Читать книгу Freshman Year, 91-92 - Megan B. March - Страница 8

“Mia,” a quiet voice whispered near my ear. I opened my eyes, unsure of where I was at first. Gaining my bearings, I quickly looked over to see Jensen beside me, touching my cheek lightly.

“Oh … what time is it?” I whispered, rubbing my eyes. The clock on my nightstand read seven thirty. “Did my mom come home?” I was almost frantic.

“Only for a few minutes,” Jensen yawned and answered, “and then she left again. That was about thirty minutes ago. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“She didn’t …?”

“No,” he cut me off, “she didn’t come in here. Our secret is safe.”

“Hmm.” I bit my lip. She surely would have seen the Jeep.

Jensen read my mind. “I think she had a date and was too preoccupied to notice there was a car outside. Plus, I moved it to the street not too long after you fell asleep.”

“You left me?” I accused him.

“Only for a second,” he said before kissing me lightly on the lips.

“Don’t do that again,” I scolded and nestled into his embrace.

He buried his face into my hair and I could feel his warm breath against my neck. “Mmm, you smell good.”

I scrunched up my shoulders as he nuzzled into my neck, his face tickling me. He kissed me softly for about another fifteen minutes before he spoke again.

“Mia,” he whispered, getting off the bed and doing his best to comb his hair with his fingers. “I wish I could stay, but I have to get home.”

I sighed. “I wish you could stay, too; this is nice.”

He smiled and touched my face. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“What are we doing tomorrow?” I asked as we walked downstairs. I flicked the light switch on so I could see his face clearly. He half-frowned, but didn’t seem upset.

“I wish I could be with you tomorrow, too, but I have prior commitments with my family, I’m sorry,” he said as he kissed my forehead.

“Oh, that’s okay. I have a mountain of homework to do anyway.”

I walked Jensen to the door, but he wouldn’t let me step out into the cold. We stood in the doorway for a minute or two before he walked down to the curb and got into his Jeep. Before peeling away, he waved goodbye, kissed his index and middle fingers and raised them toward me. I couldn’t help but think how original he was.

Stepping into the kitchen a few minutes later to hunt for a late dinner, I noticed the message light on the phone blinking to show that I had missed four messages; three from Aria and one from Krissa, I laughed to myself recalling Aria’s impatience, and toyed with the idea of waiting to call her back and making her suffer. She’d probably interrupt my call to Krissa, so my first call was to Aria who picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?” Aria had her own phone line in her bedroom.

“Hey, sorry I took so long to call,” I fibbed.

“No kidding. Where have you been? I called like ten times.” She seemed annoyed.

“I only had three messages from you.”

“I said I called, not that I left ten messages.” Yes, she was annoyed, but I was too happy to be bothered by her mood.

“So, what happened? I assume you and Jensen hung out together all day.”

“You assumed right.” I cradled the phone with my neck, checking the contents of the cabinet for something to catch my eye.

“Well, do I get details or do I have to ask all the questions?!” she blasted through the phone.

“Ouch, no need to yell. Geez,” I told her. “Hang on, I’m getting some food.” I started the water to make some mac and cheese, and then turned my focus back to Aria. “Okay, you probably figured that we cut class yesterday. We went hiking and then had lunch. Jensen showed me this really pretty, secluded spot. He came over and spent the day here just hanging out and talking. Aria, it’s been amazing. Everything about him is amazingly hot. He’s also really perceptive; he knew something was up with Kyle when we ran into him at McDonald’s.”

“You saw Kyle at McDonalds?!” Aria rushed. “What did he say? What did he do?”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal. He was there scamming on Alyna. You know, that blonde junior he likes.” I waited for Aria to make the connection. “Oh yeah,” I added, “and Jensen dated her last year. I guess they were pretty serious.”

“I think I knew that. What did Jensen say about Kyle?”

“Not too much,” I said as I added the macaroni to the boiling water, “just that he didn’t think Alyna would make the same mistake twice. What do you think he means by that?”

“Wouldn’t make that mistake twice? That’s an odd thing to say.” Aria thought about what Jensen had said. “I don’t really know what it means. You should just ask him.”

“Yeah, maybe I will someday.”

“What else did you do?” Aria prompted.

“Alright, we kissed some more.”

“Come on, you’re not even giving me anything to work with here!” Aria liked to pry.

