Читать книгу The Art of Connection - Michael J. Gelb - Страница 11
ОглавлениеThe Secret of Health, Happiness, and Leadership
A leader isn’t good because they are right; they are good because they listen and build trust.
— GENERAL STANLEY MCCHRYSTAL, Commander, Joint Special Operations Command and U.S. Forces Afghanistan (retired)
In April 1980, President Jimmy Carter authorized an attempt to rescue the fifty-three Americans held hostage by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards. The Atlantic magazine describes the result: “Everything went wrong.…America’s elite rescue force lost eight men, seven helicopters, and a C-130, and had not even made contact with the enemy. It was a debacle. It defined the word ‘debacle.’”
The elite Delta Force that crashed and burned in the Iranian desert was hampered by the requirement that it check with Washington before making field decisions. Its command structure was rigidly hierarchical, and its leader was frequently described as capricious, arrogant, and egotistical.
In the intensive soul searching that followed, progressive elements within the U.S. military began rethinking the traditional approach to command and control and eventually developed a new operational philosophy. General Stanley McChrystal, among whose other accomplishments was the successful hunt for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, is one of the leading proponents of this new way of thinking. McChrystal and his colleagues realized that to meet “the unrelenting demand for continual adaptability” they had to “unlearn” a great deal of what they thought they knew “about how war — and the world — worked.”
They realized that the trust and alignment that characterized small operational units must be scaled up throughout the organization. They discovered that for this to happen, open, clear, and timely communication was essential. Moreover, they realized that each unit must have a deep understanding of the mission and challenges of the other units. Open, clear, and timely communication combined with empathy results in what the general calls “shared consciousness.”
As the commander of a global force distributed around the world, a force made up of men and women from diverse backgrounds and largely dependent on the use of electronic communication technology, McChrystal emphasizes his most significant realization: “I learned that personal relationships are more important than ever.”
Connection Is What It’s All About
Brené Brown holds a PhD in social work and is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She’s a general on a different type of battlefield than McChrystal. Brown deals with humanity’s inner conflicts. She explores the treacherous terrain of shame and the inner terrorism of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness.
In her TED talk viewed by more than five million, she emphasizes the fundamental importance of the art of connection: “By the time you’re a social worker for ten years…what you realize is that connection…gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it’s all about.”
The art of connection is the key to success for soldiers and social workers, and for you. The latest research makes it clear that it’s also the secret of personal happiness, health, and longevity.
Psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School Robert J. Waldinger is the current director of the Laboratory of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital, where he oversees the world’s longest-running study of happiness. For more than seventy-seven years the lab has followed a group of 724 men, measuring the factors that most influence their mental and physical health.
Waldinger and his three predecessors all found that most younger men believe that money, power, achievement, and fame are the keys to success and happiness. That’s certainly the impression one gets from contemporary media, advertising, video games, and reality television. But the results of the study are undeniably clear: the most important factor in a happy and healthy life is a positive sense of connection with others.
As Waldinger concludes: “The good life is built with good relationships.”
His conclusions are supported and extended by many other studies. The sense of positive social connectedness yields many research-validated benefits. It:
• strengthens immune function and reduces inflammation.
• prevents dementia, diabetes, and many other ailments.
• promotes longevity.
Emma Seppälä, science director at Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and the author of The Happiness Track explains, “Social connection improves physical health and mental and emotional well-being.” She adds: “People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression. Moreover, studies show they also have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative, and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them. In other words, social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional, and physical well-being.”
As Seppälä suggests, positive social connectedness spreads happiness, and empathy and compassion seem to generate more of the same. When the Dalai Lama says, “My religion is kindness,” it’s more than just a sweet, offhand remark. It’s an expression of ancient wisdom that’s validated by contemporary research.
E PLURIBUS UNUM
E pluribus unum, Latin for “Out of many, one,” is the original motto for the United States of America. After the tragic events of September 11, 2001, Michael Lee Stallard was inspired by the way many people in the New York area came together as one. Shortly thereafter he founded E Pluribus Partners, a firm dedicated to helping individuals, organizations, and society thrive through the art of connection.
