Читать книгу Mia’s World: An Extraordinary Gift. An Unforgettable Journey - Mia Dolan, Mia Dolan - Страница 52

The night before my second visit to Roz, I couldn’t sleep. The last time we’d been together, I’d used a lot of grand words, but the nitty-gritty of how to share my knowledge still eluded me. Teaching someone to find and use their sixth sense was very different from my own experience of becoming psychic. For me it had never been a choice. The gift was thrust on me.

Twenty years on, it was a gift not a curse, but how was I going to teach all this to Roz? I decided to open up and find Eric. I got into a comfortable position and stopped all thoughts to clear my mind.

‘Eric.’

Immediately, his face was clear in my head.

‘I’m really stressed about teaching Roz. Why did I offer to give up my time and put myself under this pressure? What am I trying to prove?’

I was giving him all my angst – the truth of how inadequate and overwhelmed I felt. I finished with the biggest question of all:

‘Why am I so negative about myself?’

‘Let’s start with all the things you think are bad about yourself,’ Eric said.

He looked at me patiently.

‘That’s easy. I’m lazy, I’m selfish, I eat too much, I smoke too much, I don’t see things through, I don’t look after myself properly …’

The list seemed endless. I was still grumbling about my faults, when Eric said, ‘Now tell me the good things about yourself.’

My mind went blank. I couldn’t think of a single thing.

‘I like to help people if they’re feeling bad,’ I said at last.

That felt like a good thing. What else?

‘I think I’ve got quite nice eyes,’ I sputtered weakly.

‘And is that it?’ Eric asked gently.

I thought really hard. I still couldn’t think of another thing I liked about myself.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘That’s it. It’s bad, isn’t it?’

‘It’s not great,’ Eric admitted, ‘but if the list was the other way around it would get in the way of you helping others. The problem is the lack of balance.’

As he spoke, I had a vision of a piece of paper with a long list of faults on one side and two words – my good points – on the other. It was a revelation. I knew this list was about self worth and I was being shown, vividly, how low my self-esteem was. But, even with that knowledge, I still couldn’t find another plus point to balance out my list.

I had never realized before quite how low my self-image was. Becoming a ‘teacher’ – someone with knowledge to impart – was bringing all my doubts to the surface. It was a shock to see that, although I liked almost everybody I came across, I didn’t like myself very much at all.

‘How is this information meant to help me then, Eric?’ I asked. ‘It’s giving me even more to worry about.’

‘The one thing that has never changed is your belief in helping other people,’ Eric said. ‘It is part of who you are. It’s the one thing that even you can’t deny yourself.’

It was true. No matter how much I put myself down, the desire to help others has always been a part of me. I recalled my earliest memory: there I was, aged three, standing at the doorway to my home, watching the other children playing and feeling a great urge to look after them. Nothing could rock that.

‘By teaching Roz, you are going to help her,’ Eric said. ‘You have natural compassion, trust that.’

With the comfort of thinking that I might actually benefit Roz, I drifted off to sleep.