“Okay, I’ll give you this much: he’s an extremely good kisser who I know I’m in love with.” Even if we had ventured further, I would not have told Aria or anyone else for that matter. I learned long ago that you had to draw the line when it came to certain things because they just might come back to haunt you. Aria was my best friend, but friends didn’t always last forever.

Aria took a sharp intake of breath and then went quiet; too quiet. I thought I’d lost the connection. “Aria?”

“Yeah, still here,” she hesitated. “I’m just shocked that you feel that way already. You didn’t tell him that you love him, did you?”

“Um, maybe.” I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “Besides, he told me he loved me, too. And today was just amazing. Jensen is really different from anyone I’ve ever known. I can’t explain it.”

“Dude, I don’t even have those feelings for Jack,” Aria admitted. “I have more of a … I don’t know … I guess you could call it lust. That’s what my mom says it is, anyway.” I thought I detected a hint of jealousy in her voice. “Well, just be careful,” she continued, “and remember who introduced you two!”

Our conversation carried on while I drained the macaroni and added the other ingredients, all with one hand. Aria asked about my day with Jensen and I told her about the nice time we had hiking at Perseverance on Friday. I could imagine the look on her face when she said with disgust how she hated the outdoors and would die if Jack suggested going hiking and “crap like that.” Aria then asked if she could come over the following day if I wasn’t going to be hanging out with Jensen; she needed help with her English homework. I told her that I was free and we settled on a time to meet.

My next call was to Krissa. Unlike Aria, Krissa wasn’t put out that I hadn’t returned her call right away, and she was excited at the news that I knew I was in love and had found someone who treated me well. She hadn’t cared much for Kyle, either. I told her about meeting with Aria the next day to study, and she said that she’d also come over about noon.

We hung up and I sat at the kitchen table, eating my bowl of macaroni. I looked at the clock; it was nine already. Minutes later, the familiar engine squeak of my mom’s Subaru gave away the fact that she was home. Soon I would be able to hear her heals on the tile as she made her way into the foyer, through the living room, and into the kitchen where I was with my mac and cheese.

It didn’t take very long before my mother made her way through the front door. Just like I expected she came into the kitchen noisily; click-clack, click-clack.

“Hey,” Mom said before picking up the stack of mail from the counter.

“Hi. There’s still some mac and cheese left in the pot on the stove if you want some.”

She shook her head. “No, I already ate. Why are you eating so late?”

“I don’t know, just am.”

“What were you doing?”

“Just hung out with someone I met at the last dance.” I peeked out from beneath my eyelashes, confirming her raised eyebrow at my mention of meeting someone new.

“So, was this someone a boy?” I shrugged and took another bite of food as Mom tapped her fingers on the counter impatiently. I knew she wanted more, but I figured I’d give her just enough to satisfy her curiosity. Taking the last bite, I got up to rinse my dish out in the sink. My back was turned to her so that I didn’t have to face her while telling her about Jensen.

“The guy I met is named Jensen and he’s a junior. Aria introduced us.”

“He’s two years older than you,” Mom pointed out.

“Actually, just one; he skipped first grade.” It wasn’t a lie, really. He hadn’t turned seventeen yet, although his birthday was coming up. I could hear my mother breathe a small sigh of relief.

“He’s really nice, Mom; you’d like him. He also treats me very well. You should meet him.” I was surprised at my comment. I hadn’t had any intention of her meeting him this soon, but now I felt trapped. I turned to look at her and wasn’t surprised to see her leaning against the counter with her arms crossed.

“Meet him?” She seemed surprised at the thought. “When?”

My mom stood straight and unfolded her arms, grabbing the counter with both hands as if she was about to pull herself up on top of the counter. She didn’t.

“Um, well,” I said, searching for words. “I’m supposed to go to his house for dinner next Saturday. How about then?” I felt like I couldn’t stop talking for some reason. This was the most time we’d spent discussing anything, and before I knew it I’d committed him to meeting her. It was something I wasn’t exactly thrilled about.

“Okay, next Saturday. I’ll make sure I’m here when he comes to pick you up. When is he coming?”

I told her that since Jensen and I were planning on spending the whole day together, it was likely that he’d be picking me up Saturday morning. Mom said that she had a house showing and needed to out by ten, so Jensen coming over early would work out just fine. Her suggestion that ‘I confirm it with him,’ like she would a secretary, irritated me some but I bit my lip. At least she was interested in who I was spending time with.