I asked Stallard, the author of Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, about the development of his passion. He responded that his business training had caused him to focus on numbers and metrics, so it took a long time to develop an appreciation for the importance of the human element. Gradually, during his twenty-five-year tenure on Wall Street, he noticed how morale affected performance for better or worse. In one notable instance, a toxic culture led him to feel that his “life force was being drained away.”
After Stallard was promoted to chief marketing officer for the global private wealth–management department of an international brokerage firm, he realized he could put into practice the lessons he’d learned about building positive relationships, first internally among his direct subordinates, then throughout his organization, and finally with clients and other stakeholders. The result? Revenues more than doubled over a two-and-a-half-year period. Stallard exults, “People were happy, and we were dramatically more profitable!”
Then a more personal challenge led him to make the art of connection the primary focus in life. He explains: “My wife, Katie, was diagnosed with breast cancer. The kindness and compassion of many of the health-care workers at our local hospital, some of whom were cancer survivors themselves, were a great comfort. Many of them went way beyond their regular duties to make a human connection with us in a way that boosted our spirits.”
A year later the Stallards were confronted with more adversity when Katie was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her treatment included regular chemotherapy at the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York. Stallard says that the professionalism and expertise of the physicians were complemented by what they experienced as a surprising level of genuine personal warmth and caring from everyone on the staff.
He notes: “One day while Katie was having a treatment, I went to the gift shop to get something to drink and stumbled on a meeting in the adjacent lounge where hospital workers were discussing an employee survey. I overheard them share that they loved working there, because they loved their colleagues, their patients, and their cause: to provide the best cancer care, anywhere!”
Katie is in remission for both cancers. Stallard is convinced that the loving-kindness they felt from everyone at the hospital and from friends and family was the key element in her recovery. Stallard experienced a life-changing epiphany as he realized the power of connection to both make his business more profitable and keep his beloved wife alive.
“Connection,” he says, “is the secret of life! It gets us through the inevitable difficult seasons we all experience. It helps us grow in competence and character and makes us healthier, happier, and more productive.”
The Friendship Algorithm
To be honest, I really don’t give a damn about the brain.
I care about the human soul.
— MARCO IACOBONI, Director, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Lab at the Ahmanson-Lovelace Brain Mapping Center, UCLA
In a 2009 episode of the sitcom The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon, the idiosyncratic and socially inept theoretical physicist, decides that making friends may help him get privileged access to the main computer at the university. He develops a scientific approach, constructing an algorithm to figure out the most efficient strategy to befriend the computer’s gatekeeper. The result is predictably hilarious.
There’s more scientific information available today about social connection and the power of relationships than ever before, and yet the general level of “people skills” seems to be declining. Indeed, there are plenty of neuroscientists who don’t seem to have well-developed interpersonal intelligence.
Marco Iacoboni, author of Mirroring People: The Science of Empathy and How We Connect with Others, is an exception. We connected a few years ago while sharing the stage at the International Conference on Happiness and Its Causes, in Australia, featuring His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Marco’s warmth, openness, and friendliness inspired me to tell him, over a bottle of spicy Aussie Shiraz, “It’s a relief to know that the pioneer of mirror neuron research is a really nice guy.”
I asked him to summarize his research on human nature and to comment on the dominance of the centuries-old belief that we are selfish beings, designed primarily for self-preservation.
Marco responded by telling me about his lunch with the Dalai Lama and the legendary primatologist Jane Goodall at the Australian conference, where they discussed this exact issue. He enthused: “Jane Goodall shared extraordinary stories of prosocial behavior in the animal kingdom, including examples of altruistic behavior in snakes. Snakes! How can snakes be altruistic and humans aren’t?” He continued, “Our work suggests that human nature is, indeed, fundamentally prosocial, and if anything, we unlearn our natural empathy through socialization.”
In other words, we are born to be empathic. Our brains have evolved special cells known as “mirror neurons” that attune us to others, so we can feel what they feel, instantly, reflexively, and effortlessly. Marco comments: “When I see you smile or grimace in pain, I don’t have to do complex reasoning about your state of mind. I get it right away, because my brain mirrors you. This creates a powerful connection between us.”
