Читать книгу Натали: искусство жить - Надя Бирру - Страница 25

Натали знала о себе много. В молодости ей понадобилась уйма времени, чтобы понять, что она сильно отличается от других людей. Эти другие часто не понимали её, считали странной, а она не всегда понимала их. К примеру, их потребности носить «маски», создавать какой-то иной образ для людей, имея ещё один для своего личного пользования. Непонятно! Натали всегда оставалась самой собой, в любой ситуации, в любой компании – такой же, какой была и наедине с собой и своими мыслями. Быть собой ей очень нравилось. В отличие от большинства людей, наша героиня не стремилась вернуться в какое-то иное время своей жизни, не тосковала по прошлому, не грезила о других столетиях и ни за что не хотела бы поменяться местами с кем-то, проживать чужую жизнь. Быть собой, жить здесь и сейчас, благодарить за каждое мгновенье, таким, пожалуй, было её невысказанное мотто.

И ещё одной непонятной вещью оказалась «виртуальная реальность». Ну, какая же она виртуальная? Самая что ни на есть реальная реальность, такая же, как мир наших чувств, мыслей, эмоций, как наши планы и наши мечты. Да, руками не потрогаешь, не обнимешь, не поцелуешь… Но эти ограничения не следствия «другой» особой реальности, а обусловлены расстоянием, которое разделяет их, друзей или влюблённых, как ни назови. Да, как ни назови, сути это не меняет – как со временем они стали близки с Аднаном, так теперь стремительно и неудержимо сближались с Амиром. Как она для него, так и он для неё становились частью жизни. Самой что ни на есть реальной реальностью.

[16.10.2010 19:40:21] Amir: Hi love i am back

Natalie: very well :)

Amir: i love you!..

Natalie: Amir!… you cańt really love me cause you dońt know me and haveńt seen me yet, so plz stop repeat it all the time

Amir: this is the only reality i know now and i love you a lot, i have seen you and…

Natalie: When will you find your microphone?

Amir: i will go to market tomorrow

Natalie: you’ve told me same before!

Amir: yea i know, i am sorry i was not able to do that

Natalie: what’s the problem?

Amir: honey i am sorry

Natalie: ok

Amir: i love you a lot

Natalie: Amir! what can I tell on this, plz stop! we will see each other first… let’s talk about something else… by the way I am not divorced yet, so have to do that

Amir: so what are you waiting for?

Natalie: I cańt do it while I’m here, only when I am in Estonia… I wanted to do before, but it just wasńt important

Amir: ok, no problem, take your time and divorce your husband… you there?

Natalie: yes, see if my comp switch on I am like always here, but in fact I can do some other matters… just skype shows me online… then I just watch some video or visit some sites while you are keeping silent :)

Amir: because i want to see your beautiful face 24 hours

Natalie: impossible! you have to sleep and do other matters.. so I beg you dońt get crazy really, it is not wise! you have to wait for 2 months

Amir: honey i wana see you so please open your cam

*** Call to Amir, duration 00:55. ***

Amir: you are so lovely

Amir: which song?

Amir: nope

Amir: can you add it to your profile?

*** Call ended ***

Amir: well i love that «Ten black roses», it’s an awesome song

Natalie: all songs of The Rasmus are great… almost, but I like the most… Shot, Host of Love, well about 10… this song I am listening now is not of the Rasmus and lyrics is not really good but when I am in good mood somehow I like the song! I will send it now so check after some min

Amir: ok can you add this video to your profile?

Amir: love

Natalie: well I am trying to find the best video, but cańt, just will send the song, you know it, I am sure, it is rather well known

Amir: ok

Natalie: watch, I’ve sent but I will delete it, I dońt like it in my profile

Amir: honey wait, i will add it on my profile

Natalie: no, it is not good song really! just it makes me feel like a bit crazy

Amir: cam plzzzz

Amir: hellooooooooooo

Amir: cam plzzzz and don’t close it

Amir: please don’t say no

Amir: plzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzz plzzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzzzz

plzzzzzzzz

Natalie: i can’t stay with open cam all the time, it is take power of my laptop, it is not so strong! :

Amir: plzzzz

Amir: plzzzzzzz

*** Call to Amir, duration 00:38. ***

Amir: don’t close

Amir: please please please please

Amir: please

Amir: don’t you like if i see you

Amir: please Natalie

*** Call ended ***

Amir: :( what is VOVA doing? very busy kid

Natalie: what do you want of him now? he spends his time almost like you

Amir: can i tell him that i like his mother and i want to marry you

Natalie: of course! it is your matter what you will tell him, you may try to build some relations with him… he likes music most of all

Amir: hmmmmmmmm i know, i am trying but i don’t know about music that he likes

Natalie: then he likes to meet his friends and spend time with them in the same manner like you – movies, talks… whole night :) you can ask him about music… dońt be afraid, he is very easy to communicate

Amir: well then we will be best friends for sure

Natalie: it’s just he doesńt trust you now as I did in the beginning

Amir: yea, i know, don’t worry, we will have great relations, me and Vova

Natalie: he needs it I think… his grandfather was always with him :) but he needs more I think, especially now, in this age

Amir: ok i am here for him, don’t worry

Natalie: we can speak with him almost about everything, but mańs opinion and mind a bit different and here are things I just cańt tell or cańt help with… so thanks!