“Alright, I’ll confirm with him,” I acquiesced. “Goodnight.” I got up from the table and put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. As I walked upstairs, I could hear her scraping the rest of the mac and cheese out of the pot and the clanking sound her heels made as she walked over to the couch to sit in front of the television.

I climbed into bed and had trouble getting to sleep. I kept thinking of my day with Jensen, the way he touched me, the things he said, and how his lips felt on mine. I must have thought about it to the point of exhaustion as I eventually fell asleep, dreaming of our day together.

“Mia, are you up yet?” I sat up and blinked a few times. My mom was at my open door, holding out the phone; apparently Aria was on the other end saying she’d be over in an hour. I had trouble registering what my mom was saying, so I only nodded and waved her away to show I was still waking up. Somehow I managed to comprehend what she said. She talked into the phone again and sweetly said that I was still waking up and that she’d see Aria soon. She even called Aria “honey.” It bothered me how nice my mother was to my friends, almost like she was putting up a front.

I sighed and swung my feet over the edge of the bed, stretching my arms above my head. After picking out a pair of jeans and one of my favorite No Fear t-shirts, I took a quick shower, got dressed, and slowly walked down the stairs, dreading what my conversation with my mother would be like. However; when I got down to the kitchen, she was nowhere in sight. I peeked out the window over the kitchen sink and saw that her car was gone. Letting out a sigh of relief, I hoped she would stay out the whole day. The previous night had been awkward, if not downright uncomfortable.

After grabbing some oatmeal for breakfast, I unlocked the front door and went back upstairs to brush my teeth. Aria arrived about that time and let herself in the front door just as I was coming back down. I went to dig around in my book bag and was pulling out my geometry book when Aria strolled in.

“Hey, you’re alive,” she announced, dropping her book bag to the floor. “I need loads of help with that stupid essay for English. Is Krissa coming over? She’s good at writing. Wish I could pay her to write it for me.” Aria spoke a mile a minute.

“No, you don’t,” I said simply, sitting down at the table.

“Yeah, I do.”

I regarded her and said, “Remember when Kylie once had Krissa write one of her assignments and she almost got expelled?”

“See, she got caught. I wouldn’t because I’m crafty.”

“Uh, huh.”

I opened my book, looking for the chapter on proofs. I despised geometry and knew Krissa was great with math. The thought of waiting for her to arrive crossed my mind because I knew my assignment would frustrate me to the point of throwing the book out the window. Why not? I closed the book and focused on Aria.

“Let me see what you have so far with your essay.” I held out my hand. She was bent over her notebook with a pen in hand scratching something out, but she reluctantly handed it over.

“I suppose you’re done,” she said with a smirk.

“Of course; I did it when it was assigned two weeks ago. It’s even typed.”

“Nerd.” She rolled her eyes at me. Aria started to say something else in retaliation, but I held up my index finger to let her know I was reading and to please not disturb me. She sighed and sat back in her chair with annoyance seeping off her. I finished reading five minutes later and tossed the essay back to her.

“You’re hopeless, Aria; better wait for Krissa.”

“Gee, thanks, you’re a load of help.” I smirked at her obvious annoyance with me.

Aria usually did the bare minimum when it came to school work, so I suggested that she put more of herself into her essay by sharing certain things with the reader. I also told her that giving her point of view just might help her and the reader connect. She listened to my advice with her mouth opened like she’d never heard me talk about writing before.

“You’re serious?” It was more of a statement. I shook my head and laughed, which only annoyed her further.

Ten minutes later, I heard a car in the driveway. I peeked out and saw Krissa climbing awkwardly out of the back of Kylie’s Talon. It looked like Jon was driving and Kylie wasn’t going to get out of the passenger seat to let Krissa out of the back. Instead, she was leaning forward with a somewhat angry look on her face. Krissa squeezed out somehow and flipped Kylie off after pulling her bag out from the back seat. She then jogged up the stairs as Jon peeled out, leaving marks on my driveway.

I met Krissa at the door. “What was all of that?” I motioned to the driveway.

“Ugh, nothing. Kylie was refusing to get out of the front seat so I could get out and I got stuck, which pissed her off. She acts different around Jon; it’s maddening.”

Krissa set her bag in one of the empty chairs at the table and dug around in it for her geometry book.

“Mia,” she said, “your essay is great. Can I copy it?”