Marco explains that neuroscience is illuminating the mechanisms that make it clear that empathy can be developed. The positive implications for the amelioration of a range of mental-health challenges such as narcissistic personality disorder or autism are obvious, but there are broader implications as well. He emphasizes: “I believe it’s essential for anyone in a position of leadership, and it’s also important for pretty much anyone who wants better relationships. Just as athletes train themselves in their sport, you can develop your ability to connect with others. There are many ways, but if I have to find a common denominator, I’d say that focusing on the art of human connection is what is needed.”
The Art in Context
General McChrystal realized that his forces had to break down the command silos and rigid hierarchy that hampered their agility. Since leading my first senior management seminar in 1979, the organizations with which I’ve consulted have been working to transform themselves in a manner similar to what the general recommends.
The broad megatrends involve moving from hierarchical structures to more collaborative ones, from “command and control” to an emphasis on participation and cooperation. When I started leading seminars, female participants were rare. Now more than half of my clients are women. Workplaces are far more diverse, and intrinsic incentives are increasingly important.
But many people still haven’t incorporated the relationship-building skills that support evolving cultures and more flexible structures. And the challenge is growing, as we are awash in a tsunami of spam and bloated by infobesity. The skills of listening and communicating seem to be declining rapidly. Why? And what can you do about it?
Overcoming ADD
A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.
— HERBERT SIMON (1916–2001), Nobel Laureate in Economics
I love the internet. I love connecting with friends, family, and clients anywhere, at any time, and I love having immediate access to all human knowledge. It’s a dream come true. In 1982, I moved to Washington, DC, the place where creative thinking, communication, and leadership skills were, and still are, most urgently needed. I met some very interesting people, including members of a U.S. Army think tank (called the First Earth Battalion, featured many years later in the book and movie The Men Who Stare at Goats) who were working on a new idea called “the net,” a system to allow people around the world to communicate electronically.
Five hundred years earlier, the great Italian polymath Leonardo da Vinci (1452–1519) predicted: “Men standing in opposite hemispheres will converse and deride each other and embrace each other, and understand each other’s language.” But even a genius like Leonardo might not have foreseen the pandemic of addiction to digital devices. Overdependence on technology is perverting our ability to develop human relationships and damaging our brains and our bodies.
At a recent CEO summit, Richard J. Davidson, professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, explained, “I think if we’re all honest about it, we all suffer from attention deficit disorder, and it’s in part attributable to the kind of exposure we have to digital devices.” Davidson added, “Device dependence is highly reinforcing, so it becomes like a drug. And in fact it co-opts the same brain systems that are indicated in addiction.” In other words, ADD (attention deficit disorder) is getting worse because of ADD (addiction to digital devices).
In addition to co-opting brain systems, addiction to digital devices causes significant debilitating effects on the body. “Text neck” and “iPosture” are some of the new terms to describe the damaging consequences of ADD. As one reporter asked in the lead to a story on this issue, “Is too much technology taking your body back to the Stone Age?” Jack Stern, a board-certified spine surgeon and author of Ending Back Pain: 5 Powerful Steps to Diagnose, Understand, and Treat Your Ailing Back, thinks that the answer is yes. Stern explains: “There’s a pandemic of orthopedic ailments — back pain, stiff necks, frozen shoulders — caused or exacerbated by the distortion of posture associated with the use of handheld devices. It’s worst among the younger generation. They’re exhibiting symptoms previously associated with advanced age.” In addition to orthopedic symptoms, overuse of technology also contributes to what Stern describes as a “growing sense of loneliness, alienation, and disconnection.”
Device-induced discoordination results in a gradual diminishing of individual stature. As your physical stature is compromised by habitually slumping over your phone or computer, the power of your presence declines. Your stature and presence have a powerful effect, for better or worse, on your ability to focus your attention, and your ability to focus attention is an essential aspect of your experience of connection, or rapport, with others. In Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, Daniel Goleman explains: “Rapport demands joint attention — mutual focus. Our need to make an effort to have such human moments has never been greater, given the ocean of distractions we navigate daily.”
The seven relationship-building skills we will explore will help you stay afloat, ride the waves, and adjust your course to the port you desire.
ZEN KOANS FOR THE INTERNET AGE
If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self? To see a man’s true face, look to the photos he hasn’t posted.
