cheeks. “And I’ve figured out that Riley is the more adventurous one. She doesn’t like being held for too long. She wants to be on the floor, getting into things. Reid likes cuddling, but he’s more than willing to join his sister to plow through a room.”

Penny laughed shortly. It was such an apt description of the twins. Reid was thoughtful contemplation and Riley was a trailblazer. “You’re right. I always thought Riley was the most like you.”

One black eyebrow lifted and he shook his head. “When we were little, Con was the one off pushing envelopes. I wanted to be near my mom—and the cookie supply.”

She smiled at the image of Colt as a cookie-stealing little boy, but had to ask, “Then why are you the one who flies off to adventure spots while Connor runs your business from an office?”

The light in his eyes dimmed, then went out completely as his features shuttered, effectively sealing her out of whatever he was feeling. “Things change.”

Penny felt as though she’d struck a nerve, but she had no idea how. King’s Extreme Adventures was so well-known that everyone was aware of which twin was the crazy one. The week they were together, Colt had told her stories about his travels for the company.

And most of those stories had terrified her. Being helicoptered in to ski down the sheer face of a mountain? Climbing to the rim of a volcano where the heat of the magma was so intense, you were forced to wear protective heat suits? Parasailing in the Alps. Chasing tornadoes. He’d done them all and more and he seemed to thrive on not only the adventure—but the risk.

And as much as she’d loved him, as much as it had pained her to watch him walk away, she’d had to admit to herself that they never would have worked out anyway. How could she love a man who thought nothing of putting his life on the line in exchange for a brief shot of adrenaline? And now, how could she allow her kids to love a father who was so careless with his own life that one day he wasn’t going to come home?

“You’re right.” Penny carried Riley into the living room and heard Colt following after her. His footsteps were loud against the wood floor and seemed to mimic the thump of her own heart. Having him here in the home she’d made was...distracting.

She had to find a way to get him out again. “Some things do change,” she said, carefully easing the baby onto the floor beside a huge plastic toy bin. She took off the lid and smiled as Riley pulled herself up to wobble unsteadily, a wide, proud smile on her face.

Penny took a seat on the nearby sofa and watched as Colt set Reid down beside his sister. But rather than sitting down with her, Colt moved to the front window and glanced outside at the morning sunlight before turning to face her again.

Judging by the expression on his face, Penny knew they were about to have that “talk” he’d been promising her. And frankly, she was ready for it. Get everything out in the open so he could go away and she and her twins could have their lives back.

“You should have told me.” The words dropped into the silence like stones plunked into a well.

She took a breath and prepared for battle. “I get that you’re angry.”

He snorted. “You think?”

She met his gaze from across the room, refusing to be cowed or ashamed of the decision she’d made. “You made it plain, that last morning in Vegas, that you didn’t want to be married and you definitely didn’t want kids.”

His mouth tightened into a grim line and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Yeah, I did say that,” he admitted. “But that was hypothetical kids. Did I ever say that if you were pregnant I wouldn’t want to know about it?”

“You might as well have.” Penny shifted on the sofa carefully, her stitches pulling and aching, reminding her that she wasn’t at her best. “I knew that you wouldn’t care.”

“So you’re a mind reader.” He nodded sagely.

“I didn’t have to read your mind, Colt. You said it all. Flat out in plain English,” she argued, not willing to stand there and take sole responsibility for what had happened between them. “You walked out on me, Colt. Why did I owe you anything?”

“You had my children.” His voice lowered, emphasizing that last word without having to shout.

She stiffened and he must have noticed because he took a breath, seemed to settle himself and then said, “All right. Let’s start over. Just tell me why you didn’t tell me when you first found out you were pregnant.”

“I already told you.” What she didn’t add was that she had also been afraid. Afraid of the King name, the King fortune. She’d worried that he might simply turn his lawyers loose and take her children from her. And he’d pretty much threatened to do just that when he first stormed back into her life. What chance would she have had against the kind of power the Kings could muster?

“I missed a hell of a lot, Penny, and I’m not forgetting that anytime soon.”

“I understand.” Which meant, of course, that she and Colt were on opposite sides of this battle and unless they found a way to build a bridge across the gap separating them, there would be no solution. No peace. “You know about them now, Colt. What are you going to do about it?”

He pushed one hand through his hair and she remembered that impatient gesture. “I don’t know,” he grumbled and shot a quick look at the twins, babbling happily at each other. “All I’m sure of is I want to know them.”

She could understand that and, maybe, a small part of her warmed to him because of it. But the fact was that Penny was still exhausted, sore and not a little off her game since Colt had walked back into her life. So being cool and logical was a stretch at the moment.

Walking around the couch, he took a seat in a chair opposite her and close to the twins. His gaze shifted to them briefly and Penny watched his features soften. When he looked back to her, though, his eyes were chips of ice again. “I won’t be a stranger to my own kids, Penny. I won’t be shut out of their lives.”

A sinking sensation swamped her as she came to grips with her new reality. Whether she liked it or not, Colt would be a part of her children’s lives. Now she had to find a way to protect them from caring for him too much. Because though he insisted he wanted to be a part of their world right now, she knew that wouldn’t last long. How could it? He was always traveling, wandering the world, looking for the next rush.

Taking a deep breath, she said, “And what about the next time you go wingsuit flying? Or parasailing?”

He frowned. “What’re you talking about?”

“You, Colt,” she said. “It’s just not in your nature to be a suburban dad. You won’t last a month before you’ll be off running with bulls or some other crazy thing.”

“Crazy?”

“Yes. You risk your life all the time and you do it because you like it.” She shook her head. “I saw pictures of you in a magazine last month—standing on the rim of a volcano while magma jumped in the air around you.”

“Yeah. I was in Japan scouting new sites. So?”

“So how’s a quiet street in Laguna going to hold your interest, Colt?” She gave him a small smile. “This isn’t your world. Never will be. Why fight so hard to be a part of something you never wanted in the first place?”

His gaze never left the twins. Reid plopped down onto his behind and Riley leaned over to pull a car from her brother’s grasp. Reid’s face screwed up as he prepared to howl, but Colt cut off the reaction by reaching into the plastic tub and getting another car that he handed to Reid. Immediately, the baby looked up at him and gave his father a wide enough smile that all three of his teeth were displayed.

Colt laughed a little, waited another moment or two and then shifted his gaze to hers. “Because, Penny. I’m a King. And to a King, family is everything.”