I snatched it out of her hands. “No way! Do your own work, parasite.”

“Kidding, actually.”

“Mia, were you waiting for me to start on your geometry?” Krissa asked, motioning to my closed book and an empty sheet of paper next to it.

“Of course, you know how I can’t do geometry alone.”

Krissa and I sat down and began the assignment. Every few minutes I had to stop and ask her what the book was talking about, and to ask if I had the proof right. She spent most of the time pointing out the steps I missed.

About two hours later, we were finally done with our homework. Aria was finished with the first draft of her essay, and handed it over to Krissa to critique. Krissa gave some great pointers and she got back to work on it.

“Are you guys hungry?” I asked, stretching. “I could order some pizza.”

Krissa perked up. Pizza was the bane of her existence, but she couldn’t say no. “Yeah, that sounds good. I need some brain food,” Krissa agreed. Aria just nodded as she remained bent over her essay.

I picked up the phone and dialed Domino’s. A few minutes later, I hung up the phone. “Okay kids, thirty minutes or less,” I said, mimicking the commercials. Krissa decided to take a break and stretched out on my couch, turning on the TV.

“Hey, keep it down, I’m trying to concentrate,” Aria snapped.

Krissa turned the TV down, but not without an eye roll toward me. I suppressed a giggle and looked outside, waiting for the pizza to get there. Surprisingly, a familiar Jeep pulled up to the curb. I felt my heart bump up into my throat and had trouble swallowing. It was a pleasant surprise to see Jensen.

“Hey, be right back,” I said, sneaking behind Aria. She was as engrossed in her essay as Krissa was in a re-run of ER. Aria waved to show she heard me, but didn’t turn away from the TV. I snuck out the door quietly and met Jensen halfway down the stairs.

Smiling when he saw me, Jensen called out, “Hey!”

“Hi, I’m surprised to see you,” I told him. He raised his eyebrow at my comment. “Pleasantly,” I added. “Aria and Krissa are over. We’re doing homework.”

Jensen then smiled and picked me up by my waist. I wrapped my legs around his hips and kissed him softly for a moment before he set me down.

“Actually,” he said, “I just wanted to come by and say hello and give you something so that you’ll think about me the rest of the day.”

“And what’s that?” I dared to ask, not sure what he meant.

“I’ll give it to you in the Jeep,” he said. Then nodding toward the house he added, “just in case there are eyes watching.” He knew my friends too well.

Jensen took my hand and led me to the driveway where he was parked. He helped me inside to the driver’s seat while he stood outside. Putting his arms around my waist he pulled me close before nuzzling my neck and kissing me along my jawline.

“I missed you,” he whispered in my ear. I wholeheartedly agreed as butterflies began to swarm in my stomach.

“I should get back inside,” I said after a few minutes, “or wandering eyes will start to wander out to here.” Aria was sure to quiz me anyway.

Jensen put both of his hands on my face and pulled my lips down to his. His kiss was soft, but firm and I didn’t want it to ever end. Unfortunately, it had to.

“Wow,” he breathed as he pulled away. “You’d better go before …” He didn’t bother to finish, only breathed deeply and helped me out before getting behind the wheel himself.

“I’ll call you later,” he promised as he leaned outside of his window. I stood on my tip-toes and kissed him quickly, crossing my arms to keep warm.

Jensen drove off and I slowly walked up the steps. Just as I was opening the door, I heard a car in the driveway behind me. Half expecting it to be Jensen coming back for more, I turned around with a smile; it was the pizza. I went inside, grabbed my wallet and met the delivery girl down by her car.

As I was carrying the pizza up to the door, Krissa came out with a smirk on her face. “I saw you,” she whispered, “but I didn’t tell Aria.” She winked. Krissa knew I wanted to be a bit private about Jensen for now. “You two seem really happy. You probably don’t notice it, but he is always looking out for your safety—you can see it in his body language and how he walks with you. Did you notice he stayed between you and the road when he took you to the other side of his Jeep?”

“No, I guess I didn’t really give it much thought. To be honest, he has me in a daze most of the time. It’s intoxicating being around him.”

“Oh, I know that feeling.” She held the door open for me while I walked in. We went to the kitchen to set the pizza down.

“Pizza’s here,” I announced.

“About time; I’m starving!” Aria jumped up, looking for any excuse to be done with her essay.