Amir: i am here for him love, don’t worry, i will be a good friend as well as a good father

Natalie: but dońt think too much about him, he has own life, own friends and girlfriends :)

Amir: ok, yea i know, i am just thinking about you, only you

Natalie: he is glad I am now not with him. He wants more freedom :) and I also want something… I told you before… I want a baby, because my son soon wońt need me as much as before…

Amir: ok let’s make a baby… after coming close… after knowing each other… after passing time together

Natalie: do you like kids in general?

Amir: yea, kids are like angels

Natalie: he is talking to me now, my son, so wait a bit

Amir: ok

Amir: so tell me what are you talking about?

Natalie: about you too and about other matters, he wants just to speak to me

Amir: ok no problem, take your time, i am waiting for you, just send me message when you will be free

[16.10.201* 20:28:24] Natalie: ok

[16.10.201* 20:32:08] Natalie: it is not so easy to stop him! :) it was the same when I was at home

Amir: what happened?

Natalie: sometimes in evening he wants to speak too much and I want to sleep :)

Amir: hahahahahahha, i love you princess

Natalie: look, he is calling again, sorry

Amir: well he is a kid so just don’t worry

Natalie: well, I am free, he will go out with his friends soon on half a night to run a disco

Amir: waooo cool, DJ, i am impressed

Natalie: yes, he works as DJ for 2 years now on weekends

Amir: great

Amir: i wana see your hands

Natalie: yes, but I dońt like he is not at home at night, however our place is almost safety but I am a mother, so I prefer him to be at home at night… my hands?

Amir: i can understand mother’s feelings… yes, i wana see your hands

*** Call to Amir, duration 00:51. ***

Amir: both hands

Amir: nope

Amir: what happened?

Amir: ok

Amir: yes

*** Call ended ***

Amir: i was thinking about an engagement ring so that’s why i asked you to show me your hands

Natalie: dońt worry about such things now… what if we dońt like each other when we meet? :)

Amir: impossible

Natalie: I have my husband́s ring still and one church ring

Amir: i like you

Natalie: so at first I just wanted it for him, then I didńt take it off because I dońt like meńs attention

Amir: right i understand

Natalie: my wedding ring a bit too big for me, so I have other ring on the same finger, you can perfectly see it on my last photos when I am with the little girl, my God́s daughter

Amir: yea, i saw your photos, lovely

Natalie: I dońt know is it lovely or not I just tell you can see my hands here and rings clearly

Amir: yes, i wana see your height… can you stand up? after opening your cam?

Natalie: yes, I can, but I can tell you I am I m 60 sm and you?

Amir: i can tell you in fts, i am 6'1» (185 sm) … well let me see, open cam and stand up

*** Call to Amir*, duration 00:28. ***

Amir Mehmood: yea ok

*** Call ended ***

Amir: well nice height, i am a bit long as compare to you

Amir: what’s time there love?

Natalie: 20.49… and yours?

Amir: 10:49

Natalie: yes, two hours dif, the same like with Pakistan… do you want to sleep?

Amir: well i can’t sleep. When i close eyes, i see you

Natalie: noh, what the problem! see me in dreams and sleep

Amir: well i think that’s what i call LOVE that your life revolves around one person and it’s you

Natalie: may be… but it is not real yet, cause you dońt know me as a person, you only see my image and it’s too much for you :) i am sorry; I dońt know why it is so, but it is always so whole my life… I have many troubles with men because of it

Amir: yea, you told me baby… so you love kids? and your age is 42… is it ok for you to deliver a baby??

Natalie: noh, yes… then I think sometimes how difficult it would be – no sleep at night and so on :) but still want it :) my sis brought her baby in 40, friends in 42, another one in 45… it is so popular now here to have a baby in such age… but it is not so easy of course

Amir: well i will take care of you in pregnancy, will cook for you

Natalie: ok, thanks, you are again run too fast, come back to reality!

Amir: :(

Natalie: when I was pregnant with my son it was not difficult time for me at all, may be just the first weeks cause I couldńt eat but I looked very well and felt very well

Amir: that’s nice, we will discuss about baby when we meet, i need your passport, again i am telling you

Natalie: what do you want to discuss here?

Amir: nothing because you always ask me to come to reality so nothing to discuss

Natalie: passport – you will have it in some days.

Amir: ok good

Natalie: I think you should go to sleep now, I will watch some video and then also go out

Amir: ok i wana see you first

*** Call to Amir, duration 00:33. ***

Amir: i love you honey, miss you a lot, take care and i will catch you tomorrow

Natalie: ok, good night! hope you will sleep well!

Amir: thank you, good night

Natalie: bye Amir!

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