— Brandon Specktor, humorist
Look Up!
Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, reported from the World Economic Forum at Davos on a study by the global consulting firm McKinsey showing that more than 50 percent of people on Facebook have connections in other countries. Sandberg explained that these international connections are growing exponentially and wrote: “This matters. In a connected world, it’s easier to…identify with people from other cultures — to understand their lives, or see things from their point of view. Technology is driving real progress in the world — raising living standards, creating new jobs and even new industries. Connectivity provides education, better health, a greater understanding of civil rights all around the world.” She added, “And when people make friendships across borders, things get better for everyone.”
Our electronic interconnectivity creates the framework for global shared consciousness. The key is to be wired and digitally savvy without distorting your body and losing your soul. The way to do that is not just to “lean in,” but to look up!
How do we make the most of this amazing resource without succumbing to the detrimental aspects? Start with ART.
ART: Attention Restoration Therapy
Right now, I’m at work, using the internet. But in my mind, I’m already at home, using the internet.
— Tweeted by BRIDGER WINEGAR @Bridger_w
Jason Hirschhorn, a super savvy Gen Xer, is the CEO and curator of Redef, a creative online platform aiming to “live at the epicenter where the worlds of media, fashion, sports, music, and tech collide.” Jason asks, “Anyone know where I can find an iPad costume? I figure if I dress up like one, my nieces and nephew will look me in the eye…” Jason understands that attention is the fuel of connection. It’s a precious resource, and it’s being dispersed and depleted in an unprecedented way.
In The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, Nicholas Carr warns that the effect of overuse of the internet on our brains is “even more disturbing” than he had suspected. He notes, “The Net seizes our attention only to scatter it!”
How can we restore our capacity for the refined attention that is the currency of connection? Here are a few simple, potentially life-changing ideas.
Celebrate a digital sunset. I love wine. I usually have a glass or two with dinner. But every now and then I take the night off. If I’m served wine at a party and it isn’t high quality (yes, I am a wine snob), I simply won’t drink it and will have water instead. I’m blessed with a constitution that isn’t prone to addiction when it comes to alcohol. It’s harder for me to resist checking my iPhone than it is to say no to a generic Merlot. So I’ve instituted a few policies to help keep my mind free, including regular breaks during my work day and my own version of what Brian Johnson, author and founder of A Philosopher’s Notes, describes as his “digital sunset.”
Brian explains: “I turn off the computer at dinnertime and return it to its not-gonna-see-you-till-tomorrow home, appreciate all that’s been done, look ahead to the next day, clean up my desk, and that’s it. Time to recover.” Brian adds: “My business operates online, so if I’m not careful, I could be consumed by it. Since I made the commitment to just shut it all off at the end of each workday, I have way more energy and I think with more clarity. Not to mention the improvement in my relationship with my wife and beautiful daughters.”
Be in nature, and let nature be in you. The internet presents an unprecedented opportunity for connectedness and learning and an unlimited potential for distraction and dissipation. In a typical week we are exposed to more stimuli than our grandparents received in a year. In that same week, we engage with more information than our great grandparents did in their entire lives.
You can counter the effects of the information onslaught by devoting time to be in nature. Eva Selhub, author of Your Brain on Nature, explains: “Twenty minutes of walking in the park is an effective antidote for the symptoms of technology addiction (as long as you don’t take your device along!). The research shows clearly that being in nature results in improvements in cognitive functioning, creativity, mood, and physical well-being.” Selhub adds: “If you can’t get to a park or other natural setting, then the next best thing is to practice a mind-body discipline like meditation, tai chi, or yoga. Like walking in nature, these disciplines all shift your nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic dominance, in other words from stress to relaxation.”
Focus on your passion and purpose. Leonardo da Vinci advised, “Fix your course to a star.” This was the Maestro’s way of encouraging us to focus on our highest values and deepest purpose. It’s a theme that runs throughout his life and work.
Columnist David Brooks translates Leonardo’s advice in compelling contemporary terms in the New York Times: “If you want to win the war for attention, don’t try to say no to trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasbord; try to say yes to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrifying longing crowd out everything else.” In other words, when you are guided by higher values and embrace a deeper purpose, you’ll be less distractible.