The three of us took a break and ate pizza while watching TV and picking apart an episode of ER that was on TV.

“George Clooney is so hot,” Aria said while picking off the mushrooms on her pizza. I had ordered a deluxe, completely forgetting she didn’t like mushrooms.

“You gonna eat those?” Krissa asked, pointed to Aria’s discarded mushrooms. Aria held out her plate so Krissa could take the mushrooms.

“I don’t know, bald guys kind of turn me on,” I stated. “Anthony Edwards is a real hottie.” Aria just about spit her pizza out at what I said, and Krissa’s mouth hung open.

“Kidding! But you have to admit that he was a hottie when he had hair. Remember him in Top Gun? Ugh, I just about died when they killed off his character.” Aria and Krissa couldn’t argue with me there.

My friends departed around five o’clock, with Krissa catching a ride with Aria and her mom. Still full from the pizza, I decided dinner could wait. I was a bit bored and wondered if I should hang around waiting for Jensen’s call, but decided instead to kill some time by going on a walk. Being dark and a bit cool outside, I grabbed a flashlight and pulled my warmest coat on. The night air felt good as I snapped on the flashlight and walked carefully down the stairs.

At the edge of the driveway I stopped and tried to decide which way I wanted to go. I chose to walk the loop, which meant going down my street, turning to go up the main road into another housing development, and turning on the next street just north of mine that would curve around and bring me back down to my street. All-in-all, it was about a mile round-trip that would help to work off the bloat from the pizza. Shivering a little, I started out with the flashlight beam bouncing with each step I took. Only an occasional car passed, but that was typical for a quiet Sunday evening.

I made my way to the main street and was just about to turn, when I noticed a familiar truck parked across the street with Jon behind the wheel; Kyle was leaning outside the passenger door, smoking.

“Shit,” I said under my breath, trying to decide if I should continue on or turn around and walk back home. Either way, I figured he’d eventually see me because the street was lit up pretty well. I decided instead to ignore him and start up the street to finish the loop. A dozen or so feet down the sidewalk, I heard my name being called.

“Mia? Hey, Mia, is that you?” I debated whether or not to ignore him and pretend not to be me, but manners changed my mind and I slowly pivoted on my heels to face his direction. Kyle was jogging toward me with his cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth. I couldn’t help thinking that he was a more attractive than I remembered, and I felt guilty the moment the thought popped into my head. I immediately thought of Jensen and wished he could have been with me now instead of earlier.

Kyle ran up, a little out of breath. Seeing that I was on foot, he asked if I lived nearby. I thought about lying, but he’d probably see me go to my house eventually, so I settled on the truth.

“Yeah, I do. What are you up to? I thought Jon would be with Kylie.”

“Well, I was hanging out with Alyna, but she ditched me near here so I called Jon. He was a little pissed that he had to leave Kylie.” I nodded, turned around, and continued walking. For once I figured I’d pull the same trick he always pulled on me. To my surprise, he stayed by my side and asked if Jensen and I were going out.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yeah, we are,” I snapped, surprising myself with my brazen attitude. It felt terrific to be able to treat him this way.

Kyle instantly held his hands in the air. “Hey, just asking.” Feeling guilty, I told him that I was sorry, and not wanting Jensen to be the topic of our conversation, I asked him if he and Alyna were together. “Working on it.” He took a drag of his cigarette then tossed it away. I cleared my throat, but tried to cover my cynicism with a fake cough. I couldn’t fool him, though. “You don’t think I have a chance with her, do you?” It was a statement, not a question.

“I didn’t say it.”

“True, but you still think it.” I was getting tired of his game. Why should I care about him and who he wanted to be with?

“Ok, you’re right. I don’t really think you have a chance with her,” I boldly stated, and then more quietly I added, “Jensen had a bit to say on that topic.” I watched a smirk spread across Kyle’s face.

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. They were a thing for the greater part of last year. Too bad she cheated on him,” Kyle said smugly as I couldn’t keep my mouth from dropping open. “He didn’t tell you … which part?” Kyle was enjoying this too much. He put his finger to his temple and then added, “I’m guessing you knew they went out. I don’t see him being as forthcoming with how serious they were and that she cheated on him … with me.” Kyle strung out the explanation in an odd manner, almost like a detective explaining a crime might.

I stood there, trying to let this new information sink in. Now I knew what Jensen’s comment meant about Alyna not making that mistake twice. I closed my mouth and took a sharp breath to regain my composure. I felt my blood boil and I glared at him, searching his face for a hint of a lie. There was none.

