Читать книгу Bound By His Vow - Мишель Смарт, Maya Blake - Страница 11

ELIZA BLINKED AT him in shock.

Blind?

Her heart clanged against her ribcage like a pendulum struck by a sledgehammer.

Alessandra was blind?

Her emotions went into a downward spiral. How cruel! How impossibly cruel that this little child was not only motherless but blind as well. It was so tragic, so unbearable to think that Leo’s little girl couldn’t see the world around her, not even the faces of the people she loved.

How devastating for him as a father. How gut-wrenching to think of all the obstacles that little mite would face over her lifetime. All the things she would miss out on or not be able to enjoy as others enjoyed them. The beauty of the world she would never see. It was so sad, so tragic it made Eliza’s heart ache for Leo. It made her ache for the little toddler who lived in a world of blackness. ‘I’m sorry…I didn’t realize…’

‘Will you tell me a story?’ Alessandra piped up from the changing table.

‘Of course,’ Eliza said. ‘But after that you have to go back to sleep.’ Oh, dear God, how did the little babe even know it was night? Anguish squeezed the breath out of her chest. She felt as if she was being suffocated by it. How had Leo coped with such a tragic blow? Was that why his wife had ended her life? Had it been too much for her to cope with a child who was blind?

The agency girl, Laura, came in at that point. ‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘Is she awake? I thought she’d settled for the night.’

‘My daughter’s bed needs changing,’ Leo said curtly.

‘I’ll see to it,’ Laura said and rushed over to the cot.

Eliza had finished the business end of things with Alessandra and gathered her up in her arms again. ‘I have just the story for you,’ she said and carried her back to the freshly made up cot. ‘Do you like dogs?’

‘Yes, but Papà won’t let me have a puppy,’ Alessandra said in a baleful tone. ‘He said I have to wait until I’m older. I don’t want to wait until I’m older. I want one now.’

‘I’m sure he knows what’s best for you,’ Eliza said. ‘Now, let’s get you settled in bed before I start my story.’

‘Where’s Kathleen?’ Alessandra asked. ‘Why isn’t she here? I want Kathleen. I want her now!’ Those little heels began to drum against the mattress of the cot.

‘I told you she had a family emergency to see to,’ Leo said.

‘But I want her here with me!’ Alessandra said, starting to wail again.

Eliza could see that Alessandra was a very bright child who was used to pushing against the boundaries. It was common after the death of a parent for the remaining parent or other carers to overcompensate for their loss. It was just as common for a child with a disability to be treated the same way. The little girl was used to being the centre of attention and used every opportunity she could to grasp at power.

‘Kathleen is going to be away for the next month,’ she said. ‘But I think it might be nice if Papà gets her to call you on the phone while she’s away.’

‘Does she miss me?’

‘I’m sure she does,’ Eliza said. ‘Now, let’s get those feet of yours still and relaxed, otherwise my story won’t come out to play.’

‘How long are you staying?’ Alessandra asked.

Eliza glanced at Leo but his expression was as blank as a mask. ‘Let’s not worry about that just now,’ she said. ‘The important thing is that you get back to sleep. Now, let’s see how this goes. Once upon a time there was a little dog who loved to chase…’

‘Asleep?’ Leo asked as Eliza joined him downstairs a few minutes later.

‘Yes.’ She came over to where he was standing and looked up at him with a frown. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’

‘I did tell you.’

‘I meant right from the start.’

‘Touché and all that.’ He gave an indifferent shrug of one broad shoulder before he took a sip from the drink he was holding.

Eliza gave him a cross look. ‘You should’ve told me at the beginning.’

‘Would it have influenced your decision in taking up the post?’

‘No, but I would’ve liked to know what I’m dealing with. I could’ve prepared myself better.’ I could have got all this confusing emotion out of the way so I could think straight.

‘Yes, well, life doesn’t always give one the chance to prepare for what it has in store.’

Tell me about it, Eliza thought. ‘She’s a lovely child but clearly a little headstrong.’

His look was brittle. ‘Are you saying I’m a bad parent?’

‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘It’s very clear you love her as any good parent should. It’s just that it seems she’s in control of everyone who has anything to do with her. That’s very stressful for young children. She needs to know who is in charge. It’s especially important for a child with special needs. How long has she—?’

‘She’s been blind from birth.’

Eliza felt her heart tighten all over again. It was a cramped ache deep in her chest. ‘That must have been a huge blow to you and your wife.’ How she hated having to say those words—your wife.

‘It was. Giulia never quite got her head around it. She blamed herself.’

‘It seems to me every mother blames herself no matter what the circumstances.’

‘Perhaps, but in Giulia’s case it was particularly difficult. She thought she was being punished for setting me up.’

‘Did you blame her?’ Eliza asked.