As you free yourself from ADD, you’ll liberate tremendous energy that will allow you to experience the heart of the art of connection, which is to make relationships a priority.
The Importance of Relationships
Philosopher Martin Buber (1878–1965) observed, a century ago, that our world was becoming increasingly impersonal, materialistic, and transactional. He saw that when we view others as objects, to be manipulated or used for our own ends, we dehumanize not only them, but also ourselves. Buber emphasized that in every interaction we have a choice to view others as fellow humans, with whom we share the same basic essence, or as things — pawns to be moved, scenery for our dramas, obstacles in our way, or as competitors to be vanquished.
“I–It” is the term he originated to express the transactional, objectifying interaction. “I–Thou,” from the title of his most famous work, I and Thou (1923), is the term he originated to refer to the encounter that creates a real connection. The most important point in this book is: Make I–Thou encounters with real people, in real time, a priority. We must invest in one-on-one, face-to-face relationships with the people who are most important to us.
If you are in a formal position of leadership, make it a priority to meet one-on-one with your team members, customers, and key stakeholders. If you are a parent, devote time to connect deeply with each of your children. If you’re a friend, go out of your way to be with your friend. If you want to have a happy marriage or loving partnership, make quality time together your top priority.
Buber counseled that we come into our full aliveness, discover our true nature, and relate to the Divine through our encounters with others. He wrote, “All real life is meeting.”
In addition to the emotional and spiritual benefits of deepening your ability to connect with others, you’ll also be more successful. Gary Spitalnik expresses it in practical business terms when he exclaims: “I have to keep after some of the younger members of our sales team to get out from behind their desks, get the hell off their devices, and actually go out and visit with clients. That’s where the real action is: face-to-face.”
Jon Miller, former CEO of AOL and now a partner with Advancit Capital, says:
I share a tremendous amount of information with my partners and our stakeholders through digital means, but there’s no substitute for meeting in person. We never invest in a company without meeting the principals face-to-face. Actually we won’t consider a deal unless at least two of our three partners meet with the entrepreneurs directly, and we prefer to ensure that all three of us sit down with them personally. There’s a feeling, a sense of the people, that you just can’t get from reading the documents or talking on the phone. That’s why I’m always flying around the country and the world. Showing up, being present, has always been important, but it’s probably more important now than ever before.
THE EFFECTIVENESS OF FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION
According to a study recently published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, most people “underestimate the power of their persuasiveness in face-to-face communication,” and they put too much confidence in electronic text.
Vanessa Bohns, assistant professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University and her colleague Mahdi Roghanizad discovered that a request made in person is much more likely to be fulfilled than one sent by email. Bohns found: “Despite the reach of email, asking in person is the significantly more effective approach; you need to ask six people in person to equal the power of a 200-recipient email blast.” In other words, face-to-face requests were thirty-four times more likely to be fulfilled. Why is direct, interpersonal communication so much more impactful? Bohns discovered that subtle, nonverbal clues “made all the difference” in the relative power of the face-to-face interactions.
She concludes, “If your office runs on email and text-based communication, it’s worth considering whether you could be a more effective communicator by having conversations in person.”
Direct, face-to-face connections aren’t just the secret of individual professional success; they’re the cornerstone of great businesses. In the groundbreaking classic Firms of Endearment: How World-Class Companies Profit from Passion and Purpose, Babson Business School professor Raj Sisodia and his coauthors, Jag Sheth, and David Wolfe, make it clear that today’s greatest organizations succeed by helping all their stakeholders thrive: customers, investors, employees, partners, communities, and society. They make the world better by the way they do business, and the world responds by making them more profitable. This isn’t touchy-feely idealism; it’s practical, evidence-based reality. The firms studied by Sisodia and his colleagues have outperformed the Standard & Poor’s 500 by fourteen times and the companies featured in Jim Collins’s bestseller Good to Great by six times over a period of fifteen years.
The research presented in Firms of Endearment illuminates “radical new rules” for building an intentional, profitable, high-performance business. Among those new rules, this one is fundamental: “Create partner relationships that really are mutually beneficial.” The I–Thou encounter is the secret that brings this rule to life.
Connecting with Ourselves
We create ourselves through connection with others, and we deepen our capacity to connect with others through the work we do to connect with ourselves.
