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8 The party

The purpose of the party is to make us forget that we are lonely, miserable and doomed to death; in other words, to transform us into animals. This is why primitive human beings have a very highly developed sense of the party. A nice dose of hallucinogenic plants, three tambourines, and they’re off: it doesn’t take much to keep them amused. In contrast, Westerners generally only end up in an inadequate state of ecstasy after endless raves from which they emerge deaf and drugged: they have no sense of the party at all. Profoundly self-conscious, radically alien to others, terrorized by the idea of death, they’re quite incapable of achieving any exaltation. However, they persist. The loss of their animal condition saddens them, they’re ashamed and resentful; they’d like to be party animals, or at least pass for such. They’re in a really lousy situation.

What the hell am I doing with these jerks?

‘For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them’ (Matthew 18: 20). But that’s the whole point: gathered together in the name of what? What could possibly justify gathering together?

Gathering together to have fun

This is the worst possible scenario. In such circumstances (nightclubs, dance sessions, parties), which are obviously no fun at all, there’s only one solution: flirting. Thereupon, we leave the register of the party to enter that of a fierce narcissistic competition, with or without the option of penetration. (It’s traditionally considered that a man needs penetration to obtain the desired narcissistic gratification; he then feels something analogous to the click of the ‘free game’ on old pinball machines. The woman, most often, is satisfied with the certainty that someone wants to penetrate her.) If these kinds of games disgust you, or you just don’t feel able to put a good face on them, there’s only one solution: make your getaway.

Gathering together to fight (student demonstrations, environmental gatherings, talk shows in the suburbs)

The idea, in principle, is ingenious: indeed, the benevolent glue of a common cause can entail a group effect, a feeling of belonging, even an authentic collective intoxication. Unfortunately, crowd psychology follows invariable laws: the stupidest and most aggressive elements always end up dominating the proceedings. So we find ourselves in the middle of a bunch of loud, even dangerous loudmouths. The choice is thus the same as in a nightclub: leave before things start kicking off, or else flirt (in a more favourable context in this case: the presence of common convictions, the feelings provoked by the progress of the protest may have slightly cracked the carapace of narcissism).

Gathering together to fuck (sex clubs, private orgies, some New Age groups)

One of the simplest and oldest formulas: unite humanity in what, after all, it most has in common. Sexual acts do take place, although there’s not always the expected pleasure. There’s that much to be said for it – not much else.

Gathering together to celebrate (masses, pilgrimages)

Religion proposes something very original: it boldly denies separation and death by asserting that, contrary to appearances, we are bathed in divine love while heading towards a blissful eternity. A religious ceremony in which the participants are imbued with faith would thus seem to be the sole example of a successful party. Some agnostic participants may even, for as long as the celebration lasts, feel overwhelmed by a sense of belief; but then they risk a terrible come-down (a bit like sex, but worse). One solution: to be touched by grace.

A pilgrimage, combining the advantages of the student demonstration and the Nouvelles Frontières trip,¹ all in an atmosphere of spirituality aggravated by fatigue, also offers ideal conditions for flirting, which becomes almost involuntary, and even sincere. A lofty hypothesis for the end of a pilgrimage: marriage plus conversion. On the other hand, the come-down can be terrible. Plan to follow up with a UCPA ‘boardsports’ stay,² which you’ll always have time to cancel (find out beforehand about the cancellation conditions).

Partying without tears

In short, all you need do is plan to have fun; that way, you can be sure you’ll get bored. The ideal would therefore be to forgo parties altogether. Unfortunately, the party animal is such a respected figure that this renunciation means your social image takes a real tumble. The following few tips should help you avoid the worst (namely remaining alone to the bitter end, in a state of boredom that turns into despair, under the mistaken impression that others are having fun).

– Be aware beforehand that the party will inevitably be a failure. Visualize examples of previous failures. You don’t really have to adopt a cynical and jaded attitude. On the contrary, the humble and smiling acceptance of the common disaster makes it possible to achieve this success: to transform a failed party into a moment of pleasant banality.

– Always plan to come home alone, by taxi.

– Before the party: drink. Alcohol in moderate doses produces a socializing and euphoric effect that has no real competition.

– During the party: drink, but reduce the doses (the cocktail of alcohol plus ambient eroticism quickly leads to violence, suicide and murder). It’s a smart idea to take half a Lexomil at the right time.³ As alcohol multiplies the effect of tranquillizers, you’ll soon find you’re dozing off – now’s the time to call a taxi. A good party is a brief party.

– After the party: call the hosts to thank them. Peacefully wait for the next party (leave it for a month, or just a week during the holiday period).

Finally, a consoling perspective: with age, the obligation to go to parties decreases, the inclination towards solitude increases; real life takes over.

Notes

1 1. The French travel company Nouvelles Frontières, founded in 1967, was originally meant to bring tourism (often to quite exotic places) within the reach of a wider public; these days, it is a branch of the German TUI group.

2 2. UCPA (Union des centres sportifs de plein air) is a French not-for-profit organization that provides sports holidays for younger people.

3 3. Lexomil is another name for bromazepam, an anti-anxiety medicine.