I suddenly felt I had to defend Jensen, so I counted back with, “Actually, I knew how serious they were. He told me they slept together. However, you’re right; I didn’t know that she cheated on him with you. He did have the decency to leave your name out of it.” Kyle shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “To be honest,” I went on, “I don’t blame him for not sharing that part. I’m sure it would have been embarrassing to admit that his girlfriend cheated with a low-life like you.” I turned and jogged away from him as a sign I was done with the conversation. I hoped he didn’t follow me and was glad when I didn’t hear his footsteps behind me.

It was six o’clock by the time I returned home, and Mom was there on the phone when I entered the house. I slammed the door and loudly kicked off my shoes before hanging up my coat and running upstairs to my room. Once there, I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling for a while, trying to work through my thoughts and my anger. Kyle’s words kept running through my head, causing me to tense my jaw. I was at the point where I wanted to punch him … or something.

The phone rang and a few minutes later my mom knocked on my door. I swallowed, trying to keep my voice even. “Yeah?” I asked.

She entered and she held out the phone, saying, “Jensen.” I curtly thanked her and grabbed the phone. She lingered for a moment before shutting the door behind her.

“Hey,” I said gruffly.

“Hi … something wrong?” Jensen had perceptively caught the mood by my voice.

“Actually, yes, there is. I’m not one to beat around the bush so I’ll just say it. I ran into Kyle.” I heard him breathe in sharply as if he was expecting the worst. “He told me something about you and Alyna.”

Jensen sighed on the other end of the line. “So he told you,” Jensen confirmed.

“It’s true? She cheated on you with him?”

“Yeah,” he whispered and sighed again. “To tell you the truth, I’m surprised you didn’t ask me what I meant when I said she wouldn’t make that mistake again.”

“I just figured they’d gone out once before, not that he’d been the reason you and her broke up. Why … didn’t … you … tell … me?” A lump formed in my throat and tears began to form. I didn’t know why I was upset. Perhaps because I felt I had been lied to.

“I’m sorry. It’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone and I suddenly felt bad for making Jensen admit that someone had gotten the best of him. Making him re-live the pain and humiliation that Kyle and Alyna put him through suddenly seemed very self-serving and immature. I instantly felt like I was the one who did something wrong.

“I’m sorry. I guess I overreacted. Kyle kind of does that to me,” I admitted.

“Yeah, you and me both,” he agreed.

“Yes, but he shouldn’t bother me at all. I don’t care for him. I love you, and I’m sure it hurts you to know that he affects me so deeply.” My tears were still present but the lump in my throat was subsiding.

“I don’t understand,” Jensen confessed. “What do you mean when you say that he affects you deeply? Do you mean …?”

“No, I don’t have feelings for him,” I quickly said, not exactly sure if it was the truth. The evening had been very confusing. “Jensen, it’s been kind of a long day. Can we talk tomorrow?” I wanted to end the conversation for fear I’d say something stupid. I also needed time alone to think.

“Sure, I’ll pick you up in the morning around seven-fifteen like usual.”

“That sounds great, I’ll see you then. I love you,” I finished.

“I love you, too. Dream of me.”

“I always do.”

Setting the phone down on my bed, I bit my lip. What’s the deal? Do I care about Kyle? I was sure that I didn’t care for him the way I cared for Jensen, but part of me still ached, and every time I interacted with him the wound he left would begin to hurt again. I needed to think this over and get my head on straight.

Turning off all but one light by my nightstand, I walked over to the stereo and put in Enya’s Watermark CD into the player. Her music was the best to listen to whenever I needed to think. I then turned off the light on my nightstand, crawled under my covers, and stared up at the ceiling. Occasionally, a passing car would cast its headlights through my window, causing shadows to dance on the ceiling while I replayed my interaction with Kyle in my head over and over again. When I couldn’t pick it apart to decipher any longer, I began to analyze my conversation with Jensen. Did I hurt his feelings? Could he tell I might have been lying about my feelings for Kyle? Did he still care about Alyna?

Eventually, I fell asleep, but my dream wasn’t without drama. It was of me standing on the outside of a triangular mess of Kyle, Jensen, and Alyna, wishing that someone cared how I felt. The dream was exhausting, and I awoke the next morning mentally drained.