His brows came together over his dark eyes. ‘Of course not. It was no one’s fault. Alessandra was premature. She has retrolental hyperplasia. It was previously thought to be caused by an excess of oxygen in perinatal care but there’s divided opinion between specialists on that now. It’s also called ROP. Retinopathy of Prematurity.’

‘Can nothing be done?’ Eliza asked. ‘There are advances happening in medicine all the time. Surely there’s something that can be done for her?’

‘There is nothing anyone can do. Alessandra can only distinguish light from dark. She is legally and permanently blind.’

Eliza could hear the pain in his voice but it was even more notable in his expression. No wonder those grey hairs had formed at his temples, and no wonder his eyes and mouth were etched with those lines. What parent could receive such news about their child without it tearing them apart both physically and emotionally?

‘I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine how tough this has been for you and will no doubt continue to be.’

‘I want the best for my daughter.’ His expression was taut with determination. ‘There is nothing I won’t do to make sure she has a happy and fulfilled life.’

Eliza wasn’t quite sure what role she was meant to play in order to give Alessandra the best possible chance in life. The child had suffered enough disruption already without a fly-in, fly-out nanny to confuse her further. What Alessandra needed was a predictable and secure routine. She needed stability and a nurturing environment.

She needed her mother.

The aching sadness of it struck Eliza anew. How devastating for a little toddler to have lost the most important person in her life. How terrifying it must be for little Alessandra when she woke during the night and wanted the comfort of her mother’s arms, only to find a series of paid nannies to see to her needs. No wonder she was difficult. Even a sighted child would be hard to manage after suffering the loss of her mother.

‘What do you hope to gain for her from my period as her nanny?’ she asked.

‘You’re an excellent teacher. You understand small children.’

‘I’ve never worked with a vision impaired child before, only a profoundly deaf one,’ Eliza said.

‘I’m sure you’ll find a way to make the most of your time with her,’ he said. ‘After all, I’m paying you top dollar.’

She frowned. ‘It’s not about the money.’

A dark brow arched over his left eye. ‘No?’

‘Of course not.’ She pulled at her lip momentarily with her teeth. ‘Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy about your donation to the school, but I’m not in this for what I can get for myself. I’m not that sort of person.’

‘Is your fiancé rich?’

Eliza felt the searing penetration of his cynical gaze. The insurance payout from the accident, along with the modest trust fund his late father had bequeathed Ewan had provided a reasonably secure income for the rest of his life. Without it, he and his mother, who was his chief carer, would have really struggled. ‘He has enough to provide for his…I mean our future.’

‘What does he do for a living?’ Leo asked.

She looked at him numbly. What could she say? Should she tell him about Ewan’s accident? Would it make a difference to how he thought of her? Explaining the accident would mean revealing her part in it. She could still see Ewan’s face, the shock in his eyes and the pain of rejection in every plane and contour of his face. He had looked as if she had dealt him a physical blow. Even his colour had faded to a chalk-white pallor. For so long since she had wondered if she could have prepared him better for her decision to end things. It must have come as such a dreadful shock to him for her to announce it so seemingly out of the blue. She had been struggling with their relationship for months but hadn’t said anything. But over that time she had found it harder and harder to envisage a future with him. Her love for him had been more like one would have for a friend rather than a life partner. Sex had become a bit of a chore for her. But she had felt so torn because he and his mother were the only family she had known after a lifetime of foster home placements.

And he had loved her.

That had always been the hardest thing to get her head around when it came to her final decision to end things. Ewan had loved her from the first moment he had helped her pick up the books she had dropped on her first day of term in sixth form after she had been placed with yet another foster family. She’d been the new kid in town and he had taken her under his wing and helped her to fit in. Being loved by someone had been a new experience for her. Up until that point she had always felt out of place, a burden that people put up with because it was the right thing to do for a kid in need. Being loved by Ewan had made her feel better about herself, more worthy, beautiful even.

But she hadn’t loved him the same way he loved her.

‘He has his own business,’ she finally said, which was in a way not quite a lie. ‘Investments, shares, that sort of thing.’

Marella came in just then, which shifted the conversation in another direction once they had taken their places at the table.

Eliza didn’t feel much like eating. Her stomach was knotted and her temples were throbbing, signalling a tension headache was well on its way. She looked across at Leo and he didn’t seem to be too hungry either. He had barely touched his entrée and took only a token couple of sips of the delicious wine he had poured for them both. His brow was furrowed and his posture tense. She sensed a brooding anger in him that he was trying to control for the sake of politeness or maybe because he was concerned Marella would come in on them with the rest of their meal.

‘You blame me, don’t you?’ Eliza said into the cavernous silence.

His eyes were like diamonds, hard and impenetrable. ‘What makes you say that?’

