Читать книгу The Most Important Question - Peep Vain - Страница 11

This question is like an onion. We can start peeling it and find new layers and meanings.

This question has to do with what is important to you, personally. It also has to do with free will and your ability to make your own choices. It deals with goals and helps to determine what to pay most attention to on a given day. This question also helps you to be more comfortable with yourself. And going even deeper, it makes you think about what needs lie beneath our wants.

This central question of the book can be dissected in different ways. In the most universal way it asks: What kind of life would you most like for yourself? Although the phrase “life plan” sounds a bit too noble and the word “vision” has been misused, both contain sufficient depth. Both force you to think a bit further than one to two years into the future. They hide in themselves the conviction that your life is to a great degree in your own hands – despite of the fact that we are not able to predict, foresee and influence everything.

My son Robert just turned 15 (and I turned 45). We had a conversation another day about the mere fact that while I know (based on experience) what my first 40 years have been like (duh!), he has not got a clue about what exactly lies ahead. Well, I guess at the age of 15 it is totally normal not to have a clue. But the sheer amount of stuff he would have to figure out for himself as he goes along is staggering! Just think about it: what to study, what career path to choose, whom to marry, how many kids to have, what kind of lifestyle to pursue… And these are just the essentials!

So, more commonly and also more understandably, the question “What do you really want?” arises when one is faced with small and large choices. Should you finish your homework or go out with your friends? Should you go to university or venture out to discover the world? Do you study what you truly want, or do you choose a different path for different reasons? What do you order in the restaurant? Should you buy a new car now or should you wait? Do you take your family on a skiing holiday or to the Caribbean instead? Do you take a tempting project and risk burnout and stress? Or does saying “no” serve your needs much better? Should you leave professional sports now or go for another four-year Olympic cycle? Do you take your company public or not? Should you get a second mortgage? Do you endure another couple of years for a high salary under a boss who terrorizes you? Or do you close the door and walk out? Should you bring another child into the world? The choices go on ad infinitum.

This most important question, therefore, is unfortunately not self-evident. One of my seminar attendees made this remark in his feedback questionnaire: “This is the first time in my life I have ever taken three days to think only about myself.” This man had a wife, two kids, a dog, a cat, a full-time job, a mortgage, and hundreds of other obligations. Just like many of us. Sure, he had batted around the superficial idea of what he wanted before (cars, second homes, vacations, etc.), and he had surely briefly considered the meaning of life, but he had never sat down in a quiet room and asked himself: Just what is it that I really want?

For me, this question helps most in a practical way in goalsetting and choosing where to focus. When I’m doing my annual plans, if I ask myself what it is I really want, then I have to keep in mind two things: what results, projects, and activities I consider important, and how I hope to experience them. What activities and achievements help me to preserve that which brings me closer to what I desire in my long-term plans? And what will be the mix of stress, fun, pleasure, and peace? What kind of a year will this be? A year of learning? A year of real effort? A year of taking it easy? Should I focus on work? Being with family? Do I want a year of change or one of stability?