Читать книгу LIFE AFTER RUSSIAN ROULETTE: REDEMPTION - Michael Kaminski - Страница 10

When you lose what you believed was your identity, when the image of who you were is destroyed, when an understanding of a sense of self is distorted, your life becomes a very dark place in which to live.

For the next three weeks, after resigning from the police department, I found myself isolating myself from my family and friends. Instead of exploring and opening new possibilities, I spent most of my time unscrewing and uncorking more bottles of brandy, falsely enjoying my ‘vacation’ and thinking about what the other guys on the squad were doing now. Since I never associated socially with any of them apart from work, I did not have any way to contact them.

The police department was not the first really good position I had quit, resigned or which I had been let go, but it had been the only job I did not lie or deceive my way into. I was proud of that fact.

The more I drank, the more withdrawn I became. The deeper I retreated into the darkness, the more fear and anger developed because of my decision to fight for a cause that failed.

I diligently glanced at the classifieds every day just to satisfy my wife’s concerns. No opportunity could really peak my interest. I felt like I just returned from Southeast Asia again and waited for my next assignment. Then one day there it was: “University of Maryland Campus Police Department has immediate openings. Prior police experience required. Former Baltimore City Police officers needed.”

That was it, my next assignment. The University of Maryland needed trained police officers and I needed another police department.

There were only a couple positions available and there were a lot of former police officers from the strike applying. We might have been radicals and rebels but we were well trained with street experience.

Within a couple days, I was notified that I had a position with the campus police department. Instead of being excited, my feelings clashed. I knew patrol on a university campus would not be the same as Pennsylvania and West North Avenues. However, I was back on a police force and I could legally carry a gun again, at least on duty. I was given a second chance and I was grateful.

I spent the dog days of August walking the Baltimore City campus of the University of Maryland. The assigned posts were easy but they still lacked challenges and excitement. Once you are addicted to the game, it is like being an alcoholic or a drug junkie. Campus patrol just could not satisfy my craving.

Then one day, as if by chance, one of the guys from our old foot patrol squad contacted me.

“Hey, Mikey, how have you been doing?” Cory Roberts asked. His voice was upbeat and he sounded excited. “Have you heard that the Anne Arundel County Police Department is looking for ex-Baltimore City police officers if they live in the county?”

Apparently, all the surrounding counties of Baltimore City were hiring former city police officers that had resigned because of the strike, especially the probationary officers. The counties knew we had experience and they would not have to train us or place us in the academy. This would be very cost effective for the county governments.

This would also be a fantastic opportunity if we were accepted. I had lived in Anne Arundel County all my life, in Brooklyn Park. The police department was small compared to Baltimore City but the chance to get back into the game again was like a magnet drawing both Cory and me.

Cory Roberts and I applied together. Basically, it was only a written test, an oral interview and a very easy physical agility test. Nothing difficult. In fact, it appeared too easy. In reality, hiring former Baltimore City police officers that lived within the county was more of a political decision by the County Executive. It was a good public relations move, as we would soon realize. The police department really did not want to hire former Baltimore City police officers. Not a good way to begin a new job or create healthy relationships.

After receiving our starting date of September 1, I resigned from the University of Maryland Campus Police Department. This position transitioned me to prepare for Anne Arundel County.

Our first day as new Anne Arundel County police officers was more like a false photo op. Roberts, Owens, Andrews and I met our new police chief, Anthony Vickers, behind closed doors.

“I want all of you to understand one very important thing,” Chief Vickers began in a strict, negative tone of voice. “I did not want to hire any of you but we all have our orders. I am well aware of what all of you did in Baltimore City but this is my police department and I will not tolerate any disobedience or violation of the rules. Do you understand me?”

Very surprised, each one of us responded in a very respectful, “Yes, sir.”

“You will not go on patrol or interact in the community in any capacity until I am assured that I can trust you,” Chief Vickers continued. “And understand this, if any of you screw up or act in any way that violates departmental policies, your ass is mine. Again, do I make myself perfectly clear gentlemen?”

Again, each one of us responded uneasy, “Yes, sir.”

I can still see the press release photograph that accompanied the story about our acceptance in the Maryland Gazette. Four of us smiled broadly and stood in line as Chief Vickers shook our hands and ‘welcomed’ us into The Anne Arundel County Police Department. But, secretly, we all knew and understood how he really felt about us.

Cory Roberts and Owens were assigned to Central Records, desk jobs. Andrews went to supply and I was assigned to the radio room. What had we gotten ourselves into? Would we be accepted by the other police officers if and when we did get our patrol assignments? Once again, we were on probation. This was not the game I thought I was going to play. My playing time appeared to be limited and I sat on the bench indefinitely.