She drew in a sharp breath as she put her napkin aside. ‘Look—I understand your frustration and despair over your daughter’s condition but I hardly see that I’m in any way to blame.’

He pushed back from his chair so quickly the glasses on the table rattled. ‘You lied to me,’ he said through tight lips. ‘You lied to me from the moment we met.’

Eliza rose to her feet rather than have him tower over her so menacingly. ‘You lied to yourself, Leo. You wanted a wife and you chose the first woman to fit your checklist.’

‘Why did you come on to me in that bar that night?

She found it hard to hold his burning gaze. ‘I was at a loose end. I was jet-lagged and lonely. I have no other excuse. I would never do something like that normally. I can’t really explain it even now.’

‘Let me tell you why you did it.’ His top lip curled in disdain. ‘You were feeling horny. Your fiancé was thousands of miles away. You needed a stand-in stud to scratch your itch.’

‘Stop it!’ Eliza clamped her hands over her ears. ‘Stop saying such horrible things.’

He pulled her hands down from her face, his fingers like handcuffs around her wrists. The blood sizzled in her veins at the contact. She felt every pore of her skin flare to take more of him in. Her inner core contracted as her body remembered how it had felt to have him thrusting inside her. His first possession four years ago had been rough, almost animalistic and yet she had relished every heart-stopping, pulse-racing second of it.

‘You still want it, don’t you?’

‘No,’ she said but her body was already betraying her. It moved towards him, searching for him, hungering for him, aching for him.

‘Liar.’ He brought her chin up, his eyes blazing with fiery intent.

‘Don’t do this,’ she said but she wasn’t sure if she was pleading with him or herself.

‘You still want me. I saw it that first day when I came to your flat.’

‘You’re wrong.’ She tried to deny it even as her pelvis brushed against his in feverish need.

He grasped her by the bottom and pushed her hard into his arousal. ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it? You’re desperate for it, just like you were four years ago.’

Eliza tried to push him away but it was like a stick insect trying to shift a skyscraper from its foundations. ‘Stop it,’ she begged. ‘Please stop saying that.’ A bubble of emotion rose in her throat. She tried to swallow it back down but it refused to go away. She didn’t want to break down in front of him. She hated that weakness in her, the one where she became overwhelmed and crumbled emotionally. It was the abandoned little seven-year-old girl in her who did that.

She wasn’t that little girl any more.

She was strong and independent.

She had to be strong.

She had to survive.

She had to withstand the temptation of losing herself in the sensual world of Leo Valente, the one man who could dismantle her carefully constructed emotional armour. Her armour had been just fine until he had come along. It had always stood her in good stead. But now it was peeling off her like a sloughed skin, leaving her exposed and raw and vulnerable.

‘I’m sorry…’ She squeezed her eyes tightly closed for a moment. ‘I just need a little minute…’

He dropped his hold as if she had suddenly burned him. ‘Save your tears.’ He scraped a hand through his hair. ‘It’s not your pity I’m after.’

Eliza forced her eyes back to his hardened cynical gaze. ‘Right now I’m having a little trouble figuring out what it is you actually want from me.’

‘I told you. I want you to fill in for Kathleen. That’s all I want.’

She watched as he strode to the other side of the room, his movements like his words: clipped and tense. Was it true? Was that all he wanted from her? What if he wanted more? Wasn’t it too late? An unbridgeable chasm separated them. He’d had a child with another woman. She was still tied to another man. Even if they wanted to be together, how could she desert Ewan when it was her fault he was sitting drooling in that chair?

Maybe this was about revenge. It pained her to think Leo would stoop to that. Was he so bitter that he had to make her suffer? What good would it do to either of them to spend a month at war over what had happened four years ago? It wouldn’t change anything. Their history would still be the same. Their future would still be hopelessly unattainable.

‘You should go to bed.’ Leo turned to look at her again. ‘Alessandra is not an easy child to manage. You’ll need all your reserves to handle her.’

‘I’m used to dealing with difficult children,’ Eliza said. ‘I’ve made a career out of it.’

‘Indeed you have.’ He gave her a brief on-off movement of his lips that was a paltry imitation of a smile. ‘Goodnight, Eliza.’

She felt as if she was being dismissed again. It didn’t sit comfortably with her. She wanted to spend more time with him, getting to know the man he was now. Understanding the agony he was going through in handling a blind, motherless child. He seemed lonely and isolated. She could see it now that she knew what had put that guarded look in his eyes and that tension in the way he held his body. Who was helping him deal with his little girl’s disability? Was anyone supporting him? She had met parents of special needs kids before. They carried a huge weight of responsibility on their shoulders. They had told her how shocking and devastating it had been to find they were now members of a club they had never intended to join: the autism club, the hearing impaired club, the learning disabled club—the not quite perfect club. And in most cases it wasn’t a temporary membership.