Leonardo da Vinci loved to contemplate the ripples that radiate out when a stone is tossed into a still pond. He wrote, “Everything is connected to everything else.” What if your posts on social media, your everyday conversations, your internal dialogue about the state of the world all rippled out to enliven — or dull — the consciousness of others? In the Buddhist scriptures, the Avatamsaka Sutra presents an image of this interconnected consciousness known as the Jewel Net of Indra.
Here’s my interpretation of what it says. Imagine that the cosmos is structured as an infinite net, a multidimensional spider web, stretching to eternity in all directions. At every intersection of the gossamer strands is a perfect glittering diamond star. The diamond stars are infinite in number, and each one reflects the radiance of all the others. In the metaphor of Indra’s Net each of us is a jewel linked to, and reflecting, all the other jewels.
We are all precious jewels. Our mirror neurons reflect the many facets of consciousness. How can we polish the mirror to better illuminate our true nature and our interconnectedness? And how can we translate that illumination into better relationships, a more intelligent approach to conflict, and greater effectiveness in achieving our goals together?
We begin with a process of self-observation and reflection. If you bring your attention right now to your bodily sensations, feelings, and thoughts, it’s obvious that there’s a fundamental aspect of you that isn’t your body, emotions, or thoughts. This is your consciousness, your self-awareness.
The key to polishing your mirror is becoming more aware of the habits of body, feeling, and thought that interfere with your ability to be fully present and learning to let them go. As you let go of the unnecessary, clarity emerges. As clarity emerges, you experience a deeper sense of connection.
About the fact that our ability to connect with others is predicated on our connection with ourselves, psychologist and philosopher Rollo May (1909–94) has this to say:
Finding the center of strength within ourselves is in the long run the best contribution we can make to our fellow men.…One person with indigenous inner strength exercises a great calming effect on panic among people around him. This is what our society needs — not new ideas and inventions, important as these are, and not geniuses and supermen, but persons who can be, that is, persons who have a center of strength within themselves.
Beyond the obvious intrinsic value of the process of aligning with this center of strength, our commitment to the process of growth and change, as May suggests, has a powerful effect on others. Business guru Peter Drucker observed that in the workplace a leader “who works on his own development sets an almost irresistible example.”
The example you set and the influence you have by working on your own development and reflecting on questions pertaining to your self-knowledge may be even more important in parenting and partnership than they are professionally.
Irish playwright Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) quipped, “Only the shallow know themselves.” He’s right. Genuine self-knowledge isn’t a static state, but rather a continuous quest, a never-ending journey.
The Seven Relationship-Building Skills
I thought we were going to be together forever. Then right out of the blue she sends me a “John Deere” letter…something about me not listening enough. I don’t know…I wasn’t really paying attention.
— From the film DUMB AND DUMBER
Positive relationships are fundamental to leadership and business success. But as Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence observes: “Western business people often don’t get the importance of establishing human relationships.”
Although individuals from many other cultures put relationships first, in the United States there’s still a tendency to focus more on the transaction than the connection. In many professions we are initiated into the use of various kinds of jargon, codes, and insider acronyms without necessarily learning how to genuinely connect with others. Whatever the field — information technology, biochemistry, engineering, psychology — there’s an increasing tendency for people to speak in a language understood only by their immediate professional tribe. A partner from a Washington, DC, law firm once told me his wife complained that he always spoke to her like a lawyer. When I asked him how he responded, he replied, “I requested that she present the evidence behind that assertion.”
In a recent seminar for a New York–based construction management company, we were exploring the role of the art of connection in the functioning of the company’s safety effort, in marketing its services, and in its ability to manage huge construction projects — coordinating the efforts of carpenters, electricians, and architects in the midst of other workers pouring concrete and operating giant cranes in the crowded Manhattan landscape. As the seminar participants contemplated the key to success in all these endeavors, it became clear that the quality of communication was the most important element in their work. One of the participants experienced this as an epiphany. He exclaimed, “Oh my God. I get it! We’re not in the construction business — we’re in the relationship business.”
We are all in the relationship business! Now, leaders who cultivate the art of connection will have an increasingly powerful advantage over those who don’t.