It was for life.

‘Leo…’ She took a step towards him but then stopped when she saw the dark glitter of his gaze. ‘I think it’s important for Alessandra if she senses that we are friends rather than enemies.’

‘How do you propose we do that?’

Eliza felt the mesmerising pull of his gaze. He was so close she could see the dark pepper of his stubble and her fingers twitched to reach up and feel its sexy rasp against her fingertips. She looked at his mouth, her stomach clenching as she remembered how passionately those lips could kiss and conquer hers. Her insides coiled as she thought of how he had explored every inch of her body with his lips and tongue. Was he remembering it too? Was he replaying every erotic scene in his head and feeling the reaction reverberate through his body? ‘I…I think it’s important we be civil to each other…’

‘Civil?’ Those fathomless dark eyes burned and seared as they held hers.

‘Yes…civil…polite…that sort of thing.’ She swallowed a tight little restriction in her throat. ‘There’s no need for us to be trading insults. We’re both mature adults and I think it’s best if we try and act as if we…um, like each other…a bit…at least while we’re in the presence of Alessandra.’

‘And what about when we are alone?’ One of his brows lifted in a sardonic arc. ‘Are we to continue to pretend to like each other—a bit?’

Something about his tone sent a shiver to the base of Eliza’s spine. Being alone with him was something she was going to have to avoid as much as possible. The temptation of being in his arms had always been her downfall. Hadn’t his rough embrace just proved it? He had only to touch her and her body burst into hungry flames of need. He said he didn’t want her, but she saw the glitter of lust in his eyes. He could deny it all he liked but she could feel it like a third presence in the room. It hovered there between them, a silent but ever-present reminder of every erotic interlude they had shared.

His body knew hers intimately.

He knew how responsive she was to his touch. He knew how to make her flesh hum and sing. His touch on her body was like a delicate, priceless instrument being played by a maestro. No one could make her body respond the way he did. He was doing it now just by looking at her with that dark assessing gaze. It stroked her as it moved over her body. She felt the fizz and tingle of her lips as his gaze lingered there as if he was recalling how they had felt against his own. She felt a prickly stirring in her breasts when his gaze moved over them. Was he remembering how her tight nipples had felt against his teeth and tongue? Was he remembering how she had whimpered in pleasure as his teeth had sexily grazed her sensitive flesh? She felt the heat of arousal between her thighs even without him lowering his gaze that far. Was he remembering how it had felt to plunge his body into hers until they had both careened into mindless oblivion?

‘I’m not here to spend time alone with you.’ She gave him an arch look. ‘I’m here to look after your daughter. That’s what I’m being paid to do, isn’t it?’

His gaze was inscrutable but she could see a tiny muscle clenching on and off in his jaw. ‘Indeed it is.’ He moved to the door. ‘I’m going out for a short while. I don’t know what time I’ll be back.’

‘Where are you going?’ She mentally grimaced. She hadn’t meant to sound like a waspish wife checking up on him.

He gave her a satirical look. ‘Where do you think I might be going?’

Eliza felt her stomach plummet in despair. He had a mistress. No wonder he had pulled away from her. He already had someone else who saw to those needs. Who was she? Was it someone local? Had he set her up in a villa close by? Please don’t let it be their villa—the villa where she had spent those blissful three weeks with him.

She set her mouth in a contemptuous line. ‘Nice to see you haven’t let the minor inconvenience of widowhood and single parenthood get in the way of your sex life.’

His dark eyes glinted warningly. ‘You are not being paid to comment on any aspect of my private life.’

‘Did you get her to sign a confidentiality agreement too?’ She threw him an icy glare. ‘Did you pay her heaps and heaps of money to keep her mouth shut and her legs open?’

The silence was so tense it rang like the high-pitched whistle of a cheap kettle.

Eliza felt his anger. It was billowing in the air between them like invisible smoke. It sucked all the oxygen out of the room until she found it hard to breathe. She had overstepped the mark. She had let her emotions gallop out of control. She had revealed her vulnerability to him.

‘Isn’t jealousy a little inconsistent of you, given you’re wearing another man’s ring?’ he asked in a deceptively calm tone.

She forced herself to hold his gaze. ‘Relationships are not meant to be business contracts. You can’t do that to people. It’s not right.’

His lip curled mockingly. ‘Let me get this straight—you’re telling me what’s right and wrong?’

She drew in a sharp breath to try to harness her spiralling emotions. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s none of my business who you see or what arrangements you make in order to see them.’

‘You’re damn right it’s none of your business.’

Eliza bit down on her lip as he strode out of the room, flinching when he clipped the door shut behind him. The sound of his car roaring to life outside was like a glancing blow to her heart. She listened to him drive out of the villa grounds, her imagination already torturing her with where he was going and what he would be doing when he got there.